Rescuing Ryder (Serenity Securities, Team Hawk #1)

Chapter 32

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

In the morning, Ryder made coffee and placed it on a tray along with a basket of freshly baked confections from Bryanna’s bakery. He entered the bedroom as Claire exited the bathroom. She sat on the bed and propped herself on pillows as she watched him pour her a cup of brew. Ryder regarded her as he passed her the baked goods.

Claire’s eye appeared painful with the mirage of colors and the cut. Whisps of blonde hair fell over the injury and he leaned in and swept them back to get a better view.

Claire straightened as she concentrated with her good eye on picking her treat and winced in the effort.

“Do you have a headache?” he murmured.

When she didn’t respond, Ryder knew he guessed correctly. Sighing, he went into the bathroom, pulled out two tablets and returned. Ryder held them out and she ignored him. Clearing his throat, he picked up Claire’s plate, refusing her treat until she took the meds. He almost laughed at her petulance. She angrily swiped the pills and downed them with the water beside her bed.

“Relax, Claire Bear; it’s only acetaminophen. Why don’t we sit in the living room? I’ll make a fire and we can watch a movie. Or rather, I’ll watch, and you’ll listen. There might be a foot rub to compensate for not looking at the TV.”

“Did you suffer from transference? I heard you tell Kassie,” she whispered. “I don’t understand why you volunteered to stay here with me.”

Ryder sighed. “I didn’t want you to lose your job over an innocent kiss, which surprised us both. Come on, Claire. You’ve stayed in this room since we came home. Unless you turned into a hermit, you have an entire house to recuperate in. How about your screened porch?”

“Fine.”

“What do you usually do out there besides enjoy the scenery?” he asked as he tore off a piece of pastry and fed it to her.

“I love to read. My parents started with the classics and gifted me first editions for birthdays and holidays. My colleague, Dr. Klein, gave me a first-edition classic when I finished my internship. Since then, I’ve collected more as I celebrate different milestones. Sometimes, Dr. Klein sends me a lead to a book I’ve searched for. I read charts all day. The classics I enjoy for pleasure.” Claire sipped the coffee and laid back amongst the pillows.

“What do you know? We have something in common. Unfortunately, reading is off your list of things to do. How about I read to you?” Ryder asked as he held a piece of his pastry to her lips.

She sighed. “You can’t seriously want to.”

Ryder tugged on her hand, forcing her to stand. Wrapping Claire up in her bathrobe, and slipping warm slippers on her feet, he led her outside and settled her on the couch. “What book do you want?”

“Surprise me.” She smiled as he covered her with a blanket before leaving her on the porch.

A few minutes later, Ryder returned with a book and a couple of pillows. He sat down, placed a pillow on his lap, and patted it, inviting her to lie down.

She debated for a moment before placing her head on the pillow. Ryder adjusted the blanket and opened the book. He began reading, and his hand gently stroked her head, relaxing Claire. Ten chapters in, she stopped him as he turned the page.

“You mentioned we have reading in common. What do you like to read?”

He closed the book while touching her hair and lightly tracing her forehead. “My grandmother read the classics to me when I spent summers with my grandparents. She also collected first editions; my grandfather always gave her a new one on their anniversary. When they first married, they didn’t have much money. He said giving her a book gave her an adventure when he couldn’t afford to give her one.”

“That’s sweet,” she murmured.

“It’s one of my fondest memories of them; I inherited the collection when they passed. I’m impressed with yours. How about you take a shower and we’ll play a board game in the living room?” Ryder encouraged.

Claire emphatically shook her head and cringed from the sudden moment. His hand covered her forehead as if to stifle the spinning in her head. She groaned.

“Do you need any help in the shower?” he asked quietly.

“No. I think I’ll take a nap. I feel a bit tired,” she dodged.

“Shower first, then a nap. When you wake, we’ll play a game,” he stated firmly.

She rose, waited a minute and returned to her room without speaking.

Ryder frowned and pulled out his phone to text Whiskey.

Claire’s avoiding the living room. Do we need to have Doc refer her to a doc?

