Redemption Hills: The Complete Collection

8. Aster

EIGHT

ASTER

I emerged from the bedroom at six, wearing black leather pants, a purple sweater that was slinky and loose but hung just right, and a pair of knee-high heeled boots.

I had a heavy gray wool coat draped over my arm and a handbag that was mostly empty slung over my shoulder.

If there was something to be said about Logan Lawson, he had really good taste.

Coming to the end of the hall, I stalled.

My nerves rattled.

Logan hadn’t given me a whole lot to go on other than he had a family thing .

A family thing.

Anxiety bristled beneath my skin. Like, with his brothers? Their families?

The little boy’s face tickled the back of my mind. The sweetness. The way Logan had looked at him.

Undoubtedly, the child, Logan’s entire family, was a huge piece of his world.

I got it.

I just wasn’t sure why he wanted to share it with me.

The only thing I knew was I felt his attention like a landslide when I stepped out from behind the seclusion of the hall and into the main room.

Logan looked up from where he stood at the end of the island typing something on his phone.

The man was so disgustingly gorgeous in his fitted suit.

Intimidating.

Jaw-dropping.

Those eyes flashed as they took me in.

Copper and green.

Stony.

Malachite.

Though tonight they were far from opaque.

They glinted in the flames that leapt in the fireplace.

Scorching rocks that could sear me through.

Fiddling with the hem of my sweater, I glanced down at what I’d chosen. “Is this okay?”

“It will do.” His tone was grit.

He pushed from the island and came my way.

A slow prowl, a monster testing its prey.

He stopped a foot away, and he tipped up my chin, deceptively soft. “They say the devil is so beautiful you wouldn’t be able to look at him if you saw him in his original form.”

My insides quaked. I was pretty sure he had our roles reversed.

“And you have a hard time looking at me.” Still, I let him have the perception.

I ached that he was right there, so close I could touch him, though I knew how dangerous it would be if I did.

He leaned closer, his presence destroying all sense, his voice a rough scrape he released at my ear. “The fucking problem is I can’t seem to look away.”

A whimper crawled my throat and chills flashed across my skin.

He inclined closer. “Is that what you are, Aster? The devil? Here to tempt me? Lead me into sin?”

“Ironic since that’s what I’d always thought about you.”

When it’d come to Logan Lawson, I’d always done the exact opposite of what was expected of me.

His thumb caressed the length of my cheek, the hard, chiseled angle of his jaw clenched.

In restraint.

In disgust.

I couldn’t tell.

“Maybe because we both were born in the pits of Hell.” It left me like some kind of surrender. Or maybe it was an out for both of us. A reason for the pain.

He kept sweeping the pad of his thumb along my jaw.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

“We were supposed to escape it together.” That time, his words gritted with spite.

The bitterness I couldn’t seem to get over boiled inside. I almost demanded to know how much he’d sold the stones for. If he understood what it’d cost.

Instead, I let the resentment bleed out. “It seems like you’re doing pretty well for yourself to me.”

It was me who had been left behind.

I could hear the grinding of Logan’s teeth. “You don’t know anything about me.”

He was right.

I didn’t.

Not anymore.

All except for this connection that still felt so alive.

Except for the torment, the mischief, the loss, the sweetness that I saw play in his eyes.

He suddenly straightened and moved away from me so quickly that I stumbled forward a step, not even realizing I’d given myself over to his hold.

A shattered breath heaved from my lungs as he moved for the door, the man ignoring that every second of this push and pull was wrecking me.

“We need to go. My brothers will have my ass if I don’t show on time.”

“Both of them will be there?” I asked on a worried breath.

He chuckled out a rough sound. “What, are you scared?”

Um, his brothers were terrifying, but that didn’t have anything to do with it.

“Maybe it would be better if I stayed here.”

He was back to touching my face, his voice this low, growl of a promise that shook me to the core, even though it was clearly meant to be a tease. “Don’t worry, Aster, I’ll protect you. You keep forgetting I take care of what’s mine.”

