Reapers of the Dark (Cora Roberts #4)

Chapter 28

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Embrace the weird, or go mad.

I snore. I couldn’t believe it. Perhaps it was because my body was being invaded by a big shifter? Wow, I snore loud. I rolled over and came face to face with my aunt’s face.

“Tell me that’s not how I sound when I sleep.”

Hudson grinned. “I could, but lies are not a good foundation for our future.”

Rebecca butted her ass against my back and muttered, “Alexa, turn the lights on.” The vampire princess spoke nonsense in her sleep.

“This is impossible,” Sebastian grumbled from Rebecca’s other side. “There has to be a different solution.”

We were sleeping on the parlor floor like children having a slumber party, minus the snacks, giggles, and cheesy movies.

“We need sleep,” I reminded him. “In case my grandmother launches her war tomorrow.”

“Let’s not put that out into the universe,” Hudson grumbled.

“That would be bad timing,” Aunt Liz agreed.

Dayna and Dave were the only ones getting any sleep.

The birds outside sprang into their morning wake-up call, their excited chatter about the sunrise lost on the grumpy supernaturals. If anything, it pissed me off that they’d clearly had a good night’s sleep while I had watched the shadows on the ceiling dance. Now I was jealous of the birds. I put the heels of my palms against my eyes and sighed. It was no use now—sleep would have to wait. I crawled out of the pile of bodies and stood, stretching my arms toward the ceiling as I worked out the kinks in my back.

Hudson tilted his head. “Where are you going?”

“I need to pee, brush my teeth, and start my day.” There was so much to do, and pretending to sleep on the floor wasn’t achieving anything. I spun on my heel and stalked out of the room. The height difference was still a little disorientating. I made it up the stairs and into my apartments. Shower and toilet first. I unbuckled my belt and pulled down my zipper. Huh. It seemed Dangerous Dave preferred going commando. Oh. Oh no. Nope. Fuck.

I ran down the stairs and into the parlor, where everyone was still lying around.

Hudson’s brows rose at my semi undressed state. “What’s up?”

So many things were up that shouldn’t be. I pointed at my crotch. “That.”

Hudson blinked. “Explain.”

“I need to pee and it’s just there, semi erect. Why is it doing that?”

I was a doctor, so penises didn’t freak me out, but this was Dangerous Dave’s penis, and I wasn’t touching that.

“It’s morning,” Hudson drawled.

“Right, but it’s still interested.”

Sebastian snorted. “It’s not something we can control.”

I swiped a hand through my unfamiliar hair. “I need one of you to come hold it while I pee.”

“Not me,” Sebastian jumped in.

Hudson sighed. “I would prefer not to hold my best friend’s dick while my mate pees out of it.”

“Me too, buddy, but would you prefer your mate touch your best friend’s dick?”

He jumped to his feet and gave Dave a shake. The snores cut off. “What’s wrong? Are we back?” Dave snarled. Yikes, he was a grumpy morning person.

“Cora needs to pee, and she’s scared of your semi-erect dick.”

“It’s morning.”

I knew morning wood was a thing, but I underestimated how common it was.

“Right, but she needs to pee.”

“Fine,” Dave snapped and stood. He frowned at me and jerked his head at the stairs.

“This should be fun,” Sebastian said, his voice tinged with laughter. I froze and spun halfway to the next floor, finding a little train of nosy supernaturals in my wake.

I pointed at Dave. “Just him.”

Hudson folded his arms, and I rolled my eyes. “You can wait on the sofa.”

He tilted his head as he played through the different scenarios, then nodded once. My bathroom wasn’t big enough for three people to aid one penis in achieving relief.

“Spoilsport,” Sebastian grumbled.

A minute later, Dave and I stood in the bathroom staring at his dick. “Can I just stand over the toilet and aim without touching it?” I asked.

Dave pinched the bridge of his nose in a very Cora-like gesture. “No. That would be like peeing out of a tube man.”

I screwed my face up. “Messy.”

