Rise of a Fallen Man (A Look in the Mirror #2)

Chapter 28

Ari

B y knowingly fornicating with a fallen man, I disregarded our laws, betrayed our queendom, and disappointed my mother. Despite Leafar’s silence, the Grand Duchess of Olakrez found out about my gross transgression through other means.

I caused a scandal, which would forever stain my husband’s reputation if it became public. Because that was how the public opinion worked—I was the fornicator, but Leafar would be blamed for being a bad husband who failed to keep me at his side.

However, my only punishment was a stern conversation with my mother, who lectured me on making better choices in the future.

After ensuring that Rorrim would keep my affair a secret from the rest of the world, the grand duchess called Leafar “spoiled goods” and departed Rorrim without a delay, leaving him behind. As it turned out, my “disgrace” actually strengthened Rorrim’s relationship with Olakrez, since making my “dirty secret” known to the world was not in either country’s interests.

Leafar stayed in his rooms, refusing to see me. His valet informed me that my presence in his bedroom was no longer desired and that from then on, the prince would charge the Crown of Rorrim for any public appearances with me at the price negotiated through the royal council.

The games master announced that Falo retired from the gladiators and decided to spend the rest of his life in peace of the countryside in an undisclosed location. After the damage his sabotage had caused to the games from the very first act of Salas, Lerrel could’ve pursued a life of imprisonment or even the death penalty for Falo, but she chose to just banish him instead.

The scandal of the crown princess’s affair with a former man for hire was hushed up with minimal consequences for the crown before any rumors even got a chance to form.

The one person who stood to pay dearly for all of it was Salas.

Because of his connection to me, his case never went to a judge. To keep it private, he was tried by the royal council, with only the council members and a few trusted guards present. The investigation was rushed, with the trial taking place only two days after his arrest. They couldn’t wait to deal with the undesirable as fast as possible, to erase him from existence, like a shameful stain on the history of the royal family.

The two days leading up to the trial I spent in the royal library, poring over every legal document I could find that might help me defend him.

Yet on the morning of the trial, I approached the throne room empty-handed. There simply was not a single law in Rorrim that was on Salas’s side. In the entire history of the queendom, not a single case had been successfully argued in favor of a fallen man.

Instead of books, notes, or scrolls in my arms, I had a dagger hidden under my purple council robe. I didn’t condone violence, but I couldn’t give up on Salas. I intended to pass the dagger on to him, and if diplomacy failed, I was determined to try anything and everything to free him, including breaking him out of jail.

The guards opened the doors into the throne room for me, and I entered the place I always held sacred in my heart. To me, this was the heart of Rorrim. Everything that was pure and noble about the queendom resided here. Now, I feared cruelty and injustice reigned here too.

The queen wasn’t in the room yet, but all twenty-four councilors were present. They bowed to me in greeting—a differential treatment that was nothing but decorum. My opinion mattered here only as long as it aligned with the established norms. When I went against the norms, I never won.

Lady Etah, the Head of the Council, peered at me above her reading glasses. “Greetings, Your Highness.”

“Greetings.” I walked across the open space in the middle with the white marble rose inlaid on the floor and took my seat to the right of the queen’s throne.

Mother arrived shortly after. Her long purple mantle swept over the white rose of peace on the floor on her way to the throne.

She’d said she wasn’t angry with me, just disappointed with my choices. Her disappointment cut deeper than her anger would. But in this case, I couldn’t regret my choices. In fact, if I had to make them again, I would. I’d choose Salas every time.

Four trusted guards, armed with swords and crossbows, entered the room. Behind them, two more led Salas in. His hands weren’t bound, and I realized why when he tripped over his feet, then ran his unfocused gaze across the room. They had drugged him into submission. The guards weren’t here to subdue him. They helped him walk because he was so heavily sedated, he might fall without them holding his arms.

My heart ached seeing him like that. I bit my lip and clasped my hands in my lap so tightly, my fingernails dug into the skin of my palms. The sting of physical pain helped me focus enough to speak.

