Quiet Longing (Quiet Love #2)

35.

Charli

Two large cargo boxes sat open on Rhys’ office floor. Several items had been removed, bundled carefully in bubble wrap, and I recognised the figurines instantly.

“How … how do you have these?” I asked, standing before promptly sitting back down again. I was in shock.

“Charli, there are some things I need to tell you about Jesse,” Rhys said, and I swung to face him, heart suddenly pumping.

“Please tell me you didn’t,” I begged. I wasn’t sure what the hell he did to get my collection back, but Jesse would be murderous. What if he … what if he tried to ...

I was starting to hyperventilate when Rhys took my hands into his large, warm ones, his expression somewhat remorseful. This was going to be bad. I could sense it.

“First off, please don’t panic. Jesse will never know you were involved. My guys raided his penthouse and took a bunch of other valuables so it looked like a regular burglary.”

“Your guys ?” I whispered, startled.

“An ex-legion friend and two of his colleagues. They, well, they specialise in this kind of thing.”

“Burglaries?”

“In a sense, yes.”

“My goodness, Rhys, what on earth have you gotten us into?”

“Listen, Leon owed me a favour anyway. And as I said, they made it look like a run of the mill burglary. You aren’t connected at all. Besides, Jesse’s currently got way worse problems to contend with right now than a home break in.”

I frowned at him. “What do you mean?”

Still kneeling in front of me, Rhys let out a slow breath, eyes flicking away before returning. “Jesse’s been arrested by the FBI.”

“ He’s what ?” I exclaimed loudly, my eyes bugging out of their sockets.

Rhys nodded. “It turns out he’s been skimming money from his law firm and also helping certain clients of his launder their ill-gotten gains.”

I blinked at him, my mouth opening and shutting like a fish. My head hurt. This was too much to take in all at once. “Are you serious?”

“Yes. The prick could go to prison for a long time. Couldn’t have happened to a better man if you ask me.”

“Oh my goodness,” I whispered, my mind racing. Then, as a certain realisation dawned, I started to panic. “ Oh my goodness ,” I repeated but with much more trepidation, several memories surfacing. “What if they think I helped him? I’m an accountant, Rhys. What if they think I taught him how to launder? Fuck … this is so bad.”

My memories became clearer, Jesse asking me lots of questions about how people open offshore accounts and the type of accounting software used in money laundering. I was so stupid. I’d thought it was because he’d been watching Ozark at the time and wanted to know how realistic the show was. I had no idea he was using my knowledge to figure out how to commit a crime himself.

Tears sprang to my eyes as my panic overtook me. I thought I’d gotten away from Jesse, but maybe he was going to destroy me in the end just in a different way.

“Hey, hey, they don’t think you helped him. You’re already in the clear,” Rhys said, squeezing my hands in reassurance. I stared at him in disbelief.

“How can you possibly know that?”

“Because the whole reason I found out about this was through another ex-legion friend of mine who works for Europol. I had him use his connections to look into Jesse, and—”

“You had him investigate Jesse? Rhys . I told you I didn’t want that. I said I was happy just to have my divorce and get away from him. I can’t believe you’d go behind my back like this.”

I pulled my hands from his and shifted away, needing some distance.

“Yes, I’m aware of that.” His voice was laden with guilt. “And I fully accept if you feel you can’t trust me anymore for going against your wishes, but I couldn’t rest knowing he was out there living his life, Charli, free to do to some other poor, unsuspecting person what he’d done to you.”

My heart clenched because, even though I was very, very pissed with him, I felt the same way. The thought of Jesse hurting someone else often kept me awake at night, too. But that didn’t change the fact Rhys had been actively plotting against Jesse these last weeks and told me nothing. Nothing . I knew his reasons for breaking my trust were ultimately to protect others from falling victim to my ex-husband, but his secrecy hurt. A small fraction of my heart cracked inside my chest. Then my mind tracked back.

“Wait, you said I’m in the clear. How do you know that?” I breathed.

Rhys’ chest deflated a little. “Piotr told me the FBI already investigated you when you and Jesse were still married. They deemed you not to be involved in his crimes shortly after.”

Just like that, relief flooded in as stress tears rolled down my cheeks. This was all just way too much, especially after the drama of discovering Stephanie had been spreading lies about Rhys and me. We sat in quiet for several minutes, Rhys giving me time to absorb all the information about Jesse. The more I thought about it, the more it all made sense. Jesse had always been resentful that he’d come from a poor, single parent background. At first, I’d admired that he’d worked hard to win a scholarship and go to college. But there had been a dark side to his ambition. He’d wanted the perfect life, to accumulate wealth and outrank his peers. To never be poor or needy ever again. So, he turned to breaking the law, unable to simply be happy as a successful lawyer who already made very good money.

