Rise of a Fallen Man (A Look in the Mirror #2)

Chapter 17

Ari

I adjusted Father’s blanket to cover his exposed foot. I did it carefully so as not to wake him, but his sleep remained deep, aided by the sleeping potion and a calming spell.

Rotcod snored softly in the chair nearby. The tattered book of spells lay open in his lap. Until two days ago, two witch apprentices also spent nights in Father’s bedroom. But as his condition had been improving, they had moved into the front parlor to give him more privacy at night. Mother and I had been taking turns at Father’s bedside to make sure he had someone from his family with him whenever he woke up.

It’d been a stressful week for all of us, a rollercoaster of emotions. But now, Father’s health had been steadily improving. He’d had several surgeries that all went well. After an extensive consultation with the royal healing witch, Rotcod had successfully performed the reconstruction, and now the king was on the mend.

The door to the bedroom opened quietly, and Mother slipped inside.

“How is he?” she asked.

“Asleep.” I stepped away from the bed and whispered, “Rotcod brewed him a healing tea with a drop of sleeping potion and gave him some powder to help manage the pain.”

“Was he in a lot of pain?” She glanced at Father’s bed over my shoulder.

“Not as much. He was in a very good mood tonight, actually.” I smiled. “He even made me promise I’d take him to the games this weekend.”

“The games?” Mother gasped. “Do you really think he’ll feel well enough to leave the palace so soon?”

“If he’s comfortable enough, I think a change of scenery will do him good. That’s what Rotcod said too.”

“It’s so good to hear, Ari. There have been moments in this past week when I didn’t think your father would ever leave the palace alive again...” Her lips trembled, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

Goddess knew I’d had many moments like that myself. Even as Father was recovering now, the fear for him hadn’t released my heart yet.

“He’s better, Mother.” I gave her a firm hug, determined to stay strong for her sake.

“Well...” She sniffled, releasing me from the hug and quickly sweeping with her hand her cheeks under her eyes. “I have some good news too. Madam Trela reported she finished her investigation into the recent horrific murders. The case is now with the judge. The ruling will be quick. I requested a public execution of the murderer. People have to see with their own eyes that the threat to our peace and safety is finally eliminated.”

“Is Madam Trela certain then that they got the right man?”

“All evidence is there, Ari. The owner of the fun house confirmed his identity. He was apprehended while trying to commit another murder. How can there be any doubts?”

“You’re right.” I nodded.

From the day the guards apprehended the suspect over a week ago, there hadn’t been any more attacks. Peace had returned to Egami.

“I shall let Rotcod go to bed.” Mother made a move toward the warlock, but I stopped her.

“Let him sleep. He’s been up a lot every night since he got to the palace. You can send him to bed if he wakes up on his own. Otherwise, I wouldn’t disturb him.”

She nodded, going to Father instead. “You haven’t slept much either, Ari. Go to bed. I’ll stay here with him.”

I was tired. With Mother spending most of her time at Father’s side, I had taken almost entirely over all her duties of running the queendom. I also tried to be with Father every spare second I got.

“You spent the last night here,” Mother insisted. “But you didn’t sleep at all. You were up and awake every time I opened my eyes.”

“I don’t sleep that much, anyway.”

“Well, I think you should try to get some sleep tonight.”

“But how about you?”

“I’m good.” She smiled, sliding under the covers on the opposite side of Father. The bed was wide enough for her not to disturb him. “I sleep the best when he’s near,” she said and added almost apologetically, “I miss him.”

Leaving the queen with Father, I went across the hall and past the grand marble staircase to my bedroom. Exhaustion weighed heavily on me, promising at least a few hours of sleep if I was lucky.

The guards at the doors to my suite bowed to me in greeting.

“His Highness Prince Leafar is waiting for you, Your Highness,” one of them said.

“Leafar?” I paused in my tracks.

For a moment of weakness, I cowardly considered going to my study or spending the night in the library instead. But he was my husband. I’d asked him to marry me. I couldn’t run from him now, no matter how tired I was.

Coming to my senses, I thanked the guards, crossed my sitting room, and pushed the door to my bedroom open.

The soft glow of the lit candles in the room momentarily conjured the vision of Salas making us tea while waiting for my return. The sudden memory came with a tug at my heart, both sweet and agonizingly painful.

“Your Highness?” Leafar rose from the couch, rubbing his eyes.

Without a suit jacket, a waistcoat, or even a cravat, he had the first few buttons of his shirt open, which I had never seen him do before. Such carelessness in appearance was not typical for the prince.

“Evening, Leafar.” I spotted a silver tray with a liquor bottle and two glasses on it. “Have you been...um, sleeping here?”

“Well...” He smoothed his hair with both hands, then adjusted his shirt. “Sleep was not my intention when coming here. But Your Highness has been absent from your rooms for so long, I’m afraid, I’ve dozed off.”

I remained standing by the door. “It’s late. You should get some sleep. Please, allow me to walk you back to your rooms.”