Three dots appeared.

Let me talk to Kassie. Whiskey replied.

Ryder went into the area in question. The cleaners scrubbed the room from top to bottom. Now, it held a lamp, the two armchairs by the fireplace, and someone brought a card table.

The water shut off and he listened as Claire dressed in the bathroom. When his phone rang, he pulled it from his holder and answered.

“Hello, Ryder. I understand there’s an issue with the living room. We planned to replace everything before she returned, but some of the furniture shows out of stock.”

“I don’t want you to replace it with the same stuff. It’ll remind her every time she walks in. Can you paint the walls? She likes blue but her favorite color is teal. Maybe change things up a bit,” Ryder rubbed the scruff along his jaw. What did he know about decorating?

“I didn’t know. The women and I will work on it. It may take some time to gather everything. How about we work on it while you take her to the doctor next week?”

“Yeah. That sounds good.” He disconnected the call as he went to check on Claire when he didn’t hear anything coming from her room.

Appearing lost and tired, she sat on the edge of the bed.

As he grew closer, he noticed the pooling liquid in her eyes. She glanced up when she heard his approach.

“I’m afraid, Ryder. I don’t think I can stay here,” she confessed.

He sighed as he grabbed a tissue and dabbed at her eyes. Lifting her legs on the bed, Ryder gently pushed her back amongst the pillows. “This sounds awkward coming from me. You might feel better if you talked to someone. It might be helpful if you spoke with one of your friends or another head shrink.” He brushed the hair from her eyes and stroked her temples, recognizing the return of another headache. “I can’t believe I’m saying this. Don’t do anything rash about the house. You don’t want to make decisions while you’re still processing everything. If anything, the outside of the house should traumatize you more than the inside.” He rolled his eyes, making her laugh as she punched him in the arm. Leaning down, he kissed her forehead. “Take a nap. We might take a short walk to Ty’s for lunch for a change of pace.”

Her hands clasped over his wrist as her gaze met his. “Thank you,” Claire whispered.

“You’re welcome.” Ryder stroked her head until she fell asleep. Rising gently, he exited the room. Something about Claire made him want to protect her with his life, to watch over her and take care of her. The thought surprised him as much as scared him. Yet, it felt right.

Three days later, he felt like banging his head against the wall. Claire refused to go near the living room. It appeared she only owned a house with four rooms, a kitchen, a bathroom, a bedroom, and a porch. The rest didn’t exist in her world.

Carol sat with her while he went to PT and therapy. When Ryder returned, the nurse shook her head at him as she left, telling him without words that Claire refused to leave her room.

Claire lay on the bed, squinting as she attempted to read her files. She held a hand over her injured eye and moved the paperwork closer and then farther back trying to read it.

“Put it down,” Ryder ordered.

An angry eye shot in his direction, and she ignored him.

“I don’t give a second warning, Claire Bear,” he growled as he approached the bed, yanking the folder from her hand and swiping the rest from the bed.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?” she demanded.

Ryder calmly set the items in the dining room, where he knew she refused to venture. A smart ass move, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

Returning to her room, Ryder walked over the threshold when a pillow smacked him square in the face. Another missile launched and he deflected it as he advanced toward her.

“You’re not the boss of me,” Claire yelled.

“I am for the moment, Claire Bear, and if you throw one more pillow at me, be prepared to accept the consequences,” he warned.

One of the fancy pillows she used to decorate the bed hit him in the shoulder as he lunged toward her.

Claire’s eyes widened when she saw his determined expression. She scrambled across the bed as he grabbed her ankle and pulled her toward him.

“You’re an asshole!” she shouted as she twisted from his hold and tried to kick out.

“You’re not the first one to call me that. Let it out. I gotta admit, I saw this coming, but you held it in longer than I expected. Bring it,” Ryder challenged.

“I want you to leave. Before you came, I got along just fine,” Claire gritted out. “You’re the most insufferable person I've ever met.”

