Redemption Hills: The Complete Collection

12. Eden

TWELVE

EDEN

I stood rooted by the gate, hugging my arms over my chest with my eyes locked on the two of them moving to Trent’s car. Gage had his hand wrapped in his father’s, prattling away as he skipped at his side.

While a war waged within me.

God, my heart was nothing but a mottled, bleeding mess.

The barely healed over scars were trying their best to rip open wide.

There was a huge piece of me that wanted to chase after them like they were where I belonged.

All while old memories raged against it.

Waiting and waiting and waiting. The sky turning from blue to pink to gray before a Sheriff had pulled into the lot.

Gage climbed into the backseat and into his booster. His sweet voice was still a chatter that drifted on the warm air, even though I couldn’t make out what he was saying.

Trent leaned his towering, dark frame over his son, wisped a kiss to the child’s forehead.

The man was so tender and so rough that my knees wobbled where I tried to stand firm.

It was a vain attempt with the shockwave of intensity that ripped through the space when the man straightened and moved around the front of his flashy car, slaying me with a look that was a cross between anger and an apology.

His back against a wall.

I knew it.

Could feel it. His desperation in the way he’d flown into the lot, as if he’d been trying to outrun a ghost that had been chasing him down.

His eyes wild and his spirit frantic.

And I guessed I’d been trying to dodge a ghost of my own. Standing in this spot and waiting for someone I cared about to show and terrified they wouldn’t.

Care.

The realization punched me in the stomach.

I did.

I cared. So much and too fast, and I knew I was nothing but a fool for allowing myself to feel it.

So what had I done?

I’d let my own anger and confusion tear him down.

Accusations I shouldn’t have cast.

But I was having a harder and harder time making any sense of what I was feeling.

The outright protectiveness over a child that had long since crossed over the line of prudent. Beyond a student/teacher relationship.

How I felt tied up and bound to his father.

His father who stared at me from where he whipped open his car door, the man so tall and ominous and intimidating.

But those fierce eyes were filled with something I’d never witnessed before—hurt.

Hurt disguised as rage.

I’d hurt him with my assumptions because his protectiveness was wrapped up in his son, too.

Regret clamped down on my heart, and I hugged myself tighter as Trent slipped into the driver’s side and started the car. The engine was loud and powerful and filling the quiet with the chaos that he was.

Those wicked eyes watched me through the glass, glinting daggers that destroyed and decimated.

Regret slipped down my spine like a block of ice.

Cold.

I had to force myself to stand still. Force myself to remain in the spot instead of rushing out to beg him to stop so I could try to explain.

Explain I was believing too much. Seeing too much. Wanting too much.

That I was scared.

That I was broken.

That I was terrified he might be the only one who might be able to heal some of that.

God. I was terrified of it all. That it was wrong. A sin. That I was asking for the pain a man like Trent Lawson would bring.

His tires squealed as he jerked from the curb, like he needed to get away from me as desperately as I needed to get away from him.

Because I could feel myself stumbling in a direction I shouldn’t.

Dangerously close to tumbling over an edge and into an abyss that I knew nothing about. No idea of what I would find there. No idea what awaited at the bottom.

Hope or heartache.

And if it was the latter? I wasn’t sure I would survive that kind of fall. I had no solid piece remaining that could withstand that sort of breaking. I swore, I was barely holding it together as it was, these healing fractures more fragile than I wanted to admit.

There was no looking away when the car whipped out onto the street and accelerated. The white car disappeared long before the sound of the engine did, so I found myself standing there staring into the nothingness where they had been for far too long.

Long enough that I jolted like a lunatic when a voice suddenly shouted, “Boo,” close to my ear.

My heart leapt out of my chest, and I whirled around with my arms flailing.

Tessa, my so-called best friend, cracked up, bent in two and holding her stomach. “Oh my god, you are too easy, Eden Jasmine.”

I shook myself off, straightening my dress and the mess of emotions jumbled inside. “Ha, ha, ha, you’re hysterical.” I rolled my eyes at her.

She laughed harder. “You jumped like five feet in the air.”

“I did not.”

“Um…yes…you did, you know, since you were standing out here staring after your boss’s car for fifteen straight minutes after it disappeared, mouth watering like someone was dangling a piece of chocolate obsession cake in front of you and you couldn’t quite reach it. You were all grabby hands.”

Her hands grasped for thin air.

I grumbled a sound of denial. “I was just making sure my student got safely on his way home.”

Disbelief shot from her mouth. “Are you really gonna stand there and try to pull that off? Act like your belly isn’t growling for a little of that cake ?”

“He’s a man, not food.”

She jostled her shoulder into mine. “So, you’re saying you want him.”

“I didn’t say that at all.”

