Primal Kill (The Order of Vampires #5)

Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

G racie’s bare feet beat against the damp earth as she battled back a sob. It couldn’t be true. He would never leave without saying goodbye. Yet, as she opened her mind, all traces of Dane were gone.

She rounded the schoolhouse. The children were still abed as the sun barely crested the horizon. The air still held the acrid scent of damp soot and burned wood from the fire last night.

Cutting the corner quickly, her feet slipped on a flat, moss-covered rock embedded in the mud. Before she hit the ground, her hand flung out to catch the post of the split rail fence that lined Dane’s property.

Pausing to catch her breath, she looked at the barn, her heart pounding and her mind reaching, but he wasn’t there. It was empty.

Dane?

Dane, are you there ?

The absence of his noisy thoughts stirred a terrifying ache in her chest. The closer she came to the barn door, the heavier the truth became. In the silence of his missing thoughts, her heart roared like thunder.

He was gone. Dane was gone. After everything, he left. Though she always feared he would—even wished it occasionally—the reality of his disappearance burned like bitter medicine.

Her hand pressed to her woozy stomach as she stumbled up the path. Colby did not bark or rush out to greet her. In the dog’s absence, ever-cheerful songbirds mocked her bewildered heart with their first morning refrains.

Her mind reached for his again. Dane? Are you here?

The gaping silence that answered chilled her to the bone. There was nothing but hollow, aching emptiness. No sign of his dreaming mind, no sound of his breathing, no lingering scent of lamp oil, sweat on his skin, or sunlight baked into his clothes.

Her vision blurred as her heart denied the quiet she found in the shadows of the barn. He could not be gone. He wouldn’t just leave. He… He wouldn’t.

The ghostly silence expanded past the shadows, and her stomach hollowed, a sharp ache knifing through her heart.

Dane…

Stillness saturated the lifeless shadows as she pushed open another door. A shiver chased under her gown as she gazed at the dark rafters above. She needn’t go any further to see the cavity was empty of all but a cold bed and hay.

His absence pricked her skin with a tingling chill that lifted the hairs on her neck. Her arms closed protectively over her chest as she covered her mouth and swallowed back a sob.

He was truly gone.

Leaning into the wall, gravity pulled her to the ground. How could he just disappear without a goodbye? What about Cybil? What about her?

Only then did Gracie believe his hateful words from the other day. Until that moment, she thought he spoke out of frustration more than truth, but she’d been wrong. There was no love in his heart for her. Only hatred. He wished to be away from this place and her, and his wish had finally come true.

“Why?” she cried, murmuring to herself. He had to know this was not easy for her. He had to realize she… “How could you just leave me without…” She sniffled and wiped her eyes, but more tears fell. “We were at least friends—I thought.”

Dane had always despised her faith, but now he scorned her for being faithful. If he wanted to hurt her, he’d succeeded.

The last time he lay with Magdalene, Gracie had lashed out, shattering the windows and screaming at him to leave her be. And so he had. Alone, with only the echo of their final words left to haunt her, she tried to understand how they had come to this .

Was this her fault?

Had she made a crucial mistake?

She honestly didn’t know and couldn’t think past the ache in her chest.

What did it matter? He was gone.

Biting into her fist to stifle another sob, she suffered sharp regret.

No matter how she tried, she couldn’t control her tears. Bellowing at the injustice tearing her heart into two, she shoved his dresser to the floor. Drawers slid out of their compartments, spilling the contents onto the floor. A shirt, a pair of work gloves, a pocket knife, all items he’d left behind. Forgotten. Unimportant. Like her.

She pulled the shirt to her nose, closing her eyes to breathe in his scent, only to draw back with a hiss. Even now, in the emptiness of these wooden walls, Magdalene’s stench perfumed the air, mingling with Dane’s earthy musk. It corroded the fabric, overpowering and stealing the only lingering traces of Dane she had left.

Her upset stomach revolted, and knots twisted inside her. Denial would not bring him back any more than it would change her fate. She would never know the secret parts of him the way Magdalene had. And while her soul belonged to someone else, her heart would not listen to reason.

Tears tripped past her lashes. If he could leave without a farewell, he obviously never cared for her like she cared for him.

Had Magdalene earned the courtesy of a goodbye? Was her body worth more than Gracie’s friendship? More than her sentiment of…

No. She would not call it love. Love should be shared. Reciprocated. Love was too precious to abandon. If Dane loved her—truly loved her as he repeatedly claimed in his mind—then he would not have been able to leave her. The proof of his desertion rewrote her in ways she didn’t recognize.

