Readjustment (Restitution #2)

11

Caleb Straus

This is the last time.

My cock swelled, the skin rigid and fiery in my palm as I ogled Adam’s naked form on my bed. The soft, diffused glow from the table lamp fell over his chest, accentuating the lines around his pecs. He rested against the headboard and the few strands of grey at his temples stood out against the black of his hair. He stroked himself lazily and licked his lips like a starving man staring down a feast.

Just one more time.

I crawled up Adam’s body, straddled his waist, and rested my forehead against his. My knees brushed the hard, smooth skin at his thighs, and he shivered as he took both our cocks in his grasp. The electric shock of pleasure made my hips jerk of their own volition, and his body responded with a jolt of its own.

“Baby…” His eyelids fluttered, and his staggered breath was a whisper against my lips. “I love how hard you get for me.” Another rock of his hips forced a whimper from me. “It drives me wild.”

Everything about Adam Dawson drove me wild. The way his lips swelled from my kisses. How he purred when I nipped the soft spot under his ear. The way he looks with sweat-heavy hair, crimson cheeks, and a sated smile. His fingers dug into my skin as I made a trail of kisses down his neck and over his chest, lingering over his nipples and navel with my tongue before licking the length of his cock. My fingers traced the deep V of his Adonis belt as I leaned down to suck the crown into my mouth, then pulled my lips off with an audible pop.

“Jesus, Caleb.” One of his hands landed in my hair, struggling to grasp the short curls.

I pulled away and gave him a sly smile. “You like that?” I sucked the tip harder and longer this time, and the salty, sweet taste of pre-cum coated my tongue.

Adam yanked my hair and forced me to look up at him. Smudges of red highlighted his pale cheeks, and every line of muscle from his chest to his stomach was tight and shaking with need. “You think?”

“Maybe.” I licked the slit of his dick again and his chin tilted up toward the ceiling with a sharp exhale. “I’ll have to do more research.” I sucked his shaft deep into my mouth, but this time I didn’t let up. My lips glided up and down the veiny length as he thrashed under my hands. I loved his unique taste, sweet and savory at the same time, like saltwater taffy. I’d have drunk him down for days if I didn’t have other plans for his cock. Adam made a primal noise, the pitch arching higher like he’d been caught by surprise when I twirled my tongue around his length. He writhed against the sheets, heels digging in and kicking until the fitted corners snapped off the mattress. Did Josh make him feel like this? Does he take his time? Make Adam beg for release?

“Caleb. Baby.” Adam’s hand clasped hard around my wrist, and when I looked up, he was panting. “I’ll come right down your throat if you don’t stop.”

He pulled me up and claimed my mouth, kissing me with enough fervor to make my toes curl. I ground my cock against him until he wrapped his arms around me and swept me onto my back.

“You’re so goddamn gorgeous.” He slapped the head of his cock against my abdomen. “I could come just looking at you.”

I moved my hips and moaned when my dick brushed his thigh. “I’d rather you come inside me.”

That leer shifted into something powerful and passionate, and sweat broke out across my chest. “Yeah,” he thrust once more against me, “me too.”

My skin crackled with anticipation as Adam fished the lube and condom from the nightstand. I was surprised sparks didn’t fly as he trailed a hand down my abdomen and teased his palm over my cock. I pulled my knees towards my chest, presenting myself as he got on his knees between my legs. He lubed his fingers, pushed one of my thighs to help me open for him, and trailed his thumb back and forth over my taint. He knew how much I loved that. The first finger slid in with ease, just teasing my nerve endings and stirring the warmth spreading outward from my stomach. The second one made me cry out as it reached the sweet spot. He smirked as he rubbed it, the pressure just enough to make my cock jerk and leak against my stomach.

“So tight.” Adam twirled his fingers, and I rocked into his palm. His brows drew tight, focused on his task as he pushed a third finger in, and I buried my face into my biceps with a wordless cry. “That’s it, baby.” He teased that bundle of nerves some more. Faster. Then slower. “Look at your cock.” He licked his lips and rubbed small circles over my prostate. On cue, my cock twitched, and more pre leaked onto my stomach.

He draped my thigh over his shoulder and bent in to take my dick into his lips. Fire spread through my core, leaving a trail of sparks on every nerve ending.

“Fuck!” The word tore from me and my eyes clenched so hard I saw stars. I struggled to breathe around the dual sensation of being fingered and sucked. No matter which way I moved, there was no escape. And I didn’t want to.

