Pucking Only (Night Hawks Hockey #2)

Chapter Twenty-Nine The Moment of Truth

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE: THE MOMENT OF TRUTH

CARSON

Even compared to sitting at the dentist’s office after getting nailed in the face with a hockey puck at sixteen and breaking three of my teeth, I’ve never felt this nervous in my life. Standing on this busy San Diego sidewalk, baking in the blistering sun, I stare up at the Code Kickers logo on the side of the glass-fronted building. My heart’s pounding so hard I can hear it in my ears.

I’ve been standing out here for about 20 minutes now, trying to build up the courage to go inside and ask for Skyler. However, she saves me the trouble. She unexpectedly walks out of the building, looking like she’s ready to take on the world — or maybe destroy it. She’s fierce, strong, and everything I’ve always admired about her. Her hair is loose and flowing around her shoulders, and when she yanks off her flannel, she’s wearing a wrinkled Deadpool & Wolverine t-shirt.

She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.

At that moment, she sees me, and that fire in her eyes flickers with something else — confusion, maybe even a bit of shock .

“Carson?” she says, her voice breathless. “What are you doing here?”

I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself. I’ve gone over this in my head a million times. Now that I’m here, standing in front of her, all those carefully rehearsed words vanish. All I know is that I have to do this and I can’t let another moment slip by without telling her the truth.

“I had to see you,” I say, my voice rougher than I intended. “I had to talk to you, Skyler.”

She crosses her arms, a mix of frustration and disbelief on her face. “You came all the way to California to talk to me? After everything?”

“You haven’t been taking my calls.” I’m teasing her a bit, but it’s also not untrue. She hasn’t responded to any of my messages or phone calls, and Grace refused to contact her for me, insisting that I need to do this myself.

Skyler snorts and rolls her eyes. “And you couldn’t take the hint that maybe I didn’t want to talk to you?”

“Yeah,” I say, taking a step closer, “but I realized something. Something I should have seen a long time ago, and I couldn’t wait any longer to tell you.” My heart races even faster, but I press on. “All these years, Skyler, it’s always been you. I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember.”

Her eyes widen and her lips part in shock. Before she can say anything, I keep going, needing her to understand, to believe me. “I never wanted to admit it, not even to myself, but every time I tried to be with someone else, it never worked. Now I know why. It’s because none of them were you. It’s always only been you, Star. That’s why I could never be interested in anyone else for long.”

She stares at me, those big brown eyes wide behind her glasses. She’s clutching the strap of her satchel in both hands and her shoulders are tense. I can’t help but think of a startled deer just on the verge of bolting.

The noise of the street around us seems to fade as I focus entirely on her. The air is warm, but I feel a cold sweat forming on the back of my neck. Her expression is a mix between shock and caution, her lips pressed together in a tight line, and the longer she doesn’t say anything, the more the city seems to close in on me. Cars whiz by behind us, people rush past, oblivious, but I can’t focus on anything except the silence between us.

I’ve blown it.

The thought gnaws at me as the seconds drag on. Her lips are slightly parted, like she’s about to say something, but she doesn’t. My chest tightens. Maybe it’s too late.

“You don’t love me, Carson,” she says, shaking her head. Her voice is trembling, and I can tell she’s fighting to keep it steady. “You don’t even like me.”

Her words hit me like a cold slap to the face, but I don’t flinch. I can’t back down now. Not when I’m finally being honest with her — and with myself. I step closer, not caring that we’re standing on a crowded sidewalk with people passing by, oblivious to the intensity of this moment.

“Skyler, I do,” I say, my voice firm, but not harsh. “I do love you. And I do like you. I’ve always liked you, even when I was too stupid to realize it. Every time I’ve teased you over the years, it was because I wanted you, but felt like I couldn't have you. When I said I wanted to keep things between us casual, it was because deep down, I was afraid of being with the person I've always loved, and wasn't ready to admit I loved.”

She looks away, biting her lip, as if she’s holding back one of her typical sarcastic remarks. The fact that she’s not just letting me have it right now is making me anxious. I can’t let her slip away, not now. I need her to hear me and understand .

