Roll For Initiative

22. Cassie

I must have shifted in my sleep because the pain in my shoulder shocks me awake. The Tylenol must have worn off. I’m unsure how long I have been asleep, but it is so dark. I can barely make out Lucian’s shape under me. I am unsure of how we ended up lying in this position, but I honestly don’t care. I slept so relaxed, up until the shooting pain.

I can barely make out the time on the stove, but I think it says 4:17. The sun will be up in an hour or so. The thought saddens me. I haven’t felt this relaxed and content snuggling with someone in a long time. Feeling his chest rise and fall beneath my head feels like when you are on a boat, and the waves gently rock you back and forth. It is soothing. He is making a soft snoring noise. It is adorable.

I reach up slowly and gently caress the side of his face. His scruff is so prickly, but his jawline is sharp and defined now. I trace along it with my fingertips, careful not to wake him. I feel a tinge of regret. This moment feels too intimate, nothing that two friends should share. Maybe what is going on between Lucian and me could be something more.

I bite my lower lip. Have the feelings from years ago dissipated? I always felt like he was a brother to me, but these last two days have thrown me for a loop. I need to know. I lift slightly, bringing my lips just above his. I hover there, the pain in my shoulder straining as I try to disperse my weight evenly on my other limbs. I’m hovering just out of reach, but I can feel the electric charge passing between us.

OK, now or never. If I feel nothing, then it is back to how it was. But if I do feel something, and oh God, do I hope I do, I need to figure out what the next step is. I lean toward him and close the distance between our lips. Sparks shoot across my chest and down my body. From head to toe, I am tingling. Is this what people mean when they say they feel fireworks when kissing the one they love? Do I love Lucian?

A small moan slips from me, and for a split second, it feels like he is kissing me back. Time seems to stand still. I break away and quickly lay my head back down on his chest. I can hear my blood pumping, and I worry the loud thumping might wake him up.

I wish I could hold onto this feeling a bit longer, but unfortunately once the sun comes up, I’m not sure what will happen. Should I tell Lucian about these feelings I have been having? I really want to, but what if I tell him and he still feels like he did when we were growing up? I don’t know if I’d be able to go back to how things were. I feel a connection with him like I have never felt before. These thoughts swirl in my mind as the sounds of his breathing soothe me back to sleep.

A few hours later, I wake to sunlight illuminating my entire apartment. The reds and oranges of the sunrise cast a glow on everything, making everything feel warmer. I’m still lying on Lucian, and I look up to find him staring out the window, watching the sunrise.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I say through a yawn, suddenly aware that I might have morning breath.

He just looks at me, studying my face. His mouth is slightly open as if he wants to say something, but he just stares at me. OK, well, I take that as my cue to get off of him. I try to lift up without putting too much weight on my shoulder; it is thankfully less painful this morning.

“Want to go get some breakfast, then we can get the cleaning supplies? We could go to Ninas.” He is still staring at me, not uttering a single word. He just nods with a grunt and heads to the guest bathroom. Alrighty then. That wasn’t awkward at all.

I head to my bathroom to get rid of the morning breath and horrible bedhead. I need to change and pack a set of old junk clothes to clean in and a nice set in case we go out to dinner.

* Ding* *Ding* *Ding* *Ding *

Who the fuck is blowing up my phone at 8 AM?

Theo- *Cassandra, what the fuck do you think you are doing?! *

Theo- *You think you can see someone else behind my back? *

Theo- * You broke my trust. And you know what happens when you are bad! Saturday won’t be as much fun as I originally planned for us. And you better stop seeing this other guy. *

Theo- *I don’t share what is mine! *

Since when am I exclusively his? He has never claimed possession of me unless we were at Vixens. This is even more confusing now because I didn’t think that Theo cared about me as more than a contract. Also, how the fuck did he find out about Lucian. Fuck, Allie must have said something. Fucking bitch! I opened my KNKI app to message her and saw that she had already messaged me, asking me not to say anything to him. It's funny how she asked me not to spill, yet she ran right to him. She has always wanted him all to herself. Well lucky for her, I think I might end things with him on Saturday.

Cassie- *Good morning, Sir. The guy I have been hanging out with is Lucian. The one I told you about is my best friend of 15 years. I apologize for the misunderstanding and for not telling you he was back in town sooner; it won’t happen again. *

Theo- *Fine, he better not be anything more than a friend. You will still be punished on Saturday, but it won’t be as hard of a session as it would have been. Like I said, I do not share what is mine. Have a great rest of the day, little one. *

Theo- *Oh, and make sure to be at our usual room at 5:30 pm on Saturday. Wear that black dress; you know that I love it. *

My stomach feels sick. I usually enjoy his punishments. He is a caring but firm Dom, and that is what I need. I need someone to punish me, push me past my breaking points, fuck me into oblivion. I’ll take the punishment on Saturday, like a one-last-time going away ceremony. Then I can deal with the chaos that is the rest of my life. I whip my phone down onto the couch and head back to my room, my good mood now sour.

“Lucian, I’ll be done in 15,” I say as I pass the guest bathroom.

I grab my bag and start shoving shit in there for the day. Fuck Theo and his misconceptions, fuck Allie for backstabbing me, and right now, fuck Lucian for being so different now and clouding my brain. He has consumed my thoughts since I picked him up. I want to tell him, no I need to tell him, but I need to wait till after Saturday.