“There it is. Tell me what you’re thinking.” Saliva glistened on his chin, and his voice was hoarse.

“Need you.” Another curl of his fingers, another primal moan. “Wanna ride you.” The words came out quick and breathy. “Want you to fuck me—Oh God, please…”

Adam pulled his fingers out slowly, and the ache of being empty made my breath hitch. He kissed the inside of my knee, guided my leg off his shoulders, and slapped his cock against my thighs. “Since you asked nicely.” He picked up the condom, ripped the foil between his teeth, and rolled it over his dick before adding some lube.

I pulled my legs back further than before and closed my eyes as the mattress shifted under Adam’s weight. His breath quickened as the first inch of his flesh slid into me. He murmured something incoherent as he entered, slow and steady, until the warmth of his hips connected to my thighs. I relished the rigidness of the veins that throbbed inside me. How he was as desperate to be inside me as I was to have him there. Just as he got fully seated, he pulled back, then rocked forward slowly.

“I don’t want it to be over.” His head hung; watching himself impale me over and over. Each thrust slid deeper as my body relaxed. “Wanna do this forever.”

I covered my mouth as a choked sob joined my moans of pleasure. Had he meant that with his body, or his heart? At that moment, I didn’t want to know. The thought dissipated when he buried his shaft deep with a pleased murmur. He stayed there, leaning forward to plant kisses on my face and neck as I adjusted to his girth and depth.

“Ready to ride my dick, baby?”

“Fuck yeah.” We held each other and rolled until Adam was beneath me. I locked my hands behind my head and flexed my biceps as I swiveled my hips because I knew it drove him wild. His eyes shot open wide when I added a rocking motion, and he began to thrust up into me. We found our rhythm, and my body trembled like the fault lines inside were coming apart.

Adam cried out and frantically clawed into my flesh as I rode him with all I had. My dick slapped against his abdomen before he locked a hand around it and stroked it with the perfect pace. His body rocked and heaved, head tilted back as he cried out in pleasure, and I met each sound with a moan of my own.

“Oh God, you’re so good.” His hips thrashed hard, and the headboard banged against the wall. “So close, Caleb.”

I slowed my hips to a stop, slowly lifting myself off his cock. Adam gasped and looked at me with hooded eyes full of question.

“Fuck me.” I took his hand off my dick, rolled onto my back, and pulled my knees to my chest again.

Adam bit his lip. “Nuh-uh.” He crawled over me for a deep, hard kiss. When he pulled away, some of his hair had fallen over his forehead and sweat glistened in the valleys of his shoulders. His dark eyes were full of mischief as he twirled a finger. “On your stomach.”

I turned over and lifted my hips, grabbing handfuls of the loose, disheveled sheets to anchor myself. Adam moved behind me and scraped his nails up and down my back.

“So hot,” he said, as he spread my cheeks and rammed his cock back into me. “Wanna pump my seed so deep inside you.” He pulled out, then repeated the motion, but this time he stayed seated and brought his chest down to my back. “Gonna turn you on your side, okay, baby?”

My eyes stung. Whatever his behavior was out of bed, he was a thoughtful, considerate lover, who only chased his own pleasure after my own. “Mm-hmm,” I said with my bottom lip tucked in my teeth.

Adam snaked an arm under me and guided me to my side. He kept his hips still as his fingers traced the muscles in my core like he was touching some cherished prize. I closed my hand over his, eyes still on the cusp of tears when he began to move again.

“Fuck, you’re so tight.” He whispered and nipped at the join of my neck and shoulder. His warm, solid body shifted a few inches until he found the angle that made my eyes roll into the back of my head. Adam had mastered the art of balancing dirty fucking with passionate, deliberate love-making that kept my body and mind on edge. My thighs quaked with every scrape of his cock over my prostate, and I steadied my vision on the low mirror above my dresser to take in the scene. The contrast between our skin tones as he slid his leg between mine. The way he pulled my backside into his abdomen with such force it was hard to tell where my skin ended and his began. When I turned to look at him, I saw love, but also desperation in his eyes. Like a man hanging off the side of a cliff, knuckles white as he clung to the last thread between life and death.

I locked our fingers and indulged in the fantasy that I had the power to save him from the fall we both knew was waiting on the other side. I tried with all my might to stop my body from getting there.

But it was no use.

