Rugger: The Huntress (The Grey List #3)

Chapter 4

FOUR

There were twenty-four hours before the contract went into full effect. I didn’t have twenty-four hours to wait. Tonight, Gideon Miles would take his last breath.

Tonight, I was his judge and juror. Tonight, I was reclaiming my power. Tonight, Gideon’s death would be one of a double homicide. Tonight, I would be vigilant. Tonight, I’d end the charade once and for all. Tonight, I’d stop avoiding my brother’s calls because I didn’t want to hear the disappointment in his tone and return the two I’d missed.

I removed the compact mirror from my purse to freshen up the gloss on my lips and get a clear view of the restaurant patrons in their respective seats. Tables were reserved weeks ahead of time. Though I didn’t have one linked to an alias, I still made my way through the door and to the bar after assuring the staff I was with the Jefferson party.

The common last name and the fact that I had access to their guest list prior to my arrival got me past the two pointless security guards dressed in black suits. Had there been an issue with my presence, they’d understand how replaceable they were.

Within forty-eight hours, Langford Chop House will have sent their mothers flowers and positioned two new guards where they were tonight. Business would continue as usual–for the restaurant and for me.

The clear liquid slid across my lips like butter. It coated them well, giving them a glassy effect. I rubbed my lips together as I scanned the room. Slowly, I mentally captured one angle after the other until I laid eyes on my target. His placement was no surprise. I’d studied the reservation list and seating arrangement since I’d acquired it.

Bingo .

I lowered the mirror and stuffed it inside the mini Chanel bucket bag and grabbed the martini from the wood-topped counter. I spun around and pressed my back up against the bar. As fate would have it, my eyes landed on Gideon, whose eyes had already landed on me.

Naturally, my right eyelids sealed momentarily. The wink was enough to garner a smile. There was an empty seat at the table he shared with two colleagues. It was my destination.

I placed one foot in front of the other, inviting myself over. Powerless is what I deemed victims from the moment their names came across the database. Fortunately, most men of power were aroused by the idea of losing total control behind closed doors.

I was almost certain Gideon fit the mold. Inviting myself to his dinner table would have his dick rock solid. If it was promising enough, I’d entertain him long enough to feel it in my uterus. Otherwise, his demise would be swift and uneventful.

Mid-way through my journey, a familiar fragrance halted my frame completely. The potency inflated my chest and caused my nostrils to flex. Crinkle lines wrinkled my forehead. Upon realizing I was wearing my thoughts on my face, I relaxed my muscles.

Two additional steps and I was seated at a table twenty feet from my self-appointed seat. A cream-colored box with the word Huffington embossed in gold foil in the center sat across the table from me. The Storm Compact from my leg holster settled in my right hand as my breath caught in my throat.

“Good evening, Rugger.”

I chugged the martini and sat the glass on the table. Things had gotten quite interesting in an unexpecting turn of events. To say I was baffled would be an understatement.

The facts of the case I was building in my basement began coming together. In a matter of seconds, I had come to a conclusion after searching for answers for two full weeks. Under the radar, I’d been secretly digging up evidence to build a case my superior had told me to bury.

The secrecy forced me to practice the patience I’d been taught as a child. Because I knew the results would be worth it, I didn’t mind the wait. But, things became crystal clear as his baritone penetrated the air.

“Ps–”

“Medium-well filet mignon, topped with fresh scallops and lumped crab. A side of lobster mac and cheese. Also, sauteed garlic parmesan brussel sprouts,” cheerfully, the waitress interrupted me to inform me food I hadn’t ordered had arrived.

My stomach rumbled underneath the table. The aroma was persuasive. But, I craved the repulsive stench I tried to mask more than anything on my plate. I wanted death not dinner.

“And, Chateau Lafite to quench your thirst.”

Her eyes were on me. My eyes were on him. His eyes were on me. And, it felt as though all eyes were on us. If no one else’s, Gideon’s was. I cut my eyes in his direction. His gaze faltered. He rejoined the conversation amongst his party.