A part of me was joyfully jumping up and down to know he might go to prison. He might never face punishment for what he’d done to me, but at least he would be punished.

“I’m going to report Steph to HR,” Rhys said after a time, and though I was relieved not to be talking about Jesse anymore, I wasn’t thrilled to be reminded of the reason Rhys had to practically carry me into his office.

“After how she behaved today, not to mention the false rumour, she needs to understand she can’t do things like that,” he went on.

I shook my head. “No, Rhys. I don’t want—”

“Charli, she can’t just get away with it. She was going to slap you out there in the hallway. I’m so fucking angry I’m fit to be tied. You completely checked out like you’d gone somewhere else. Seeing you that way, it was devastating. I can’t forgive her for that.”

“But—”

“This isn’t a negotiation. No one gets to threaten you,” he said , and I felt like my heart was breaking all over again. Despite everything, my fondness for Rhys was a constant. Yes, I was furious about his interference and the burglary, but I also understood him to his core. It wasn’t in him to just let injustice go unchecked.

“She’s obviously hurting, and this is her way of dealing with it,” I said in an effort to reason with him, but Rhys abruptly shook his head.

“Other people shouldn’t need to suffer just because she’s hurting. Do you have any idea …” he trailed off, looking a little worked up as he shook his head at himself.

“Do I have any idea of what?”

His gaze flicked to mine, and at that moment, I saw all his frustration, everything he’d had to push down dealing with Stephanie’s immaturity since their breakup. When he spoke, his voice was flat like he was trying to suppress his anger. “I ended our engagement on Christmas morning because she’d been badgering me about Shay being my best man at the wedding. She wanted me to pick Derek instead because that fit better with her idea of a perfect wedding day.”

“I don’t under—” I started to say when realisation hit. Oh, man, that was horrible. I met his gaze in horror. “She didn’t want Shay because he’s mute?”

Rhys nodded, his jaw flickering as though just thinking about it infuriated him. Hell, it infuriated me to hear it, and at that moment, a lot of my empathy for Stephanie’s position went away.

“She thought it would ruin the speeches to have Shay sign. I was so mad I could barely stand to look at her.”

“Did you ever tell Shay?”

Rhys shook his head vehemently. “No, I could never bring myself to tell him something like that, for him to know the woman I thought I loved could be so callous and selfish, so bloody narcissistic.”

“So, that’s why you ended it,” I stated, and he nodded, shoulders slumped.

“It was the final straw, but there were a lot of frustrations leading up to that incident. Being with Stephanie, I just felt like I was going to live my life never feeling good enough to match her standards, and I suddenly realised what an exhausting, unhappy existence that would be.”

I lifted my hand to softly cup his cheek, and he seemed to melt into my touch. “In that case, I’m glad you ended things, but a part of me can’t help feeling for her because I understand a little of what she’s going through. You’re not an easy person to get over, Rhys.”

I cast my mind back to those early college days, the absolute heartbreak of missing him. And that was the thing, it was heartbreak. I’d fallen in love with him that summer but had been too terrified to admit it even to myself. And after spending these last weeks tangled in his bed, I’d fallen for him again.

The knowledge terrified me. After my divorce I’d been ready to be single for the rest of my life or at least enjoy a few years of independence while I learned how to be a person again. My development had been stunted as soon as I’d gotten involved with Jesse. In some ways, I was still twenty years old and trying to get to grips with my identity as an adult, find my place in the world.

“I can’t be sorry for what I’ve done,” Rhys murmured, taking my other hand in his, and I knew he was talking about Jesse again. “I won’t ignore it when someone hurts the person I …” His words fell off, his jaw working before his handsome, pleading eyes came to mine. “But I am prepared to grovel for forgiveness. If I’ve broken the trust between us, then I’ll do whatever it takes to mend it.”

“It’s not about the broken trust,” I told him gently. “In all honesty, I should’ve known you’d do this. Stephanie was right about one thing, you are a protector, Rhys, and I know you feel responsible for me in some way even though none of what happened in my life after that summer was your fault. In fact, a part of me is overjoyed to know Jesse might get what he deserves. That part also wants to fall at your feet in gratitude for getting my collection back.”

