Queen of Blood and Vengeance (Secrets of the Faerie Crown #4)

75. Arran

75

ARRAN

I ducked out of the command tent, leaving Veyka reluctantly. She was bent over the map with Mya, Evander, and Lyrena, plotting a course for the next day. I had to see to the terrestrial forces, speak with my father about integrating his northerners. Lyrena would stay with her until I returned, I knew without asking.

But it still felt like torture.

“Your Majesty,” a deep voice called, footsteps digging deep into the cold-hardened ground to keep up. There may not be snow on the ground in the elemental kingdom, but it was far from hospitable.

My mind supplied the answer before my eyes—Mordred.

The young male ate up the distance between us easily, moving on long legs that I recognized as the mirror of my own. He was not quite as tall as me, but nearly. Mya had reassured us of his loyalty, but it did not change what I saw when I looked at him.

Morgause.

“A word, Majesty?” he said, coming alongside of me, breaths even despite the exertion. He was strong.

My first instinct was to turn him away. His mother may have secured him a spot at the Round Table, but that meant nothing for the relations between the two of us. If he had an objection to the plans we’d made, he should have laid it out in the command tent with everyone else.

Veyka was not there, but I heard her voice in my head. I do not begrudge you your son. Even then, with everything else happening, she had recognized the importance of that connection.

I’d only known him for a few days. We’d never spoken privately. But he was my son. I could spare him a few minutes, couldn’t I?

“As I walk,” I said, not breaking step.

“You assigned me to the fight with the northerners.”

Ah. I should have anticipated this argument.“I cannot afford to babysit you. The Lord of Eilean Gayl is a worthy leader. You will learn much from him.”

“Respectfully, Majesty, I do not need minding.”

No, he didn’t. But that was not the true reason I’d assigned him to fight with my father.

“I am leading an army. I cannot afford distractions.”

He stumbled a step.

Maybe it was cruel to characterize him as such. But I could not let him be any more. Not now. If I cared about him, if he fought at my side and I allowed myself to worry, then he was just another person that I stood to lose.

I was already in danger of losing my mate.

If my son fell on the field while fighting beside me? What would happen to me then? Would my beast recognize it? Would I be heartbroken? Or worse, would I feel nothing?

We were almost to where the northerners were encamped alongside the rest of the terrestrial army. I waited for Mordred to offer more argument. I expected it, but I had no right to. I did not know this male. We shared blood, an especially strong flora-gift and the color of our skin. But beyond that… not tonight. I could not let myself go there tonight.

Not with Veyka’s soul hanging in the balance.

I do not begrudge you your son. She’d been so damn gracious about the whole thing, so uncharacteristically level-headed—

Because she’d expected to die.

Ancestors’ fucking hell. She’d expected to die, and that Mordred was all I would have left. She’d thought he would be a consolation in the wake of her death. Now that she’d sacrificed her soul to the succubus, her feelings were likely unchanged. But her soul survived, a precious piece of it, safe within me, tied to our bond. Once the succubus was banished, she could push it out. She could regain what she’d sacrificed.

What if she cannot beat it?

I banished the thought. If I allowed it purchase in even the tiniest corner of my mind, I would not be able to walk onto that battlefield come morning.

I wished there was more of me to offer my son. But I barely held what remained of myself together. What I could give him was the best male I knew—my father.

I stopped us on the edge of camp. My insides screamed at the impulse, but I lifted my hand to grasp his shoulder. “Serve with Pant. He is the best teacher you could have. He was mine, after all.”

Mordred didn’t quite smile but he nodded his acceptance. And I recognized that as mine as well.