The waitress pulled away from the table, leaving us alone. In silence, I sat. the unsettling feeling I was waiting to overwhelm me avoided me altogether.

“Holster your weapon. You’ll need your hands for your utensils.”

His voice.

His face.

His features.

His cologne.

His pearly white teeth.

His confidence.

His sureness.

His lack of fear.

His effort.

His skin.

His eyes.

His lips.

My mind was moving four miles a minute. This man had been carved to perfection. There wasn’t a detail of his makeup that had been misplaced.

Bad. Real fucking bad . I reminded myself, trying to save myself from the ledge.

“I won’t give you a reason to kill me, Rugger.”

“You’ve given me at least three. I only needed one.”

“The early bird gets the worm. Hadn’t you heard?”

I didn’t respond. The effects of Psalms had begun consuming me. My eyelids grew tired. My movements were slower, more exaggerated. His toxins left me feeling inebriated.

Snap. Snap .

I searched for Chemistry’s voice in the midst of my crapulence.

“Earth to Rugger,” Psalms called out, snapping his left thumb and index finger together.

I straightened my posture and widened my eyes.

“I’ll lower mine when you lower yours,” he promised.

“Why are you here and what is it that you want? Stalking is not becoming. It will get you killed.”

I could see the hollow hole in his head, but my intuition kept my trigger finger at bay.

Not him . It coaxed me.

Not yet, at least .

“Why haven’t you called? I’ve asked far too many times. Your silence is insulting.”

“My silence should be telling if nothing else. I made it clear that you shouldn’t hold your breath at Bar Balgaria . I had and still have no intention of calling you.”

“I thought you might’ve had a change of heart, so I asked again. And again. And again.”

Chuckling, I adjusted in my seat, unsure of what he was referring to.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I found your favorite fragrance,” he deflected, pushing the box across the table.

He’s holstered his weapon. Unfortunately, I wouldn’t follow suit.

“Smart boy.”

He looked up, straight into the skybox hovering over us.

“Accuracy International AXSR.”

“The push of a button, Rugger,” he cleared his throat and placed his elbows on the table.

He was closer. Sexier. Bigger. Bolder.

“See, the issue is, I’m always ten steps ahead. You won’t win this game we’re playing.”

“I don’t play games, Psalms.”

“You forfeited that belief weeks ago. You became the game, Rugger. And, I’m going to win that motherfucker, too.”

“Interesting.”

“Why haven’t you called?”

He rested a clipped news clip on the table, one after the other. Numbers that meant absolutely nothing to me were strategically placed at each scene. The authorities were counting on the public’s help to solve what they believed was a code.

While the last three clippings meant nothing to me, the first one pushed my heart from my chest to the pit of my stomach. Hermen’s body was stretched out in his bed. Suddenly, the smell of the food in front of me was repulsive and I wanted nothing more than to end the impromptu meeting so I could plot the death of Psalms. He’d made it clear I needed to be eleven steps ahead. He’d discover just how helpful that information was seconds before he took his last breath. I’d make sure of it.

“I don’t read the newspaper or watch the news. And, tagging a scene with credentials is immature.”

“So is the smell of your fragrance.”

My eyes turned into slits.

“Stop fucking over my assignments.”

“Stop fucking them and I’ll consider it.”

“That wasn’t a request. That was a direct order.”

“Let me take you on a date, Rugger.”

Scoffing, I rolled my eyes, “Don’t hold your breath, Sonnie.”

“Not only am I gifted with guns, but I have an extensive background in kidnapping.”

“You won’t get very far. We both know it. You’ll be hunted. You’ll be found in a matter of hours, possibly minutes. And, then you’ll be slayed like a fucking animal. You’re only ten steps ahead. Imagine how many he is.”

“You have a point. And, so do I.”

“I don’t give a fuck. I have business to tend to.”

“Eat your dinner, Rugger. You have time, because I’ve already taken that target off your hands. If you think you’re riding his dick tonight, you’re mistaken. If it’s not mine, then you won’t have any tonight.”

His words brought my pussy to life. The heartbeat that sat deep in my walls intensified. I repositioned in my seat to relieve the mounting pressure.

