Redeem Me (Beckett Brothers #2)

31. Ivy

Chapter Thirty-One

IVY

Caelon wasn’t joking. We spend the weekend at the hotel eating and drinking like royalty, then fucking everywhere and anywhere like carefree peasants. The place is bigger than the mansion in Malahide and every bit as opulent, inside and outside.

The hot tub is built into the ground at eye level with the lake, and is almost as big as the swimming pool, but twice as warm, which is why we’re in it for the third time in two days.

Caelon is different away from Dublin. Maybe it’s not having to worry about the kids. Or maybe it’s because he hasn’t bothered to look at his phone, let alone respond to any emails. Or maybe it’s because he’s away from the permanent reminders at home of all he’s lost. There’s a boyishness to him I haven’t seen before. Maybe this is the Caelon Isabella fell in love with.

‘I wish we could stay forever.’ I rest my chin in my palms and prop my elbows on the side of the hot tub, memorising every meter of the horizon. I want to be able to summon this scene for the rest of my life.

‘We could, you know.’ He sidles closer, placing his hand on the small of my back. ‘We could keep this for ourselves as a holiday home instead of opening it up as a hotel.’

My stomach flips. He’s talking like we have a future together.

Do we?

I know I’m the one who insists on not making plans, but given half the chance, I’d make plans with Caelon because I can’t imagine my life without him. Or without Owen and Orla.

‘If only.’ I turn to face him. However stunning the scenery, it has nothing on the man beside me. Droplets of water glisten on his sharp cheekbones and his eyes glitter like two onyx diamonds.

‘You’d probably get bored after a while,’ he teases, tugging at the string of my bikini top until it comes undone. ‘I mean, you’re young. You’d probably rather be in Elixir, dancing to Taylor fucking Swift and drinking cocktails than stuck here with me, right?’ The glint in his pupils proves he knows he’s talking utter bollocks.

‘I’m sure you could find a way to entertain me.’ I shrug. My bikini top flaps in the breeze, supported by only one thin string at the nape of my neck. ‘Unless you’re tired… Is keeping up with me depleting all your energy?’

He grasps my wrist under the water and drags my hand to his swimming shorts. ‘Does this feel tired to you?’

‘It feels like it needs some love.’ The words are out before I think about them. My big mouth strikes again. I tense, waiting for him to pull away, but for once, Caelon doesn’t flinch at the ‘l’ word.

‘It can wait.’ He releases his grip on my wrist and reaches for the remaining tied string, tugging it and tossing my top away. My nipples harden under his greedy stare.

‘You’re so fucking beautiful, Ivy.’ His palms reach for my breasts, kneading and squeezing while his thumbs circle my sensitive nubs.

‘You’re not too bad yourself.’ I inch closer, resting my hips against his, searching for friction. His face dips and his lips catch mine with a tenderness I’m not expecting. He moans into my mouth as I surrender to the sensation of his lips and tongue and the fizzing tingles blitzing through my body.

His fingertips skim lower, setting goosebumps over my skin before dipping beneath the water to pull the strings either side of my bikini bottoms. They float to the surface as I sink deeper into Caelon’s kiss, widening my feet as his hand travels between my legs. When I reach for his cock, he slaps my hand away.

‘Patience, Ivy,’ he murmurs. ‘Let me take care of you.’

‘No.’ I squeeze my thighs together, halting his hand. ‘Let me take care of you for once.’

‘Later,’ he whispers.

‘Now.’ I’m adamant, slipping my hand inside his waistband. ‘I want to worship your body, the way you worship mine.’ Our eyes lock and that tortured look creeps back.

‘What is it?’ I wish he’d open up to me. I’ve given him all of me, and he’s still locking a part of himself away.

‘I don’t deserve to be worshipped. I told you already, I’m not a good man.’ He shakes his head and rakes his fingers over his scalp.

‘I don’t believe you.’ I wrap my hand around his length and pump, watching as his eyes roll back in his head. ‘You’re a good man, Caelon. My man, and I want to make you feel good.’

