Rare Blend (Red Mountain #1)

48. Marisa

CHAPTER 48

Marisa

A CAUTIONARY TALE

“ I t was pretty hot,” I tell Ethan, as we’re lying in bed, staring at each other, our cheeks pressed into the pillows.

He mutters a laugh and takes a strand of my hair, twirling it between his fingers before tucking it behind my ear. “I should’ve punched him. At least once.”

“Nahh,” I sigh. “He’s not worth it.”

“What did you ever see in that guy?” He asks it with a slight laugh, but his eyes regard me tensely.

“He wasn’t always like that. He was…smooth, I guess is the right word. Smooth and I was lonely. I have a habit of trying to see the best in people and it leads to building them up in my head.”

A husky snort escapes him. “Bullshit. You saw the worst in me from day one.”

My hand reaches out and rubs over his cheek, brushing against his beard. “You’re the exception. Obviously.”

I start to pull my hand away, but he’s quicker and grabs it, yanking me to him.

“Hmmm,” he breathes into my neck. “You’re my exception, too.”

My throat tightens, a lump rising, and I bite my cheek to keep from crying.

It’s almost New Year’s Eve, and we haven’t discussed what we’re going to do. If we’re going to try long distance or…not try long distance. I’m not ready to let him go, but I don’t know if I’m ready to move here permanently when we’ve only been together for a short while. I was with Brandon for a whole year before we moved in together. I was cautious, making sure the timing was right, and it didn’t work out. I don’t know if my heart can survive the hurt of Ethan doing something to me like Brandon did. Not that I think he would cheat on me, but distance makes people act in ways they normally wouldn’t. How am I supposed to expect him to wait for me to figure out where I fit?

It’s like I’m being torn in two directions, my heart wants to stay but my brain wants to follow through with the plan, because I can’t possibly stay here for a guy, right? I can’t change everything, literally choosing to give up a great job and my old life for a guy I’ve been dating less than two months. That’s crazy, it’s the start of a cautionary tale.

He draws back gently and takes my face in his hand, peering at me intensely. The air feels thick, and I worry he’s going to tell me something bad. Something terrible. He’s never looked at me like this.

“Is everything okay?” I whisper.

“No,” he breathes. “It’s not okay.”

I suck in a sharp lungful of air. “What is it?” My voice is barely audible, almost as if I don’t want him to hear it.

His thumb glides slowly across my jaw, delicately, and it leaves me with a tingle running down my spine. “I’m in love with you.”

My heart soars, the words eager to tumble out. “I?—”

“Don’t.” He cuts me off before I can say it back. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to say it back. I’m not saying it to pressure you or to make you stay. I’m saying it because I can’t let you leave without you knowing that I love you. That I’ve been in love with you for a while, maybe since you bent that cute little ass over and huffed at me, trying to find your insurance.”

I laugh, but it mixes with the moisture pooling in my eyes. A tear wells over and rolls down my cheek, and his thumb brushes it gently. We stay watching each other for minutes, maybe an hour.

“What are we going to do?” I ask, my voice low.

He smiles softly at me, but it’s a sad smile. “You’re going to leave and I’m going to stay, but it’s not the end.”

I roll my lips, not liking but not hating his answer. “What do you mean?”

“I’m not going to beg you to stay, as much as I want to. I think you need to go back and figure out if Seattle is where you want to be, if that job is the job you want to have. And if it’s not, you come back home.”

“And if it is?” My heart stills, waiting for his answer—worried for his answer.

“Then I’ll recommend Elle for CEO and I’ll go back to working in the finance department at the Woodinville location.”

My head is shaking before he can finish the sentence. “You can’t leave just for me. Your family is here, your whole life is here. And you didn’t even like working in Woodinville.”

“You’re my whole life. I can be apart from my family, but I can’t be apart from you. So whatever you decide, I’m there. If it’s here, great. If it’s Seattle, that’s great, too.”

I groan, pressing my head back into my pillow. “Why can’t you tell me what I want?”

He chuckles, and it cracks some of the tension in my chest. “Baby, I can only do that in bed.”

The new year comes and goes, but it’s hard to feel like celebrating when every day that passes brings me closer to leaving. We spent New Year’s Eve in bed, memorizing each other’s bodies, even though neither one of us would admit it. Ethan’s always been affectionate with me, but lately he’s even more so. Almost as if he thinks I’m going to disappear on him if his hands aren’t on me. It’s getting to feel suffocating, if I’m being honest.

I’ve already made arrangements with Zoe to stay in her apartment. Apparently, she has a boyfriend now—who she met on a dating app—and spends most of her time at his place. She told me I was welcome to crash there for a couple of weeks before I find my own place. It’s like I’m back right where I started, still trying to figure things out while staying in someone’s guest room.

It’s Friday, my second to last day in Red Mountain, and I’m a wreck. I’ve been snappy all day, forcing Ethan to give me space, even when the last thing I want is space.

“You okay?” Ethan asks as I’m cutting up some lettuce for a salad.

“Yeah,” I say cheerily, faking it. “Why?”

His eyes look down at the lettuce on my cutting board then back up to my face. “It’s just that you’ve murdered that lettuce. It’s practically mush.”

I look down, and he’s right. Fuck. I set down the knife and walk out of the kitchen. I’m not hungry, anyway.

“What are you in the mood for? I can make you something else.”

“Will you stop!” I yell.

Ethan halts, watching me like I’m losing it. Maybe I am losing it. “Stop what?” he asks, quietly.

“Stop being so nice. Stop being helpful. Break up with me already. You know you’re going to. Maybe not at first, but you’ll work late or I’ll work late and then we won’t get to talk and then we’ll start fighting and resent each other. I’ll go out with coworkers, and you’ll wonder if I’m cheating on you. I’ll hear about some pretty blonde in town for a wine tasting flirting with you, and then I’ll think you’re cheating on me. We’ll have a big blowup fight, and it’ll be over. Might as well do it now and save us the pain from dragging it out.”

My chest heaves from the word vomit. Ethan is frozen, his eyes wide, and then before I know it, he’s wrapping his arms around me. He rocks us gently back and forth, rubbing my back soothingly.

“Where is this coming from?” He says it soft and gentle, like he’s worried I might break. He’s been incredibly patient, and I don’t deserve it—I don’t deserve him. “Why are you freaking out? It’s only a four-hour drive, and I’m already set to visit you two weeks after you get there.”

“I’m scared,” I choke out. “What if you forget about me?”

“I’m not going to forget about you. Stop freaking out. I’m this close to slipping you a beta blocker,” he jokes.

I burry my face against his chest, inhaling him deeply. “Promise me.”

“What’s that?” he says, still soothing my back.

“Promise me it’s going to work.”

He pulls away and cups my face, staring straight into my eyes. “I promise.”