“The accused is inebriated, Your Majesty,” I said firmly. “He doesn’t have the clear presence of mind to defend himself. We should postpone the trial until he’s mentally competent.”

At the sound of my voice, Salas jerked his head up. His chest expanded with a long breath as the guards seated him in a carved armchair facing the queen, with the white rose of peace between Mother and him.

“The accused is not the one in charge of his defense,” Lady Etah argued. “Lady Wal is. And she is in full control of her mind. Are you not, Lady Wal?”

“I am, Head Councilor,” Lady Wal replied with a soft smile.

They wouldn’t let me defend Salas, citing conflict of interests. They’d tried to ban me even from attending his trial, but I was a full member of the council, and as such, I had the right to be here today.

Lady Wal, a soft-spoken, tall woman in her fifties, rose from her seat and cleared her throat, checking her notes.

Since the law was not on his side, Lady Wal spoke primarily about Salas’s character. She praised his record as an obedient, hard-working slave. She outlined his rise to fame in the gladiators’ arena, portraying him as a man well-loved by the public. She brought up his role in apprehending the violent serial killer. Finally, she highlighted his heroic actions when saving me from the three-winged dragon in the arena. She mentioned his magical ability to wield fire, but Lady Etah promptly dismissed that part.

“The accused’s peculiar command of magic is irrelevant to this case,” she said. “Depending on the verdict reached today, however, we can conduct another investigation at a later date. It might be in the interests of the crown to determine exactly what kind of forbidden warlock magic this man might be practicing.”

She tapped with her quill at the scroll in her lap, peering at Salas, as if trying to decide whether she preferred him beheaded as a former whore or burned at the stake as a warlock practicing black magic.

“Considering the accused’s exemplary behavior,” Lady Wal concluded, “I believe that an execution would be too harsh a punishment for this man. I therefore petition Her Majesty and the highly esteemed royal council to replace the execution with an imprisonment for life. Let’s give him a chance to think about the choices he’s made and regret the harm that he’s done.”

My heart sank into my stomach with dread. A dungeon cell for the rest of his life—that was the highest leniency Salas could hope for, even in the eyes of his own defender.

Lady Etah unfurled her scroll. “The council understands the defender’s position. However, the law in this case is clear. Death penalty is the only appropriate punishment for this man.”

The queen nodded, and so did the rest of the council members.

My insides froze in horror.

“The gravity of his crime,” Lady Etah continued, reading from the scroll, “is further exacerbated by the long period of time during which his deceit took place. He’s had years to repent and confess in his crimes to the law enforcement authorities, yet he never did that. Any leniency for such a hardened, unrepented criminal would be a grave mistake on our part.”

Her every word fell heavily on my chest. Fear threatened to spike into panic, but I refused to give up hope.

I jumped to my feet. “Why don’t you prosecute me? I was the one who ordered Salas to my rooms. I lied for him. Making him a gladiator was my idea. I was the mastermind of his deceit. Prosecute me.”

Lifting her reading glasses up to her forehead, Lady Etah gave me a chilling look.

“I beg your pardon, Your Highness, but we didn’t gather here this morning to pass judgement on your behavior.”

“But why not?” I argued. “After all, it takes two to have an affair, doesn’t it? Shouldn’t I be sitting there, next to him?”

“Aniri,” Mother intervened in the firm voice of a parent imploring her child to behave.

But I hadn’t been a child for a long time now, and this wasn’t a child’s play. Salas’s life was at stake.

“Once again, Your Highness,” Lady Etah insisted, “the council is not judging your personal involvement in this case. We all make mistakes occasionally. Clearly, this vile man saw a young woman of high standing with a bright future ahead of her and took advantage—”

“And there it is.” I raised a finger in the air. “The only reason you spared me from a trial is because I am a woman and of high standing. Anyone else would’ve been right there, judged with him. You’re concerned about my bright future. But what about his future? His life? If men and women are equal—”

Lady Etah shook her head.

