Redemption Hills: The Complete Collection

19. Aster

NINETEEN

ASTER

“What did Dominic say?” I whispered as I glanced out into the hall to make sure it was clear before I clicked my bedroom door shut.

Taylor’s voice was held, too. “He scoped out your house. Jarek is definitely not there.”

I blew out a heavy sigh. I could certainly attest to that.

He was here.

Lurking.

Watching.

Waiting.

“But of course, the prick has someone posted there. Sketchy much?” She scoffed it.

I almost laughed. “Taylor, Jarek is the definition of sketchy.”

“Um, he’s the definition of a lot of things. Skeezeball. Douchemonger. Fuckface. Shall I go on? Shudder .”

I could practically see her convulsing with revulsion when she said it.

“I think I got you.”

She giggled.

It’d been three days since I’d heard from my sister. Three days since Logan had curled up beside me and held me all night. Three days since he’d whispered that I was his, and he would do anything to protect me.

He’d murmured it would be fine, the way he used to do, though there had been an undercurrent to it that hadn’t existed in the man before.

He promised he was already digging. That he would find a way to free me of my chains.

One way or another.

I’d awoken to his side of the bed cold.

We’d tiptoed since, unsure of our standing.

His caresses were real but restrained, his gaze sure but his steps faltering, as if he were waiting for me to decide because both of us had so much riding on this fine, undelineated line.

I forced myself to focus on Taylor. “Does Dominic know who it is? Family or hired?”

“Definitely hired. Tatted dude on a bike who looks like he slits throats on the daily and gets a kick out of stomping on kittens with his boots.”

MC.

Nerves rattled through my being.

Those connections went deep.

My father tended to hire them to do the family’s dirty work—all depravities accepted as long as you were willing to pay the price.

It was also what brought me Logan.

A boy I never should have noticed but whose spirit had called out to me.

I paced as anxiety clamored beneath my skin. “Crap. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“Um, dude? Do you think so little of me? Your baby sister has this handled.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m getting whatever is in that safe.”

“No—”

“Yes, absolutely, yes. I will find a way to get in there. Dom is trying to figure out a plan in exchange for a little dom play.”

“Ew, Tay.”

She cracked up. “Don’t knock it until you try it. Unless you have?”

She sounded way too excited by the prospect.

My entire life was submission. I’d pass.

Logan’s rough voice skated through my mind. The rasping scrape of a command.

It became clear in a flash, if he demanded it, I would gladly get onto my knees.

“Let’s just stick to the subject.”

“You’re no fun.”

“I’m a blast, remember? A total blast.”

“You will be when you’re happy. When your heart gets set free. I promise it.” Her entire voice changed, my careless sister so intuitive beneath her crass.

“Give us a couple days to figure something out, okay? We’ll get it. Somehow, we will get it.”

“Just be careful. I couldn’t stand it if something happened to you.”

“Pssh, do you think I’m scared of a little biker?”

Exasperation heaved from me on a sigh. “I’m scared that you’re not.”

Tinkling laughter rolled from her, then she sobered. “I have one question for you, Aster. Are you afraid, right now? Are you safe?”

Emotion tightened my throat. “I’m afraid I’ve never felt safer in my life.”

Silence held for a beat before she whispered, “There’s our answer. Leave it to your baby sister to get the rest of this shit taken care of.”

Two days later, I was sitting at the round table in the kitchen, hand sweeping over the little sheets of paper I’d ripped from the journal, trying to process these feelings I wasn’t sure how to deal with. It had always been what I’d done, escaped into my thoughts and tried to process them on a page. Left messages from my heart and prayed the right soul would receive them.

That I could be heard.

Found.

The door buzzer rang.

So lost to the memories of this very day from years ago, I jolted back to the present. I didn’t know if it was a problem or a simple variant of self-preservation.

Gretchen was at the kitchen sink, and she dried her hands on a towel and started in that direction. “Oh, there they are. It’s about danged time.”

She sent an excited glance my way.

“Are we expecting company?”

Worried, I looked down at myself.

I was wearing sweats and another of Logan’s tees.

I loved the feeling of him surrounding me.

Holding me.

Even when he wasn’t there.

Clearly, I was getting too comfortable in this new, temporary skin.

“That we are, sweet thing.”

“Who?” I wondered if I should make a beeline for the seclusion of my room.

“Well, it’s a special day, and they want to make sure Logan knows it,” she answered without really answering at all.

It was a special day.

One I’d held like a treasured secret.

A small thrill rose from the depths, and I stood as she opened the door.

Gage and Juniper darted straight into her arms.

“Nonie G…where have you been my wholes life? I’ve been missing you.” Juni wrapped herself around the old lady’s leg, both arms and legs.

“Right here waitin’ on you to come visit me.”

“Well, I’m here now and that’s what counts. We got the busies because we got a new baby comin’ and there’s the most work to do.” The little girl almost huffed.

Gage squeezed Gretchen around the waist. “Did you miss me, too?”

She touched his chubby cheek. “Now tell me how it would be possible not to miss the likes of you?”

Gage shrugged. “Uncle Jud said I’m nothin’ but a handful, always makin’ messes, and I know you don’t like the messes, nope, not one little bit, so I wasn’t so sure.”

Affection rang from her deep laughter. “Oh, sugar pie, you can make all the messes you want.”

My spirit sang while I hovered across the room like a voyeur.

Gretchen opened the door wider and gestured with both hands to whoever was still in the hall. “Well, get in here with that.”

She stretched out her arms, and a second later, she was cradling Trent’s tiny baby girl and cooing down at her.

I did my best to avert my gaze.

Not to get too close.

But there I stood, vibrating with the joy that bloomed in the room.

Eden shuffled in, pushing a stroller stuffed full of bags. “I think I need about six more arms if I’m going to juggle all of this.”