“You don’t need to when it’s written all over you. Your eyes are hungry, Eden. Real hungry. Like crazy hungry. Ravenous. Clearly, you’ve gone without for far too long. I’m actually concerned you might devour that poor boy.”

It was an all-out tease.

I scowled at her. She was worried for him? Had she seen him? No doubt, it was me who was in danger.

Her smile softened, her gaze taking me in, expression turning knowing. “You like him,” she prodded gently.

My lips pursed in a thin line, not sure how to respond.

“There’s no shame in that, Eden.”

A frown pinched my brow. “Isn’t there?”

I didn’t know why I thought it prudent to ask. What answer I wanted. I wasn’t even sure there was a correct one.

Tessa scoffed. “Um…half the population would be guilty if it were a sin. The man is stupid hot.”

I cringed.

With a wry grin, she nudged me again. “But you want him for more than all that delicious cake.”

I did my best to hold back my amusement, and my teeth clamped down on my bottom lip. “I have no idea what I want,” I admitted.

The teasing drained from my best friend’s face. “I think you do, Eden. I think you’re just afraid to reach out and take it.”

Emotion clogged my chest, and I had to look away, into the distance. I inhaled a cleansing breath and tried to keep the tears from brimming to my eyes.

A tender hand wrapped around my wrist, dragging me back to the here and now and out of the past that seemed as if it would never let me go. I swiveled my gaze to Tessa. To my best friend who’d been there for me forever. Through my joys and my sorrows.

“What if it hurts?” I wheezed the question, unable to hold back the heaviness of it. “What if I take a chance, and he doesn’t take one on me?”

What if he didn’t feel the same? What if he wasn’t spun up right then, wondering what it would feel like to give in?

What if he was as horrible as he claimed and destroyed me in the end?

Tessa’s lips tipped in affection, and she reached out and played with a lock of my hair that whipped in the gentle breeze, her voice as soft as the whisper of the wind. “And what if you don’t try, Eden? What if you never let yourself feel again? What if you spend the rest of your life guarding yourself from experiencing what you want, what you need, because you’re afraid, and you miss out on all the things waiting for you to take hold of them? What if you keep this beautiful heart from the rest of the world? What if you don’t take a chance? What then?”

My throat burned with it. With sorrow. With hope. “He and I are…”

“Opposites?” She grinned. “All wrong? He’s everything you shouldn’t want?”

I jerked an agreement. “I don’t even know him.”

And I had a feeling the list she’d checked off went much deeper than that.

That he was dangerous.

That there was a real part of him that was bad. Wicked. Unjust.

That his life was at odds with everything I wanted for mine.

All except for the way he was with that little boy. Except for the way he made me feel. The way he made me believe in something he kept insisting wasn’t there.

“Don’t let anyone tell you who you should love or what you should want, Eden. You get to decide that, and don’t you dare forget it. He may or may not be the one…”

She gestured her chin in the direction of the empty street before she flitted her eyes back to take me in. When she did, the blue was overflowing with emotion. “But you won’t know that until you try. Until you open yourself up. Until you go after what you want.”

I chuckled out a soggy sound. “That’s the problem…I don’t know what I want.”

“Liar,” she razzed, grin playing across her whole face. She leaned toward me and mock-whispered, “You want cake.”

I choked over a shock of laughter. “You’re ridiculous.”

Tessa tugged at my hand, walking backward as she started to haul me back toward the school. “You wouldn’t want me any other way. Now come on, your daddy asked if I’d seen you…he wants to talk to you.”

Crap.

It’d been more than a week since he’d come to my house saying he missed me. When he’d begged me to let him take on the burden. It’d been two days since I’d completely ignored that and taken all the cash I’d earned and put it against the outstanding debts.

Oh, was he going to have questions.

I had the urge to jump in my car and go hide under my covers. Maybe come down with a sudden, severe flu.

Tessa threaded our fingers together and pulled me up to her side as she swiveled around. Swinging our hands between us as she started to lead me back toward the offices in the main area of the school, she leaned in and murmured, “But I’m not letting you leave until you admit it…tell me you want cake.”

She was relentless.

Redness streaked to my cheeks, and I barely peeked her way, letting the confession slip from my tongue. “Okay. Fine. I might want a tiny taste.”

She gasped and slammed a hand over her heart. “You hooker.”

Playfully, I shoved her. “You jerk.”

She laughed like crazy until she sobered and took my hand again, pulling me close to her side. “I love you, Eden. I just want you to live again. Larger and freer than you did before. For your heart. For your happiness.”

I nestled my head on her shoulder and held on tight.

Faith brimming up from a spot I’d once thought dead. “I want that, too. So much.”

I was just terrified I was looking for it in the wrong place.

I was setting myself up for heartbreak. I knew it. I could feel it shivering around me, a low rumble of thunder in the distance as a storm gathered on the horizon.