Fresh tears filled my eyes, and Rhys began wiping them away for me. “I can’t thank you enough for returning these to me,” I said, gesturing to the boxes. “It means more than you know. But I … I think all this just proves it would be a mistake for us to continue being together as we have been. I was wrong to ask that of you in the first place. Maybe Stephanie was right about that, too, in a certain sense. I’ve taken advantage of your open, generous nature, but I can’t keep doing it. We both deserve better. And I’ve spent so much of my life trapped almost completely under the authority of my husband. So, even though you and Jesse are poles apart, I can’t keep sleeping with you, Rhys.” I exhaled a breath laden with sadness. Sitting up straighter, I dropped my hand from his face then stood. “I need to learn how to survive alone, and I’ve been leaning on you far too much.”

“I want you to lean on me. That’s what I’m made for,” Rhys choked, and the emotion in his voice cut me up.

“It’s not all that you’re made for, though. You deserve to be cherished and protected, too. You deserve someone who can give you everything. Someone who will love a heart as big as yours, but mine, it’s still mending. I’d never forgive myself if my brokenness ended up hurting you. Maybe I won’t realise I’m doing it intentionally, but I need so much, and I fear you’ll keep on giving even when it’s causing you pain. I mean, look what happened with Jesse. What he did to me made you so angry you had people break into his apartment.”

“They didn’t just break into his apartment,” he confessed, and I blinked. “I had them beat the living shit out of him, too, and I have zero regret about that, just so you know.”

Emotion wormed its way up my throat, a tangle of confused feelings warring for dominance. The idea of masked men beating up my ex-husband who took great enjoyment in abusing me for years felt darkly satisfying. But the fact Rhys felt the need to go to such lengths was upsetting.

“You see? I’ve caused you to do something you never would’ve done if you didn’t feel so responsible for me. But I don’t want to be the cause of your anger, Rhys. I don’t want you out in the world seeking vengeance for the awful hand I was dealt. I only ever want you to be happy and fulfilled.”

Something flared in his eyes, some kind of understanding. “I can’t lose you from my life, Charli. I’ve only just gotten you back.”

“You won’t lose me. I’ll still be right across the hall from you every day here at work. I’ll always be near, will always be your friend, but I need to prove I can do this on my own. It’s important,” I said while everything inside me continued to break.

I’d been so foolish, allowing myself to get so close to Rhys, to bring sex into our relationship. Why wasn’t I smart enough to know it would complicate everything times a million?

“I understand,” he said after a long stretch of silence as he stood to his full height. “I always knew you’d need to move on at some point and go it alone.” His features seemed pained while his shoulders were stiff with tension. I felt like there was a lot going on beneath the surface, but he kept it masked, out of reach. He’d always been so good at that.

“I’ll treasure these last few weeks with you. They were even better than our summer together.”

“Rhys,” I whispered, moving towards him and wrapping my arms around his neck. He stood still, letting me hug him, but I sensed him withdrawing into himself.

“It’s okay. I was prepared for this,” he said, leaving the rest unspoken, But it still hurts . I knew because I was hurting, too. Finally, his arms came around my waist, and he hugged me back. We stayed like that for a time, wrapped in one another’s embrace, before at long last I released him.

“I better get back,” I said, wiping at my eyes.

“Of course,” Rhys replied, and for a second, I saw a flash of the sheer anguish he felt. I wished there was a way to express to him that just because we weren’t sleeping together anymore didn’t mean he was losing me, but the right words never came.

Rhys cleared his throat, turning away as though to gather himself. “I’ll drop these boxes off at Padraig and Jo’s later this week,” he said, and it felt strange to talk about something so mundane after the brutal conversation we’d just had.

“Thank you. I really am so happy to have my collection back, Rhys.”

“Anytime, Charli,” he replied, then like a gentleman, he escorted me from his office.

***

At first, the withdrawals were merciless. I missed his kisses, his hands, his scent. I’d wake up in the middle of the night, sweating from a dream of being tangled up with Rhys, the pleasure when our bodies joined. Even seeing him at the hotel was different. His smiles were warm and caring, but they weren’t quite the same, and I missed the way he used to smile at me.

I started to imagine how I might feel if he suddenly started dating someone new and was filled with such immense jealousy I had to eat almost an entire box of cookies just to calm myself down. I had no right to jealousy, not when I was the one choosing to be on my own.

Then, after weeks, it got a little bit easier.

I threw myself into my work, and Nuala and I planned the most epic vacation to a resort on the Spanish island of Minorca. Maggie—after trying to talk herself out of coming along just as her brother Jonathan told me she would—finally committed to joining us. Since she and Shay had just gotten engaged, she was looking forward to a break away from all the wedding planning madness.