“How am I supposed to believe that?” she asks in a small voice. “The way you acted the last night I was in Denver… you were so cold, like everything that happened between us didn’t matter. And then at your parents’ party, you were with Elizabeth — ”

“I’m sorry about Denver,” I tell her. “I know I handled that night badly. I was confused and panicked, and I didn’t know how to let you go. I didn’t want to let you go. And what you saw with Elizabeth… it was nothing, I swear. I know what you thought it was because Grace told me, or, I guess reminded me of what I said to you when we were fifteen, but I have no interest in Elizabeth whatsoever. My younger self was an idiot for telling you that.” My heart’s pounding, and I can feel the desperation creeping into my voice. “Skyler, at the party, Elizabeth was the last person I wanted to see. She just came up to me out of nowhere, draped herself on me, and I was caught off-guard. I was actively trying to get her off of me.” I take a deep breath, pushing through the knot in my throat. “The whole time she was talking to me, all I could think about was you. I didn’t want to be anywhere near her — I just wanted to find you, to see you at the party. To be with you. But then, when you walked in and saw us like that, I felt like the ground had been ripped out from under me.”

I’m stumbling over my words, but I need her to understand. To know that nothing about Elizabeth matters — nothing . It’s always been Skyler.

There’s doubt in her eyes. She’s holding back, afraid to let herself believe what I’m saying, and I get it. I know she’s been hurt, and she’s built walls around herself because of what I did to her, which explains why I’ve never really known how to break through them. I have to keep trying, though. I’m pouring everything I have into this moment because I can’t lose her again .

“Skyler, I’ve been a fool for too long,” I admit, my voice dropping to almost a whisper. “I’ve been blind to what’s been right in front of me, but my eyes are wide open now. You’re the only one I’ve ever truly wanted. The only one who’s ever mattered.”

Taking another step closer, I keep my eyes locked on hers, and I see a flicker of something — hope, maybe? — but it’s buried deep under layers of doubt. I have to keep going. I have to make her see.

“I can’t imagine my life without you, Skyler. I know I’ve messed up. I know I’ve given you every reason to doubt me, but I swear, I’ll do whatever it takes to show you that you can trust me. That I’m serious about this. About us. About you.”

Tears are welling up in her eyes, and it breaks my heart to know I’ve caused her this much pain. I also see that she’s listening, really listening, and that gives me the strength to keep pushing.

“Skyler, I’m not just saying this because I’m scared of losing you — though I am, more than I’ve ever been scared of anything. I’m saying it because it’s the truth. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else, and I don’t want to. It’s only you. It’s always been you.”

Her lips tremble, and for a moment, I think she’s going to pull away, but then she takes a deep breath, her eyes searching mine as if she’s trying to find something, anything, that will tell her I’m lying. I’m not. I don’t know if I’ve ever been so sincere in my entire life.

“Skyler,” I say, taking her hands in mine. She’s shivering in the California heat. “I love you because you challenge me. You always have. You push me to be better, to think harder, and to not take the easy way out. I love the way your mind works, how passionate you are about the things you care about. I love how you never back down, even when the odds are stacked against you.” I pause, taking a deep breath, trying to put everything I’m feeling into words. “And I love the way you laugh, the way your eyes light up when you’re excited about something. I love how you can be so tough and so vulnerable at the same time. I love how, no matter what, you always stand up for what you believe. You are also so unbelievably beautiful and sexy that I can’t control my dick when I’m around you. No woman has ever had that effect on me before.”

Her lips part slightly, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. All I want to do now is hold her and make sure she never sheds another tear again, but I will myself to keep going.

“You’ve always been the one for me, Skyler. And I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry it took me so long to get my head to realize what my heart has always known. You're it for me, Star.”

A tear finally escapes and trails down her cheek, and she looks away again, taking off her glasses to quickly wipe her eyes before putting them back on. I gently cup her face, guiding her to meet my gaze. My heart clenches at the sight. I’ve never seen her like this, so vulnerable and so raw. I reach down and squeeze her hands, even though I want to wrap my arms around her and hold her tight against me. I don’t. Not yet. I need to give her a moment to process everything I’ve said.

