Queen of Blood and Vengeance (Secrets of the Faerie Crown #4)

73. Arran

73

ARRAN

“Any final words of wisdom, sis?” Veyka tossed the words to Morgyn without even looking at her. She was already focused on the stretch of ground in front of her where she would open the portal rift.

The Lady of the Lake was as immovable as every other time we’d interacted with her. “You have what you need,” she said.

“You should be fighting alongside us.” Veyka leveled the accusation with equal coolness.

“Don’t bother with ‘Avalon is neutral’ and all that or I might have to let the succubus out.”

Evander’s trepidation ratcheted up toward anger with each sarcastic comment Veyka made. He thought she was serious. I knew her better than that. She was a second from breaking, and the thinly veiled sarcasm was the only thing keeping her from shattering into a million pieces. Or worse, losing control of the succubus.

Mya soothed her husband with a hand on his arm and a word whispered in his ear. Fine. Evander was not my concern. Veyka had all of my attention.

I hardly dared to touch her. Not because I feared the monster now residing behind Veyka’s eyes. I could never fear Veyka. But I was afraid of what I might do to her, if I caused even the tiniest fracture in the tenuous glass wall of control she’d thrown up.

I did not give a damn what Morgyn le Fae said. I could feel Veyka’s soul. Maybe it was broken, maybe it was only a tiny fraction of what it had been before. But I could feel it. Maybe what I was feeling was the bit of it that resided inside of me, protected by our mating bond, as the Lady of the Lake had said. But it was still her .

And that piece of her was still damn stubborn.

“I am going with you,” I said, stepping up to her side but carefully not touching her.

“I can do it,” she said, lifting her hands. “You would not have doubted me before.”

It was a fair observation… and so fucking unfair at the same time. I would not have doubted her ability to open rift after rift after rift to rearrange an entire continent’s worth of armies. I might have worried about the cost, her exhaustion, but I would have encouraged her and stood by her side. Now?

I was terrified of what it might do to her. Would the succubus inside of her take over? She was fighting off a monster from another realm with only a tiny shred of her own self to cling to, and we were asking her to open half a dozen massive portal rifts. Entire armies, that’s what they were asking of her. After she’d nearly died.

I did not want to doubt her. But it was there all the same.

“Here to the Crossing. Terrestrials to the mountains above the Effren Valley. Then the Aquarians and elementals. Last, Eilean Gayl to the Effren Valley,” I repeated the plan.

From Avalon, we would take everyone assembled back to the Crossing. Then Lyrena and Cyara would go with the terrestrial army through Veyka’s rift to the mountains above the Effren Valley, near the natural rift that connected Annwyn and the human realm, but not close enough to Baylaur to draw the attention of the succubus squatting within. Veyka would open another rift for Mya’s Aquarians and Agravayn’s elementals, sending them to set up camp alongside the terrestrials in the mountains. And finally, Veyka and I would go to Eilean Gayl to collect the forces my father had been tasked with raising north of the Spine.

I would be at her side for all of it. The vow we’d made to stay together seemed even more important now, when Veyka waged battle within her own mind.

Her hand hung in the air, like she was about to open a rift. But no spiral of light appeared.

“What do you need?” I asked, pushing away gentleness and trying for the even voice of the battle commander. She wanted me to treat her as capable and whole; I could force myself to do that.

Her head tilted to the side. Her fingers contracted into her palms, forming fists. I tried to meet her eyes, but they were closed.

Alarms began to ring inside of my mind. Veyka , I tried to reach for her. But instead of her bright and brilliant mind awaiting me on the other side of our mating bond, I felt only fathomless dark.

Her head snapped up. She shook it from side to side, eyes popping open. Still black, but focused.

My heart tightened in my chest.

“Let’s go,” she said. A second later, light appeared, spiraling outward in a circle and then a gateway. I recognized the outlines of the terrestrial camp on the eastern edge of the Crossing. There was our tent, where I’d held and kissed my mate thinking it might be the last time. How had the world suddenly become infinitely more complicated?

She is alive , my beast snarled.

There was nothing complicated about that.

Cyara led the way. Then Lyrena, still armed. Evander practically shoved Mya through. Then the humans approached. We’d given them no role, assigned them no part in the upcoming conflict. They’d stood by silently as Veyka decided to sell her soul for a victory that felt anything but assured.

Percival took a step toward the rift.

“Diana stays.”

The man’s mouth fell open, his foot a second from crossing over, his sister’s hand gripped tightly. “What—”

“We did not agree to this,” Morgyn le Fae said. Her voice was even, but she showed the same tells of annoyance as Veyka. The tightening of her mouth, the way her shoulder shifted back in the subtlest defensive stance.