‘You already do.’ He stills my hand with his. ‘Just being with you makes me feel good – better than I deserve.’

It keeps coming back to that one word.

Deserve .

‘Do you think you don’t deserve to be happy? Is that what this is about?’

He shrugs. ‘If only you could see the thoughts inside my head.’

‘Everyone deserves to be happy. Do you think you were put on this earth to be miserable?’ I reach up and cup the back of his neck, forcing his face to look at mine.

‘I’ve had my share fair of misery.’

‘And now you have me. We’re supposed to be making the most of the here and now, remember? So, let’s do it.’

He pauses for a second, a thoughtfulness clouding his ebony orbs. ‘About that…’

A sinking sensation settles in my stomach. Is this the part where he calls it a day? Maybe the ‘L’ word did terrify him after all.

Or maybe he’s got tired of fucking me six ways to Sunday.

He’s a hot billionaire who could have any woman he wants. Did I really expect him to settle down with me, the nanny?

I’m not putting myself down. I know what I am and what I have to offer. I also know that it might not be enough for a man like Caelon Beckett.

We said we’d have some fun. I told him I wanted his penis, not a marriage proposal. It’s not his fault my vagina and my heart are tethered together with an invisible string. I knew what I was getting myself into. Hell, I even knew, given half a chance, I could fall hard. And the thing about falling is that there’s always a risk of getting hurt.

‘I’m tired of sneaking around with you,’ he admits in a husky tone.

‘It’s okay.’ I slide my hand from his neck, but he catches it and places it on his sculpted chest. Beneath the smooth, hard muscle, the steady thrum of his heart flutters beneath my fingertips .

‘I think we should come clean to Dermot.’

‘What?’ My head snaps up.

‘You’re mine, Ivy. Sneaking around feels wrong, like I’m ashamed of what we have. I’m not. You waltzed into my life and lit it up like Fourth of July fireworks. You made my house a home again.’ The tortured look in his eyes switches to one of tenderness. ‘You’re not going anywhere at the end of the summer. You will come to James’s wedding with me. I want to give this thing between us a real shot, if you’re up for it, that is.’ A rare flash of vulnerability ignites in his pupils.

My heart slams against my ribcage in an erratic rhythm. Emotion squeezes the air out of my lungs.

‘If I’m up for it.’ A breathy laugh floats from my lips. ‘You could suggest we move to Antarctica, and I’d probably agree. I’ve been obsessed with you from the second you put your hands inside my panties.’

‘It always comes back to sex with you, doesn’t it?’ His face dips closer to mine until our foreheads are touching. ‘Horny brat,’ he whispers.

‘It does help that you’re particularly skilled in that department, but truthfully, I like being with you. Your house is the first one where I’ve felt at home. I’ve always enjoyed my job, but minding your kids has never felt like work. I adore them.’

He presses a tender kiss to my temple. ‘Which is why we should tell Dermot.’

‘Not yet! Please. He’ll freak out. I don’t want anything to taint what we have. I don’t want to cause a showdown. I don’t want you to have to choose between me and him.’

Caelon huffs out a breath. ‘It will be you, Ivy. Spoiler alert, I’m crazy about you. But he’s my best friend, my only friend, other than my brothers. I hate lying to him. My brothers know. The staff know. He deserves to know.’

His words are a balm to my soul, but from behind his rose-tinted glasses, he’s forgotten how protective my brother is of me. ‘He does – just not yet.’ Dermot will flip. I don’t want the pressure of that on Caelon, on our new relationship. I’m not ready to test its strength yet. ‘You’re not lying to him. It’s a tiny little omission – for now.’

‘There’s nothing tiny about it.’ His hands skirt over my waist. ‘I’d rather he heard it from me than saw it splashed all over the tabloids. We’ve already had one near miss.’

‘Let’s give ourselves a bit more time.’ I trace the lines of his six-pack.

‘Fine, but I’m going to plant the seed. That way, it’ll be less of a shock when the time comes.’

I refuse to waste the remainder of the weekend discussing my brother. I reach inside his waistband again. ‘The only seed you’re planting should be between my legs.’