Room One Hundred and Nineteen: Watching Her (Club Sin: Seattle Session 2)

14. Elena

14

ELENA

L ife had been good.

Too good.

It turned out dating three men I worked extremely close with, worked.

We worked.

Sometimes, I would go out to dinner with all three, sometimes I had one-on-one time. Like I said, life was pretty damn good. Between the kids starting soccer, Rosie falling in love and moving in full time with her men, and me seeing my own guys, things felt good. Good enough for me to suggest they meet the kids in an official capacity.

Now we were there, life reminding me that we might make plans, but Lady Fate had other plans. I stared at the group chat in my texts and pressed my lips together.

Josh: What time should we pick you guys up?

I started to type then stopped.

Things had been going too well. I’d tempted fate, and now it was wagging its finger at me as if saying Not so fast, Elena Flores!

We had planned to go to the theater to see the new Disney movie, one that Mike had been excited about. But by the looks of my current situation, it wasn’t going to happen.

Part of me, the part that wanted to cling to the dream of having someone at my side, wanted to believe this was just a hiccup in the path to getting to where we wanted to go. A simple bump in the road. But my other side, the cynical, jaded realist side, reminded me that what I had been living was a fairytale. That the mess I was sitting in was real life.

Me: I’m sorry. I have to cancel tonight.

I quickly typed out my reply, staring at my twins as they slept on my lap. I loved that their daycare was at the hospital. They were close by during the day in case of an emergency.

Like today.

One of the other kids had a stomach bug, and it spread throughout the kids like wildfire. My babies’ bodies were lying on top of mine as I rubbed their little backs. Both still felt clammy from a fever spike and them getting sick in the bathtub behind me. One I hadn’t had a chance to rinse just yet because right after they got sick, I hugged and calmed them down, until they drifted off to sleep.

Rick: Why?

Why? Like there was an actual easy answer to that. There wasn’t.

It was better for this to happen now.

It had been three entire weeks since we were at Club Sin. The memory of everything that happened in Room One Nineteen was still fresh in my mind. The last three weeks had been the best. But all good things came to an end. I glanced at my babies and shook my head.

No. It was better this way.

I had to end things.

If just the thought of letting them go after only three weeks hurt the way it did, I couldn’t imagine how much it would hurt if I let more time go by. Not to mention how much it would hurt my twins. Eventually, they would get it.

They would understand.

They were essentially three single men. They had careers and lives of their own. They could hop on a plane at a moment’s notice or drop anything to go to a sex club. Something they couldn’t get from me if we stayed together.

I understood that Miles, Josh, and Rick came as a team. They did everything together. They worked, lived, and loved together. And as much as it sucked, because for a moment there, if I was being honest, I believed I could be their fourth, that we could make it work, it didn’t.

I couldn’t be.

I had too much baggage. Too many responsibilities, juggling way too many plates in the air. What man would sign up for that? For this? I looked around and winced.

My back hurt from being pressed against the hard tub. The whole bathroom smelled like puke. But no matter the pain and stench, I couldn’t move a muscle. Betsy shifted, drawing my attention to my daughter. Her hair was getting long, and her bangs were starting to get into her eyes. She would need a trim soon, or else she would find scissors and play hair salon. Again. My lips twitched. I guess that was part of motherhood. Smiling through the crazy.

I brushed her hair out of her face, noticing she was still clammy but cooler than she had been an hour ago when I gave them medicine.

“Mom?” Mike opened his eyes and lifted his little head. His eyes were tired.

“Yes, baby?”

“I don’t feel good,” he whined before sitting up quickly.

“I know, honey, open the lid to the—“ I didn’t get a chance to finish my sentence before my sweet boy threw up all over me. I held my breath to stop my own gag reflexes from kicking in and rubbed his back. “It’s okay, baby,” I soothed.

“Mom, sorr—“ He heaved again, and I shut my eyes for a moment.

Life had a funny sense of humor. It had a great way of reminding you what was what.

And this was definitely a wake-up call.

Once Mike settled down and I scrubbed the shower, I made him take a quick one. Not two minutes after Mike was in his pj’s, Betsy woke up, and I had her shower, too. Once both kids were changed, I moved them to the living room after covering the couches in comforters just in case they got sick again. A blanket was easier to toss into the washer than a whole couch.

My phone had been ringing, but I had sent each call to voicemail. Once my kids were settled, I looked at the bathroom. I had just changed my clothes, but I needed to wash up and clean the bathroom, not to mention their rooms.

But instead of jumping in to get it cleaned up, I shut the bathroom door and snuck out to the backyard. When my phone rang again, I answered.

“Hello.”

“Hello? Are you kidding me?” Rick hissed, obviously pissed. “Are you okay? Did something?—“

“I’m good,” I cut him off. “And I’m sorry. Look…” I sighed, knowing I needed to explain. “The kids got sick, and I don’t think…”

I felt like throwing up.

I knew the moment the words slipped past my lips, that would be it. Game over. The possible future I’d thought I’d somehow manage to make come true would be done and over with. My eyes shut for a moment.

Three men and me? It might work for Rosie, but she had no one else counting on her. Not like I did. How could I have possibly thought this would work?

“Elena, you there?” Josh asked, and I immediately knew I was on speaker.

“I’m here. Look, guys, umm…” My stomachs clenched. “These last three weeks… they have been the best.” My stupid voice cracked, giving away just how much I cared.

“Been the best?” Miles asked. I took in a deep steadying breath of fresh air.

“My life… My life isn’t like the one you guys are used to. My priority are the twins and?—

“We never asked for you to change that,” Miles clipped, and I winced.

“I know that. What I’m trying to say is, the last three weeks, the sneaking off and hanging at your place and going out to eat together… that’s not my life.” Stupid stubborn tears streamed down my face. “My life is messy and hard.”

“They’re sick?” one of them guessed.

“A stomach bug went around at daycare. Half the kids are out with it.”

“We want to be part of your real life, El,” Rick said. Deep down, I knew he thought he genuinely meant that.

“I don’t think you know what that means, Rick.” I sighed.

“Yes, we do, Elena, please just?—“

“This isn’t… I can’t. Okay? Look, you don’t get it.”

“Let us get it,” Miles chimed in, and I rolled my eyes.

“Fine, you want to come over? You want to have real? Trust me, you won’t make it longer than ten minutes before not just one of you but all three of you are making up reasons to leave. It’s just better this way, okay!” I spit out in frustration and disappointment. Disappointment in myself, in the cards life tossed at us.

Nothing but silence hit the line, and I sighed.

“This wasn’t how I wanted it to end. I wanted to make it to where if we saw one another down the hall, we’d at least be able to smile and remember what we shared with fondness. Just…” The final words were lodged tightly in the middle of my throat. “I gotta go,” I whispered like a coward.

I was in love with them.

Head over heels in love with three men.

Three men I was currently trying to push away. So in love I knew there wouldn’t be a chance in hell I would ever try to date again. No. I couldn’t do that. I’d been on top of the proverbial love mountain, had experienced and basked in the beauty of it, and nothing would ever compare. If I ever tried, anything after this would pale in comparison. I slipped my phone into my back pocket and wiped away the tears that didn’t seem to stop.

Not that I had time to let myself fully cry about what I just lost. Not when one of the kids called for juice and the other wanted toast. I was a mom, and they would always come first.