“Exactly. So I’ll hold it, and you just pee.”

I undid the zipper and frowned at it. It twitched. Umm.

Dave rolled his eyes and moved behind me. “Lift your arms up.”

I obeyed, and he reached around and grabbed his penis, aiming it into the toilet. Nothing happened.

“You need to release it,” he grumbled.

Right, that would be a me thing. Hudson chuckled.

“Not helping,” I shouted. I concentrated on waterfalls, free flowing fountains, and ocean waves. Nothing.

“Even for you, this is a new level of weird,” Dave muttered. “Think of downing a cup of coffee, followed by a glass of juice, and then some water.”

The pressure increased, and I relaxed as a dribble began.

“Put a little more effort in. I don’t want urine all over my hands, Cora.”

I did and sighed as the pressure decreased.

“Done?” he checked.

I nodded. “Yes, thank you.”

“Good, now we will never speak of this again.”

I spun and whacked his stomach with the penis I was responsible for.

“Can you put it away? Also, who doesn’t wear underwear? That invites chafing.”

He snorted as he zipped me up. “It’s a preference your aunt enjoys.”

“Ew.”

“Indeed. Now tit for tat, Cora.”

“I wear underwear, sorry.”

He arched his brow and nodded at the toilet. “I also need relief.”

Oh boy.

Lunchtime came, and we were still trapped inside the wrong bodies. Regardless, I had meetings to attend. Luckily, if our souls decided to revert, Dave and I would be in the same place, so the secrets of the Serpents of the Dawn would continue to be protected.

I stepped through the tear in the fabric of reality and gasped at the sky. Gone was the sunshine and heavy scent of flowers, and in its place was a bubbling storm that blotted out any light. That wasn’t a good sign.

I climbed the hill toward the table. Aira raised a brow at me and Dave as we took our seats. Right—we were in the wrong chairs.

Aunt Sophia chuckled. “Liz called to explain your little predicament. My niece needs to learn not to meddle with soul journeys. You’d think she would have learned her lesson after the last catastrophe.”

Dayna had done this before? Figures.

“I’m not following,” Aira said.

Lucifer appeared in his seat and grinned at me. “Niece, you are wearing the wrong body.” Aira’s mouth popped open as he turned his attention to Dave.

Dave shrugged. “I was an innocent bystander who got caught up in weird shit.”

Sure he was. I folded my arms and shifted my legs further apart while trying not to think about the chaffing. Nobody could pay me to take these jeans off to cover up Dave’s penis. If he wanted raw genitalia, then that was on him.

“Why didn’t you call me?” Lucifer asked.

I narrowed my gaze. “Why would I call you?”

He rolled his eyes. “Hello? My business is souls, and it didn’t occur to you to drop me a line so I could fix this?”

No, I had considered my father, but not Lucifer. Relying on the Devil more and more seemed like the road to ruin.

“I can put you back now,” he said.

I shook my head. “No, everyone back at the house is muddled up. It’ll be weird if Dave and I swap back.”

“Yes,” Dave drawled. “That’s what will appear weird.”

I shot him a look. “You wanna tell them how you had to hold your penis this morning?”

Sophia paused her crocheting, her lips twitching. “Yes, Dave, tell us more,” she said. Aira tried to hide her laugh behind her hand.

“Fine. After this, we’ll return and I can sort everyone out at the same time,” Lucifer stated. That was a relief. I’d had enough being Dave. “And anyway, I need to move into your house temporarily.”

Wait, what? No. “Are you remodeling your home or something?”

“No, but I have dealt with the most urgent issues in Hell and delegated the rest to my second. Right now, this situation with Eloise and Donn needs my full attention.”

“Find somewhere else to stay,” I said.

“I’ve already paid for my room.”

I would kill Maggie. It should not be necessary for me to explicitly state that we did not rent rooms to the Devil. Anyone could figure out that was a poor business decision.

“What happened with the House of Donn?” Aira asked.