Logan whipped his car into the parking lot of a—my head jerked around to read the sign—Christian elementary school.

I could feel the confusion claw its way across my face as my attention jumped back to Logan.

Seriously, what in the world was happening?

He didn’t even glance at me as he drove through the packed lot in search of an open spot, which by the looks of it, we were going to have to park along the street.

Apparently, most of Redemption Hills had shown for whatever this family thing was.

I’d thought it would maybe be a dinner. Or more than likely, a deal…the dirty kind dealt in dingy backrooms of seedy clubs or maybe in upscale basements like last night.

My chest squeezed as I watched the droves of families weave their way across the lot toward the main buildings, bundled in their jackets and scarves, their cheeks pinked and excitement filling their eyes.

Logan drove around the side of a building to another lot around back where he finally found an open spot tucked between a minivan and truck.

When he killed the engine, a swath of silence took over the cabin, and the man stared out the windshield at the flurries of snowflakes that fluttered from the darkened heavens.

Tension stretched thin.

Questions that swelled and taunted.

Old hopes and long-dead dreams.

It was insane being so uncomfortable with a man who had once been my refuge.

Finally, he glanced over at me, his tongue sweeping his lips in a rush of agitation, as if he’d just then thought better about bringing me here. “My niece and nephew have a dance performance to kick off the holiday season.”

It was December 2 nd .

Clarity moved through my consciousness, this whole thing coming to make sense. Except for the part of why he’d brought me with him.

“Okay.” I stared at him, my response not quite a question but begging him to fill in the blanks.

“My family is the only thing that matters to me. Everything I do, I do for them. I will sacrifice anything for them. Reject anything that might bring them harm…or crush it before it has the chance.” A warning lit behind it. His chest vibrated like he was dealing with his own dread.

I knew his statement was his truth.

“I understand.”

“Do you?” That ferocity pierced me in the heart.

I swallowed down the disquiet.

“I do.”

Because he was supposed to be mine, and I’d been living that stark, gutting truth for the last seven years. Sacrificing it all to protect the one that mattered to me.

He gripped the side of my face, so out of the blue my mouth dropped open at the blaze of his palm against my skin. “And here you are.”

I guessed the reality of what I was asking of him had finally penetrated his hardened exterior.

I gulped the trepidation down. “My father promised time. Promised he would allow me this. Here. With you. I have until the New Year. Thirty days. He told me he would order Jarek to stand down.”

Logan let go of a disbelieving sound. “You don’t actually think that pompous prick takes orders from anyone?”

“From my father, yes.” My spirit shook, hoping it was the truth. “Why don’t you take me back to the apartment, though? There’s no reason to drag your family into this.”

Logan leaned farther over the console. All menace and power, the words razors that cut through flesh. “Is it wrong I don’t want to let you out of my sight?”

“You don’t have to protect me.”

His hand spread farther across my cheek. “I might hate you, Aster, but I see your fucking pain. I know you’ve been hurt. So don’t fucking tell me you don’t need protected, even if what you need protected from is yourself.”

My breaths were ragged when he suddenly pulled away and climbed from the car. I was still stuck in the same spot when he opened mine and extended a hand to help me out. “Come with me.”

I obeyed, tried not to whimper when he pulled me against the hot, hard planes of his body as I was struck with a blast of frigid cold.

He balanced me on the slick, frozen ground. “Are you good?”

No.

Not even close.

I gave a quick nod, and he returned his hand to the small of my back as he guided me to the main doors.

Logan dug into the inside pocket of his suit jacket, pulled out two tickets, and presented them to the man accepting them at the door.

“We’d better find our seats.” Logan took my hand and hauled me inside. He wound us through the crowd, and I struggled to keep up as we moved across the lobby and through another set of double doors into a multipurpose room.

The second we stepped inside, the overhead lights dimmed, and people rushed to find a place to sit.

Metal chairs had been set up in long rows, and one aisle ran down the middle leading to a stage at the base of them.