He pursed his lips stubbornly. His bottom lip slid out a little, making him look like a petulant child.

“Once you walk me to my bedroom, will you stay there with me?” he asked. “Will you spend the night?”

I inhaled deeply, leaning with my back against the door. Tonight was not a good time. But neither had been any other night prior. I couldn’t keep avoiding him forever.

He quickly filled a glass from the bottle.

“Have a drink with me.” He came closer, offering the glass to me. “Please forgive my intrusion. But Your Highness is a very busy woman. I have a hard time finding even a minute in your schedule for me.”

Guilt ballooned in my chest. I had asked him to marry me. I had made him my husband. He was just trying to spend some time with his wife. The least I could do was to meet him half-way.

“Thank you.” I accepted the glass with what smelled like an almond liqueur—a little stronger than what I usually drank, but I took a sip anyway as a peace offering.

“Do you like it?” Leafar beamed, hovering over me. “Almond liqueur is very popular at my mother’s court.”

“It’s...um, sweet.” I licked my lips, wishing he’d move away a little and give me some space.

Instead, he moved even closer, leaning over me with a hand propped on the door above my head. He was taller than me, likely significantly stronger, too, but I’d never felt unsafe in his presence before.

Not until now.

The way his smile slipped from his face as he ran his eyes over my face then down my chest unnerved me.

“Leafar...” I tried to sound calm, even as my heart leaped to my throat in alarm.

“Kiss me,” he croaked, hooking his arm around my waist.

His almond scented breath hit my face as he yanked me to him. The cloying taste invaded my mouth as his tongue slipped between my lips.

Panic jolted through me so violently, my mind blanked for a moment. Darkness rushed in. Pressed against the door, I had no way to escape. I jerked my head sideways, breaking the kiss with a smacking sound of his lips disconnecting from mine.

“Don’t.” I said firmly, my pulse echoing in my ears with the power of a cannon.

“Well, since you’re not coming to me—” he started, but I didn’t let him say whatever twisted reasoning he’d conjured up as an excuse.

Bending my leg, I kicked up, hitting him in the crotch as hard as I could manage in this position.

He coughed a breath and doubled over, his hands cupping his cock.

Using the moment, I jumped aside and scurried behind the couch for safety.

“Why did you do it?” he groaned, staggering to the couch, then falling backwards on it with a tortured moan.

“I could ask you the same question.” I panted hard, my heart beating high in my throat somewhere. “Only I think I already know the answer. Did your aunt put you up to this?”

“No.” He rolled his head on the couch, tousling his golden curls. “But she is getting very impatient too.”

I took another step to the side, making sure to keep the back of the couch solidly between us.

“I thought we had an understanding, Leafar. I thought you agreed with me when I asked you to wait.”

“But how long can we wait?” he moaned. “If nothing happens, my aunt has already arranged for a public consummation next week.” He looked up at me from the couch, his handsome features crumbling in misery. “As a woman, you may not care about it as much as I do. But men have an inherent modesty, and it’s just...” he whimpered. “If I’m forced to go through it publicly, the shame would consume me.”

Desperation brought him into my room tonight. But it didn’t need to be that way.

“Leafar, it doesn’t have to come to that. Your aunt is not in this room with us. You can sleep in my bed. I’ll take the couch. In the morning, no one will have to know what happened or didn’t happen between us at night.”

He blinked at me in bewilderment.

“You want me to lie to my family and to the rest of the world?”

I released a breath, feeling deflated.

“No... Of course not. I don’t want you to lie...”

There were way too many candles in the room. The air felt hot and stifling, but I didn’t trust to turn my back to him even for the few seconds I needed to open the patio doors.

Leafar let go of his crotch and sat up sideways on the couch.

I took a step back, keeping a safe distance from him.

He ran a hand over his hair, then tugged at the collar of his shirt.

“You know that my father...” he said. “I mean my real father, not the current King Consort of Olakrez... My father was executed for treason. That was the official verdict. But the true reason for his execution has always been the royal court’s worst kept secret. I knew the truth, even as a child.” His fingers found the button of his shirt next, twisting it right and left. “The queen met her current husband years after being married to my father. Divorce doesn’t exist in Olakrez. The servant who testified against my father came into a large amount of money right after, then died under mysterious circumstances. And the queen... the queen married her lover a week after my father’s death.” He turned to face me, resting his hand with the wedding ring on the back of the couch. “My father died because my mother, the queen, didn’t desire him anymore.”

I could only imagine what it felt like for him to be thrust into all those intrigues at such a young age. Fear must’ve been with him ever since.

“It will never happen to you,” I said with conviction and tipped my chin at his hand. “With that ring, I promised you my protection. No one will ever hurt you here, Leafar.”

“Yet you don’t want me.” His lips quivered. The corners of his mouth turned down in a tragic expression. “By the time my father was my age, he’d already given the queen two children, but even that didn’t save him. What chance do I have if your attention wanders elsewhere? If even my youth and good looks aren’t enough to ignite your desires?”

