Puck & Make Up (A Rush Hockey #7)

Chapter 14

Fourteen

Dessie

S o, sneaking out after groundbreaking sex definitely wasn’t the right move.

I know that—well, I suppose I knew it from the moment I’d slipped out of Fox’s warm arms, but…

I hadn’t been thinking then.

Because, the next thing I knew, I was driving out of town.

Okay, not just out of town but two and a half hours up to River’s Bend.

In silence—just raw-dogging the fuck out of the hours’ long drive until I pull to a stop in front of Bailey and Axel’s ranch house.

It’s only then that I snap out of it.

And realize what I’ve done.

And know what I have to fix.

Immediately, I snatch my phone, see that I have a half-dozen calls and even more texts from Fox.

Quickly, I hit his number, try to call him.

But it just rings and rings and rings .

“Dammit,” I mutter, looking at the clock, realizing that he’s probably at practice. I start to type out a text, stop.

How the hell can I explain why I left?

DESSIE: I panicked this morning and?—

I stop. Delete that because it feels very much like…

An excuse.

DESSIE: Fox. I messed up. I shouldn’t have?—

Left. Well obviously.

“Come on, Madden,” I whisper, trying to psyche myself up. Or get my brain to work enough to not say something dumb as hell.

DESSIE: I’m sorry.

“Ugh,” I whisper, but I still hit send.

It’s not enough. Not nearly. But I know I need to start there.

And then I need to get my ass back to San Jose and make this right in person.

Unfortunately, before I can turn my car around and get the hell out of here, there’s a knock on my window…

And I see my friends peering at me through the glass.

“Damn,” I whisper.

“These are really good,” I say, shoving the apple turnover in my mouth and chugging my coffee like it’s water. “That’s why I came over. I had a hankering for baked goods.”

I shove more of the pastry in my mouth as my friends exchange a look telling me they don’t by my bullshit in the least.

“Hankering?” Rosie mouths to Bailey.

“Hmm,” is Bailey’s only response.

“I’m fine, guys,” I say. “Really.” I drain the dredges of my coffee, know that I should get the hell out of here.

Back on the road. Back to San Jose.

“Liar, liar pants on fire,” Rosie says, her curls bouncing.

“What are you even doing in town, anyway?” I mutter. “I thought you were both in San Francisco.”

Bailey studies me closely. “I had to check on some things with the cattle—which you know because we talked yesterday.”

“Right,” I lie, because I had, in fact, not remembered. I set my mug down. “Did everything go okay with that?”

Her face gentles. “Yes,” she says. “But Des?—”

I stand up. “I should go.”

“We love you, you know that right, Dessie girl?” Rosie says, snagging my hand and holding me in place when I try to make a break for it. “But, honey, now that I’m not trying to rebuild a town and wade through a legal mess, I suddenly have a lot more time on my hands.” Her expression becomes shrewd. “Which is why I know you’ve been busy.”

My cheeks heat. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

Rosie rolls her eyes and glances at Bailey. “What do we think of that?”

“More lying,” Bailey says dryly. “And it’s like she’s not even putting any real effort into it.”

I scowl. “You guys?—”

“We’ve given you a lot of rope,” Rosie says, as though I didn’t speak. “And I don’t mean what’s happening with Fox. That’s…well, that’s a story for another day and although I want the details at some point?—”

Details of how much I fucked up?

Yeah, those I can provide.

“—that’s not the most important thing right now.”

“It’s enough, Des.” Bailey leans forward, takes my other hand, dragging me away from Rosie and back over to the couch, drawing me down to sit next to her. “You need to spill it and let us help you through whatever’s hurting you like you’ve helped us through our bullshit. We’re your best friends and?—”

“I’m in love with Fox.”

The total blurt has them both freezing, but Billie Rose recovers first. “Excuse me?”