Strings of twinkling white Christmas lights were strung from the ceiling, casting the huge room in a festive ambiance. Decorated trees lined the walls, carols played overhead, and a buzz of excitement filled the air.

Every once in a while, I could hear the squeal of a child from backstage.

Logan’s hand twitched on my back, as if he felt the sting of it, too. But I knew he didn’t come close to understanding what that pain really meant.

How I had to guard myself from getting swept into a fantasy I would never get to live.

A speaker squelched, and a spotlight lit the black curtains that shrouded the stage that was elevated by three feet.

An older gentleman walked out in front of them, a microphone in his hand and a smile on his face.

Logan continued to lead me down the middle aisle as the man began to speak.

“Welcome to this year’s holiday performance. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Gary Murphy, the owner and director of the school, and I cannot tell you how excited we are to have you here this evening. The children have been working incredibly hard to put on this wonderful show for you, and I know you are going to be wowed.”

Everyone clapped.

Anxiousness tightened my lungs as Logan moved all the way down to the front row before he ducked to avoid the spray of a spotlight as he angled for two remaining seats about five chairs in.

My head was lowered like I could hide, too, and I almost breathed out in relief when Logan plopped me onto a chair and slipped onto the one next to me on the left, only that breath hitched in my throat when I saw who sat on the other side of him.

Trent Lawson.

I’d caught sight of him only for the barest flash this morning when I’d been following behind Logan, but I’d ducked out of view so I wouldn’t be discovered.

The man had always been terrifying. A cold current running through his blood and hardening his nearly black eyes. He came with a reputation.

A ruthless one.

Tatted from head to toe, the colors swirled out from beneath his clothing to cover his throat and hands.

Only now, those hands held a newborn baby tucked in a swaddled bundle against his chest.

Every cell in my body shivered. I tried to rip my attention away, but my eyes traced the precious form, my spirit aflutter, my heart in my throat.

Finally, I managed to jerk my eyes from the child only for them to tangle with Trent’s.

Obsidian eyes were wide with shock.

They turned to daggers when he focused them on Logan.

“What the fuck?” he mouthed.

Discomfort blazed.

I wasn’t surprised by the warm welcome .

I knew my name.

I’d worn it like royalty, when really, it’d been nothing less than a cattle brand. Burned into my flesh. Nowhere to go, nowhere to run, not until the day I was slaughtered.

“What’s up, man? You look happy to see me,” Logan whispered back like a razzing to his brother. “Do you remember Aster Costa?”

He hugged me to the side of his chest like we’d remained the best of friends. “A real long time, right?”

“Not long enough.” The grunted words left Trent on a growl.

Nervousness chattered my teeth, the freezing cold from outside dropping by thirty degrees.

This was bad.

Still, Logan just smirked the biggest smirk I’d ever seen and sat back in the chair, looping his arm farther around my shoulders and kicking an ankle onto the opposite knee like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Arrogance rolled from him in waves.

Crashed into me as heat.

I itched, shifted on the hard metal chair.

He pressed his nose into my hair and breathed out, “Relax. I’ve got you.”

“This is a bad idea,” I mumbled back.

He laughed a cocky sound. “All of mine are, Aster.”

He pointed at the older man who was still giving his welcome, Logan’s voice held just for me. “That’s Gary, Eden’s father.”

A question furled my brow.

Logan almost laughed like he was just catching up on the fact I knew nothing about anyone he was talking about.

“Eden is Trent’s wife.”

“Oh.” My lips formed it almost silently. There I sat, taking in the details as if I were the unwelcomed, second wife at her first family dinner.

Gary continued his introductions. “I just want to say how much we appreciate everything you do for this school and this community. We couldn’t do what we do without you. Most of all, we couldn’t do it without my daughter, Eden, our show director and producer.”

An affectionate chuckle left him as a blonde head peeked out from between the part in the curtains and waved.

The crowd cheered and she ducked back in.

I peeked back Trent Lawson’s way. My pulse thugged when I saw who sat on the other side of him.

Jud Lawson.