Ryder shook his head. “You can’t be serious. Did the concussion to your head make you forget some of the people who live on the mountain? For example, the team leader, Leo, is a classic case of mental. Do you know he brings his baby to work with him and covers her ears when he swears? When we do PT, he brings her to allow his wife time to sleep in. He gives her a miniature rattle shaped like barbells and teaches her to raise her arm like lifting weights.” Ryder shook his head. “Where did his man card go?”

“He’s acting considerate toward his wife and acting like a partner,” Claire spat as he grabbed both her ankles, preventing her from kicking.

“Then why does his wife, Catherine, sound like a raging alcoholic and the women seem fine with it? She’s also got a set of lungs on her when she’s pissed. Yeah, he’s a great partner. Leo manages to set Red off daily.”

Claire jerked her legs, trying to escape his hold. When she tired of struggling, she stopped. “The wine thing is a private joke between the women. Leo’s over the top but a great father,” she defended the team while she gazed at him furiously.

“What’s got your panties in a wad, Claire Bear?” he asked her patiently.

She lay her head down and growled out her frustration to the ceiling.

“You gave Carol a list of orders of things I’m not allowed to do. Then you refuse to allow me to work, I can’t read, and if I stare at this ceiling one more day, I’ll pull my hair out and start screaming. I’m tired of you bossing me around.”

Ryder grinned wickedly. “I imagine it burns your ass at being told what to do, even if it’s for your own good. Now, shall we address you throwing shit at me? I believe I advised you if you threw one more thing, prepare to accept the consequences.”

Ryder’s voice sounded deadly, sending a shiver down her spine. Her eyes widened when she realized he planned to follow through with his threat. The pounding of her heart grew louder as he stalked onto the bed. His hand shot out and Ryder began tickling her.

Squirming away from him, Claire attempted to avoid his hands. Laughter filled the room as she grabbed a pillow and bashed him upside the head.

Ryder’s deep chuckle thrilled her when she realized she never heard him laugh so freely. Even though his grip seemed unbreakable, he didn’t hold her tightly and avoided the areas of her injury.

“Say ‘Uncle’ Claire,” he demanded as she squealed and pummeled him with her feathered weapon.

“Never,” she bit out while giggling.

His warm breath tickled her ear as Ryder whispered, “I can do this all day.” It sent warm fuzzy feelings inside her chest. “What’s the matter, Claire Bear?”

She set her pillow down, meeting his hazel eyes. “I’m bored. I wished for a day off to do something fun and now I have them and I literally can’t do anything.”

“What do you want to do?” He snuggled against her neck.

She sighed. “I’m climbing the walls.”

Ryder rose from the bed and pulled her to a sitting position. “It’s my first time near Seattle. How about we go for a drive? We can visit the aquarium.”

“Everyone will stare at me.” Claire’s hand reached toward her eye when he captured it.

“Who cares? If one of those teens you counseled walked in spouting this shit, do you tell them to stay in their room?”

“No,” she answered begrudgingly.

“Let’s bring it, Claire Bear. You survived, and it’s all that matters,” he encouraged her. Ryder tugged her from the bed and toward her closet. “Let’s roll in ten.”

Claire picked out a comfortable pair of jeans and a tee before entering the bathroom. She noticed her image in the mirror and the smile on her face. Trying to determine when she ever felt this comfortable with a man. Nothing came to mind and the smile disappeared from her expression. Telling herself Ryder only offered to spare her from boredom, she continued to dress and met him at her bedroom door. He acted as a shield to prevent her from peering into the room which haunted her dreams. If he only knew, he invaded them as well.

A week later, Claire sat in her screened-in porch, staring at the majestic view of the mountains. She sipped her coffee as Kassie brought out a plate of chocolate croissants and a cup of tea for herself.

“How do you feel today? Chase mentioned he scheduled your appointment with the specialist for tomorrow. Do you want me to drive you?” she asked.

“No. Ryder told me he rearranged his schedule to take me. My vision improves daily. I’m hoping the specialist will release me to drive and return to work,” she informed Kassie. “I’m capable of handling things here at home by myself. Ryder needs to return to the hospital.”

