Risqué Business (Club Risqué #8)

Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

“ S o, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Jake finally asked, much later, when the children were all fed and settled into bed for the night. At least until one of them woke, anyway.

Charlotte cringed. She’d been dreading having to talk about this, but she knew he’d ask. She was amazed he’d waited this long, if she was honest.

“I just had a bit of a wobble, that’s all,” she said lightly, trying to play it off, just as she had every other time he’d asked. She was embarrassed. Having Jake come home to find her having an emotional breakdown because she couldn’t handle three small children was not the image of the strong, put together woman she wanted to portray.

Jake leaned back on the couch and regarded her sceptically. His strong jawline was cast in shadow by the dim, warm glow of the lamp that matched the broken one. He was a supportive husband and father but not one who would let things go unnoticed or unaddressed. Charlotte had pulled off her very best acting, attempting to prove to him that she was just fine, but she knew he’d suspected, since he brought up the option of hiring a nanny so often.

It wasn’t that she wanted to deceive him. She just didn’t want him to think she was as weak and incapable as she felt.

"Charlotte, this is me you’re talking to," he said slowly. "I know everything you’ve been through in your life. You aren't a woman who just gets a 'bit of a wobble.’” She sighed, dropping her gaze to the coffee table cluttered with toys and half-drunk mugs of coffee she hadn’t had time to finish today. Her fingers picked at a loose thread on the hem of her sleeve, an excuse not to look Jake in the eye. The man always saw too much. But she knew she’d be in bigger trouble if she didn’t talk to him about how she’d been feeling lately.

"I was just having a bad day, that’s all. I felt… overwhelmed,” she confessed finally with a shaky breath. Her eyes welled up with tears, but she blinked them back fiercely. She hated to admit that. Hated it with a vengeance.

“Charlotte, we have three children under the age of four, and they’re demanding. Jacob’s always been a handful. You’ve just started potty training Daniel, and Evie is still being weaned. I know it’s a lot. No wonder you feel this way.”

Jake shifted closer to her on the couch, gently pulling her to him and into a hug. His strong arms wrapped around her, offering warmth and comfort. "It's okay to admit when things get tough, honey," he continued, his voice soft but firm. "You don't have to be perfect all the time."

Charlotte let out a deep sigh and rested her head against his chest. His heartbeat was steady, a solid anchor in the storm of chaos that had become her life lately. She closed her eyes and tried to absorb some of his calmness.

"I hate feeling like this," she admitted quietly, her voice muffled against his shirt. "I should be able to handle things better. I should..."

"No," Jake interrupted sternly, pulling back slightly so that he could look into her eyes. "Don't you dare 'should' yourself, Charlotte. You're doing an amazing job with our kids. You're a great mom."

“But it doesn’t feel like it…” she trailed off, staring at the pattern of the carpet beneath their feet.

"Then we'll make changes," Jake said resolutely. "We can look into getting a nanny, or a housekeeper. Or get a babysitter once a week so we can have an evening off to go to the club..."

“No!” Charlotte looked up at him, a frown on her face. They’d had this argument before. "We don't need a nanny, Jake! That's not the solution. I just... need to sort myself out," she protested, her tone defiant, almost stubborn.

Jake's intense blue eyes held her gaze, his thumb rubbing soothing circles into her hand. “It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help, Charlotte."

Silence fell between them, filled only with the soft ticking of the clock on the wall and the occasional distant shuffle or murmur of one of their children through the baby monitor. Charlotte bit her lip, contemplating his words.

"I just feel like I'm failing," she admitted softly after a moment, her voice barely more than a whisper. "I feel like I'm letting everyone down."

A single tear escaped from Charlotte’s eye and trickled down her cheek. Jake reached up and gently wiped it away with his thumb, his expression both comforting and stern.

“Listen to me, sweetheart. You are not failing. Getting a nanny doesn’t mean you’re failing. You have given everything for these kids and for me, and I am grateful for you every single day. But seriously, you need to make some time for yourself. You’ve already stopped working so you can concentrate on the children. We hardly ever go to Club Risqué anymore. And the time you spend with the girls is more about play dates than adult time. How much of yourself can you give away before there’s nothing left?”

She knew he didn’t mean that as a criticism, but it still brought out her deepest fear.

Jake’s next words proved he knew that, too. “You don’t risk being like your mother because you need help. You aren’t going to lose control of anything just because you choose to make things easier on yourself.”

Charlotte shuddered at the thought. Her mother had ended up joining a commune after her father had died, and things had spiralled from there. Instead of being the supportive ‘family’ she’d expected it to be, it had turned out to be a cult that stripped them of everything, and from which they couldn’t break free. Eventually, Charlotte’s mother had taken her life, leaving Charlotte to their mercy until she’d managed to escape.

“And our situation is nothing like hers. We have the money to hire someone reputable from the very best agency. We won’t be leaving anything to chance. It doesn’t even have to be full-time. I know you wouldn’t want that. Just let me hire someone to take the load off… at least until the kids are a little older. I’m worried about you, Charlotte, and I can’t allow things to go on like this.”

Charlotte gazed at him, her eyes wide in the dim light. She could feel the weight of his concern, and it was a welcome salve to the exhaustion and self-doubt that had been gnawing at her. Still, she struggled against her stubborn pride and the haunting echoes of her past.

Could she do it? Could she relax her control enough, could she trust enough, to allow someone else access to their lives? Someone who would be responsible, to some extent, for their children? As hard as she tried to put on a brave face, Charlotte knew she was crumbling. Today was always going to happen. She’d felt herself spiralling for a while but was too bull-headed to ignore the warnings. She’d convinced herself it wasn’t serious, and she’d get back on track.

That she could conjure more time, more energy from… somewhere.

But Jake was right. She wasn’t doing either herself or the children any favours by being in denial. Charlotte knew self-care was important. And she knew - deep down - that things had the potential to get worse if she didn’t address them. Just the thought of doing all this again tomorrow left her exhausted and anxious.

Finally, she sighed. Maybe she could compromise. “Look, I’ll try, but I can’t give you any promises,” she murmured, her eyes boring into Jake's as if she were searching for something in his steady gaze. Affirmation, perhaps. “But maybe we could interview a few carefully selected people, and I could see if anyone makes me feel differently.”

Jake's smile, warm and filled with relief, spread across his face at her words. He cupped her cheek gently before pulling her into his arms.

“That’s all I’m asking for,” he said softly into her hair. His hand rubbed small circles on her back as they held each other, both comforted by the closeness.

And despite her misgivings, Charlotte felt like a little of the weight had been lifted from her shoulders.