Roll For Initiative

5. Cassie

I need to get out of this car.

His scent is causing something to stir inside me that I have never felt for Lucian before.

As I get to his side of the car to grab the bags, he spins me around and pulls me in for another hug.

It catches me off guard, but I still melt into him.

His body is like solid muscle now.

I mold to it perfectly, tucking my head right up under his chin.

Resting my head on his chest, I can hear the steady thump, thump, thump of his heartbeat.

I sigh, and my whole body relaxes.

Suddenly, his heartbeat starts increasing, and I hear a primal growl noise from deep in his chest right before he starts coughing.

What the heck was that? And why did that noise have such an effect on my body? I can feel his body stiffen against me, and he pulls away just as quickly as he pulls me in.

Bending into the car, he grabs his bags.

His pants are tight when he bends, giving me a view of his perfectly sculpted ass.

What the fuck is wrong with me.

I’m not some horny, sex-crazed woman.

Granted, I’m being satisfied every weekend by a competent Dom, but still.

This is Lucian.

So why is it when his eyes meet mine do I feel the want to kneel before him? Get ahold of yourself, Cassie.

We snatch up all his bags and head toward his building.

It feels like he literally brought his entire life’s possessions with him to Santa Monica.

I don’t think I even own this much shit.

While waiting for the elevator in the lobby, I felt compelled to ask him something.

Something I’m not sure I want the answer to.

“Lucian,” I ask shyly.

"Yes, Cass?" His smug expression has mischief written all over it.

"Did you miss New York? Or would you have rather stayed in California?" I can tell instantly he is struggling with what he wants to say.

His eyes give it away.

They have a look of regret.

"Of course, I missed New York! Santa Monica was fun, but it’s not New York, plus I missed you.

California doesn’t come with a Cassie, so of course, I am happy I came back.

I’ll miss living in California, but it doesn’t mean I can’t go back or at least visit.”

He speaks with sincerity, but his eyes are still giving him away.

We have always been good at knowing how each other is feeling without uttering a single word.

The elevator finally opens for us to enter, and we drag the mountain of bags inside.

"What was it like over there?"

Hell, I have barely left New York, let alone gone across the country.

I hate planes, and my car wouldn’t make it past state lines.

Plus, I love it here.

It is my home.

I don’t know if I could ever move away completely.

The idea of visiting somewhere new is enticing, though.

Maybe I could tag along if he must go back to work for a few weeks.

Once he hits the button for the 6 th floor, he relaxes against the wall.

“Well, it’s different than here.

A lot different.

People there don’t seem to have any shame.

The stuff you see walking around the streets, especially in Los Angeles, would blow your mind.

The nightlife is amazing, and the nightclubs are wild.

My coworker and I went out a lot.

I felt like a whole different person over there.”

I can’t help but notice a smirk at that last part.

Lucian was never one for nightclubs in the past.

Or for going out at night in general, other than video game prerelease or movie premieres.

I wonder what else happened over there.

Did he really change that much?

The elevator dings, and the door opens to his floor.

He is lucky; his apartment is at the end, around the corner.

He has no neighbors because the door next to his is the stairwell.

Lucky bastard.

I, on the other hand, am sandwiched between a loud neighbor on one side and a musician on the other side, and above is a man who I swear to God must only walk around in combat boots because his footsteps are so damn loud.

“What kind of nightclubs did you visit? Any kind I would be interested in?"

My question apparently catches him off guard.

He drops his keys as he is trying to unlock the door.

I bend to grab them for him as he does, and we bump heads.

I snatch the keys up, laughing.

“Bravo, Sir.

Now I have a headache.” I joke, handing him back his key ring.

He stands there, looking down at me.

Damn, he really does tower over me in height.

The look he is giving me is like fire.

It is causing my whole body to flush again.

I start to bite my lower lip, a bad habit when I get nervous and awkward.

His eyes immediately lock on my lips.

"Um.

You know.

Just the basics: music, dancing, drinking.

Nothing too crazy." His gaze traveled from my lips down my body.

Pausing a bit longer at my chest, returning his gaze to my eyes.

I'm fully clothed, but the way his eyes are looking over me, I feel exposed.

"No, I don’t think there would be many clubs over there that you would like.

They aren’t really your style."

He breaks eye contact and turns back to unlock the door.

Why does it feel like my entire body is on fire right now? And why was he looking at me up and down? Also, why does it feel like he was judging me as if I’m not good enough for the clubs over there? Granted, I wouldn’t say I like overcrowded places, but I like the occasional bar and dance club.

And the club I visit with Theo is very crowded some weekends.

What does he know? I’ve changed a bit these past months, but I can't tell him about that.

He would never be able to look me in the eye if he found out I’m not the innocent Cassie I used to be.

When I walk through the doorway, I am immediately engulfed in a dust cloud.

No one has been here in 9 months.

Lucian told me I could stay here if I wanted to since it was closer to my work, but I couldn’t handle being here without him.

It would be too depressing.

I drop his bags by the hall to the bedrooms and walk over to the door wall.

You can see so much from his building.

There is a magnificent view of the river below, and down the way is the Williamsburg Bridge.

You can even see a good amount of the East Village across the river.

I have always loved it here.

He has had this apartment since he was first interning at West Enterprise right out of college, and I used to spend multiple days a week here.

"I’m going to go hop in the shower.

I promise we will do anything you want when I'm done." As he walks away, he says, "You know the drill.

Make yourself at home.

I shouldn’t be longer than 20 minutes or so." He grabs the back of his shirt and pulls it over his head.

His back is pure muscle now.

I can’t stop staring at him.

I want to run my hands over his entire body.

I turn back to the door wall to take a second to compose myself.

Between the sight of his new muscular body, his strong arms, and his intoxicating smell, I am feeling very confused.

And that growl he let out.

Fuck.

That was hot.

But this is Lucian we are talking about.

Plus, I’m technically with Theo, sort of.

Damnit, I need to find out exactly what we are this weekend.

He can’t just keep giving me roundabout answers.

If he isn’t going to commit to me fully, I think it will be time to move on.