Logan’s other brother. He had always been a beast of a man, but different than Trent. Softer, maybe, easier to laugh, though it would be a mistake to believe he wasn’t every bit as savage.

It took me a second to notice he had his hand twined with another on his lap. A woman sat beside him, her attention rapt on the stage.

“Now, without further delay, enjoy the show…” Gary waved toward the curtains and the spotlight blinked out.

A second later, it flashed back on to the curtains sweeping open. It revealed a set made of painted cardboard, a winter wonderland of white paper confetti and silver stars that were strung from the rafters.

“Here we go.” Logan murmured it at my ear as if I were in this with him. As excited as he.

I shouldn’t be.

I should guard myself.

If I were smart, I’d get up and leave.

Because I thought maybe I was in more danger than ever when my spirit lightened in a wash of Logan’s joy when Eden showed from the right side of the stage, wearing a black tutu, tights, and pointe shoes.

A row of little angels followed her out.

They spun around, trying to hide their giggles and shy giddiness as they looked out on the audience in hopes of seeing their families.

People oohed and aahed as Eden led the children through a simple dance.

Mostly the Lawson brothers who shouted and cheered when an adorable little girl with two-black buns on the sides of her head came forward and did an off-balance pirouette.

“Go, Juni Bee,” Logan shouted. “That’s my girl.”

He tapped my thigh, whispered close to my ear, “That’s Juniper, Jud’s wife’s daughter. His too, really, even though not by blood.”

“She’s beautiful.”

“Prettiest girl in the room.” Then his voice dropped, turned wicked, wrecked me in an entirely different way, “Except for you.”

I wanted to beg him to stop. To tell him I couldn’t deal with this. That this push and pull was killing me. The gravitation and the disgust. The hatred and the echo of a star-crossed love.

The little girl giggled and blushed and skipped back to the line before three drummer boys joined the group on the stage, marching and beating toy drums.

My spirit did that erratic thing when I saw Gage, the same boy from earlier today, so proud as he drummed to his own beat.

I tried to hold back the rush of affection I felt just witnessing the scene.

An outsider who wouldn’t last dipping her toes into the impossible.

This was so incredibly foolish.

So perfect and so uncomfortable.

So right and so wrong.

I had to wonder if it was just another way Logan had in mind to punish me. If he wanted to toss in my face what I’d missed.

Didn’t he get it?

I already understood I’d missed out on everything.

The loss was profound.

Deep and dark and perpetual.

One class would go out only for another to enter, the performance a mesh of ballet, carols, and small acts.

Each time, Logan seemed to draw me closer. As if in the whimsical fantasy, in the enchanted darkness, he’d forgotten that we were supposed to be enemies. As if he’d slipped back to the time when loving him was a sin but the only thing I’d ever done right.

The show was endearing. Filled with simple joy and Christmas spirit. I did my best not to get swept in the simple triumph of it. In the sweet innocence.

Impossible.

It was bottled in my chest like a shaken concoction. A chemical reaction.

Logan and family and regret.

Hope and warmth and joy.

It grew thicker and thicker with each minute that passed.

It was funny that I’d all but forgotten that Christmas was less than a month away, that it hadn’t mattered, not any of it, not until right then.

“Sweet, isn’t it?” he murmured, though it was tinged in sadness, and his hand slipped free of my shoulder only to thread with my fingers on my lap. He squeezed so hard I had to wonder if he needed to make sure I was real. “That right there, Aster. That’s what I was talking about. That’s what matters.”

He glanced at me.

I got stuck there.

In the man who right then looked so familiar.

My heart panged, and by the time the children piled out onto the stage with their teachers, Eden and her father in the middle, all of them taking a bow, tears clouded my eyes.

The crowd was on their feet for a standing ovation.

I was on mine, too.

Luckily it was expected because there was no chance I could remain sitting. I doubted I could remain standing there, either, not when the overhead lights flipped on, and I suddenly felt as if it were me who was standing in a spotlight.

Once the applause wore off, Trent and Jud both looked between me and Logan.

What did Logan expect me to do now?

Play along that we were old friends?