“Did something happen?” Kassie asked as she sipped her tea.

“No,” she confessed. Claire sighed and turned toward her friend. “You know this isn’t right. He’s a patient and doesn’t belong here. I’ve wracked my brain trying to figure out why you allowed him to stay.”

“Ahhh.” Kassie set her cup on the table and faced her. “I wondered how long it’d take you to ask. Do you like Ryder?”

Surprised by her question, Claire sat back and fiddled with her croissant. “He’s a great caregiver,” she said carefully.

Kassie chuckled. “So that’s how you want to play it, always the professional.”

Claire set the plate with the delicate pastry on the table. “You know it’s not wise for him to remain here. It’s crossing the line. I don’t know what you can be thinking,” she chastised Kassie, shaking her head.

Kassie sipped her tea and set it down. She placed Claire’s hand in hers. “People credit me for building everything on the mountain we’re viewing. But I know it wasn’t me. You did it, Claire,” she confessed softly.

At Claire’s confused expression, Kassie smiled before continuing. “When Chase and the team’s helo crashed. Everyone went on with their lives, mourned our men, and pushed for funeral services. I wanted to roll into a ball and let the world go by. My love and worry for Emma’s future pushed me out of bed each new day. I went through the motions of life, even when I didn’t feel it. Everyone waited for me to crumble except you. You started the spark of hope of my building the hospital by suggesting I keep his memory alive. As I planned, I prayed, cried, and researched. You gave me a reason to move forward. Nobody believed they made it, but I knew even if they died, I wanted to hire a team to find all of James Stanton's victims. You gave me a purpose.”

Claire shook her head. “You did all the work. I only guided you.”

“Maybe. I’ve watched you with Ryder. I witnessed you finding him projects to build while you held his sessions. He’s a fixer. You gave him a purpose, whether he recognized it or not. While he fixed your klutzy mistakes or built something new, you kept his mind engaged. You’ve worked on the mountain long enough to know security remains tight. After David Kilner attacked you, Matthew reviewed the security footage. Ryder mentioned he witnessed you running out of the woods terrified.”

She stopped, allowing Claire time to connect the dots. When Claire’s expression didn’t change, she continued. “We installed security cameras on the paths to monitor the teens. We’ve discovered a couple of them meeting late at night,” Kassie admitted slowly.

Claire’s eyes widened as she realized what they must’ve witnessed. It wasn’t the teens they caught. They saw her and Ryder.

“I can explain,” Claire stuttered.

Kassie shook her head. “I’m here as a friend and telling you a story. I’m not your boss right now. You ran into Ryder, and we agreed something spooked you. The kiss happened spontaneously. You didn’t encourage it. Like the men on the team, Ryder protected you first, then kissed you. Don’t get me wrong, the kiss was hot and I totally plan to grill you about it later.”

Claire shook her head. “I didn’t plan it, nor did he. I didn’t kiss him again. He experienced a breakthrough a few days before it happened. I gave him time and distance to work through his feelings. I found a note in my pocket and it scared me. David snuck into my house while I slept. I ran into Ryder and it…happened,” she attempted to explain herself.

“Yes. Then David came here searching for something and harmed you. Instead of alerting him to your predicament, you insisted he leave. Why didn’t you warn him, Claire?”

“David Kilner threatened to shoot him. I didn’t want him hurt,” she sputtered, struggling with what Kassie pointed out.

“I believe you. Ryder told us you called to him as he started to leave. You said some things happened beyond his control. No matter what occurred, it wasn’t his fault,” she replied. “You knew he’d blame himself. How long did it take you to form the message?” Kassie asked.

She shook her head, “I don’t know. I only wanted him safe. David threatened his life. I knew Kilner planned to kill me. I refused to allow him to hurt Ryder. I knew Ryder would blame himself, but he’d remember the last thing I said to him,” she cried.

“You protected him like he did you. You have feelings for him,” Kassie apprised her gently.