Veyka looked to Diana. “You helped us. You deserve to stay in safety.” Unlike her sister, she did not bother to hide her annoyance with Morgyn. “Welcome to life on the outside of your precious island. Sometimes, you do not get to choose.”

Morgyn did not argue.

There was no question of Percival staying. Whatever reason Veyka had for leaving him out of her last-minute machinations, she did not share it with me. We had not shared a single thought through the bond since her sacrifice.

The bond was intact, so that must be as well. But now was not the time to test it, not with sweat already sliding down from Veyka’s temple. This was only the first of many rifts she’d open in the next few hours. Her internal battle with the succubus was costing her.

“Be quick about your goodbyes,” I ordered. I had already vowed to stay by Veyka’s side through what would be a hellish few hours. My role was now to make this as efficient as possible, for her sake.

Percival hugged his sister, but for once he did not argue. Diana dissolved into sobs, but she did not protest. He stepped through the portal, then Veyka and I followed. I tried not to notice the tear that slid down Veyka’s cheek as well.

It was too much. The look Mya shot me as she followed her troops through the portal rift into Annwyn only deepened my conviction. This had to stop.

Sweat was not the only thing pouring off Veyka. The cut on her hand had opened into a gaping wound that leaked black bile continuously. The soldiers noticed. But thankfully they were too in awe of their queen to question.

But I could not stand by and watch her soul leaking from her body. Every drop that splatted to the ground was a knife to my heart. What would be left when this day was over? Was the transformation ongoing… and the flow of that darkness literal? Was I watching my mate lose her soul drop by drop, right before my very eyes?

It had to stop.

She closed the portal with a bright flash, stumbling backward from the force of the magic tearing from her body. I tried to catch her, but she brushed me off. Our hands did not even touch. She did not even pause for a drink of water before lifting her hands to open a rift to take us to Eilean Gayl.

I didn’t miss the fact that she did not reach for me to take me through the void with her, as she’d done a hundred times in the past. She moved to open a portal rift, which would not require any contact at all.

I did not have to touch her to block her. “It can wait until tomorrow.”

She huffed out a haughty exhale. “There is a succubus horde in the valley now. The humans might not be alive tomorrow.”

I don’t give a damn about the humans. But I kept that thought to myself.

“And what about you?” I said, stepping into her space but not reaching for her. “I can see you fighting.”

She couldn’t hide the flashes of darkness. When her posture changed, when the expression that crawled over her face did not belong to her. But the harder she pushed herself, the more frequent those little battles became. Little was the wrong word. I knew there was nothing small about the battle for her soul that Veyka was now waging with every breath.

“I am in control. This thing cannot have me,” she snarled. At least that was all Veyka.

“You are tired. You heard what the Lady of the Lake said as clearly as I did. The mind is weaker when you sleep.”

“Then it is a good thing I am not asleep.”

She’d traded sarcasm for anger. Anger was her last line of defense before despair.

I searched her black eyes for the female I loved. I tried to let her see all of the emotion in my own, the fear for her. If she would not rest for her own sake, maybe she would do it for mine. “Wait until tomorrow.”

Another battle, that’s what I’d forced upon her. I wished I regretted it. I watched the battle in her eyes. And knew the moment I lost.

She stepped around me and opened the rift. I had no option but to follow her through it. Guards waited on the other side on the bridge that connected Eilean Gayl to the mainland. Their eyes flared with surprise, but not fear. They’d known to expect us, at least. It was the work of another hour to find my father and give the word for the troops now camped on the lakeside to break their camp and prepare to march. My mother spoke quietly with Veyka. I did not try to intrude on their conversation.

When the northerners were ready, Veyka opened the last rift. I did ask her if she was well enough to do it. We both already knew the answer to that. So I stood by her side and tried to be a pillar of strength. If she reached for me, I would be there. I would always be there for her.

My father led the first column through. A line of black leaked from the corner of Veyka’s eye. Vera had command of the second column. Veyka coughed, but she could not press a hand to cover her mouth. I saw the droplets she tried to hide by angling her body away. I would have rather she coughed up blood than bits of her soul.

By the third, she had to hunch over, supporting her elbows on her knees.

“Stop this.” I did not know how much longer I could stop myself from touching her.

“There are only a few more.”

A few dozen more.

“It is enough.”

“It is not.”

“Stop.” The wound on her hand was nearly gushing. She couldn’t do this anymore. I reached for her hands, but she jerked away.

“ I do not belong to you ,” she hissed.