“Listen, frankly...I hardly even have any special desires to ignite...” I shook my head. “Leafar, you’re not your father. And I’m certainly not your mother. I married you for life, with every intention of our marriage to be successful. But one thing for sure won’t help. Cornering me here the way you did, forcing a kiss on me was a very wrong way to go about it.”

What he did tonight felt like a huge step back in the development of any kind of intimacy between us. His presence in my room made my skin crawl with unease now.

He looked at me with confusion. “They said that powerful women like being dominated in private sometimes. That if I made the first step, it might excite you enough to...well, to go ahead with the consummation.”

“Who said that?”

He scratched his head. “Some of my gentlemen-in-waiting.”

“Oh, Leafar.” I ran a hand down my face. “Why don’t you just ask me instead? Why would you rather solicit random advice from anyone else? Especially about a private matter like this?”

“But you’re always busy.”

True, I hadn’t made it easy for him to find the time to ask. It’d be extremely difficult to catch me between all my events and meetings, even if he’d tried. While I was running around all day, trying to get double of my usual amount of work done, Leafar had nothing to do in the palace. He spent his days fretting about sex or about the lack of it, with the added pressure from all his family and friends who urged him to do something about it.

“I’m sorry,” I admitted. “Trust me, I fear the public consummation just as much as you do. I should’ve found the time to talk to you. I’ve been incredibly busy, but I should’ve made the time, anyway. You see...” I owed him at least the courtesy of an explanation. “The advice you got may very well work for some women. With me, however, aggression is a very wrong approach. It terrifies me.”

“I terrify you? ” His mouth fell open in shock.

“When you acted the way you did tonight, yes. You scared me.”

“But... No.” His breath hitched. His face paled. He clung with both hands to the back of the couch. “Your Highness, please... This wasn’t an assault. I didn’t mean to...”

And now, he clearly feared I’d have him executed for assaulting me.

“Please, calm down.” I sighed. “You have nothing to fear. I promised I wouldn’t hurt you. I certainly will never hold your inexperience against you.” If there was any chance left for us to rebuild the trust and grow closer, I felt I should start by being honest with him, too, like he’d been with me. “You know I came to Rorrim when I was sixteen. But I didn’t just appear out of nowhere. I was born and raised in another world, in a very different one than this one. In my old world, men are usually the ones in power.”

His eyes grew bigger as he took my words in.

“Men are in power?” He tilted his head, looking intrigued by such a concept. “But how can it be? Men are not the creators of life like the Great Goddess. Women are.”

“Well, the ideology behind it can be twisted either way, even to the point of justifying all sorts of abuse.” I clasped my hands in front of me, holding his gaze. “Leafar, I want you to know that I’m not a stranger to fear and pain. I know what it feels like to fear for your life. When I was still a child, before coming here, I was forced to do things against my will... including sexual things. My sense of safety has been compromised, and it often feels like it’s been broken irreparably. I don’t know if my apprehension regarding sex results from that now, but it’s difficult for me to get close to a man or to have sex simply for the sake of sex. I will need a little patience and understanding from you. Please?”

He sat in silence for a moment.

“What is this world that you came from?”

“Does it really matter?” I asked, a little confused by his reaction.

He blinked, smoothing down his hair.

“No. I suppose it does not.” He got up from the couch.

“Would you like to spend the day together tomorrow?” I offered.

“A whole day?”

“Well, I have some meetings scheduled, but we can have breakfast and lunch together. I may even find some time for a brief walk in the gardens. Just you and me.”

“If you sleep with me tonight, we can have breakfast in bed tomorrow,” he pushed.

I refused to leave my safe place behind the couch. Now that my mind had placed Leafar as an aggressor, I couldn’t relax in his presence again. Even my offer for him to sleep in my bed while I took the couch no longer seemed viable. My skin prickled with impatience as I waited for him to get out of my personal space.

It was a setback. But I clung to the hope that we could still fix it and move past it together.

“I’d rather have breakfast served on the patio downstairs,” I suggested. “It offers such a lovely view of the gardens.”

“I’ll think about it.” He headed for the door, his bottom lip pushed out in that petulant, childish expression of his.

“Or we could go to the games together.” I wouldn’t give up on trying to save the situation. “Father wishes to see the games if he’s feeling better. You can come with us. Would you like to see the games?”

“Maybe.” He pushed the door open. “Don’t bother escorting me to my rooms, Your Highness. My perfect reputation is beginning to feel more like a burden, anyway.”

He left, slamming the door a little harder than was necessary.

Struggling to breathe, I rushed to the patio doors and swung them wide open. The cool night air rushed in, blowing out the candle flames.

I felt many things at once—frustrated with Leafar, angry at the people in his party who kept adding pressure to our already complicated relationship.

But most of all, I felt disappointed and even disgusted with myself, because as my upset husband had just stormed out of my room, instead of rushing after him to try smoothing the things out between us, I stared at the hedge deep in the palace gardens. It hid the stables from view that once served as slaves’ barracks.