The conviction in his voice revealed his seriousness. He was unblinking. Unmoving. Unfazed.

“He’s mine.”

“Is he?”

On que, a deep, restricted cough sounded across the dining room floor. Gideon clung to his throat as his face began changing a dark red.

“My address is 7592 Rosetta Way. Meet me there in half an hour. If I’m not there, wait. I’ve tagged your car. Should you try to evade, I will find you.”

“I wait for no man and the last thing I need is you handling my lightweight. Understand that if your dick is not worth the funds I’ve lost or the bodies I’ve lost, then I’ll put a bullet between your eyes. If you’re ten steps ahead, then you understand I’m not bluffing.”

I lifted my hand from underneath the table. With a few pounds of pressure, I sent a bullet across the room and into the center of my victim’s head. I was tired of the nasty cough and refused to give Psalms the opportunity to end Gideon’s life.

I was up on my feet and headed in the opposite direction in a flash. The chop house erupted with pandemonium. Against my better judgment, I took one look behind me and found Psalms still seated, sipping from the wine that had been poured for me. In pure chaos, he was still collected. He lowered the glass to the table and placed both hands together.

Once.

Twice.

Three times, he clapped silently.

Asshole . I turned back and continued through the exit doors.

The smell of fresh lighter fluid was settling. Flames engulfed the GLE, lighting the area surrounding it although it was nearly pitch black out. As the fire traveled toward the tank of the SUV, I rotated my wrist slightly, catapulting me into the darkness of the night.

Cold winds attempted to penetrate the suit clinging to my body. It was pointless. Though I welcomed the coolness, sickness wasn’t on my list of things to behold. Not right now, anyway.

Aside from the sounds of nature, my ride was quiet and uneventful. The surge of energy I’d expected to feel after finishing an assignment was absent. Instead, there was an aching hollowness that I didn’t recognize.

I made it home in under thirty minutes. The ride to the deserted field was just under an hour. However, I’d broken every traffic law known to drivers in order to cut the trip in half.

I entered my home through the garage. Piece by piece, I peeled off my clothes. My weapons were next to be removed. And, then, finally, the most important pieces of my operations. I tore the artificial skin from my body and removed the contact lenses in seconds.

As my wardrobe disintegrated two stories beneath me, I rested my head against the shower wall. Closing my eyes, I released a shaky breath. Relief didn’t find me but disappointment did.

I wasn’t crazy . I reasoned, going back to Hermen’s death and the news of it all. I had been agitated since Chemistry’s visit.

I was careless. I admitted.

And, carelessness can get you killed.

This, I knew.

How didn’t you see it? He’s been there the entire time .

My emotions were running high.

He took something so precious from me.

Vulnerability was often seen as a sign of bravery, but in my book it was a sign of weakness. Tonight, both proved to be true. Simultaneously, I was weakened and awakened.

I allowed the water to mask the tears I began to shed. They were as foreign as the incompetence hanging over my head like a dark cloud. My success rate was and had always been one hundred percent.

I’d never failed. Not in life, the field, at school, or within my career. I didn’t understand nor did I accept the defeat staring back at me with a handsome face and well-groomed beard.

This isn’t the first tear you’ve cried and it won’t be the last. Crying isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new one. Make sure it’s the one you can see yourself in for a while, because those tears need to be few and far apart. Design her well, Rugger, the new you that’ll be birthed from this moment. Design her well .

My father knew what to say, when to say it, and how to say it. Though he was firm, he wasn’t unreasonable. And, that’s what kept me clinging to his words even after his death. They stuck with me. He stuck with me.

I pressed my fingertips into my eyes to halt the remainder of the tears. My mind was made up. The new world had been designed. And, it was one that didn’t involve Psalms. He’d taken something precious from me. He didn’t deserve to keep breathing.

I slathered soap from the bubbly towel across my body. The idea of being hunted didn’t sit well with me. I was busy securing the list of those who’d once hunted my family while someone had begun their personal assignment and I was the mission.

There won’t be a third time. I swore with a shake of my head.

Project 184. Down.

Project 185. Down.