I tried to grab her shoulders, but she twisted away from me. Even at the breaking point of exhaustion, she was so fucking fast. But the movements were disjointed. They lacked her usual grace.

She tripped over her own feet and careened into the line of soldiers. But instead of trying to regain her feet, she turned and sank her teeth into the male who’d caught her.

She did not need the elongated canines of the terrestrial fae to tear him apart. She ripped a chunk free from his neck, thick red blood spurting out and spraying her and the soldiers around us. They couldn’t scatter fast enough, the bright light of the rift illuminating the horror on their faces.

Somehow, the rift was still open.

Inside, Veyka still fought.

“Get through the rift!” I yelled, closing in on her.

I tried to wrench her away from the male, but she fought me with a strength that did not belong to her. The succubus was in control now. I had to get to her skin, to her mind. I ripped away her cloak, grabbing her shoulders hard enough that there would be bruises. There was only darkness on the other end of our mating bond.

Veyka, this is not you. My beast snarled into the darkness.

A second later a voice came. Veyka’s, but not. A hiss in the night. This is me. This is us. This is who we have always been.

That we did not refer to the two of us.

She is mine , my beast howled back. You are mine , I told my mate.

I ripped her away from the male, breaking contact, the severed artery at his throat spraying both of us with blood. We crashed into the hard ground, frozen by months of snow and ice. Pain shot up my leg. Veyka cried out horribly. But it was Veyka.

“Get him through the rift!” I yelled to whoever would listen.

I did not wait to see if they complied. I lifted Veyka into my arms and carried her through, her fingers still up, still holding the way, still shaking terribly.

Three bodies stumbled through after us. I looked away from Veyka only long enough to confirm that everyone was through. I grabbed her hands in mine, pulling them down. The portal shook and then closed.

“Take him to Isolde,” I ordered, aware of my father’s appearance. But I did not hear him. I lowered Veyka to the ground. I was shaking, too. I needed to check her for wounds. She had to be okay. Those were her eyes looking back at me. Black, but hers. Her lips trembling. Her tears, clear and heartbreaking, flooding down her cheeks.

No words came to me. What comfort could I offer? This was the price.

I’d imagined a thousand different possibilities in the hours Veyka had gone away through the void, leaving us to ruminate on Morgyn’s word. The cost of uniting the Sacred Trinity was Veyka’s soul.

I’d pictured her death. I’d pictured a husk of a person, blank eyes and mechanical movements. Ancestors, I’d even pictures an ephemeral spirit. But I’d never imagined this… watching my mate struggling for control of herself, to keep the shred of her soul that remained intact, only to lose.

This was worse than death. This was torture on a level neither Veyka nor I had ever experienced, even after everything we’d survived together and apart.

And those shadows that Veyka had manifested… those must be tied to banishing the succubus. The key to ridding our world of them lay within Veyka, within the monster now inhabiting her body. To rid us of the succubus, she had to become one.

I had no words, because there were none. Nothing I could say would make this better.

I held her, rocking us gently back and forth on the ground as night fell and the army she’d brought together made camp somewhere behind us.

Veyka’s mouth moved against my throat, forming words I couldn’t quite hear.

I eased her forward, steeling myself against the mix of blood and bile and tears that coated her pale face. “What was that, Princess?”

“Take my weapons,” she rasped. “Bind my arms and legs.”

I shook my head. “You will be defenseless.”

“I am a succubus, Arran.” She was shaking again. Ancestors, I’d only finally gotten her to stop minutes before. But she got more words out. “I can still use my void power. But at least disarmed, with my hands and ankles tied, whoever I attack will have a chance.”

“Veyka.” She was going to make me beg.

But her eyes had drifted beyond me, over my shoulder. I followed her gaze, found the line of soldiers who’d been stationed to watch over us. Or guard the camp from us.

“It will make them feel better,” she murmured. “Feel safer.”

I refused to look any closer at the warriors behind us. I did not want to see the worry or fear or scorn in their eyes. Seeing all of those things in Veyka’s had already broken my heart. She shifted again in my arms, her eyes begging mine, just like I’d predicted.

This is wrong. “Bring the shackles,” I called over my shoulder.

Veyka reached up and stroked my face.

“It will be all right,” she whispered.

“You should not be the one comforting me.”

Solid metal clanked to the ground beside me. Footsteps retreated. Veyka disentangled herself enough to reach for the shackles, slipping them into my hands. Then holding up her own.

No. I can’t.

She pressed her lips to mine. Do it. Please.

I pressed the thick metal pin into place, and it felt like I might as well have closed it around my heart.