More tears form in her eyes and Skyler whispers, "Fuck you, Carson. You're ruining our whole dynamic."

My heart stops. Shit. After following her to California, thinking about nothing but her all this time, I'm terrified. After everything, after Colorado, I don’t want a life without her in it anymore. The thought of going back to my empty apartment makes me feel even more empty inside.

Then, just as I'm starting to let go of her hands, her lip curls into a smile, and she says, "But I love you too, you asshole."

The moment those words leave her lips, it’s like the world stops spinning. My heart slams against my chest, and for a second, I’m not sure I’ve heard her right. She’s smiling up at me, her eyes still wet with tears, and I know it’s real. She really said it.

Cupping her cheek, I grin and ask, “Really? You love me?”

Smiling, she rolls her eyes and says, “Yes, really.”

Unable to hold back a second longer, I pull her in and kiss the fuck out of her. Our lips move together and our tongues meet, tangling as we cling to each other. She wraps her arms around me and presses her body tight to mine. It takes all my willpower to pull back when I remember we’re on the sidewalk in front of her workplace, surrounded by strangers passing us by.

"So what do we do now?" I ask, smiling, my heart pumping so hard in my chest that it might burst, but I’m totally okay with that. "I forgot to buy a return ticket. I didn't plan beyond this moment, if I’m being honest. I know your job is important to you, so we’ll have to do long-distance, but I don’t care. I’ll do whatever I have to so we can make this work… "

"Maybe buy two tickets." Skyler says with a grin and a shrug. "I quit my job. I’m done with that place. I want to move to Denver, to be with you and Grace, and to finally pursue my dreams on my own terms.”

Her words hit me like a wave, and I’m overwhelmed with this rush of emotions I can’t even begin to untangle. All I know is that I’m feeling this insane, all-consuming joy. She’s here. She loves me, and she’s choosing to be with me. I don’t even hesitate. I pull her into my arms, so tight that I can feel her heartbeat against my chest, and we both just start laughing, the sound bubbling up between us like we can’t contain it. It’s pure relief, joy, and everything else I’ve been holding back for years.

“I can’t believe this,” I say, my voice a little shaky as I lean back to look at her. “You quit? I’m so fucking proud of you! You’re really going to move to Denver?”

She nods, her smile widening, and she looks so beautiful and happy, that it makes my chest ache. “Yeah, I am. I realized I don’t need to stay there, Carson. I don’t need that job, and I don’t need to prove anything to anyone but myself. I want to be with you, and I want to do what I love, the way I want to do it. In fact, Zander had an opportunity that I initially passed up. His cousin works at this amazing indie game company in Denver and they’re looking for someone to join their team. I might still have a chance at an interview if I give them a call.”

Grinning, I tilt her chin up, capturing her lips in a kiss that’s both desperate and full of promise. Her hands grip the back of my shirt, pulling me closer, and I pour everything I’m feeling into that kiss. The fear of losing her again, the relief that she’s here, the love that’s been building up inside me for so damn long.

When we finally pull back, we’re both breathless and grinning like idiots.

“You don’t know how happy this makes me,” I say, my forehead resting against hers. “I honestly didn’t think this would happen. That we’d get this chance. Now that we have it, I’m not letting you go, Star. Not ever.”

“Good,” she whispers, her fingers tracing patterns on the back of my neck. “Because I’m not going anywhere.”

That’s when it hits me. This is it. This is the moment everything changes. She’s moving to Denver, she’s choosing us, and I’m ready to do whatever it takes to make this work.

I laugh, pulling her close again, and kiss her forehead. “Grace is going to be over the moon when she hears this. ”

Skyler’s eyes light up at the mention of Grace, and she nods. “I can’t wait to tell her!”

The weight that’s been sitting on my chest for so long finally lifts. I don’t know what the future holds, but with Skyler by my side, I’m ready to face whatever comes our way. As we stand there on the sidewalk, holding each other and making out like we’re afraid to let go, I tell myself I don’t have to be afraid of that. Not anymore. I’ve got the woman I love in my arms. I’m not going to let myself or anything else come between us ever again.