Rare Blend (Red Mountain #1)

45. Marisa

CHAPTER 45

Marisa

CAN’T AVOID HER FOREVER

I t’s almost Christmas, and I still haven’t spoken to my mom. It’s not from a lack of her trying. She’s called me more over the last few weeks than she ever has before. And I know she’s desperate to talk to me, because she even called my dad. After some of the shock on his part wore off, he told her I was fine and needed some space.

Despite the hurt I still feel, I also miss her. So much. And the holiday is exasperating that feeling, remembering all of our traditions. She used to make large batches of champurrado, so we always had it ready to heat up and enjoy. I made a small pitcher, and while it tasted fine, it was nowhere near as good as hers. When I was a kid, instead of your standard gingerbread man cookies, we would make Mexican wedding cookies that she renamed snowballs to make them seem Christmasy. And I’ll never forget our several attempts to master tamales. She could never remember her family’s exact recipe, and it’s not as if she was ever going to call them to get it, so we were always guessing and failing before eventually giving up and ordering them from someone who knew what they were doing. Though a handful of Christmases have passed since we’ve spent the holiday together, this one feels particularly tough. It’s also the longest we’ve gone without speaking.

“Hi, baby,” Ethan says, placing a kiss on my forehead.

I still get a little flutter of butterflies when he does that, and I wonder if that feeling will ever go away. He slides his jacket off and hangs it in the coat closet.

We’ve unofficially moved in together. A lot of my things are still at my cottage, but I spend a majority of my time at Ethan’s. We thought we were being sly about it, but one day my dad came looking for me and when he couldn’t find me, he banged on Ethan’s door, only for him to open it with me right behind him, wearing one of his T-shirts. It was very obvious we’d had sex shortly before he arrived. I’ve never seen my dad so embarrassed and uncomfortable. It took him a few days to look me in the eye again. It was mortifying. But after we got past that, he’s been fully onboard with me and Ethan. Not that he was ever against it. I think he’s hoping I’ll stay because of Ethan, even though he’s never brought it up.

“How was your day?” Ethan asks, embracing me from behind and drawing me close.

I can’t help but melt into him, a soft wave of relief easing through me as his arms offer a sense of calmness.

“It was fine, nothing exciting.”

He tenses slightly. “What’s wrong?”

I forget how well he knows me. There’s no sense in hiding anything. He’ll just drag it out of me. “I miss my mom.”

He smooths my hair and angles my head to place a soft kiss at my neck. “Call her. You can’t avoid her forever.”

“And say what?”

“You could start with hi and go from there.”

On Christmas Eve, I finally cave and decide to call my mom. Ethan is right. I can’t avoid her forever. The phone rings three times, long enough to make me think she won’t answer, but then she does.

“Marisa.” She sounds surprised. “Is that you?”

“Hi, Mom.”

“How are you? Are you okay? I’ve missed you so much, mijita.”

I can hear the emotion in her voice, the sound of a knot sitting in her throat. Guilt engulfs me. “I’m fine… I’ve missed you, too. And I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to call.”

She sighs, her breath shaky. “I’m the one that should be apologizing. I wish I had some grand excuse that sounded good enough to not come see you, but the truth is, I don’t.”

My stomach sinks, and I wait for her to elaborate.

“The truth is, I panicked,” she continues. “All these years later, and it’s still difficult for me to accept that your dad has moved on from me and is happily married.”

“It’s not like he was going to be here,” I say with more bite than I intended.

“I know. But I would’ve had to come into his town, go inside the home he shares with her, and I wasn’t ready.”

I understand where she’s coming from. I wish she would’ve discussed it with me before bailing. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

She laughs, a sad chuckle. “Because you always think I’m so strong. I hate for you to see me weak.”

“You’re allowed to be human. I think I would prefer it, honestly.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she says in a quiet tone.

We’re silent for a few beats before I break it, practically shouting, “I have a boyfriend.”

She laughs again, this time without the underlying sadness. “I know.”

I wait for her tangent, but it never comes. “How do you know? Did Dad tell you?”

There’s a pause before she takes a breath. “No, I knew when I talked to him. Ethan, right?”

“Yes.” I hesitate, holding my breath, waiting for her to say something I don’t want to hear.

“He seems like a special man.”

I stiffen, my spine snapping straight. I think she’s rendered me speechless.

“Marisa, are you still there?”

Coughing, I try to recover. “Who are you and what have you done with my mom?”

She laughs, a big, loud laugh, and it rumbles through the phone. Her laughter dies, but I feel like I can hear her smile. “He asked me how to make you feel better. He asked me how to take care of you.”

“So, what…now you like him?”

“Mija, a man who wants to take care of you when you’re at your worst? That’s a rare find. He sounds like one of the good ones.”

“Seriously, who are you right now?”

“Believe it or not, before I became a bitter old woman, I was a lot more like you than you realize. Sometimes when love sours, it can make you better or it can make you bitter. I’m sure you can tell which way I leaned.” She pauses, sighing. “I don’t want you to become like me. I thought I was protecting you, but now I see I was doing more harm than good.”

When I don’t respond, she continues.

“Do you love him?”

My breath catches. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that I love Ethan, but we haven’t said it yet, so the word weighs heavy in my chest.

“I— We— We haven’t...”

“It’s okay. You can tell me when you’re ready.”

We continue talking for hours, making up for lost time. She tells me stories from all of her adventures, and I tell her how much I enjoy working on The Vine and that I’m on the fence about moving back to Seattle. She tells me that the right man will stick around if I do decide to follow through with my plan. I’m not surprised she’s encouraging of me still moving back, regardless of my relationship with Ethan. It’s not as if I expected her to completely change. And maybe she’s right. The right guy isn’t going to let a couple hundred miles get between us, right?

Later that night, as I’m cuddled up in Ethan’s arms, I think back to my mom asking me if I love Ethan. I want so badly to tell him, but something is preventing me from getting the words out. Maybe it’s because I’m afraid to say it first, or maybe it’s because I’m worried I’ll make a fool of myself when reality sets in, and he breaks up with me the moment I’m back on the other side of the state.