Her sorrow transcended into anger. Magdalene had stood in this place countless times. Laid in his loft, stared into his eyes. Jealousy poisoned Gracie’s insides until a cold chill seeped into her blood. Ice formed a cage around her heart, and she once again closed off her mind. Without Dane’s thoughts fluttering through her mind, it was nothing more than noise.

Inescapable, incessant noise broadcasted at her from every angle. When she was young, they called her telepathy a gift, but she soon discovered it was a curse. With age and practice, she’d learned to block the intrusive thoughts of others to keep them out of her mind, but Dane somehow always broke through her barriers.

She once wondered if his presence was a sign, but then he was identified as a half-breed, and all hope was lost. Soon after, he found comfort in Magdalene’s arms—another half-breed—and her sense of betrayal was complete.

It was a known fact that half-breeds could not get called, as they lacked the predestined genealogy the rest of their species shared. Gracie could not fault Dane for seeking comfort. But, as she tried to navigate so many confusing emotions, he continued to subconsciously penetrate her mind with thoughts of another female.

Gracie could never entirely block him out, so she suffered countless memories of his hands on Magdalene’s flesh, his body entering hers, the scent of her arousal mingling with his, and the taste of her blood on his tongue. All intimacies she would never personally know until she met her called mate.

Now he was gone, and she finally had the silence she asked for. It was for their own good, she supposed, but nothing about his absence felt right. She was alone and hollow, misguided and without her friend.

Gracie had no choice but to reaffirm her faith and continue a life of devotion as she waited for her calling to come. It was all she ever wanted. So why did it feel like he’d stolen something precious from her?

She wished to run or scream or break something. Anything to get the confusing pain out.

Gasping, she tried to make sense of her feelings. He was not her mate. Not her destiny. She’d told him they could never be more than friends and he’d abandoned her. So why did it hurt in places she could not name?

Dane was a momentary lapse of judgment, a smile that would eventually fade. This was a test—the cost of patience and the price of purity.

She vowed to save herself for her mate, and that was not Dane. In the end, it would all be worth the discomfort.

Her hand settled over her pounding heart as she waited for her labored breath to slow. She wiped away a tear. A subtle calmness slowly swept in as she accepted that which her sorrow could not change. Dane was never going to be the other half of her soul.

Cold and heavy, like a glacier, the truth anchored her to this place in time. As a half-breed, he had no place in her future. There was a perfectly suited immortal male out there waiting for her. A true calling would not stir such confusion, and she looked forward to a life of peace.

She craved stability and family. She wanted simple dependability, not passionate kisses that tasted of sin and whispered of darker temptations meant to steer her off course. This was a test of faith, and she planned to honor her mate, not just once they were called, but now and forever.

Yes, Dane leaving was for the best.

The silence calmed her racing heart as she accepted her role, accepted that her body and soul belonged to another. And as the truth blanketed her, her emotions turned to ice.

Numb.

Still.

Perhaps quiet calm was best right now. It certainly softened the pain. But the coldness in her heart was as comforting as it was cruel. There would always live a memory of the warmth Dane stirred, and in that memory hid truths untold. They whispered through her in silence even when she prayed, and she wasn’t sure those feelings would ever fully go away.

She loved him.

Tipping her head back in defeat, another tear escaped. She accepted this ache would take time to heal.

Would he ever come back?

Would she ever see him again?

These were questions she should not ask. There was so much she wanted him to know but could never say. It was best that those secrets remain unsaid.

What sweet mercy it would be to meet her mate soon, but there had been no symptoms of a calling, and some immortals waited centuries for that destined moment to arrive. She needed to mend her own heart. Time would help.

Her fingers delicately traced her lips, recalling the press of Dane’s mouth and how his hands awoke her skin through her clothes. His touch had been possessive and fraught with desire. One look into his intense eyes and his heated stare burned through her body like the fire of a thousand suns.

For her own protection, she made him believe his feelings were unmatched, that he was alone in his desperate desires, but Dane had never been alone. She, too, had a storm of want and need raging inside her.

Perhaps he knew all along, so he’d left without a goodbye. He wanted to hurt her, to punish her for being a liar. And so he had.

“One day, you will forgive me.” Her head bowed under the weight of her shame.

Her stubborn denial might have angered him, but he had not witnessed the wretched outcome of unmated souls as she had. Her parents’ love was not enough to prevent the heartache that came when her father was eventually called to his true mate. Her mother was still paying the price.

