Redemption Hills: The Complete Collection

5. Tessa

FIVE

TESSA

The next morning, I slipped down the brightly lit halls of St. John’s Meadows.

The summer sun stood proud where it shined through the windows and cast its cheery warmth on the tenants of the long-term care facility.

St. John’s Meadows boasted thirty private rooms. There was a big, shared living space and a few smaller alcoved dens, a dining room, not to mention a theater, game room, and a craft and art room.

It’d been designed to give off the vibe as close to a house as possible in hopes of offering its residents a form of comfort and tranquility. Its grounds lush and brimming with giant trees, the lawn perfectly trimmed, and the shrubs and plants overabundant with colorful flowers.

But it still had that smell.

The smell of medicine and antiseptic and forever crushed dreams.

I guarded myself against it. Against the sorrow that gripped my chest every time I stepped through the doors.

Bobby’s room was one-eleven, midway down the right hall and situated on the left.

My heart squeezed so hard it might as well have been one of those stress balls that could be flattened to nothing as I stood in the open doorway and peered inside.

Every prayer and promise I had ever made rose to the surface and threatened to clot out the resolution I had made to myself.

Because he was the reason. The catalyst to every choice that I made.

He was strapped to his wheelchair to keep him safe, staring out the window at the gardens.

I never knew if it was unseeing or not.

If he recognized its beauty. If he wished he were out there walking its paths. If he felt the loss of every memory and experience he would never get to have.

If he understood.

I carefully eased into his room. Loud noises startled him, so I kept my footsteps quiet as I crossed the floor.

I thought I could feel his spirit lighten when I approached him. My big brother who’d been hidden away and forgotten by everyone but me.

Well, me and Karl, who had used him like a bargaining chip.

No more.

“Hey, Bobby, it’s me, Tessa,” I whispered.

His arm and shoulder tremored just a bit, the only response I ever got.

I moved around his chair and knelt in front of him, my spirit flailing at the sight.

In love.

In agony.

His hair was a dark russet, a deeper red than mine, though I’d always liked to believe that we’d matched.

That we favored each other.

That we were a pair.

Inseparable.

Family.

Bobby had always been the one I looked up to. Idolized. My protector.

The obnoxious big brother who gave me crap and ordered me around and told me who I could and couldn’t date, which was basically everyone, but he’d done it with big vats of love and a gentle smile.

My chest ached as I thought of how he smiled no more.

He’d sacrificed everything for me, his freedom, the nights in his early 20s when he should have been off at a bar picking up girls, in favor of working two jobs to take care of me.

When he’d had his accident, there’d been no other choice than sacrificing everything for him.

Guilt threatened to suffocate as I carefully reached out and touched the hand he kept clasped tight against his chest, his right hand the only one that had any function at all.

“How are you today?” I asked, keeping my voice low.

My eyes made a quick path over him to ensure he had everything he needed, checking that he was secure, even though I trusted his caregivers took excellent care of him, which was the exact reason I was desperate for him to remain here.

He was always freshly bathed, his clothes and bedding clean. He had daily physical therapy, and they fed him his meals regularly.

He had at least improved to the point that he could swallow when prompted, improved to the place where he could breathe on his own so his trach could be removed.

It’d made me hopeful that he would recover.

That he would walk.

Talk.

But he’d never progressed beyond that.

He was nonverbal and fairly nonresponsive, only making a few grunting sounds that I never knew if they were communication or just locked-up energy that his body expelled.

His eyes that were the same color as mine were always distant, gone to a faraway place.

A place I had no idea where he existed.

I felt desperate to meet him there. So he’d know I’d never leave him alone, that I’d never turn my back, that I loved him with every fiber of my being.

“You look good, big brother,” I murmured.

I took the fist he held against his chest, and I carefully pulled it onto his lap and opened his hand.

In it was a small, round charm, an intricate locket that made a ball, but when it was opened, it contained four small pictures.

One was of our parents, two were of him and me, and the other was of the four of us when we’d been young and our family had been complete.

This…this was how I knew he remembered.

Because he kept me close when I was away.

I set the charm aside and wound my fingers through his.

He breathed a heavy breath, and I knew.

I knew he felt me.

So I would never stop talking to him. Would never stop communicating in the only way we could.

“Are they taking good care of you?”

I ran my thumb over the back of his hand.

“It’s beautiful out today, isn’t it? Windy last night, though. I hope it didn’t keep you awake.”