That we’d kept in touch?

What did they even know about us?

Discomfort shifted my feet as I stood under the force of Trent’s glare and the uneasiness of Jud’s watch.

Logan wrapped his arm around my waist and cinched me close, his smile all easy cockiness and no shits to give, as if the man had stepped into a different persona in front of his brothers.

But I felt the undercurrent of severity in his hold.

“All I’ve got to say is my niece and nephew are superstars. I mean, we know they get it from me, but still, superstars. Both of them are going to grow up to be just like their uncle Logan. Awesome knows awesome.” Logan grinned wide as his ridiculous claim flooded out.

Trent gently bounced the infant against his chest, kissing the top of her head as he sent a grunt at his youngest brother. “In my worst nightmare,” he grumbled.

Logan cracked up, pulling me tighter like I was his lover and not his enemy. “Hey now, that’s just rude. Why you gotta be so mean? I’ve obviously rubbed off on your kid. Did you see him up there? You know he didn’t get that shit from you.”

He pressed a kiss to my temple right after he said it.

My knees knocked. Clammy discomfort clashed with the warmth.

What the hell did he think he was doing?

Trent’s gaze followed Logan’s attentions, his eyes narrowing in speculation. “Aster Costa. Have to say, I’m surprised to see you.”

We weren’t friends.

We weren’t even acquaintances, really. I’d known him from a distance and his reputation and the love Logan had for him.

That was true for all Logan’s brothers.

Both the two still living and standing in front of me and the one they’d lost.

Logan laughed again and shook me around. “Seriously, can you believe it? I ran into Aster here last night, and I thought she should stick around so we could catch up. What luck, right?”

He sent me an overzealous smile.

“Hmm,” was all Trent managed as he lifted the baby higher and pressed his mouth to her head.

Jud cast a cautious glance at Trent before he rounded him and came my way. Nerves shook the ground below before a surprised squeak left me when he suddenly curled me in his massive arms.

At first, I wanted to fight him, but it took only a flash to recognize his embrace was kind, though somehow filled with reservation. “It’s good to officially meet you, Aster.”

“You, too.” I had to force the words out around the lump in my throat.

He tugged the woman who’d sat next to him up to his side.

She was stunning, curvy with a black bob that touched her shoulders. She wore a fitted sweater dress that went all the way to her ankles, a slit up to the knee on the side.

Jud slipped his hand around to her waist, his other going to the tiny bump that barely showed on her belly. “Aster, this is my wife, Salem.”

She stepped forward and shook my hand like we were going to be the best of friends. “It’s really great to meet you.”

She gently smacked Logan’s chest. “Tell me what you’re doing with this guy?”

“Hey, now, hey. Is that any way to treat your favorite brother-in-law? So rude. And here I thought you loved me.”

Laughing, she curled her arm around his waist. “You’re lucky I do, that’s for sure.”

Her smile was playful when she shifted her attention to me. “This one, I tell you, you have to watch out for him.”

“Oh dear Salem, what is this nonsense you say? We all know there’s no looking away from me.” Logan gestured at himself, all tease and arrogance.

The undercurrent of the vapid grin he sent me knocked my knees again, one that promised he was right there, that he wasn’t looking away from me, either, that he knew this was difficult, but he was asking me to do it with him, anyway.

The why was what I didn’t get.

Why not just hide me away for thirty days? But the newfound glint that speared me from that gaze made me wonder if he were contemplating how much it might cost to keep me.

“Ah, here come our superstars.” He gestured toward the side of the stage.

Trent’s wife, Eden, all but floated our direction. She held Juniper and Gage’s hands.

“Holy cow, that was amazing!” Logan shouted as they let go of Eden and came bounding our way. “Like, seriously epic. I see Tonys in our future. Broadway, baby.”

Logan shook his arms in the air like he was catching a dream.

“Right, Uncle, right? I was the best drummer in the whole wide world, right?” Gage bounded across the floor, words flooding from his mouth the entire way.