I also found a therapist who I really clicked with and was attending monthly sessions. I laid out the entire story of my marriage, as well as what had happened between Rhys and me from our teenage years through to the present. She agreed it was a good decision to focus on finding my feet on my own, but she also wasn’t totally on board with me closing myself off to a possible romantic relationship in the future.

In the end, neither Rhys nor I had to report Stephanie for her rumour spreading. Several people witnessed the scene outside my office and word got back to HR. Stephanie was given an official warning but was ultimately allowed to remain in her position. Strangely, I was glad for that. I didn’t want to be involved in anyone losing their job even if her behaviour was horrible.

Then, two months later, Maeve informed me Stephanie had gotten a new, better paying position at some top PR firm and would be leaving the hotel. Her departure could’ve been due to shame over her behaviour or simple self-preservation. Still, I didn’t hold any ill will towards her. As I’d said, I knew how hard it was to get over Rhys.

Though my letter to Melanie and Kevin was well received, and they’d been prepared to wait for me to put in an offer on their house, I decided against it in the end. That house would’ve been perfect for me, but it felt cruel to start living next door to Rhys after how I’d used him for sex then promptly dropped him. I’d developed feelings for him during those few weeks, feelings that were even more intense once sex was added to the equation, but I still harboured guilt over the whole thing. I’d taken advantage of him, and it had been selfish.

Instead, I went back to my plan to rent and found a one-bedroom apartment not too far from the hotel. It was an adjustment living in such a small space, but I put some work into decorating and turning it into a haven all my own. I even bought some shelves from a nearby furniture store, and my Lladró collection was proudly displayed on them. Once I finished laying everything out, I snapped a picture and texted it to Rhys.

Me: They’re back with their rightful owner, and it’s all thanks to you 3

His reply came a few minutes later.

Rhys: Looks great. Glad you can enjoy them again. x.

After the move, I started meeting with Jo and my other aunt, Julia, regularly for coffee and catch ups. They both assisted me in adopting my very first pet, a three-year-old Maine coon named Bobby. Since I still hadn’t gotten a car, Julia drove me to Waterford where I was to collect him from an animal shelter. It took a while for him to get used to his new surroundings, but he soon became content with the corner I set up for him, complete with a cushioned bed and cosy blankets. I adored sinking my fingers into his thick grey fur and hearing his rumbly purrs of contentment.

More months went by.

It was late summer, and I was finishing up my last day at the office before Nuala, Maggie, and I were due to fly out to Minorca. I was full of excitement and couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so pumped for a simple vacation in the sun.

I was busy running some numbers at my desk when someone rapped their knuckles on the door. Glancing up, I found Rhys standing there, and just like always, my heart skipped a beat in his presence.

“Charli,” he said, his expression grave. “A word.”

His tone made me worry something bad had happened, and Maeve and Barry cast me curious glances as I went out to join him. Rhys waited a little way down the hall, then motioned for me to follow him to his office. Once there, he closed the door, and I took a seat by his desk.

“What is it? Is everything okay?”

He ran a hand over the faint five o’clock shadow on his jaw before his eyes found mine. “I’m not sure how to say this,” he started, and my stomach twisted, fearing bad news.

“Okay, well,” I folded my arms and braced. “Just tell me then.”

Rhys exhaled. “Jesse was found dead yesterday.”

My hands went to my face in shock as my pulse raced, and my mind tried to comprehend the news Rhys had just shared. The last few months, I’d tried to put Jesse’s arrest out of my mind and focus on myself. My independence. But I had a few weak moments where I’d asked Rhys for information. What he’d revealed hadn’t surprised me, not since Jesse was a lawyer and knew all the ways to delay going to trial, which he’d been fully utilizing. He’d also been granted bail, so he hadn’t been rotting away in a jail cell like I’d hoped, but …

“That’s, that’s—how?” I blurted, still in shock.

“They deemed it a suicide, but given the dangerous people Jesse was involved with, and how the discovery of his crimes got his clients into hot water, too, my guess is that the killing was ordered.” The way he relayed bleak information in such a matter of fact manner reminded me he’d been a soldier once and had probably had to witness and hear about such things often during that time.

I rubbed my chest, a mix of horror and relief mingling within me. Jesse was dead. The man who’d terrorised me and destroyed my confidence was no longer breathing. An emptiness followed. If I’d been asked yesterday how I’d feel to know Jesse had died, I might’ve said I’d jump for joy, but the reality was different. I wasn’t sure how to feel. Maybe I was just still in shock. Then, a tear leaked down my face, and a moment later, Rhys was before me. He pulled me from the chair and wrapped me in his arms.