Project 186. Down.

Project 187. Down.

Project 188. Terminated.

Project 189 — Sonnie .

I exited the shower with my body wrapped for drying. I was standing in front of my wardrobe less than a minute later. I pressed a single digit and pushed the flipped phone up against my ear.

“Speak.”

“Psalms. Sonnie. I don’t have a last name. I need to know every–”

“Hold on. Hold on. Let me get to my computer.”

“Your computer is glued to your fingertips,” I reminded her.

“I am a human who has to piss from time to time.”

With a roll of my eyes, I sighed, “Hurry.”

“Okay, meanie. Don’t forget you called me. You’re asking me for a favor.”

“I don’t ask favors. I’m telling you to give me all the info–”

“See, now I’m going to hang up.”

“Catana is a flight away. Please don’t make me board the next thing smoking. I will.”

“So serious. Who pissed in your cheerios.”

“Information,” I demanded.

“You first and then I’ll tell you everything you need to know, sweet face.”

Royce was skilled at pissing me off at the wrong fucking time. But, I was in need of information. I didn't have time to find myself. She was my only hope for now.

“Now, who has your panties in a bunch, baby?”

“Sonnie.”

“Becausssssse?” She dragged.

“Hermen.”

The pregnant pause on the line sent daggers through my heart. Admitting I’d failed wasn’t the easiest, but I was on the phone with one of the women I’d lay my life on the line for without question. Just like the others, she’d witnessed me during the lowest points of my life. There were no secrets amongst us. There was no shame.

“He robbed me. I can’t let him see tomorrow, R–” I quieted, remembering names weren’t permitted on the line.

I closed my eyes and silently chastised myself. I should’ve called her on my personal line, instead. And, I should’ve suffocated my true feelings before making the call.

Feelings. I grimaced.

They were the bane of my existence and every day I fought to keep them buried. They would get you killed. They would have you making foolish decisions. They would keep you from heading your family’s syndicate. Those and the vagina between your legs because the world believed women were poor leaders.

Their leadership served as a sign of weakness. But, it was the very opposite in my opinion. Having a set of balls automatically made you the weakest candidate.

If a man were placed in a woman’s shoes for twenty-four hours, he’d fold a hundred times. His knees would buckle. His legs would quiver. His back would ache. His eyes would cry a thousand tears an hour. His ankles would break.

The pain and suffering we endured once each month would send a grown man to his mother to cry in her bosom. Labor and delivery would wipe out the entire species of man. They couldn’t fill our shoes even if they tried, yet they’d deemed us unworthy and unfit for leadership.

However, we headed households better than any man ever could. We happened to be smarter, natural nurturers, domesticated geniuses, born caretakers, and incredible problem solvers.

The call ended and almost instantly, the iPhone began ringing on the bathroom counter. I rushed out of the closet in search of it. Royce’s name was on the screen. I wasn’t surprised.

“Yes?”

“Is that reason enough to kill him, Rugger?”

“I’ve killed for less, Royce. Why are you questioning me?”

“Because, I’ve never heard you like this. You sound– frazzled .”

“You won’t ever hear this side of me again. I need the information.”

“I’m pulling it up. But, one more question, Rugger.”

“Yes?”

I was back in the closet, grabbing a pair of stockings to go underneath the leather skirt I’d decided on.

“How do you know it was him?”

“He told me.”

“To your face? You’ve met him?”

“You said one more question.”

“Rugger–”

“Yes. And, yes.”

There was another pause. This time, the phone started buzzing against my face.

“Answer.”

“No.”

She was trying to video call me. I was the least bit interested.

“Answer or I’m going down the street to wake Teddy and tell him your plans.”

“I’m not afraid of him, Royce. You are.”

“No the fuck I’m not. And, it’s not about being afraid. It’s about fucking up. You’re not afraid but you don’t like dis–”

“Shut up!” I huffed, answering the call.

The second she got on the line, she jumped up from her seat, dramatically pointing at the screen. My eyebrows crinkled as my eyes lowered, unsure of what was happening.

“I knew it,” she claimed. “I knew it.”