“I—I—” Goddamn it. “I know you said you could wait on the details, but the truth is that I’ve told Fox everything,” I whisper. “About my exes and about my ex-fiancé—” I squeeze Bailey’s hand, glance over at Rosie, my tone an apology. “I haven’t been good about sharing with you and you both deserve better. I just…I was ashamed that I kept choosing so poorly, ashamed that I dated a man who fucked with my job, and even more ashamed when I realized that I hadn’t wanted the job in the first place.”

“Why would you be ashamed that some asshole hurt you?” Bailey asks softly. “Or that you didn’t want to keep working at the station?”

I want to lock down these feelings, want to pretend I’m fine and the shame isn’t there, but it is.

And…I need to be done hiding.

“I was supposed to leave River’s Bend and kick ass. Supposed to be fearless and break barriers and save lives.”

Rosie’s fingers tighten around mine. “But you did all of that.”

My chest loosens. “Yeah,” I say. “I guess I did. I just…”

“Didn’t love it,” she murmurs.’

“No,” I agree. “I think I held on so tight to this idea for so long, it seemed like a failure to admit it wasn’t for me.”

Bailey’s mouth kicks up. “I feel that.”

“Word,” Rosie adds, coming over to sit next to me.

“Really?” I ask.

They both nod.

“I felt pathetic that I was relieved that Jett cheated on me—it gave me an excuse to leave,” I add when their brows drag together.

“But not only that,” Rosie says.

I still.

“Or am I wrong?”

I wrinkle my nose and glance at Bailey. “Why is she always right?”

“It’s a skill,” she says, buffing her knuckles on her shoulder.

“An annoying one,” Bailey mutters. “But she’s right. What else, Des?”

“It allowed me to keep hiding. If something was wrong with me, if I couldn’t choose right, if all men hurt me…” I trail off, hearing myself and realizing how much of a coward I was. “Ugh,” I mutter, scrubbing my hands over my face.

“Reality strikes?” Bailey teases.

I drop my hands and scowl at them. “It was easier to pretend to believe all of that than to acknowledge that I wanted…well, that I wanted what you both have.” A sigh. “Because if I did admit it then I’d have to actually do something about it.”

“And this is where Fox comes in?” Bailey asks.

My cheeks heat.

“I thought you couldn’t stand him,” she says softly.

“Oh, young matchmaker in training,” Rosie interjects, nudging Bailey’s foot with her own, “have you learned nothing?”

Bailey sighs and leans back against the cushions. “Just because you and Joel started off on the wrong foot?—”

“Handcuffs?” Rosie reminds her. “A naked, grumpy hockey playboy trapped on your porch?”

Bailey narrows her eyes. “You’re hilarious.”

“Turns out,” I tell them, interrupting what will surely devolve into an argument about them intervening in each other’s lives (something, for the record, both of them have gotten really good at—starting with Rosie playing matchmaker with Bailey and Axel and those handcuffs, and ending with Bailey dishing it right back out when Rosie got with Joel). “It turns out that I liked Fox a little too much. But…” A breath for courage before I fill them in about him showing up on my doorstep and the cookies and coffee and him comforting me when my uncle fired me and helping me figure out my next steps career-wise, and…

Well, I tell them all of it.

“And I guess,” I say as they stare at me with wide eyes. “I finally realized that even if most of my life is in limbo, there’s one thing I want for certain…and that’s Fox.”

Bailey smiles.

Rosie bumps her shoulder against mine. “Proud of you, kid.”

“Well, you’ll be proud until you find out what I did next.”

Sober expressions great me before Bailey says, “Whatever you did, we’ll still love you.”

My heart squeezes. “Don’t make me cry.”

“Meh,” Rosie teases. “Cry away. I always have tissues in my purse.”

Bailey swats her. “Stop.” Her eyes narrow in my direction. “But seriously. Now you need to spill the rest of it.”

So, I do.

I tell them how I panicked and know I fucked up and that I need to find a way to make it right and…

I do cry.

But at the end of that, they still love me.

And then they help me plan how to make it right with Fox…

Before I haul my butt back to San Jose.