Resisting my Roommate (Sycamore Falls #3)

Chapter 31

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

ABBEY

The early morning sun casts a soft golden light in Jude’s room as I sit on the edge of his bed, my suitcase packed and waiting by the door. A weight bears down on my chest, the thought of saying goodbye to this place excruciating. The only thing that makes it any easier is knowing I’ll have a little extra time with Jude as he drives me to the airport.

I tried to insist on taking an Uber, but he wouldn’t hear of it, telling me in no uncertain terms he would be driving me.

A part of me thinks it would be easier if he didn’t. If we just say our goodbyes here. But another part of me will do anything to spend as much time with Jude as possible.

With a heavy heart, I stand, inhaling his scent that still lingers in the bedroom. Then I force myself to leave. I have to.

“Let me get that for you,” he says as I descend the last few steps into the foyer, reaching for my suitcase.

The sight of him makes my chest squeeze, my heart aching. His dark hair is still damp from a shower, his facial hair neatly trimmed. But his eyes seem empty as they linger on me.

“You ready?” His voice is quieter than usual.

“Ready.”

Without another word, he heads to the front door and opens it. I hesitate, taking one last look around his townhouse, wondering if I’ll ever have this feeling again. This sense of comfort. Of peace.

Of home.

I follow him down the front porch and toward his truck, furrowing my brow when I see his mother strolling up the driveway toward us.

“Danielle… What are you doing here?”

“Just wanted to see you off.” She wraps her arms around me, squeezing me tight. “I’m going to miss having you around.”

I pinch my eyes shut, swallowing down the ever-present lump in my throat. I’ve come and gone from more places than I can remember. But leaving Sycamore Falls is becoming the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Not because of the town, but because of the people.

But I’m not sure I can stay here anymore, even if I weren’t taking this job.

“Just tell him,” she whispers, and I meet her green eyes, blinking repeatedly.

Does everyone know how I feel about Jude?

Grabbing my hand, she gives it one last squeeze before turning her attention to Jude, something unspoken passing between them.

The drive to the airport is mostly silent, the only sounds that of the hum of the tires on the road, the low murmur of the radio, and the occasional clearing of Jude’s throat. I watch the scenery blur past the window, the town I’ve come to love shrinking with every mile closer to the airport.

When Jude makes the turn onto the terminal road, my stomach twists and I steal a glance at him. He’s focused on driving, one hand on the wheel, the other resting on the gearshift, looking as calm and composed as ever. But I know him well enough by now to recognize the tension in his jaw, the tight grip of his fingers.

I wonder if he feels it too — this pull between us, like we’re leaving something unfinished.

I know we are.

I thought I was content with my decision to keep my true feelings to myself, too afraid of his inevitable rejection to tell him. But now, as he parks his truck in the airport garage and turns off the engine, Parker’s words replay in my mind. How I may regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t take a risk, to hell with the consequences.

She’s right.

If I don’t say something now, I will regret it.

“Jude…” I begin, my heart racing as I peer into his eyes, trying to summon the courage I need to get through this.

“Abbey, please don’t,” he chokes out, his words laced with desperation. “Whatever you’re about to say, I am begging you not to.”

“But I have to,” I manage to say, his pleading expression making it nearly impossible for me to speak. “I can’t leave without being completely honest. So please. Let me say what I need to. Don’t I deserve that much?”

He stares at me for several long moments, his lips tight, as if he wants to tell me no. It won’t matter, though. This is something I need to do for me. I can’t leave any piece of me in this town.

“I’m not taking this job because it’s what I want.”

His eyes darken, his muscles coiled like a spring ready to snap. But he doesn’t interrupt. Instead, he waits for me to continue, his gaze fixed on mine.

“I’m taking it because I don’t know how to stay here…” I wipe away the tears forming in my eyes. “I don’t know how to stay in the same place as you with how I feel about you.

“I’m in love with you, Jude.” The words tumble out, each one heavy with the emotions I’ve been holding back for too long now. “I know it’s the last thing you want to hear, but I can’t get on that plane without you knowing. Without telling you I love you.”

The silence in the car threatens to suffocate me, the weight of my confession hanging between us.

Finally, Jude lets out a long breath and closes his eyes, running a hand through his hair.

“I can’t be the reason you stay. Won’t be the reason you stay.”

“I’m not asking you to be the reason I stay,” I whisper, my voice cracking. “I’m asking if there’s any part of you that doesn’t want me to go. That might feel the same way about me.”

“I can’t do it again,” he murmurs, almost too quietly for me to hear. “I can’t let myself love someone and lose them again.”

The pain in his voice breaks something inside of me, and I reach out, placing my hand over his and squeezing. “You won’t lose me, Jude.”

He shakes his head, defeated. “I can’t take that risk, Abbey. I told you from the beginning. I’m not the guy who can give you what you need. That hasn’t changed because of a few weeks of great sex.”

“A few weeks of great sex?” I withdraw my hand, tears blurring my vision. “Is that all I am to you?”

I meet his gaze, pleading with him to tell me the truth. To tell me I changed everything for him, like he changed everything for me. To finally be honest with himself.

“That’s all you are.” His response wavers, his voice betraying him. But it doesn’t matter. I won’t fight for someone who refuses to fight for himself. Who continues to lie to himself. I deserve better than that.

I wrench open the door and hurry to grab my suitcase from the back. But before I can, he’s doing it for me, placing the bag on the ground and extending the handle.

“You don’t need to walk me inside,” I tell him firmly. “I can manage on my own.”

“Abbey, please.”

“After all, it was just sex.” I spit out bitterly. “Fuck buddies don’t do tearful airport goodbyes, Jude.”

I grab the handle and am about to storm away, but he grips my hand, preventing me from running.

“Abbey…” My name comes out strained, evidencing how much he’s struggling with this.

And I know he is.

As our eyes meet one last time, I see everything he wishes he could hide from me — his regret, his pain… his love .

Which is why I don’t yank my hand free from his.

“I’m sorry.” His voice breaks.

“Yeah,” I whisper, tears streaming down my face. “Me too.”

Several seconds tick by as he looks between my face and my hand, as if debating what to do. Whether he should take a risk like I just did.

With a long exhale, he shakes his head and releases me, allowing me to walk away from him.

So that’s what I do, even though each step feels like a knife twisting in my gut.

I thought rebuilding my life after Carson’s betrayal was the hardest thing I’d ever have to do.

I was wrong.

Walking away from Jude is ten times worse.

Because I know he loves me.

He’s just too scared to admit it.

And I refuse to sacrifice my dreams for someone else.

Not anymore.