“I don’t follow.”

“You have it,” she revealed.

“Have it? Have what?”

“I didn’t think I’d ever see this day. I’m calling the girls.”

“Royce, I’m going to hang up the phone if you do.”

“No you aren’t.”

The phone was paused. She was already adding the girls, one by one.

“What’s up, Royce?” Roulette was the first on the line.

“Hey y’all.” Rather entered the call.

Range, Rome, and Roaman answered simultaneously.

“Ladies, we finally have a contender.”

“For what?” Rome asked.

“For who!” Royce. “And the answer is Rugger. Look at her face. It’s written all over those cheeks.”

My eyes tried disappearing into my head as a frustrated sigh left my mouth.

“Royce, you’re pissing me off.”

“So,” she stated as a matter of fact.

The fact that my father had long ago forbid me from injuring my siblings by way of firearm was agitating.

Not even a graze , he warned me on several occasions.

“Look at her. Pathetic and I love it. She’s losing her mind and according to this employee identification badge from Hy-Son Tech & Co , I would be losing my shit, too. This man is fine. Sonnie Syracuse is his alias. Psalms Santoro is his government name. Psalms Yurias Santoro.”

“Let us see,” Rome requested.

Royce turned the phone toward her computer. Psalms face was wide on the screen. The sight of him made my stomach knot.

“That is a man right there,” Range laughed.

“Looks like that dick monstrous. I know that motherfucker hurt,” Roulette hollered, slapping a bare surface in front of her.

“He is handsome,” Rome admitted.

“If you don’t want him, I’ll take him. How old is he?”

“Exactly. This man is handsome and just as fucking bat shit crazy as you. What’s the issue?”

“Let that man knock the dust off that pussy. You been complaining to us about somebody owing you some and there’s a whole capable ass man with a whole dick. Girl, get off this phone and go jump on that motherfucker,” Roulette fussed.

“Seriously, y’all?”

They were the most aggravating group of women on the planet. I was convinced.

“Yes. Now, step back. Let me see what you’re wearing on this date,” Roulette demanded.

“His death date,” I informed her, stepping back so she could see the complete look. “Hopefully I look like his finisher, because that’s exactly who I am.”

“Girl, you look like you’re going to get fucked,” Roulette claimed with a chuckled.

“Then, I’m changing.”

I began digging through the hangers on the rack to find new pieces.

“You look fine, Rugger. Don’t change. I love your look,” Rome coaxed, “You look like you mean business.”

“Thank you, baby.”

“You seriously want to kill this man?” Range asked, chumping on her favorite snack. Ice . she craved it night and day.

“I am. He has been a pain in my ass all month. He’s taken three bodies from me and tried to claim another tonight. He’s had me wrecking my brain trying to figure out who was behind this all. And, he got to Hermen before I could. So, that makes four bodies. All because he wanted me to call him?”

“Well, did he ask? Did you even have his number?” Roaman inquired.

“Yes. And, yes.”

“At least he asked,” Rome added.

“I love a man who communicates,” Rather confirmed.

“And, one that’s about that action when his message is caught up in translation,” Roulette squealed. “Tell us more.”

“There’s nothing more to tell you.” I assured her. “It ends tonight.”

“Only you would kill the dick. Like, please, Rugger. You’re a strong bitch because I’d be over there sucking that motherfucker right now.”

“Roulette– please ,” I warned.

“Seriously, who else wants to kill a man because she’s got a whiff of how attraction works.”

“Rugger,” Range responded. “Because I think we can all agree that it’s not Hermen that has you ready to hunt the man that’s been hunting you. It’s the fact that you feel something for him you’ve never felt before. And, instead of running toward it, you want to run from it.”

“And, kill the source of it so the feelings disappear. Newsflash, Rugger. They won’t. You’ll hate yourself for ending the life of a man who is possibly the only man on earth that’s your speed and can deal with you.

“The fact that he wants to should speak volumes. He matched your energy and you don’t know how the fuck to accept it. You won’t get this chance again, babe. Explore it. Don’t kill it.”