I knelt there for a minute, unsure of what to say, how to admit what I’d done.

Feeling the pressure of it, I pushed to standing and started to move around his room. I fiddled with the remote on the wheeled table that sat off to the side of his bed, touched the bouquet I’d brought him on Saturday when I’d visited him last, and glanced at his chart where the nurses and caregivers scribbled their notes.

Mostly, it was a distraction. Something to do with my hands to ward off the panic.

What if I couldn’t provide for him?

What if I couldn’t find a way?

There were a couple of new drawings on the pinboard that hung on the wall. One was from Hank, who was nineteen and a hopeless flirt. He never failed to ask me out every time he saw me in the hall.

The other was from Lynette, a young girl who had learned to paint with her mouth and spent her days out in the gardens, painting pictures for those who rarely made it outside.

I unpinned them and moved back to Bobby’s side. I pulled up a chair, angling it so I was almost facing him.

I lifted the first, the almost nondescript scribbles made by Hank.

“Get better, Bobby!” A tweak of a smile edged my mouth as I read it aloud. “Hank is always rooting for you, Bobby. He thinks one day you’re going to roam these halls with him, causing all sorts of trouble. What do you think?”

I held it up and traced my finger over Hank’s crude words.

Bobby only gave me a slow blink.

Sorrow crested.

A swelling wave.

It always felt like it was right there, ready to consume.

I held up the other picture that was incredibly good. “And here, this one is from Lynette. That’s the fountain that is right outside your window. Look…there were birds in it that day. Five of them.”

I counted them out for him.

I had to wonder if he was in his head thinking, No shit, Sherlock.

I so badly wished I knew.

I set them aside.

Normally, I could ramble at him all day, talking about everything and nothing. It wasn’t like words didn’t come easily for me.

But today, it felt like a lie. Like dishonesty.

I eased to the edge of the chair, and I sat forward and gathered both his hands between mine. I squeezed tight as I let the confession ride into the air. “I left Karl, Bobby. I left him because he wasn’t good to me or good for me. Because my heart aches to find its freedom. To find love and joy.”

Was it selfish? Wanting those things for myself when Bobby would never have them?

“I’m living with a friend now. It’s kind of weird and awkward, mostly because he’s stupid hot, and I don’t know what to do with myself when I’m around him.”

I got so sweaty every time Milo was around, I worried I was having hot flashes.

“Don’t worry. I’m safe there. Milo is kind. A total good guy. You’d definitely like him.” My tongue stroked out to wet my dried lips. “I’m going to be honest and tell you that I’m scared. I’m scared that I won’t be able to figure this out on my own. That I’ll let you down. But I want you to know I’ll never let that happen. I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll take care of you. Always. I promise I will find a way.”

Pushing to my feet, I leaned over him so I could press my lips to his temple. “I love you so much, big brother. Mad, mad love.”

Tears stinging at the backs of my eyes, I pressed the charm back into his hand. I curled his fingers around it and held it tight as I whispered, “I hope you at least know that.”

Blinking away the moisture, I stood and walked from his room.

I followed the couple halls into the administration area. I knocked on Nancy’s door that rested halfway open.

She looked up from her desk. “Tessa, hey, come in.”

“Hi.”

Her brow dented in worry. “Is everything okay?”

I gulped around the torment and eased down onto one of the chairs across from her. “Can you let me know how far Bobby is paid up to?”

Concern played through her eyes, but without saying anything, she shifted so she could type on her keyboard and look at the screen that was angled off to the side.

“He’s paid until the end of the month.”

That was like…three weeks.

I tried to swallow around the grapefruit-sized ball of dread lodged in my throat.

“Has something happened?”

“No, no, everything’s fine, I just wanted to make sure the last payment came through,” I lied.

Clearly, she picked up on my agitation because she studied me for a beat before she turned and dug into a drawer and pulled out some pamphlets. “We love having Bobby as a resident, but there are other options if you need them.”

She passed the pamphlets toward me.

The top one was for a state funded facility in San Francisco.

I felt sick.

“Thank you,” I whispered as I gathered them and stood.

I made a silent promise that I wouldn’t need them.

I ducked out of her office and hurried down the hall with my head lowered, not wanting to face any of the caretakers who would definitely pick up on the fact that something was off.

I usually came through here trying to brighten everyone’s day.

This place often radiated sadness.