“I know this is a lot for you, but I’m glad the motherfucker is dead,” he said a low, gravelly voice.

“I’m glad, too. It’s just …”

“Shocking? I know. That’s to be expected.”

He held me for a while longer, letting me cry into his chest though they were mostly tears of relief. Finally, I pulled back, and Rhys handed me a tissue to wipe my eyes. “Thank you for coming and telling me.”

“Of course. I just want to make sure you’re all right.”

“I am, or at least, I will be. Now that he’s gone, maybe I can finally breathe again properly, you know?”

Rhys nodded, surveying me as though trying to decide whether it was okay to let me go, that I wouldn’t crumple to the floor without him to prop me up. Finally, he withdrew, and we stood in front of each other, an awkward tension in the air. What do you say after hearing the news your abusive ex-husband had died and had likely been killed by the criminals he’d been laundering money for?

“So,” Rhys said, clearing his throat as he rubbed at a spot on his neck. “Maggie tells me you’re all off on your holidays tomorrow?”

I gave a watery smile, happy for the change of subject, though my excitement to go on vacation felt wrong after hearing of Jessie’s death. But it shouldn’t be wrong. That man deserved none of my sympathy.

“Yes, we’re flying to Minorca in the morning. We’ll only be there for a week, but I’m really looking forward to it.”

“Good, you deserve a break,” he replied, a hint of gruffness in his voice that had my chest tingling in a strange way. It was always like that with Rhys lately. Like we were constantly avoiding some emotion laden elephant in the room.

“What about you?” I asked. “Any vacations planned this year?”

“I’m taking Shay, Ross, and Eugene to Galway in a few weeks for Shay’s stag party. That’s about it.”

“Oh, I haven’t been to Galway though I hear it’s lovely.” Pausing, I continued, “I’m not sure if you know, but Maggie invited Nuala and me to the wedding. Nuala broke up with Martin a couple months ago, so we’ll be going together. I hope that’s okay?”

His eyes heated. “Of course, Charli. I’m always happy to see you. You know that.”

I nodded, sucking in a deep breath because there was so much layered emotion in his statement. God, would being around Rhys ever stop being so fraught with tension? I adored him so much, but I didn’t want it to always be this way. I didn’t want to feel like I was one second away from blurting that I’d been in love with him twice, and that even though the last few months had been amazing for establishing my independence, my heart still ached for him. Rarely a night went by when I didn’t dream of him, and I wasn’t sure I could survive if this man haunted my heart and mind forever.

“Right, well, thank you for coming to tell me about Jesse.”

“No thanks needed. I’m glad to be the one to let you know the prick is dead,” he replied, his eyes intense before he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and murmured, “Have a great time in Minorca, Charli.”

When he turned and walked away, my skin still tingled from where he’d touched me.

***

“I think that might be the bravest, most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever heard,” Maggie said, speaking of Rhys and me parting ways.

It was day five of our vacation, and we sat on stools at the poolside bar drinking margaritas. We’d spent most of the week lazing on the beach, sunbathing, or swimming in the pool. Several bottles of sun screen had been used up, and my tan was looking great. Poor Maggie and Nuala, however, with their paler Irish complexions, both sported red, slightly burned noses, cheeks, and foreheads.

It was late in the day, and the three of us had been drinking for a while. I wasn’t sure what number cocktail I was on, but I was tipsy enough that I’d spilled to Maggie and Nuala all that had gone on with Rhys and me since I’d returned to Ireland. Nuala was already privy to some of it, but not everything.

“Wait, so that’s why you never bought the house in the end?” my cousin said like the puzzle pieces were falling into place.

“It would’ve been too insensitive to move in right next door to Rhys. Besides, if I’m going to be one hundred percent independent, I can’t have him that close by. He’s such a giver, and I’d only end up going to him for help with every little problem that crops up. The other week, I taught myself how to unblock my toilet with a video tutorial. I was so proud I fixed the problem all on my own. I also purchased a little home tool kit and can put together flat pack furniture like a pro.”

“You were going to buy the house next to Rhys’?” Maggie asked, seeming caught up on that detail.

“Yes. It’s such a cute place. You’ve probably seen it when you and Shay visit him. It has this adorable butterfly knocker out front, and there’s a small back garden full of native flowers and a little patio for chilling in the evenings. It could’ve been my dream home, but I’m sure there’ll be others.”