Claire shook her head, furiously denying it. “No. He’s progressed wonderfully. I saw him engaging with the teens, he spoke with the veterans, and he forgot to give me a sarcastic response or act like a smartass to get me to back off. He doesn’t realize no other options existed the day his team died. He blames himself for their deaths. In no scenario did he stand a chance. When David threatened him, he didn’t have any other choice but to leave, or he might be dead,” she rushed out.

“You had a choice. You could’ve written a message. Kilner didn’t see through walls, Claire. Instead, you insisted he leave,” Kassie pressed.

“I didn’t want him hurt. He deserves a second chance at a good life,” Claire argued.

“Because you fell in love with him,” Kassie shot back.

“I have feelings a doctor shouldn’t have for my patient,” Claire sucked in a breath at the realization of what she confessed. Her hand flew to her mouth. She gazed at Kassie with startled eyes. “What did I do?” she whispered.

Kassie smiled. “You fell in love. I’ve endured several hard, excruciating sessions with you, and not once did you kiss me,” she teased. “Holy hotness, Claire. You two make more steam than my shower.”

Claire’s mouth dropped open, unsure of how to respond.

Kassie shook her head. “I’ve learned a few things from our sessions and recognize some of what you explained to me. Ryder holds an inherent need to fix things. He came to us lost and without a purpose. He punished himself for losing his team. The other medical teams medicated him and assured him it wasn’t his fault. You picked up on his need for a challenge and deduced from his records that he lost a reason to continue. You gave him something to fix while you counseled him. To engage his mind with his body. Then something changed and you pushed him. He struggled and you stepped back. Why?”

“He wasn’t ready. I made a mistake,” Claire admitted.

“No. You outwaited me for over three hours to come out of a room. You’re a pusher and refuse to back down without good cause. Yet, you allowed him to walk away for an entire week. Why?”

“I told you. He wasn’t ready,” she answered slowly.

Kassie sighed. “Ryder’s changed since he arrived. Like Whiskey, his PTSD won’t change overnight. He started PT with the team, he’s attending sessions with the group, and forming a relationship with Whiskey. I don’t think he intends to self-harm. He’s still cautious and hasn’t sorted out all his feelings. Given time, I believe he’ll recover, especially if he discovers a purpose beyond his dreams.”

Claire swallowed, her heart raced and she gazed at her friend. “I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me.”

“For a head shrink, you’re slow at catching on when it concerns your life. Ryder has feelings for you. I believe you feel the same way by the way you clung to him. You’ve known us longer and have come to trust the men of Serenity. Yet when you felt overwhelmed, you ran to Ryder. I know of only one thing that can bring someone lost into the light. It can heal better than any medicine or treatment we can offer. Love is the only thing worth fighting for. The question remains if you’re willing to risk everything to discover it.” Kassie rose and took the dishes to the kitchen before leaving.

Stunned, Claire continued to sit on the porch. Did she love Ryder? She thought of their time together. Her nose scrunched as she recalled how he insulted her home at every opportunity. He acted brass. He didn’t mince words or put up with bullshit. Over the last week, the Serenity crew relieved him while he went to therapy and sessions.

When he returned in the evenings, he threw a load of laundry in the wash and, to her embarrassment, hung her underthings in the shower, exactly as she did. Her friends always helped her bathe before he returned. In the evenings, he laid out her pajamas and busied himself in the kitchen while she changed her top. When she got to the bottoms, she felt dizzy bending over. He miraculously reappeared and covered her midsection while he slipped them down her legs, asked her questions about her day to keep her from feeling embarrassed, and then slid her nightwear up. Ryder helped her stand and she held onto his chest while he pulled them over her hips. As if reliving the moment, she thought she hung on to him a bit longer than necessary while she smelled his warm woodsy scent.

He made her feel safe. His hands lingered at her waist a moment longer than necessary. Did it mean anything? Since the first day he held her in the bed, he slept in the chair beside her, claiming his accommodations were far superior to other places he slept. He always knew when she woke and appeared within minutes of her stirring. Did he find a purpose in taking care of his patient?