I wasn’t interested in Rather’s logic. Instead of trying to convince them of my mission, I prepared to end the call.

“Pick up in an hour, Range.”

I pressed the red button with an X in the middle. I hadn’t called Royce to make sense of the situation. I called her for information that I still didn’t have much of.

It doesn’t fucking matter, I finalized as I pulled my coat up on my shoulders.

The narrow, pointed toe of the black pumps led the way up to the two-story home that was strikingly different from the others on the street. The freshly buried For Sale sign in the lawn confirmed my suspicions. Nevertheless, I continued up the walkway until I reached the front door.

I pressed a thumb against the handle and was able to push it open. My heels sounded in the nearly empty dwelling. Fresh pine from the surrounding trees was potent in the dark, chilly home.

I was halted in my tracks upon entry. Two steps were all I could muster before being rendered motionless. Still. Immobile. Handicap . My limbs locked and my heart danced in my chest.

Before me, with one hand over the other stood the man of the hour. The prettiest Glock41 resting against his right palm. Under hooded eyes, he summoned a soul I’d laid to rest and piled twelve feet of soil on top of at the tender age of twelve.

“Good evening, Rugger.”

I cleared my throat, figuring it was best if I cut to the chase.

“I’ve come to kill you.”

He nodded with a half smile pulling his lips to the right. “I’m aware.”

My arms were stiff as bricks as they swept from my sides. The pressure required to unload my weapon began being applied a millisecond before my gun reached its resting position. The extended magazine and custom matte black switch transformed my Ruger into a machine.

This is personal .

It was kills like these that sent me into the sacred arsenal that held my father’s favorite brand of pistol. According to him, I’d be named after the firearm, but my mother decided against the spelling and pronunciation during birth.

They compromised, naming me Rugger instead. However, to my father, I was Ruger. Until the day he died, it was the name he preferred and used more often than not. Contrary to my mother’s wishes, his preference was justified.

Takka.

Takka.

Takakakakakaka.

Takka.

Tatatakaaaa .

Burst after burst, I fired at my target, moving forward each time I pressured the trigger.

Takka.

Takka.

The drywall left a smokey residue in the air, clouding my vision. Still, I pushed forward, ready to end my night in a bath full of bubbles with the fireplace crackling beside me.

Four bullets . I reminded myself, prepared to reload or ditch the Ruger altogether and let my Beretta finish the job.

Four fucking bullets and I hadn’t heard as much as a yelp. Pride carried me further into the home as I wrestled with the holster inches shy of the hem of my skirt. I gripped the Baretta with my left hand, aiming the barrel as I continued through the kitchen. Its beauty was astounding, but I had no time to marvel over its immaculate design.

“Four bullets, Rugger,” Psalms voice rang out.

There are a hundred where those came from. Before the night ends, one will be in your head .

He’d revealed his location with the fair warning. I backtracked, realizing he was near the entrance, now. I pressed my back against the door with both hands extended, ready to fire at the mere inkling of his presence. He gave me nothing.

My chest rose and fell as the dust began to settle. From one side to the other, I shifted my eyes, searching for signs of Psalms.

Bam!

The sound of a vase crashing to the ground startled me. I shifted my focus, prepared to head in the other direction. I pushed through the beautiful home in search of the broken ceramic. At the sight of it, I carefully stepped over it.

I was led into a dark hallway that suddenly opened into a massive living room with floor to ceiling glass windows. The ceiling was not the exception. It, too, was made of glass. The massive trees surrounding the structure were sheeted with ice.

I rounded the corner just as my wrists were restrained and forced behind me. The smell of salty woods, cashmere, cocoa, vanilla, and citrus was debilitating. I fought the urge of submission and pressured the triggers of both guns. The Ruger bullets pierced the long bench to the left of me. The Beretta bullet caused Psalms to groan.

“Argh.”

There was a sharp pain in my chest. My spine curled forward from instant regret.

Snap. Snap .

I’d come too close to lose sight of things now. I tried pulling away and breaking free of his hold, but not even pain loosened his grip.