I grimaced. “Donn isn’t really interested in Eloise. I believe using her was a means to get back to earth.”

“She’s leaving out the part where she gave them a vial of her blood,” Lucifer supplied.

My great-aunt smacked the back of my head. “Stupid child. You know better.”

“That’s what I said,” Lucifer muttered.

“That was their price for standing with us against Eloise,” I said, rubbing my head and scowling back at her.

“What, ten wannabe wizards? That was a poor exchange.”

“No, a thousand powerful mages.” Sophia’s eyes widened. See? It wasn’t so stupid after all.

“My sources tell me my sister is going to make her move in the next two days,” Sophia explained.

“What about the zombie thing?” I asked Dave. I hadn’t forgotten that their pack lands had been the target of a remnant gone wrong.

Dave tilted his head. “No more reports.”

That was good. Small wins and all that. Zombie apocalypse sounded so much worse than just a normal apocalypse.

Harry shimmered into existence, looking a little frazzled with messy hair and a loose tie. That was practically disheveled for my spirit friend.

“What happened to you?” I asked.

He grimaced. “I was checking on the town. Nothing new to report other than the residents continue to take it in their stride. The remnants themselves are subdued, apart from the odd one or two who take issue with the fact I have both of my souls.”

“They tried stealing your soul?” I growled.

Harry floated a little higher. “They tried but failed.”

That was a concern. We didn’t need ghosts trying to steal souls. “Did your sources say anything else?” I checked with Sophia. “Like how, when, or where?” The why was a moot point. She was a narcissistic bitch.

Sophia snorted. “No, but it might interest you to know there are two camps in The Order right now.”

“Go on,” Dave said.

Sophia put down her crochet and gave us her full attention. “One is the blindly loyal followers of Eloise. They believe she can do no wrong and would throw themselves off a cliff if she demanded it.”

“And the other?” Aira asked.

Sophia glanced at me. “The other is a quiet rebellion, but they are gathering numbers daily. They are dissatisfied with the direction Eloise is taking. They don’t support this route into a brand new world manipulated by her.”

“Seems like they have some common sense,” I replied.

Sophia nodded once. “Indeed, but they lack leadership and direction.”

Oh no.

“There’s no one else in The Order capable of leading?” Dave asked with a frown.

“There are plenty, but none powerful enough to stand against Eloise. It would be a suicide mission.”

“So they need an elemental strong enough to do so?” Aira said carefully as everyone slid glances my way.

“Spit it out,” I snapped. “There’s enough cloak and dagger shit happening in my world. So if you have something to say, just damn well say it.”

“Joseph Langley is leading the rebellion,” Sophia replied. Joseph was capable but no match for my grandmother. “And he’s requested a meeting with you.”

“They want to elect Cora as the new Order leader?” Lucifer said with a chuckle.

My head tilted back as I stared up at the moody sky and sighed. I was a bed-and-breakfast owner, doctor to supernaturals, and occasional murder mystery solver—not a leader. I didn’t want that pressure—there was enough going on.

“They do,” Sophia confirmed.

“It’s a bad idea,” I muttered. “I am a half angel with a deity problem.”

Lucifer stood and leaned his hands on the table to stare me in the eyes. The king of Hell was in charge, not my uncle. “You are an elemental who commands two of the four elements, and the daughter of an archangel with unfathomable power you haven’t begun to understand or tap into. You house the factions and unite them in the fight of their lives. You are a medical doctor. You are mated to the strongest shifter this generation has seen. The only person who doesn’t believe you are capable is you. You are a force of nature, Cora, and God help whoever stands in your way once you realize your own strength. The world will kneel at your feet and shudder in surrender. So stop clinging to the life you once held. It’s gone.”

I swallowed the knot in my throat. “I’m worried I will make the wrong choices.”

“That’s why you have us,” Lucifer said. “Trust us to guide you. Trust your mate. Trust your family. Trust your friends. You have enough checks and balances in your life to navigate the darkness without falling into it. It’s time, niece. No more hiding.”