Rising, her hand shot forward as she used the wall for balance as she went to her bedroom. Her fingers traced her lips as she imagined his pressing against hers, making her mouth tingle. She pondered over everything Kassie said and wondered if Ryder felt a case of transference as she heard him admit to Kassie at the hospital or if he experienced something else.

Her phone rang from her pocket, and she sat in the chair beside the bed before pulling it out.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Claire. It’s Dr. Gregory Klein. I returned to my office to discover you tried to contact me. I called you, but the woman who answered your phone stated you were indisposed. I saw the news. I’m assuming you’re calling about David Kilner.”

Claire let out a sigh of relief at hearing her colleague’s voice. “Hi, Dr. Klein. Thank you for returning my call. How’s your mother? I’m assuming you went to visit her. Your secretary mentioned you were out of the office for a couple of weeks.”

“We admitted her to a care facility after taking her on a small trip. I’m afraid her mental state took a turn for the worse,” Dr. Klein admitted, resigned.

“I’m sorry to hear it,” she sympathized. “If you’ve seen the news, you’ll know there’s an ongoing investigation concerning David Kilner. I reported his packages and letters to the police. They assured me he remained under lock and key.”

“I’m sorry, Claire. The whole situation sounded dreadful. Did David say anything to you?” he asked.

Claire closed her eyes. “Kilner wanted to kill me. He mentioned the deaths of his wife and mother. He appeared angry we testified against him.”

“It’s good your friend stopped by and it sounds like he saved you from certain harm. I can’t imagine how you must feel.” Dr. Klein expressed concern.

Claire sighed and hoped he didn’t mind if she used him as a soundboard. “It’s still overwhelming to think he came into my home while I slept.” She paused. “I’m having trouble sleeping.”

“Oh, Claire. Have you scheduled an appointment with a therapist? Maybe talking to someone might help. I’d prescribe therapy if you came in as my patient.”

Claire closed her eyes, knowing he spoke the truth. “I know. It makes me feel like a failure when I’m one of the head physicians at the hospital and I can’t help myself.”

“You’re too hard on yourself. I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you meet me for lunch? We’ll go someplace quiet and conduct a small session. We’re colleagues, and no one will be the wiser,” he offered.

“Thank you. I’m coming to Seattle to see a specialist for my eye, and I'm hoping he’ll release me. Once he does, I’ll set up an appointment,” she promised.

“I’ll wait for your call then. Can I do anything for you until then?”

“No. I’m well taken care of. I’ll call you soon and I’m glad he didn’t reach you,” she assured him.

“It’s pure luck I left when I did. I’m sorry you caught the brunt of his anger. Call me soon, Claire. I insist.” Dr. Klein pressed.

“I will. Thank you.” She hung up the call as Ryder appeared.

On seeing him enter, her heart skipped a beat and her throat went dry as she recalled the conversation with Kassie.

“Hey, Claire Bear, I’ll put dinner on in a few minutes. The team asked if they might speak with you. They’ve gathered in the living room. Do you feel up to talking to them?”

She sucked on her bottom lip.

Come on, you big baby. You can’t avoid the room forever.

“Sure,” she murmured softly.

He knelt before her. “It’s only a room with four corners. Don’t let him steal your joy in living in your dream home. It’s my worst nightmare, and I relive it every day when I pull into your driveway. I think to myself how long they must’ve searched for the ugliest shade of pink. Then, they trimmed it in neon yellow and deep purple to bring attention to it. I haven’t paid attention to it, but I bet it glows in the dark.”

She lightly punched his arm. “You’re talking about my pride and joy. I’m considering leaving it. The realtor said it’s the original colors. She said she asked the painters in the area if they knew who painted it. Nobody recalled anyone ever doing it.”

He grunted, “I believe it. No one wants to take credit for this.”

“Hey!”

Ryder chuckled. “I’ll stay by your side. They want to ask you a few questions.”

She allowed him to help her up. He squeezed her hand gently as he led her to the living room. Her heart pounded and she clutched his hand tightly. If she hurt him, he gave no indication as they entered the room. She scanned the area she avoided since returning home. Her mouth popped open and she stared at the room in which her nightmares formed on a daily basis.