As the wind began to stir and my heart began to beat.

I knew it in the barest touch. Knew it when I was held prisoner by those eyes.

I knew it, and I still didn’t know how to stop from chasing it.

After today? Trent Lawson just might hate me for implying he didn’t care about his son. And I wasn’t sure that was a fate I could bear.

I knocked softly at the door and peeked in through the crack. “Daddy? You wanted to see me?”

My stomach tightened as he looked up from the stack of papers where he sat behind the messy, cluttered desk. A weary smile took over his entire face. “Eden. Come in and have a seat.”

He gestured at the chair.

I entered, clicking the door shut behind me and moving to sit across from him. Somehow feeling like I was a little girl who’d been called to the principal’s office.

Nerves clattered through my being, and my movements were slowed, like any flinch or twitch might give me away.

I was pretty sure I’d already been incriminated.

Daddy removed his glasses and tossed them to the desk, rubbing his eyes before he rocked back in his chair and stared over at me, taking me in as if he hadn’t seen me in an age. “How are things, Eden?”

My chest squeezed. “I’m great.” I chuckled an indifferent laugh to throw him off whatever scent he’d picked up. “Same as I was this morning when you popped into my class.”

There.

Act like nothing was different. Play it off and things would turn out just fine for the both of us.

“How are things with you?” I asked. I fought the urge to fidget like I was guilty of a horrible crime. I was just afraid to my father, that’s exactly what it would be.

Still, he studied me with that kind, knowing gaze, though there was no missing the uncertainty that swam in the warm pools of green.

It was…unnerving the way he could see right through me.

He’d always had a way of sensing people’s distress. Of feeling it. Watching for it. Always there to offer support. A gentle ear and a kind word and so often the shirt off his back.

I imagined Harmony’s deception had hurt all the more since our daddy would have gladly given her his last dime had she asked for it. If she’d come to him and told him she was in trouble and needed help rather than swindling the roof from over our heads. Broken trust was one of the hardest things to mend.

He rested his hands over his stomach in a casual way and hooked his ankle over the opposite knee. “Things are looking up, Eden.”

I would have exhaled in relief except for the implication threaded through his words.

I forced a bright smile.

“That’s great.”

Play along. Play along.

Maybe he just wanted to talk to me about one of my students. Probably Myla who’d painted the kindergarten walls in marker before she’d moved on to poor little Ben’s shirt.

Only my daddy’s expression shifted in worry, an elbow going to the armrest and propping up his head as he searched me through the bright rays of light that streaked in through the high window. “Yep, they sure are.”

He sat forward, all business-like as he started to sift through the papers like he was going to find missing information.

“Such a strange thing, though…I called the bank to talk to them about being granted another extension, and they told me something interesting. They told me they’d already received a portion of the payment and an extension was unnecessary.”

“Oh, how wonderful!” I squeaked it way too loud, itching on my seat.

I was a terrible liar. Because my smile was so fake I was pretty sure my face might break.

“Is it?” he asked with a tilt of his head. “I know it was deposited by you, Eden. I know it wasn’t some random donation.”

Disquiet rustled, and this time I couldn’t stop myself from twisting my fingers.

I mean, seriously, did I think he wasn’t going to find out? Play it off as a helpful stranger when no one else knew but Tessa, the two of us, and the bank that was breathing down our necks?

“Daddy…I…I told you I was working on it. That I would help fix it. That you aren’t in this alone.”

The words started to rush in emphasis. In an appeal for him to understand.

It was true my daddy was the best man around, loved every single person, did his best to always look deeper and never to judge, but he was also about as traditional as they came.

Always hoping his children stood on solid, even ground.

And when Harmony had fallen? It’d only made him that much more protective of me.

The creases at the corners of his eyes deepened.

Devotion and worry.

His voice came as a soft plea. “I don’t know what that means, Eden. How?”

Dropping his head, he ran a flustered, shaky hand through his hair.

How did I tell him I was working at Absolution?

The club wasn’t the real problem, though, was it? The real problem was the path it had taken me down. A dark, dark path with Trent Lawson waiting at the end.

I was flying in a dangerous direction, destined for a collision, and didn’t know how or if I even wanted to stop.

He’d get one look at the man and he’d wrap me up and hide me away.

Daddy raised his attention back to me. “There was three-thousand dollars made against the debt, Eden.”

“Dad—”

“Money you deposited.” The words were thick when he pushed them out, and he started shaking his head. “How? Did you…sell something? Sweetheart, you can’t go without for the sake of?—”

“I picked up some shifts at a restaurant.” I cut him off before he started singing my praises the way he always did. Hell, he’d probably imagined I’d sold a kidney. “I’ve been working there for a while now.”

It wasn’t a total lie. Absolution did serve food.

