Roll For Initiative

18. Cassie

I f I had the ability to curl up into a ball of nothingness and disappear right now, I would. Thankfully, he didn’t bring up me feeling up his cock this morning. Good Lord! I was deep into another dream about that mystery man, and well, I guess my dream slipped into reality when I felt a warm body against me. I was so turned on, and so was Lucian. I wonder if it would have gone further had I not freaked out and possibly broken my shoulder. I am getting rid of that stupid coffee table as soon as possible.

When he was undressing me, I had to look away. It felt so taboo, and it was causing my entire body to react. My heart was racing. As much as I tried to keep it steady, my breathing kept coming in small pants. I could still see him in the TV's reflection, so I could see him break his promise. He waited until I was completely bare and then opened his eyes. I could see in the reflection the heated gaze as his eyes devoured every inch of my naked body. At one point, he looked like he was going to reach out and touch me but then pulled back. I could tell that I was wet, and he must have noticed when slipping the new thong and leggings on. He paused, looking at me like I was his next meal. Fuck I could have orgasmed from that look alone.

He has expert fingers, too. The way he was massaging my calves and thighs, it felt like every ounce of stress and pain was melting away. I could feel the heat of his touch through my leggings. I wanted more. I wanted him to rip my leggings off and destroy me right then and there, but then my brain took over and reminded me that this was Lucian. Nothing could happen between us. The aftermath would be nothing but awkwardness and regret. So here we are, driving to the nearest ER. My leggings are damp from arousal, my shoulder feels like I was hit by a truck, and my face is still flushed with embarrassment.

It needs to be Saturday, so I can see Theo. I need to be punished. I need to be broken down so these feelings for Lucian can be released. I need to completely let go, and that’s what Theo does for me. He is an amazing Dom, but now I’m not sure if I want more with him like I originally thought. Maybe having him as my Dom and boyfriend isn’t what I need. Maybe I just need to take a break from Vixens and give myself time to think.

After almost 6 hours, multiple tests, scans, and waiting around, they reveal it is just a deep hematoma. I’m discharged with a sling to keep me from overusing my shoulder, and a bottle of high dose pain medication. Fuck that. I’ll suffer through the pain if Tylenol doesn’t help. I don’t touch anything stronger. My mother is a high functioning pill addict, and I will never allow myself to go down that path. I called my work to let them know that I won’t be coming back for a while and that I had a doctor note. My boss was pissed and was screaming at me about how short staffed we are, how I already was on vacation, who would pick up my slack, and how I was fucking them over. The nurse overheard and decided I would now need an extra week to heal because fuck them. So, guess who doesn’t have to work for 3 weeks, this gal right here.

Once we are in my car heading home, I decide it is time to apologize for the last 24 hours.

“Thanks for taking me to the ER. And for last night. Thanks for not letting me drown in a puddle of my own vomit.” I laugh, but I’m dead serious. “Sorry you had to see me like that. I don’t normally drink that much. And um... Sorry about this morning.” My face is pure crimson.

“It’s not a problem Cass. I told you I would always be there for you.” He puts his hand on my thigh. “For whatever you need. I’ll take care of you. Plus, you would have done the same for me.” He gives my thigh a little squeeze and goes back to focusing on the road, his hand remaining on my thigh. O.k. don’t read into what he just said. He did not subtly hint that he would take care of me sexually... did he?

“Ah, so you would have wanted a bubble bath as well?” I joke.

“Actually, yeah, I love baths. Granted, I don’t have all the bath bomb shit like you do, but nothing beats a hot bath to relax your body. And, of course, you need bubbles.”

I can’t help but picture him in my tub. He is so tall he would probably barely fit. Lucian, up to his chest in hot water and bubbles, candles lit while light jazz plays in the background. I snicker out loud at the thought without meaning to.

“What are you laughing about.” He asks.

“Just picturing you in a bubble bath with candles and jazz music.” I laugh more.

“Jazz? You know I hate jazz. Oh, and so now you are picturing me naked, huh? Got a feel of the goods this morning and can’t keep your mind off of it huh?” Now he is laughing, and I am mortified.

“No, not naked. You have those cut cucumbers over your eyes.” I go back to looking out the window, completely embarrassed and wanting to shrink into nothingness again.

He just laughs as he drives us back to my apartment. The last 24 hours have been an eye-opener for sure. His possessiveness at the bar, him caring for me through the night, and then this morning taking the time not to cause any more pain while helping me. He stayed all day in the ER with me, too. He always makes me feel safe and loved. It’s causing me to think that maybe we could be more. His actions are very contradictory to how he used to behave with me. But there might be one huge issue: I’m not sure if he would be into the whole Dom/sub scene.

After Lucian moved to California and Mark dumped me, I decided to take time and figure myself out and discover what I was into. Shit, Mark was only the 3rd guy I was ever with sexually, so it’s not like I had much experience. I found KNKI and discovered that I am a submissive/brat. Which honestly makes sense. I like it when someone takes control and tells me what to do; it’s very soothing to me. It is funny, though, seeing as I used to get bashful from a sexual joke, and now, I realize I’m into some pretty kinky shit.

I started going to Vixens, and shortly after that, I met Theo. He was one of the most sought-after guys at Vixens. He is rich, powerful, and so damn good looking. He introduced me to the Dom/sub life, and I never wanted to leave. He opened my eyes to an entire world of pleasure, and he always seems to know exactly what I need. I loved pleasing him during our scenes, but up until today, I wanted more from him. It's an actual relationship, not just a contract for weekend fun. Granted, we have gone on a few dates, but nothing serious. It’s as if the weekends are a completely different life for me to live.

Vixens is amazing though, it is a kink club, or technically a pleasure club. It isn’t a brothel or anything like that. No, this is where people can come and hide away, immerse themselves in their deepest desires. It is all safe; everyone is tested monthly, and there is a huge NDA that everyone has to sign. The membership is a bit pricy, which is the only thing I use my trust fund money on. I pay for everything else in my life using my money.

* Snap Snap *

“Earth to Cassie. Did you hit your head this morning, too?” Lucian is snapping his fingers in front of me to get my attention.

“Sorry, what did you say?”

“I said, are you hungry? We could go grab an early dinner before we go back to your place.”

“Sure, you pick. You are the one who has been missing out on our incredible cuisine for the last nine months.” I mainly just don’t want to pick. I hate choosing a restaurant.

“How about pizza? We could go to Papa Pepperoni’s?”

“Sure, sounds good.” I can barely process what he said. My mind drifts back to Vixens. I wonder if Lucian knows that a place like that exists.

“Hey! What’s Vixens?”

“What?” Shit, did I just speak out loud.

“That building over there wasn’t there last year when we were here. What is it?”

“I think it is some kind of nightclub.” I lie, shit, I forgot Vixens is down the street from Papa Pepperoni’s.

“Hmm, maybe we can go sometime if you are up for some dancing. I wonder if it is like the ones in California. I know large crowds aren’t really your thing, but we could stay near the edges and see what it is like. Maybe we could all go on a Friday instead of doing D the sex aspect is toned down a bit. But still, it would be so awkward if anyone I know there came up to talk; it would be game over. My friends would find out my dirty little secret. I could not handle that embarrassment. Nope, I will definitely not be going with them.

“Cass, what’s wrong?”

“Oh, you know how much I hate crowds. Makes me panicked just thinking about it. Let’s get some pizza. I’m starving!” Hopefully, he won’t bring it up again.