“Yeah. There’ll be others,” she agreed, but it seemed like there was something she was withholding.

“Maggie? What is it?”

Her eyes bugged, like she was having some internal panic or argument with herself. “Um, nothing. It’s probably not even—”

“Out with it!” Nuala prodded, giving the red head a drunken elbow in the side. The three of us had gotten close the last few days—I’d even spilled to them all about Jesse, his crimes, and subsequent “suicide”—and Maggie had officially turned our little twosome into a circle of three.

“Well, it’s just that Rhys bought that house himself months ago.”

My eyes flared wide. “He did what?”

She nodded. “He said it was an investment and that he planned to rent it out, but I’m not sure he’s taken on any tenants yet.”

Nuala’s gaze met mine, a slow smile creeping across her face. “Oh, this is too romantic.”

“Don’t get carried away. There’s no evidence it has anything to do with me.” I wagged my finger at her. “It’s probably as Maggie said. He bought the house because it’s a good investment. Or maybe he just wants to be able to pick who his next neighbours will be.”

“Right, then, why hasn’t he taken on any tenants? He bought it months ago,” Nuala argued. “That’s money down the drain. Unless …”

“Unless nothing,” I said, heart fluttering wildly in my chest.

“Unless he bought it for you,” Nuala continued, undeterred, “and is waiting for just the right time when—”

“Please,” I said, growing upset and emotional and all twisted up. “Can we talk about something else? I can’t,” I paused to swipe away some of the wetness beneath my eyes. “I can’t talk about Rhys anymore.”

Nuala’s features softened then, her look apologetic. I returned it with one that said we were fine, and she was forgiven.

Sensing the tension, Maggie quickly changed the subject. “Have I told you Shay’s been training his dog to be the ringbearer at our wedding?”

“Stop! That’s going to be absolutely adorable,” Nuala exclaimed, and Maggie proceeded to show us a few videos of Daniel practicing his ringbearer duties in their garden.

It was a good distraction, but I still couldn’t stop thinking about Rhys buying that house. Like, why ? What did it mean? It wasn’t like he was going to give me a house. That was crazy. But maybe … maybe he was holding it for me, waiting for a time when I felt ready to take the step into homeownership and would sell it back to me? That sounded a lot like something that infuriatingly gorgeous, kind, big-hearted man would do, and I felt so completely unworthy I didn’t know how to proceed.

I cried into my pillow that night, and my eyes were so puffy the next morning that I had to wear sunglasses all through breakfast.

The last two days at the resort, I was a little subdued. Even after so many months, I still felt like I was completely in love with Rhys. My feelings for him hadn’t faded.

They’d intensified.

When I got home, I immediately scheduled an emergency session with my new therapist, Anna-Marie. She was in her late forties and had a very relaxed, easy-going nature. She never pushed me too hard but always managed to guide me to conclusions in a gentle, logical, measured fashion.

As soon as my butt hit the cushions, I blurted out everything I’d learned from Maggie about Rhys buying my dream home and not breathing a word about it.

“I mean, we cross paths several times a week at work. Plus, we have dinner at my aunt and uncle’s house almost every Friday. If he bought it as an investment, surely he would’ve mentioned that. The fact he hasn’t said anything makes me feel like he made some emotional, impulsive decision to buy the place just because … because of me, and it’s just so much money. I can’t even fathom why he would go to such lengths.”

“There’s every chance that it is simply an investment,” Anna-Marie said, ever the logical thinker as she crossed one leg over the other and cast me a kind look. “Not everyone discusses finances with their friends, especially us Irish. We can be a bit awkward talking about money.”

“Right, my mom’s like that. She finds it rude to bring it up.”

“Let’s table the possibility that Rhys bought this house because of you. From what you’ve told me, he sounds like a very well-adjusted, intelligent, caring man who’s made a good life for himself despite a troubled childhood. Whatever his reasons for making the purchase, I’m sure they’re more reasonable than you might expect. What I really want to discuss is the fact you’re still in love with him.”

Damn, had I let that slip when I’d blurted everything out? I flushed where I sat in the plush, deep blue armchair. “Yes, I still love him,” I said. There was no point denying it.

“But you don’t feel ready, despite your progress this year, for a romantic relationship?”