I knew it wore and whittled and cut. It was hard. Both for residents, the caretakers, and the family members who came to visit.

I pushed out the front doors and into the bright morning light, inhaling deeply as the fear of what I’d done rushed up from the depths where I’d tried to keep it contained.

Guilt and worry filled my chest to overflowing. I struggled to breathe. To fight off the panic that sank into my skin like sharp talons.

I started in the direction of Milo’s SUV he’d let me borrow, almost at a run because I had to get out of there before I had a breakdown.

I screamed when a hand wrapped around my arm from behind.

Hatred.

Disgust.

Revulsion.

They roiled through my body.

I whirled around so fast it tore my arm out of Karl’s hold. “What the hell are you doing here?” I demanded, trying to keep the shaking out of my voice.

I doubted he’d pull anything in public. He had his reputation to uphold, after all. But I couldn’t handle him here .

Near Bobby.

By the one person who meant the most to me, who Karl had wielded like manipulation.

Karl kept his rage checked, though I could see it writhing behind his eyes. “I’ve been trying to get in touch with you, and you haven’t returned my calls.”

“That’s because I don’t want to talk to you.”

His teeth ground in restraint, his expression pompous and hard. “I told you I didn’t have time for your games, Tessa.”

“That’s good, because there is no time left for us. I told you I was finished, and I meant it.”

“You’re being ridiculous. Overreacting, the way you do about everything. You can do me a favor and stop acting like a spoiled brat.”

My brow pinched tight as the hatred roared. “I was a fool for ever staying with you. This went on for way too long, and it ends now.”

A scoff ripped from his mouth. “Are you fucking kidding me? After everything I’ve done for you?”

“You didn’t do any of those things because you care about me.”

His hand scraped through his too-perfect hair. “I did it because I love you.”

What bullshit.

“I don’t think you ever loved me. You just needed a pet project to show off to your friends and colleagues. Look at what a good guy Karl Haller is taking care of the poor girl, while you treat me like garbage behind closed doors. I’m finished with you degrading me. Of you making me feel stupid and small. I’m tired of you trying to control my every move.”

It was plenty without him becoming physical.

But when he had?

“It’s done, Karl.”

He flew into my face. The venom spewing from his mouth held me just as tight as if he held me by the arms. “Well, I’m not done with you.”

Fear slithered down my spine, but I lifted my chin, refusing to give into him.

“Screw you, Karl. You don’t get me anymore.” I started to back away as I spoke. “I’ll be by your house to get my things tomorrow. I’d appreciate it if you weren’t there when I come.”

I turned on my heel, digging into my purse to get the keys to Milo’s Tahoe.

I slowed when the snarl of words hooked me from behind. Quiet but delivered with the deathly strike that Karl intended. “You know what happens if you walk, Tessa. Don’t try my patience.”

I barely turned, my voice a thin sheet of sadness. “And there it is, Karl. Proof that you don’t love me. You’d gladly let my brother suffer if I don’t do what you say. That’s not love.”

His mouth slashed in a downward sneer. “Do you actually think I’m going to continue to spend $15,000 a month for your brother to stay here after you’ve made me look like a fool?”

Regret wrapped around my ribs. “You are a fool, Karl, because if you did love me? If you had treated me with respect? I wouldn’t be walking away.”

I honestly didn’t even know how I’d ended up in this position. When I’d first started dating him, I was young. He’d been charming and charismatic, and it wasn’t like he was bad to look at. I’d thought there might actually be something there.

And after losing my parents?

I’d wanted it.

Love. A family. Security.

My person who cared about me the way I cared for them.

Maybe I’d been a fool for thinking that might be Karl.

Somewhere after Bobby’d had his accident and Karl had offered to put him in this facility, things had changed.

Maybe he’d resented me for the promise he’d made to provide for Bobby. Maybe it’d become too much for him. Maybe he knew just how much Bobby had disliked him when Karl and I had first started dating.

Most likely, the asshole just got off on having me under his thumb.

Whatever the case, our relationship had twisted itself into this ugly thing of bitterness and hostility and shame.

Before I’d recognized what was happening, I’d been stuck. Basically contracted to a man I’d come to despise.

Gathering myself, I turned back around and headed for the SUV I’d parked in the lot.

Karl’s voice echoed behind me. “You don’t get to just walk away from me, Tessa,” he warned.

I clicked the lock and opened the door, glaring at him when I said, “Watch me.”