“But they’re not, Your Highness. Men and women are not the same and never were. Goddess put a man below a woman to serve, protect, and obey her, and she did it for a reason. Only when men know their place can our queendom prosper.”

Salas’s crime wasn’t his relationship with me. It wasn’t even the deceit that he was charged with. He dared defy the norms. Now, his mere existence threatened the established order, and as such, he lost his right to exist.

Lady Etah ran a hand over her silver hair pulled into a high up-do. “We gathered here today to reach a verdict on the matter at hand. Only the accused himself or his defender can speak on his behalf. And since Your Highness is not his defender, I suggest—”

Salas cleared his throat unexpectedly. Pushing with his hands into the arms of his chair, he rose heavily.

“I’ll speak,” he said.

His voice was rough. He winced when he tried to swallow. His throat must be dry. His gaze still seemed slightly unfocused and his stance unsteady, but he squared his shoulders with determination.

Lady Etah waved at him to sit down. “Your defender has already presented your case. I fear you lack the education and credentials to add anything of substance to your case.”

“You said I could speak. That’s the law, is it not?” he glanced my way for confirmation.

I nodded quickly.

“Everyone has the right to defend themselves in the court of law,” I said firmly, then turned to the guards. “Can Salas have some water, please?”

I’d defend him until I ran out of breath, until my voice broke, and my brain fogged from exhaustion. I would use my dagger to draw blood without hesitation too. But Salas had a voice of his own. All his life, he’d been silenced. Now was his chance to be heard.

“The deeply esteemed ladies of the royal council,” Salas moved his gaze from one face to another along the semi-circle of seats, “Your Highness...” His rough voice warmed a little when his eyes paused on me. “Your Majesty.” He bowed his head to Mother. “If you wanted me to think about my life choices, you didn’t need to bother imprisoning me. Goddess knows that most of my life, I’ve been doing exactly that. I’ve been thinking about the choices I’ve made when I had any choice at all.”

A young male clerk in a tight purple uniform with crisp white collar and cuffs trotted in with a glass of water and handed it to Salas, then waited until Salas hungrily emptied the glass before taking it from him and leaving the room.

“May I take you through those choices with me, ladies?” Salas asked.

A murmur rolled through the council.

Lady Etah furrowed her forehead. “I don’t see how it’s...”

Salas explained before she could stop him, “You are all wise, highly educated women. So maybe you could tell me where I went wrong?” He paused, but no one interrupted him this time. “You see, my mother died when I was twelve. It devastated our family and left my father and me homeless. I believe her death marked the beginning of my misfortunes. However, you must agree, I have no control over the matters of life and death. The blame for her illness and death lies only with the gods.”

The councilors shifted in their seats while Salas continued.

“Many would say I was fortunate that a highborn lady took me in. And at the beginning, I thought myself lucky too. But the lady was the one who took my innocence—”

“Now...” Lady Wal waved a hand nervously. “We really don’t need to know the details.”

“You don’t want to.” Salas nodded. “Speaking of sex makes people uncomfortable, doesn’t it? I know what it’s like. No one speaks of what happens between a man and a woman. No one taught me about sex, either. I was too young to know about such things they would say, even when I was already doing all those things with the lady. Maybe if I had any prior knowledge on the subject, I would’ve been better prepared to deal with her advances. I was told to stay away from girls. But no one taught me that the real danger could come from an older, powerful woman of high standing. No one taught me how to say no to someone lauded as my benefactor, someone I was supposed to be grateful to and obey her every word.”

I drew in a shaky breath, clutching my hands tighter. Salas had been open with me about his past, but I could only imagine what it must be costing him to speak about it this frankly to a room full of strangers. It took a different kind of strength, one that I didn’t think I possessed.

