Rejected and Regretted (Ashen Wolves #1)

20

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A V R I L

I was so pissed after leaving Koen, I stormed past Theo and Elijah’s room without a second glance. Not that it mattered, anyway; our hangout session was merely an excuse I had made up to avoid my insistent ex-mate. Obviously, it didn’t work. I had underestimated just how annoying he could be.

His audacity to make insinuations about me sleeping with either my second- or third-in-command - or both of them - was infuriating. How could he dare to ask such an absurd question? And moreover, what right did he have to pry into my personal affairs? Whomever I chose to involve myself with was entirely my own business.

Still, I couldn't deny that it wouldn't have bothered me nearly as much if anyone else had asked the same thing. I needed to walk off this rage.

I had almost reached the borders when a familiar voice echoed in my head, snapping me out of my aimless furious march. “Alpha, is everything alright?”

It was Theo, though I could also sense Elijah’s connection, letting me know he was listening too. They must have been able to sense an extent of my anger through the pack bond. The bond between a leader and their followers wasn’t nearly as strong as that between mates, which meant I had to be fuming with rage for my beta and gamma to actually perceive it when I was nowhere near them.

“Yes. Koen’s just pestering me, that’s all,” I replied sharply.

“Do you need us to intervene?” Although there was confusion in Theo’s tone, it lacked any concern. I couldn’t sense the slightest hint of the worry he usually exhibited when my emotions were strong enough to reach him. Did that mean he thought Koen wasn’t a threat to me?

“No, it’s fine. I’ll come find you before-” My thoughts trailed off the second I spun on my heel to find the devil himself standing in front of me.

There was something different about him. He didn’t carry himself with poise and grace like he usually did. It seemed as though he was letting his true emotions show, just for me. And I could see all of it clearly - his regret, his shame, his desperation.

As I froze in place, my gaze intertwining with Koen’s, Theo’s voice was a distant echo in my mind. “Alpha?”

His question was followed by a chuckle. “I think she was found before she could find us.” Entranced, I barely registered Elijah’s lighthearted joke, or his mate’s ‘ahh ’ of realization as they ended the mindlink, leaving me alone with him .

Once the initial surprise was gone, rage filled me again, overflowing in the form of an unhidable vexed expression. I was about to walk right past the alpha just like I had done moments ago. He must have comprehended my intentions, because he opened his mouth before I had the chance to take my first step.

“Avril, just listen to me,” Koen begged, his hands raised in a sign of peace.

“You mean listen to your insane accusations?” I scoffed, failing to remember for an instant that I was supposed to be an omega who would never speak to an alpha like that. “I’m afraid I don’t have time for this.”

“I’m sorry!” he exclaimed immediately. “I’m sorry for what I said. It was extremely inappropriate. I…I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”

I have no idea why, but his confession convinced me to give him the time of day. “What do you want, Koen?”

“To clear things between us,” he vaguely answered.

I arched an eyebrow at him. “What do you mean?”

A sigh broke through his lips. “I want to tell you the truth, Avril. About what happened in the past.” My eyes widened in a mix of confusion, shock, and curiosity. Noticing it, he added, “Perhaps it will help you understand my concern for you.”

While my interest was certainly piqued, a part of me insisted on warning me that this could just be another one of his games. Still, I motioned with my hand, signaling for him to begin. Maybe I just wanted to see where he was going with this.

“Five years ago…” Koen started, and I could already feel cold shivers running through my body. It always happened whenever I was reminded of how helpless I had felt back then. “When I rejected you, it wasn’t personal.”

“Sure. An alpha like you could never be with an omega like me,” I pointed out bitterly.

To my bewilderment, he shook his head. “Actually, it’s more complicated than that. My father was adamant I should take Nerine as my mate. She was from a prestigious pack, and a political marriage between us meant our packs would be more than neighbors - even more than allies.”

“It would make your combined packs a force to be reckoned with, not only amplifying Whispering Hills’ strength, but offering it stability and security,” I concluded, not at all impressed by his revelation. After all, I had already figured that out when he told me the truth about his engagement to Nerine.

Despite being momentarily surprised by my understanding of politics, he continued, “Yes. And my father refused to pass his title to me unless I agreed to his conditions.” Now, that was slightly more intriguing, though not really mind-blowing. It did sound like something his asshole of a dad would do.

Unamused, I told him, “I get it. You had to reject me to keep your pack.”

“Not just that,” he promptly replied, catching me off guard. “I rejected you and stood by my father when he exiled you because I knew he would have you killed otherwise.”

At last, I was taken aback. It was no secret Rockwell was a tyrant, but I didn’t think he would go as far as taking my life for something that was out of my control. I didn’t choose to be mated to Koen - hell knows it would be different if it was up to me.

Though appalled for a minute, I quickly shook it off. It would take more than Koen’s heroic excuse of rejecting me for my own safety to make me feel any sort of sympathy for him. There were other options much more humane than exiling a pack member whose counterpart had just awakened.

Crossing my arms, I muttered, “That still doesn’t excuse what you did.”

“I know,” he exhaled guiltily. When I glanced into his eyes, I saw nothing but honesty. “At the time, I thought it was the best decision. If it’s any consolation, I do regret it, Avril. Deeply. ”

His words ignited a flicker of hope inside me. Even Kea perked her ears up. Despite how much I hated it, I couldn’t help but feel like a lovesick teenager again. I cursed my own body as my brain tried to remind my stupid heart we hated Koen, and we didn’t care about what the future would hold for us if he hadn’t rejected me.

Yet that small, hopeful flicker soon died as he spoke again.

“Leaving you, a fledgling, to fight for your own life in the borderlands was cruel,” he observed, his gaze falling to the ground just in time for him to miss how he shattered something inside me. Fledglings were how shifters who had just connected with their wolf were called throughout a period of a week while they adjusted to moving, fighting, and generally living with their animal side.

I immediately felt stupid as I realized he didn’t mean he regretted rejecting me, but rather exiling me. As an alpha, he felt for failing a fellow pack member - that was all. He wasn’t regretful about what he had done to me as his mate. It was obvious, wasn’t it? Besides, I hated him. Why did it affect me so much to be reminded of how he never wanted me? I didn’t want him either.

“That’s why I’m constantly looking out for you now,” he concluded, unaware of the emotions raging inside me. “I abandoned you when I should have protected you. But you can count on me from now on, Avril, I promise.”

Koen took a step in my direction, and despite how badly I wanted to move away from him, my feet wouldn’t obey me.

“Let me make it up to you, for everything,” he proposed. “For the past, for my actions, and on behalf of how my pack has been treating you since you returned.” After a brief pause, he stretched his hand out to me. “Let me take you to the city for a nice, relaxing evening. Then, I’ll stay out of your way, if that’s what you want me to do.”

Initially, I was reluctant to take his hand, but the last line of his deal was quite tempting. What did I have to lose? I mean, aside from having to spend the rest of the evening in Koen’s company. I could either play along and pretend I sympathized with him, as earning his trust would facilitate my job, or I could finally push him away at the end of the night so I could properly focus on my mission. It was a no-brainer.

And I desperately wanted to convince myself that was the only reason why I accepted to go with him.