“Heck, yes.” Logan swept him into his arms. “Seriously, so good. Or maybe it’s a rockstar I see in our future. Those were some wicked drum skills.”

“Wicked?” The little boy scrunched his nose.

My fingers tingled while my feet itched.

Trent grunted again. “Keep it up, man, keep it up.”

“Prepare yourself.” Logan grinned. “This one right here has entertainment in his blood. I can feel it, and you know I’m never wrong.”

Trent rolled his eyes. “Never.”

The little girl was right behind. She went for Jud, and he tossed her into the air then caught her. “There’s my angel.”

She beamed at him when he hooked her to his side. “What’d you thinks, Motorcycle Dad? Do you thinks I’m gonna go to Russia and do all the dances in the ballet?”

“Absolutely, Little Bee,” he promised, pressing a kiss to her chubby cheek.

My head spun, my spirit abuzz as if I was tossed headfirst into the chaos of this close family.

Floundering through the fullness of it.

“Who’s that?” Gage smiled at me with a tilt of his head.

“You’re looking at one of my oldest friends, Gage. Her name is Aster.” Logan watched me with something I couldn’t decipher.

Energy lapped between us.

A tiny thread that weaved and grew.

If I wasn’t careful, it’d become more powerful than the two of us.

This pull I needed to ignore.

If I were smart, I’d run up the aisle and disappear forever because I’d bitten off more than I’d bargained for.

Logan was already too much.

Toss the rest of his family into the mix?

I gulped and tried to pin on a smile when Logan’s sweet niece piped in, “Oh, friends are the bestest and the most important in all the whole world except for the families. Is she your favorite friend, Uncle Logan?”

“She used to be. I keep wondering if there’s a chance she might be again.”

Redness flashed, climbed my chest and my cheeks.

This was bad.

So bad.

“Well, you look like a really good kind of friend to me, Miss Aster,” Gage cut in. “Like the kind you get to marry when you get older and you love forever and ever. Just like I love Juni Bee to the highest mountain and I’m gonna marry her when I get big.”

“But no kissin’. Blech.” The little girl’s nose curled in disgust.

A rustle of laughter moved through the adults.

Logan set Gage onto his feet and ruffled his hand through his hair. “Sorry to break it to you, Gage, man, but Juni here is now your cousin since her mom married your uncle Jud. You’re going to have to pick a new wife.”

“No way, nuh-uh, not a chance.” Juni furiously shook her head.

Affection wrapped me. A stunning amount of it. They were adorable. So sweet.

“These two.” Eden was suddenly in front of me, sweet amusement playing through her expression. “Aster, I’m Eden. I belong to this one.”

She sent a sultry smile toward Trent.

“That’s right, Kitten,” he grumbled.

Apparently these Lawsons had no issues staking claims.

“It’s really nice to meet you,” she said.

“It’s nice to meet you, too,” I floundered, trying to hold it together. “The show was beautiful. I loved every second.”

A squeal rang from behind us. “Um, hello, did you all see that? My babies made me proud!”

I swiveled to see a woman I recognized from the performance come racing up. She was dressed as a snowflake, which kind of fit her considering she was as pale as the snow, though her hair was flaming red, her face covered in a smattering of freckles.

“Yes!” Gage gave her a high five. “Auntie Tessa, did you see how good I did?”

“Oh, you bet, I did. You two made the show.” She pointed between Juni and Gage. “Well, and of course my third-grade class, they were pretty spectacular if I do say so myself.”

Then she gasped when she noticed me, whirling around to take me by the hands. “Who are you? I’m Tessa…these bitches’ BFF.” She jutted her chin toward Eden and Salem.

Salem laughed. “Well, I guess we claim her.”

Feigned horror rocked from Tessa’s mouth while she squeezed my hands as if I were a part of their group when I’d never felt so much like the odd man out.

“Don’t listen to her for a second. She loves me. Like, mad, mad love. So, who are you?”

Her eyes gleamed as she looked around me at Logan who stood so close I felt as if I were being sucked his way.

Pulled into his orbit.

Gravity.

