Resist Me

Chapter 7

West

You know that feeling when you’re drinking? At first, you mean for it to be casual but the more you drink, the more you want to keep drinking. Then, suddenly, you’re hammered and watching Charlie the Unicorn on YouTube, which you haven’t seen since you were a little kid laughing with your friends.

Maybe it was just me. It was also possible that signaled the beginning of a problem, as could the ease with which I drank vodka. Or I just had poor self-control. Did it matter?

I guess it mattered when it led to me doing stupid things. My DUI, for one. It happened two months before me and Kai moved here in August. I was fresh out of high school, eager for the next chapter in my life. With a full-ride scholarship in hand and a bright future ahead of me, it felt like I was on top of the world.

Then my dad shit on my parade.

Willow failed to graduate, which pissed him off. He wasn’t mad at her, of course. Just me.

Why didn’t you make sure she was passing, West? Where were you when she skipped classes, West? How could you let this happen, West? You’ve screwed up her future .

My accomplishments didn’t matter, even though I’d worked my ass off. Willow was gonna do what she wanted to do. That had always been the case and the more you tried to stop her, the more she rebelled. If I followed her around all the time, trying to drag her back to the light, I wouldn’t be here right now.

It was far from the first time that I wondered if I’d been selfish. I should’ve put myself second to make sure she was okay. It wasn’t entirely her fault that she was like this. She struggled for reasons nobody should have to experience. Maybe I did fail her.

I was bringing her to Seattle now, which was the right move. It was a good thing that the football season was over. It gave me more time to make sure she was okay and on top of her shit. I’d have practice again soon, but I’d probably just drag her along. She might try to sleep with the guys on the team, which wasn’t ideal. Again, though, Willow was going to do her thing.

When it came down to it, what mattered was making sure she was safe. I was better at that than our dad. He was afraid- always afraid. We were almost nineteen, so it was time to leave him behind. Maybe it was what he needed to move on. Me and Willow had. As much as we could, at least.

Despite my worries, I couldn’t wait for her to get here. I loved that messy little bitch and having her live with us, where I could be sure that she was safe, would be worth the added stress.

A soft knock on the door drew me out of my thoughts. I paused the video and waited, hoping they’d just go away.

“West.”

Damnit. Even if I hid the vodka, Kai would know that I was drunk. Overprotective asshole.

I continued to ignore him, but then I heard a key in the lock. Sitting up straight, I narrowed my eyes at him as he stepped into the room.

“You’re not the only one with secret keys,” he noted with a mischievous smirk.

“I don’t need to be managed.”

“That’s not why I’m here.”

He eyed the bottle on the nightstand before he came over to the bed. When he grabbed it, I thought he’d dump it or throw it out the window, but he took a long drink of it. Putting a hand over his mouth, he coughed.

“He didn’t get you the top-shelf stuff.” I raised a brow and he smiled. “I invited Linc to our place on Saturday. He mentioned this.”

“Narc.”

“Relax. He wasn’t telling on you.”

“Still. He’s a dumb hoe.”

“So are you,” he noted, offering me the bottle. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to finish the game. You got us that win, you know, and they didn’t make it easy.”

“Maybe, but it doesn’t feel the same.”

“I know. You don’t see it, but they respect you for what you did tonight. Continuing after that hit and admitting when you couldn’t keep going. Both took strength.”

“You don’t have to make me feel better. None of them like me.”

“Why do you think that?”

I gripped the neck of the bottle tightly. “They think I’m annoying.”

“You’re not annoying, but…” He brought his legs up on the bed and turned toward me. “Maybe you try too hard sometimes. You’re an incredible person. Funny, smart, outgoing. I don’t know why you think it’s not enough to just be yourself.”

“When has my self ever been enough?”

“When you met me. My parents. With Willow. Anyone who has mattered to you loves you because of who you are, not for what you can do or how much you can impress them.”

“What if it still isn’t enough?”

“Then those people suck.”

I laughed, but I didn’t feel much better. Being myself with Kai was easy. When we first met, I’d been an asshole to him and he responded with a compliment. He forced me out of the facade I put on after my home life went to shit. That was different. I didn’t know how to show everyone else who I was. I didn’t really want to because with all of the good things came an assload of bad. If I showed them one, the other would bleed through as well. Then, I’d have more people looking at me the way my dad did every time he saw me.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked softly.

“I called him the other day.”

His eyes widened. “Your dad? ”

“Yeah, I needed money to get furniture. He has a college fund for me, one he started a long time ago. Most of it came from my mom’s life insurance, I guess.”

“And what’d he say?” Kai’s tone was cautious- rightfully so. He knew we were treading in shark-infested waters while sporting open wounds.

I laughed a little. “He sent me five grand.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah, I wanted it to be a surprise when a bunch of stuff showed up on Saturday, but now you know.”

“What’d you get?”

“Stuff for me and Willow’s rooms, a couch, a TV, some kitchen stuff. Some of it’s shitty, but it’s better than having nothing.”

“I could’ve pitched in.”

I shook my head. “You paid for the deposits and shit. The place sucks, but I want it to at least feel like a home.”