“I didn’t feel ready, but that was back in February. Now I’m … I don’t know. Emotionally, I’m quite stable. I’m less jumpy. I don’t panic or check out when something stressful happens. I’ve been sleeping great, no nightmares or anxiety attacks. I even work out regularly at the hotel gym, which is something I’ve never done before. The exercise keeps me on an even keel emotionally. I feel good about where I’m at. I just worry that if I try to add anything more to my plate, all the progress I’ve made will begin to crumble.”

“And entering a new relationship would be the thing to cause it to crumble?”

I clasped my hands together. “Possibly.”

“I disagree.”

“Pardon?”

“It’s true that many of the people I see need to keep their lives restricted in order to maintain balance, but I don’t believe that of you. I think you’ve made incredible progress this year, Charli, but denying your heart what it very clearly wants isn’t healthy, especially since you and Rhys are very much entrenched in one another’s lives. You share a workplace, and he’s close with your relatives. Now, if I had even an inkling that Rhys was anything like your ex-husband, if I thought he could be hiding a similar nature, I would be advising you to walk away and walk away fast. But this is a man who has shown incredible maturity, understanding, patience, and love in his treatment of you. He’s not someone I would have a single concern about if you were to rekindle your relationship with him.”

Emotion rose up, clogging my throat. Anna-Marie was telling me everything my heart yearned to hear, and yet there was a fear holding me back. A fear that my stability would suffer and I’d regress, not only messing up the little life I’d built, but Rhys,’ too.

“It’s something to consider. My advice would be to take some time and decide if you see a future with another man down the line, or if, inevitably, the only future you want is with Rhys.”

Anna-Marie’s words repeated in my head for weeks after that session. Rhys had been spending a lot of time in Cork with Derek, Tristan, and Uncle Padraig. The new hotel was almost complete, and Rhys was assisting with the installation of security cameras, as well as helping hire a new security team.

It was looking like the grand opening might happen in time for Christmas.

Anyhow, I hadn’t seen a lot of him, and it only reinforced how much I missed him and how much those little glimpses of him throughout the day meant to me.

Maggie and Shay’s wedding during the first weekend of October came around fast. I hadn’t seen Rhys in almost two weeks and felt like I was going through withdrawals all over again. As Shay’s best man, I knew he’d probably be busy during the ceremony, but I hoped maybe he’d have time to sit down and talk later.

I wasn’t going to confront him about the house, but I was going to tell him I was in love with him. And I was absolutely pissing my pants. Nuala kept asking me if I was okay as we rode a cab to the church on the north side of the city where the ceremony was being held. Supposedly, it was the same church Shay’s family had been attending for generations.

When we arrived, Nuala paid for the fare, and I insisted on paying for the next one we took to the reception venue. Dozens of well-dressed people had already gathered outside the church.

“So many great fascinators,” Nuala said enviously as she eyed the gathering. “Now I wish I’d worn one.”

“You look amazing,” I told her, admiring her pink chiffon dress. I’d gone for a forest green fit and flare design with a sweetheart neckline. My hair was in loose curls that Nuala styled for me about an hour ago. I also wore a small pair of gold hoop earrings that I kept self-consciously fiddling with. It had been years since I’d worn earrings, but like all the other progress I’d made, I was slowly adding them back into my jewellery collection. My dress, which hit just above the knees, was also a new purchase. It had been a long time since I’d confidently shown off my legs, my scarred knee fully exposed.

I refused to let my trauma steer my decisions any longer, and every time I fought past my fears and took a step forward, I always felt better for it.

My eyes scanned the attendees as we approached, and I spotted Shay’s brother, Ross, his wife, Dawn and their kids, as well as Maggie’s brother, Jonathan, who looked very dashing in a tailored suit. Then my gaze landed on Rhys standing next to a slightly anxious looking Shay, and my breath caught. Both looked stunningly handsome in their three-piece, dark blue suits, white shirts, and black ties.

Almost like he sensed me, Rhys’ eyes caught mine and held. I shot him a somewhat timid smile as Nuala and I approached.

“Wow, look at you all gussied up,” Nuala declared as she pulled Rhys into a hug, and he kissed her cheek. “And Shay, the man of the hour. Oof, Maggie’s one lucky lady.”

Shay grinned at Nuala, signing a Thank you as Rhys stepped to my side. “It’s good to see you,” he said, a gruff rumble in his voice that told me he really meant it. Had he missed our daily encounters since being away as much as I had?

“It’s good to see you, too. I’ve missed you a lot,” I blurted, a little overwhelmed by him. He just looked so handsome, his hair freshly barbered, his eyes somehow brighter against the darker blue of his suit. It was a lot for me to take in, especially since I’d spent the last few weeks grappling with the fact I loved him and wanted to make a future with him.