“Oh, fuck!” My lungs fought for air as he got his hand around my cock and started pumping it again. He added a twist on the upstroke and my balls drew tight. I gripped the edge of the mattress and watched the fever pitch of sweet agony sweep over his face until my vision got blurry.

“Come for me.” His nails dug into my pecs and the mix of pleasure and pain shoved me closer to the point of no return. “Need to see it.”

The pressure built and spread. My blood rushed to my groin, screaming for release. A strangled cry escaped, and the first rope of my orgasm was like pulling a release valve. The magic of it worked from my curling toes to the ends of my hair follicles, raising goosebumps along the way. My voice cracked as I moaned with each stream of come that pooled on the sheets.

“Gonna come.” The gravelly pleasure in his voice sent my orgasm into overdrive, and I moaned louder. “So good… So fucking good.” Adam’s cock kicked inside me with the force of his own undoing. He buried his face in my shoulder with a muffled scream. The arm around my waist tightened like a vice as his body stuttered, spasmed, then eventually relaxed.

Adam unwound from me, carefully pulled out, and I settled on my back beside him. I reached down, my right hand brushing his left, and he turned it over for me to hold. The hard callous where his wedding ring used to sit bit into my palm, and harsh reality entered our private world. Remorse washed over me like a wave, instantly chilling my sweat-slicked skin.

Adam’s lips were curved into a soft, relaxed smile that flattened as he met my gaze. Could the shine be wearing off? Is that why his fingers had gone limp around mine? He rolled on top of me and burrowed his forehead into my chest with a sigh that turned my insides into Jello. I rubbed his shoulders and kissed his head as we both returned to earth.

“I could fall asleep just like this.” Adam squeezed me tight, and his voice trailed off to whisper. “So comfortable.”

“I need to clean up.” I tapped his bottom and tried to buck him off, but I was still too spent. “It’ll only take a minute.”

He groaned as he rolled away. “Hurry back.”

In the bathroom, I cleaned off the stickiest parts of me. It’d do the trick until I had the energy to shower, but nothing could remove the feel of the callous on Adam’s hand. In one second, my joy had spiraled into despair. I tried to shake it off as I prepared a washcloth for Adam, but I couldn’t. For almost four weeks, Adam and I had been living a private fictional existence, like one of those snow globes I had when I was a kid. As long as it kept shaking, I could hide behind that artificial storm and pretend that the pride, safety, and purpose I’d found with Adam was real. But now all was still. The plastic snow had settled, and two truths revealed themselves: Adam was never going to leave Josh, and I couldn’t be his backup plan.

Jesus Christ, Caleb. I stared at my reflection as the sweetness of the evening faded to a familiar poison. It usually had the decency to wait for morning, but this time was different. Not because I swore it was the last time, but because when I looked in the mirror, I saw a stranger.

“Everything okay in there?” Adam called from the bedroom. “I miss you.”

I bent over the sink, gripped the edges, and let out a shaky breath.

“Sorry,” I said. “The hot water’s taking forever.” Tears stung my eyes as I ran my fingers over the red scratches on my chest. I told myself to wait, that maybe I was overreacting, but the truths I discovered came to life faster than I could create lies.

G had been wrong; this wasn’t heading towards disaster; the disaster was already upon me. I’d made it worse by pretending this was enough to make me happy when I wasn’t, and never could be. I didn’t want Adam for a few months. I wanted forever, but that wasn’t my decision to make.

This has to end.

If it didn’t, I’d start to resent him, then eventually hate him, and I couldn’t bear the thought of that. I’d still be his friend and support him, but I had to hold us both accountable and not get caught up in my own feelings.

But that was a problem for tomorrow. Tonight, I would take Adam in my arms and hold on to this last bit of warmth for all it was worth.

I took one last settling breath, rinsed the washcloth with hot water, and ignored my reflection on the way out of the bathroom. I handed Adam the rag, turned off the bedside lamp, and crawled in beside him. I took his face in my hands and kissed him, knowing this really was the last time.

“Hey Caleb?” Adam’s breath was warm against my shoulder as I stroked his hair.

“Yeah?”

“Just…don’t give up on me.”

I clenched my eyes and fought the tears and the painful lump that developed in my throat. I’d never give up on Adam, but I had to give up on us. Next to losing Ethan, it was going to be the hardest thing to send this man back to someone who’ll never treat him right.

I placed one more kiss on his head and fought for a steady voice. “I won’t.”