Questions twisted his brow. “And made three-thousand dollars? It sounds like I’m in the wrong business.” It was almost a tease.

Affection pulsed through my being, my daddy always expecting the best of me. I clutched the arms of my chair, sincerity in my voice. “I don’t think it quite makes the same impact, Daddy. This…” I waved a hand in the air. “This place? It’s important. Really important. And I’m doing everything I can to make sure we don’t lose it.”

Sighing, he leaned back in his chair. “I know you’re worried about me, Eden…and God…”

His voice hitched on the emotion.

“I appreciate it more than you can know. I am so thankful I have you. Your support, your belief.” His head shook almost as fiercely as his voice. “It means so much to me. Means so much to this school. But this isn’t a debt you owe.”

“It isn’t yours, either.” Anger and hurt came out with the defense.

“Eden,” he whispered.

“Harmony stole from you, Daddy. From us. From the children here. The families.”

Agony spun through my being.

We’d had dreams of going to New York together. Of getting accepted into some prestigious dance school where we’d join a famous ballet.

We’d live our lives dancing and touring the world together.

But then our momma died when she was sixteen and I was fourteen. In a way, I’d lost my mother and my sister the same day.

I’d watched her plummet into darkness. Lose herself. I’d tried…tried so hard to be strong enough for all of us.

To let my daddy have his grief without the worry of my sister, praying I would be enough to see her through.

I wasn’t.

She’d left at eighteen. Had gone to Las Vegas to dance. Left me behind.

We hadn’t seen her once in all that time. Nothing but a few sparse calls and letters over the years.

Not until she’d shown one day out of the blue three months ago, all smiles and false promises and telling us she was never going to leave again. She’d convinced us she’d made a mistake, casting us aside the way she had, and she was home for good.

We’d believed her. Welcomed her with open arms. The prodigal child who’d been so desperately missed.

My best friend.

My greatest confidant.

The one I’d looked up to my whole life.

A week later, she’d been gone, her things packed, along with every last cent in the school’s and my father’s bank accounts, not to mention our mama’s jewelry she’d heisted like a common, vicious thief.

My spirit shivered with the pain because I’d hoped so desperately that she’d changed.

That my sister was home for good.

My daddy had been devastated when she’d disappeared.

Destroyed.

Ruined on top of it because he’d refused to call the police and turn her in.

And God, I loved her, too, but I refused to stand by and let him lose everything because of her.

It hadn’t been the first time money had gone missing from the treasury, either. Maybe I’d lost faith, become cynical, because I’d always secretly believed Harmony had been responsible even when there’d been no proof.

I inched off the chair, never quite rising to standing as I moved around his desk and knelt in front of him. I gripped his hand. “Daddy, your pain is mine, too. Your hurt. Your worry. Your debt . It’s mine, too. ”

He reached out and brushed his thumb across the tear I’d leaked. “That’s the whole problem, Eden…I don’t want you to hurt or worry. I want you to live the best life you can. Fully and without restraint.”

“I am living,” I promised, the words choppy. “Let me live a little for you.”

“I’m afraid that’s all you’ve been living for, Eden, all this time. For me. For this school.”

I wondered how transparent I really was. If he saw so clearly the way I ached. If he knew I tossed at night. Consumed by loneliness.

I squeezed his hand tighter and rushed, “I love it here, and I love you. I love the children. I love the dance classes and the Sunday school classes. All of it. You don’t have to worry. I want to do this. I want to help.”

“But you deserve more than giving your entire life to this school, Eden, and then turning around and spending your nights working at a restaurant.”

He brushed his thumb over the dark bag under my eye. There was no hiding the exhaustion from the lack of sleep. His voice shifted into dread. “I have this feeling, Eden, this feeling that there is something you’re not telling me. That you’re taking a risk you shouldn’t.”

“I’m fine.” I breathed it.

God. I definitely was transparent.

He ran his fingers through a lock of my hair, tucked it behind my ear, his eyes full of a plea and adoration. “I already lost one daughter. I can’t lose another.”

“Daddy…”

His anguish speared me.

“You’re all I’ve got left,” he whispered on his grief, and I sat up on my knees and hugged him as hard as I could.

“I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to worry. That’s the whole point of me working extra…so you can focus on the people who rely on you. The ones who actually need you.”

He pushed to standing, taking me with him. His arms were strong around me. Rocking me and holding me. The same way as he’d always held me as a child.

My hero.

My strength.

The one who had always been there for me, no matter what. No judgement. Just love and belief.

“I want the world for you, Eden.”

“My world is right here.”

“I know you want more than this.”

“I’m happy,” I whispered.

He breathed a soft sound into my hair. “You’re content. But I know. I know, sweet girl. I know you ache for more. And I pray every night that you find it.”