The consequence of loving a male not ordained by God came with a dear cost Gracie feared. She resolutely committed her life to waiting for her true-called mate, never expecting such a promise of faith to cause such conflict in her heart.

Self-discipline did not negate the consequence, however. Denying her feelings for Dane had cost her—so much so that every encounter left her depleted and weak.

One day, her true mate would claim her, and there would be no resisting the call. She paid Dane a kindness by saving him from such pain. He never fully understood what he was asking. He wasn’t just kissing her. He was asking her to betray not only her destiny but also her god. If he loved her, truly loved her, he would have never asked her to take such a risk.

Her gaze drifted across the floor as the morning light cleaved the darkness. His boots and Colby’s water bowl were gone. Her heart plummeted, the gutting sense of loss expanding until it was all she could feel.

Why did her last words to him have to be in anger?

Falling forward, she sobbed at the injustice, giving herself this moment of unguarded truth to let the ugly resentment inside of her spill free. What if, when she eventually met her mate, she continuously measured him to a memory of Dane?

She needed to let him go. Truly release him from her thoughts once and for all.

A sad fury consumed her, and rather than reel it in like she usually did, she let it out. She could not be like the centurion females of The Order still waiting for their call. Did she have the fortitude to suffer this solitude for a hundred years?

Dane was not fully immortal. Therefore, he had limited time on this earth. He could have been a balm to her loneliness, but then what? No matter what, it all ended in loss.

Sobbing, she belted out her fury at such injustice. What sort of god would allow her these feelings when her soul was predestined for her mate?

Dane had been willing to love her now , willing to pass the time with her so she need not suffer in isolated wait. The few stolen kisses he took were all they would ever have. She should be content with knowing they at least shared those awkward firsts. First glances, first blushes. The first time her chest heaved with nervousness when his thoughts whispered through her mind. The first time he touched her in a way that left her insides clenching.

Those firsts would always belong to Dane.

It would never be more. She knew it. He knew it. Everyone understood why they couldn’t be together, but her heart didn’t. And while Dane might have finally accepted her decision, deep down, she knew he’d never respect her choice.

Would it always hurt like this? Perhaps some foolish part of her never truly expected him to give up.

But he had.

Now, he could move on. They both could.

Her head jerked to the shadows as soft footfalls approached. The scent of dewy grass kicked up as labored breath broke the silence. Someone was coming.

Grace abruptly wiped away her tears and staggered to her feet, alarmed to be discovered in such an inexplicable condition and place.

“Dane?” Magdalene bolted into the barn and staggered to a halt.

A low growl seeped from Grace’s chest as her tender heart turned to stone. Rage blazed in her belly. She should rip out that obnoxious blonde curl that escaped Magdalene’s kapp and choke her with it.

“Grace, you startled me.” Magdalene pressed a hand to her brow, her arms sliding loosely to her side. “Is it true? Is he gone?”

Dane’s horrible words came back to her. I kiss her everywhere, Grace…She likes my hands on her…She likes touching me… And I like being inside of her…

Lips parted, Gracie bared her fangs, tempted to scrape her claws down Magdalene’s fresh face until the flesh fell from the bone. “Get out,” she snarled, unsure what she might do if the female came any closer.

“Grace, your eyes?—”

She sprung, lunging forward as she slammed the female into the barn wall and fully bared her fangs. The girl was weak. It would take very little to maim her.

“Grace, stop!” The stark look of horror in Magdalene’s eyes instantly set things in hierarchical order.

Grace possessed the strength and power to permanently end her, yet her faith and decency forbade such brute behavior.

Disgusted by her envy and shocked at how deeply it tormented her, she released the terrified female and fled the barn, running until she was miles away from the farm and lost deep in the woods. That was when she noticed the downed trees and destruction.

What had happened here? It was as if a tornado or earthquake had come through.

Scanning the forest for danger, she sensed nothing among the woodland creatures and birds. Then she spotted something white on the ground, the acrid stench of smoke mixing with the metallic scent of blood staining the fabric. Leaves crunched underfoot as she bent to pick up the cloth.

An apron. But whose?

She sniffed fabric and instantly recognized Adriel Schrock’s scent, intense and bitter with fear.

Grace searched the forest, fanning out her senses, but found no trace of anyone. She should alert the bishop that something was amiss.

Then she had a thought. Perhaps Dane had gone with her. What if they were in danger? What if Dane needed help?

Gracie’s fist tightened around the apron as she ran toward home.