If he’d have me, that was.

His gaze travelled over me, lingering on the nude heels I’d treated myself to recently. They were the most expensive shoes I’d ever purchased, and the heated look that passed over Rhys’ face told me the price was worth it. With effort, he dragged his eyes back up to mine.

“You look stunning. And I’ve missed you, too. More than you know.”

Air caught in my lungs at his quietly spoken statement, my pulse fluttering as I swiftly changed the subject. “How’s the groom doing? He looks a little nervous.”

Rhys cast his cousin a brief smile. “Shay’s an introvert. Being the centre of attention for an entire day is tough for him. But he’s excited to get married. Knowing Maggie will be his wife at the end of all this is what’s keeping him going.”

“That’s so sweet.”

Rhys’ uncle, Eugene, motioned him over, and he nodded, holding up one finger. “Just a sec.”

He turned back to me. “I think they’re going to start letting us inside.”

“Right, yeah, of course.” He made a move to leave, and I touched his hand. Rhys raised a curious eyebrow. I swallowed down my nerves and murmured, “Um, if you can spare some time later, I was wondering if we could talk?”

“Talk?”

“There’s something I wanted to discuss with you.” My eyes flickered to the others present. “Preferably in private.”

He studied me, heavy curiosity in his gaze before he nodded. “Sure. I’ll come find you later.”

With that, he bent and pressed a stomach whirling kiss to my cheek before he went to join Shay and Eugene. Nuala came to my side then, linking her arm through mine. “You okay?”

I nodded before quietly revealing, “I’m going to tell Rhys I love him and that I want to be with him today.”

Nuala let out a little squeal. “Oh em gee. I knew it! This is so exciting. Can I be there? I want to see his face when you tell him.”

“I’m too nervous for an audience,” I said, huffing in a deep breath. “But I appreciate your enthusiasm. Besides, I have no idea how he’s going to react. He could tell me to take a hike.”

“Never. That man has been smitten with you since he was a mere lad. He’ll be over the moon when you tell him.”

“I hope so. Now, let’s get inside before we miss the wedding.”

Nuala and I sat on the bride’s side since Maggie was our new bestie. There was an older, well-dressed couple to our left that we got chatting to. Their names were Alan and Jim, and Maggie had worked for them for years before she’d started her new job with Jonathan. Alan was also an artist, and he’d helped get Shay’s art into a gallery, which was news to both me and Nuala since we hadn’t even realised Shay was an artist on the side.

The interior of the church was beautiful, and there was a lovely calm, relaxed vibe amongst the eighty or so attendees. As we waited for Maggie to arrive, my attention wandered to Shay, where he stood by the altar, Rhys next to him as they exchanged a few words in sign language. Ever since my divorce, I’d been determined that I’d never get married again, but with how much I loved Rhys, my perspective was shifting. I wasn’t keen on shackling myself to another person, but the idea of being shackled to Rhys didn’t fill me with fear or dread. Quite the opposite. It filled me with hope. I’d be lucky to spend the rest of my life with a man like him.

“Why am I getting emotional already? I always cry at weddings,” Nuala whispered, and I shot her a fond smile.

A string quartet played up near the organ, and when Maggie appeared, arm in arm with Jonathan—who she’d asked to give her away—my heart filled with excited flutters. Her dress was a simple floor-length gown in soft, ivory silk, her auburn hair in a loose up do, tendrils falling gently down either side of her face and a small veil over her features.

She was utterly stunning.

Her half sisters, a girl in her midteens and another around nine or ten, both with dark hair, acted as her bridesmaids, which I found rather endearing. They wore dresses that were the same shade of pale blue but in different styles. Her two half brothers, who were also young, wore suits like the ones Shay and Rhys wore, and that just about broke me in terms of cuteness, especially since the two boys looked so proud to see their big sister get wed.

The crowning moment of the ceremony, though, was Shay’s dog, who dutifully trotted up the aisle as the ringbearer, soliciting many gasps and coos of delight from the pews. I’d never encountered such a chill, well-behaved dog in my life. He took the whole thing in stride.

When the priest pronounced them both husband and wife, Nuala and I were squeezing each other’s hands, both of us shedding tears of joy for our new friend. It was as Shay drew Maggie close for the kiss that I felt eyes on me. Rhys’ gaze fell on mine, and something about his expression had a lump forming in my throat.

The sooner I confessed my love to him, the better. At least then, he could decide if he wanted me, and the decision would be out of my hands.