“It’ll be awesome. And when you’re drowning in cash someday, we’ll look back and laugh at how we used to live in squalor.”

“Unless I get eaten by a gaggle of roaches.”

“A gaggle,” he laughed. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

I pursed my lips, not wanting to mention that I’d seen a roach when we were there. While I wasn’t an expert in what was required of landlords, I was pretty sure they’d have to provide pest control if we asked. I had no doubt they knew about the issue, though, so I didn’t have confidence in them. Maybe I could learn the ins and outs of extermination.

“Everything is gonna be great,” he said. “It might be hard for a while, but that doesn’t mean it’ll be bad.”

“Take your Confucius ass elsewhere.”

Rolling his eyes, he put the cap on the bottle and stood. “I’m taking this, partly because you’re drunk enough and partly because I think Sen will be funny when he’s tipsy. Horny, too.”

I mimed a gag. “Gross. Now I’ll never be able to look at vodka.”

“Oh, don’t be dramatic. There’s a cheerleader’s hair bow on your floor, so I’m clearly not the only one.”

I followed his gaze. Sure enough, there was a blue bow that belonged to Jessi. It would be going in the trash. Nobody was allowed to sexualize my best friend in a way he wouldn’t like. Maybe he wouldn’t care, but I did.

He winked before he closed the door behind him. I was sort of glad that he took the bottle, otherwise I may have finished it and had a really bad night.

Lying back, I stared up at the ceiling. My ribs felt like they’d taken the full body weight of a massive football douchebag, which they had. I knew that when I woke up, I was going to be stiff from more than just that hit. He’d knocked me down way too many times. I didn’t know if he just hated my face or was on some sort of mission, but if he played next season, I’d be prepared.

I already knew I wouldn’t get much sleep, even though I was exhausted. I was a stomach sleeper, but with the pain in my body, I could only lie on my back. Hopefully, the vodka would end up making me tired enough to manage.

*****

“We got the keys,” I announced.

Willow shrieked in my ear, making me wince. I turned the volume down and readjusted my earbuds before I swung the door open to my room. It was basic, just some boring gray carpet and not enough outlets on the walls, but I told myself I wouldn’t complain, so I imagined all the ways I could spruce it up.

“I just want to come now,” she whined.

“Have patience. I need time to prepare for your crazy ass.”

“Shut up. I’m mad they didn’t have any spots for earlier tests.”

“You’ll be fine. And once you pass, you’ll be the proud new owner of a GED certificate. It’s every brother’s dream.”

“Not everyone is perfect,” she said in a mocking tone.

I scoffed. “I think you’re mistaking me for Kai.”

“He’s more fun too.”

“Yeah, yeah. When do you plan on telling dad?”

There was a long pause while I checked out the walls, trying to find anything wrong that I should put on the form they gave us. My nose wrinkled when I saw they’d painted over some strands of hair, making them a permanent addition to my space. Gotta love the landlord special.

“I was thinking,” she drawled. “He’ll figure it out when he comes home and all my stuff is gone. ”

“Willow, you have to tell him.”

“Oh, come on. I thought you’d be all for giving him the metaphorical middle finger.”

“He actually cares about you. Besides, I even told him that I was leaving as soon as I got everything finalized.” Leaning against the wall, I closed my eyes. “Just tell him, please. Either way, I’ll get the angry phone call, but it’ll be worse if you just disappear.”

“Fine. What if he cries?”

“I doubt he’s capable. It’s you, though, so maybe he will.”

“He cares about you too, you know.”

Opening my eyes, I put up the familiar wall in my head. “Not for a long time.”

“It’s not your fault. You know that.”

“Doesn’t matter. He has to blame someone and he’s too afraid for it to be himself. Look, I don’t want to talk about this. Warn me before you tell him so that I know to silence my phone.”

“Okay.” Her voice had become small and it made my chest ache. “I love you, West.”

“Love you too.”

I took a moment to breathe, pinching the bridge of my nose. When I was sure I’d be fine, I left the room. Kai and Sen were examining the kitchen, opening each of the cabinets and peering inside. Sen made a sound of disgust as he pulled out a Ziploc full of unidentifiable crumbs.

“Are you sure they cleaned this place?” he asked.

Kai grimaced. “Allegedly.”

“We have to clean it again. You invited a bunch of football guys here tonight.”

“Yeah, football guys. Most of them don’t wash their uniforms in-between games.”

“Don’t worry,” I interrupted. “I already got cleaning stuff. It’s in my dorm.”

“Well, that’s not a helpful place for it,” Sen pointed out.

I mocked him, earning a laugh from Kai. He pulled Sen into his side when he threw him a glare.

God, they were cute. I both loved and hated it. Now, we’d be around each other even more than usual, and I’d be lying if I said their dynamic wouldn’t make me a little jealous. Long-term relationships had eluded me thus far, not that I’d ever tried to find one. In high school, I was too busy or distracted. Now that football wouldn’t consume my life for a while, I wondered if I could explore the world of dating. It sounded simultaneously horrible and alluring.

“Let’s go get those supplies,” I suggested loudly. They were making fuck me eyes at each other and it was way too early in the day for that. We didn’t even have beds in here yet, for fuck’s sake.