I didn’t have time to answer before Juni shouted, “She used to be Uncle Logan’s favorite friend, Auntie Tessa, but not anymore, but maybe one day they can gets to be again.”

I stood there shifting my feet, feeling as if I’d gotten hit by a landslide. An avalanche. This close-knit group a balm that could never soothe.

Because the loneliness ached and the vacancy echoed, and I realized, standing there in the midst of them, that I’d forced my way into a place I didn’t belong.

“I, uh, think I need to use the restroom. I’ll meet you at the car?” I asked Logan as if it wasn’t a big deal, even though I was sure they could hear the undercurrent of panic.

I was itching to flee.

His eyes darkened.

Malachite sparks.

He frowned then murmured, “Sure. I’ll see you in a minute.”

Forcing a smile, I lifted my hand in a slight wave. “It was great to meet you all…and to see you again, Jud and Trent,” I fumbled.

Then I turned and fled. Pushed up the aisle through the crowds still gathered.

The families that loved.

The hope that shined.

And I wondered…wondered if I would ever truly find it for myself.

I wound through, trying to keep my cool as I pushed into the restroom and locked myself in a stall. I pressed my forehead against the cold metal door in an attempt to squelch the fire that was eating me from the inside out.

Pain crushed my chest, and jagged breaths wheezed down my throat and into my lungs.

I hated it. Hated all that had been lost.

A tear slipped free, and I swatted at it, refused it because I wasn’t weak.

This was about a new path.

A new destination .

It hovered out in front of me.

The tease of a dream.

The scrawling of beautiful words. Promises made in vain.

There is no place my heart won’t find you. My North Star.

But where would it leave us in the end?

Stumbling out of the stall, I went to the sink and splashed water on my face. Then I forced myself to suck down the riot of emotions, and I slipped back out into the lobby.

I squeezed through the crowd, mumbling, “Excuse me,” as I went, and I welcomed the frigid cold as I stepped out into the damp air. I tugged my coat tighter like it could shield me from it all, and I wound back around to where Logan had parked.

Winter clouds hung heavy in the night sky, though they’d parted near the moon that glowed from the heavens. Stars glittered in the crisp night like beacons that called through eternity.

I didn’t flinch when I felt the presence possess me from behind, the beautiful torment that surrounded me like an embrace that could snuff me out.

“It’s cold,” he murmured, Logan’s voice so low as he edged close.

He set his hands on the sides of my waist.

Tremors rushed.

A clash of ice and flames that tumbled down my spine.

My focus remained upturned, to the vastness that seemed so close, to the stars that glinted and shined in the sky.

Constellations written in mystery.

I felt as if I could reach out and touch them. Understand their meaning.

“Do you think it led us here?” I whispered into the lapping darkness.

Our old truth beat around us like a warning drum.

This man who had promised me that no matter where he went, wherever I went, or anything that tried to come between us, he would find his way back to me.

Fate.

Destiny.

Our destination.

My North Star.

“I used to believe it,” he muttered, “but it hurt too fucking bad when I discovered it was a lie.”

Was it?

Because I felt myself being swallowed whole.

By his arms that wrapped around me like a fortress.

By the beat of his heart into my back.

By his spirit that held me like eternity.

“Your family is amazing.” I pushed it out around the lump in my throat.

Logan held me tighter. “They should have been yours.”

“Yes.” Emotion clogged my throat, and I tried to swallow around it. “I think I made a mistake, Logan. Asking this of you. Bringing you into this.”

His arms tightened more. “It’s too late if it was.”

“I would die first.” My eyes pinched closed on the truth. “Before I let anything happen to any of you.”

“No one’s dying, Aster, no one except for your husband.” He gritted it at the back of my head. Then he pushed away and rounded the car, clicking the locks as he went.

I stared at him over the top.

“It’s already done, Aster. Just get in.”

I shouldn’t. I should end this now. Before it was too late. Because as desperately as I wanted my freedom, to be my own person, it was the moment I realized I wasn’t sure I could handle losing Logan all over again.