“Was that where you think I might’ve taken a wrong turn?” he asked. “That I somehow should’ve known what obeying her would lead to? That I should’ve fought her? Would it appease you if I pushed her away, got charged with an assault on a woman, and was executed? None of what has followed would’ve happened then. I would’ve still died a criminal, but not a whore.”

He paused, waiting for a reply from the council, but none came. Lady Wal’s cheeks bloomed with crimson. Lady Etah stared straight ahead over Salas’s shoulder. Others listened, avoiding eye contact with him too.

“I started working in a fun house because my only other option was to freeze to death on the side of a road. Was that the wrong choice to make?” He tilted his head. “Should I have died instead? It looks like this has been my life’s biggest mistake—I chose to live.” He paused, his throat bobbed with a swallow. “It all went only worse from then on. You see, once a man tripped on the moral path laid out for us by society, the only thing he can do is fall. There is no recourse, no atonement, no turning back. No way up.”

He ran a hand through his hair. The gesture appeared to cost him his balance. He swayed sideways. I jerked, ready to help, but the guards steadied him.

“I never blamed anyone for my misfortunes but myself and the cruel fate. But maybe I should have?” There was an accusation in his question. “If the odds are stacked up so high against you, how far can you really make it on your own? Men have so few options in this world—”

“There are good reasons for that,” Lady Etah pointed out.

“I know.” He exhaled a humorless laugh. “Trust me, I was a diligent student as a child and studied the scriptures well. I know all about the ideals every man should aspire to. Only the scriptures stay silent about what happens to those who fail to meet those ideals. You see, a man can only play one role in life. He’s to be a husband and father. There is no occupation for him otherwise.” He ran his gaze over the row of councilors, finding me. “By the grace of Princess Aniri, I got to experience what it’s like to have an honorable occupation that brings people’s admiration instead of their scorn.” He turned to the queen next, speaking to her directly. “The man you’re condemning to death today is the same man you celebrated as a hero who saved the princess. Just a few days ago, you called me ‘special’ and ‘touched by magic.’” A bitter half-smile crossed his lips. “I am still me. But oh, how your opinion about me has changed.”

Mother inhaled deeply, stoically holding his gaze.

“You wanted me to think about my life choices,” Salas addressed the entire room. “I have, and I will continue to think about them for as long or as short as my life may be. But I want to ask you all to think about the choices you give to men and boys in Rorrim. How many of us could’ve had a better life if given a chance? How many boys out there have the potential to be the princess-saving heroes but will end up in fun houses or frozen on the side of a road instead? I’m not asking for leniency for myself,” he concluded. “But I implore you to think of the lives you could still save. What happened to me is happening to others out there, and our laws allow for that to happen.”

When Salas went quiet, I held my breath, waiting for the reaction from the council. A few of the ladies shifted their feet. One or two sniffled softly. Mother seemed contemplative.

Lady Etah pointed her quill at the councilor, who was taking notes of the proceedings.

“This is the kind of rhetoric that can never leave this room.” She gave the councilor a pointed look. The woman nodded and promptly ripped to pieces the last two pages of her notes.

Everything that Salas had said was erased, just like they wanted to erase him from existence too.

Mother lifted a hand in a call to attention.

“I’m willing to consider a life imprisonment instead of the death penalty for this man,” she said. “He might’ve turned out better had the state collected him as an orphan after his mother’s death, or maybe if the church intervened in time.”

“Your Majesty,” Salas sighed. “If you think the lives of state wards are any better, you’re sorely mistaken. Mine is just one case of many. A fundamental change is needed to stop and prevent the sufferings of many.”

But his plea fell on deaf ears. Even if they spared his life, he’d be rotting in the dungeon for nothing.

“Your position is noted, Your Majesty.” Lady Etah folded her hands in her lap. “Is the council ready to take a vote?”

Lose his life or lose his freedom. Such were his options. Neither was good enough. Salas deserved better.

“Where are you going, Your Highness?” Lady Etah called after me as I rose from my chair and headed to Salas.

Diplomacy didn’t work.

I reached inside my robe and drew the dagger.