The woman looked a little frazzled.

Her gaze swept around Logan’s apartment. It froze in surprise when it landed on me.

I didn’t mean to itch, to fidget and act like I’d been caught doing something illicit, but crap, here I still was in Logan’s space like it was where I belonged. A friend he was only supposed to be catching up with.

But if things were different, I would belong.

With Logan.

Forever.

Not for thirty days. Thirty days that were already dwindling fast.

“Aster.” Her smile warmed in this welcome that I shouldn’t take on for myself. But I couldn’t help it. The springing of affection that developed at the sight. “It’s so great to see you again. I wondered if you’d be here.”

My smile was unsure. “It’s really nice to see you, too.”

I glanced at the children, at the stroller, back at her.

“Salem has an ultrasound today, so Juni is hanging out with us while Salem and Jud are at their appointment,” she explained. “I might have bitten off more than I can chew.”

“That’s what you have me for,” Gretchen said.

“Oh, hi! I remember you. You used to be Uncle Logan’s favorite friend but not anymore. But are you his favorite, favorite now?” Juni bounced my way, all black pigtails and cherub face. “Do you live here now? What’s your job? If Uncle doesn’t want to be your favorite friend, do you want to be mine? My mommy said I’m a really great friend.”

Light laughter rippled from Eden. “That’s a lot of questions, Juni Bee.”

“I just wonderin’.” She shrugged.

My laughter was a slip of discomfort. A crush of awe. “It’s fine. I’m not quite sure what I’m doing here, either,” I admitted.

Gretchen waddled past, gently bouncing Baby Kate.

“She’s twisting your uncle up in a thousand knots, that’s what she’s doin’. I’ve never seen that man strung so tight. About to blow, if you ask me.”

She winked at me.

Redness flashed.

Eden giggled. “Gretchen.”

“I just tell it like it is, honey. No need to beat around the bush, and we can be mighty sure Logan has been doing some beating .”

My hand pressed to my mouth to stop the crack of surprise.

Wow. She really wasn’t one to keep her tongue tamed.

I kind of loved it.

I kind of loved her.

I kind of loved it here.

And with each day that passed, I knew it was going to become more and more difficult to leave this sanctuary.

Gage ran over and grabbed me by the hand. “It’s Uncle Logan’s birthday so we have to make him feel extra, extra special in the whole wide world right up to the highest mountain, so we came to decorate for a surprise and then we have a super special surprise party for him at our house tonight. It was all my idea. Do you want to come?”

Warily, I glanced at Eden.

More of that warmth flooded from her smile. “She’s absolutely invited, but only if she wants to.”

“Do you? Do you want to come?” he asked, beaming up at me with that smile.

The vacancy throbbed, while a hardened place within me melted.

I squeezed his hand back. “Well, I’m not sure what I’m doing tonight, but I’ll definitely try to make it.”

“Try harder,” Juni said, propping her hands on her hips.

Eden shook her head. “This one is testing out how far she can get away with the sass.”

It was pure love when she said it.

This family so close.

So right.

Affection bound me tight. “If there’s any way for me to be there, I will be, Juni.”

“Promise?”

“Yes.” Why it wobbled, I didn’t know, but making an oath to this little child felt monumental. Like I was pledging something I didn’t have the right to pledge.

Claiming something that wasn’t mine.

I didn’t even know if Logan would want me there. This was already hard enough.

Perilous.

My stomach clutched.

I’d die before I’d put these babies in danger. This family.

I had to believe Jarek wouldn’t be so foolish to go against my father’s direct orders, though. He had to stand down. Give me this time. It was the only reason I felt comfortable staying here while I figured out what I was going to do.

Eden’s smile shifted, as if she held the power to read every reservation that’d flash-fired through my mind. “Us Lawsons, we stick together. Through the good times and the really, really terrible times. And believe me, we’ve had some really terrible times.”

She reached out and touched my hand like in doing so, she was tying me to them.

A connection.

Binding me to the promise that those who loved you fought for you.

A reassurance that I didn’t need to be afraid.

“God knows them boys find themselves in plenty of trouble,” Gretchen tsked.

Juni grabbed my other hand. “You got to come because we’re gonna finds out if I get a baby brother or baby sister. My mimi said it’s a double trouble party. Do you know my mimi? She’s the best Mimi in the whole worlds.”

“No. I don’t.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll introduce you. You don’t got to be shy.” Juni nodded emphatically.

“Well…now that we’ve properly scared the poor girl away.” Eden lifted her brow in apology.

“Nonsense. This one’s tough as grit.” Gretchen gestured toward me with the infant in her arms.

“Hardly.” I feigned a giant smile.

“I’m pretty sure you’re tougher than you think.” Gretchen eyed me differently that time. Intuitively. As if she knew more than she should. “Hard in all the right places…soft where it counts.”

Unease lifted in a show of red, and then Eden cleared her throat. “We’d better get to this or we won’t have it ready before Logan gets back. Trent is making sure he’s occupied until five.”

She started taking bags from the stroller and piling them onto the island. They were full of craft and party materials.

“I get to do the balloons!” Juni shouted as she scrambled onto a stool so she could reach.

Gage hauled me that direction. “Do you want to help me make the invitation? It is going to be the coolest in ever and ever! Right, Mommy, right?”

He looked to the woman who gazed at him in absolute adoration. So thick I felt as if we were wading through it.

“That’s right, my sweet boy.”

“Let’s do it!” He fist pumped the air.

Eden put out the materials.

Balloons and streamers and a giant poster board.

And we set to work.

To work on this special treasure. A mark in time. Logan Lawson’s birthday.

The memory something I’d cherished, held like a dream and stored like a shrine.

The man my holy place.

My whisper of hope.

That space that was now a void that ached to be filled.