“I’m owed the same courtesy,” he murmured close to my ear. His voice was strained. His body was adjusting to the level of pain the bullet had inflicted. “Fuck me like you fuck them niggas before you cut their lights out.”

“You took something from me. Something very precious. You don’t deserve courtesy.”

“I regret to inform you that I’m about to take something else, Rugger.”

“Psalms,” I grunted, growing tired of the bullshit. “I have nothing else to give.”

He moved closer, planting his lips against my ear, “Your virginity.”

His words swelled my clit and softened my defense.

“I’ve been fucked… thoroughly, but that’s something you should know, Mr. Ten Steps Ahead.”

“That was business, love. This is pleasure. You’ve never shared a mutual interest with a man, so it doesn’t matter how many bodies you’ve dropped. They weren’t personal . Should I be mistaken, give me that nigga’s name right now. There’s no room for us both on earth. I’m the only one breathing who will be able to claim this.”

He cupped my pussy from behind. My breath hiked in my chest. Psalms was no fool. He was accurate in his revelation. There was no one else. There had never been anyone else. There would be no one else. Not even him after tonight.

“Let me go,” I demanded, squirming against him.

The rigidness of his dick made my escape much more complicated than it had to be. Restraints weren’t my weakness. He was.

“You’ve never been courted,” he breathed against my neck. “You’ve never been praised. You’ve never been held to the regard I see you in. You’ve never been supported. You’ve never been encouraged. You’ve never been invested in.

“You’ve never been sought after. Chased down. And, caught. You’ve never been the center of a man’s world. You’ve never been the beginning and the end. You’ve never been affirmed. You’ve never been cherished. You’ve never been met with intention. You’ve never been loved.

“And, you’ve never been fucked, Rugger. Not for real. Not by a real man. Because, I promise you this won’t feel like anything else you’ve ever experienced. You talking thoroughly… I’m talking wholly. Mind, body, heart, and soul, Gazelle .”

Gazelle . I sucked in a sharp piece of air, filling the emptiness of my lungs.

“If you think for a second a bullet in the lower leg will stop me from doing all the things to you that have replayed in my head nonstop over the last month, you’re sadly mistaken. I don’t scare easily.

And, until you come to the realization that you want me as much as I want you, I will dedicate my life to hunting you like the lost treasure you are. I’ll kill everything that touches you. I will disturb every ounce of peace you think you have, and I will enjoy it.”

He pressed his stiffness into me.

“You’re a sick man.”

“Tell me the name of a sane motherfucker that’ll be able to deal with a woman of your caliber and–”

“You’ll kill him,” I finished his statement.

“That is accurate, but wasn’t what I was about to say.”

“Let go of me.”

“Only if you promise not to put a bullet in my head.”

“I can’t make that promise.”

“Then, I can’t let you g–”

In an instant, he spun me around. Now, we were face to face. Nose to nose. Eye to eye. Chest to chest. The heels extended my height. Still, I felt smaller. Shorter. Thinner.

Fuck .

He was breathtaking. I struggled with each breath I took. Staring at him through lustful eyes weakened me. He was perfection. He was Black. He was educated. He was ideal. And, he was asking me for something far beyond my control.

I couldn’t wrap my head around his plans for me. For us. No matter how well he articulated. How well he communicated. How well he painted the picture.

“Say something.”

His lips made me reconsider one of my many rules.

No kissing .

Leaving traces of my DNA was forbidden in any situation if I could avoid it. Otherwise, completely destroying the evidence made Range’s job a bit harder than necessary.

I’m working on that. I admitted, reminding myself to visit the laboratory much sooner than later.

The solution I’d been perfecting over the last eighteen months would wipe traces of DNA with a simple drop from the bottle. Up to twelve inches of it, at least. That’s how potent it was and how far its reach extended.

“Don’t break your heart, Psalms, chasing a reality that will never be either of ours. You’ve managed to start catching feelings for someone who doesn’t exist. Someone who isn’t real. A ghost. Because of what? My occupation? My skill? I don’t know and neither do I ca–”

His lips crashed into mine, cutting off the rest of my words. A chill ran the length of my spine as I finally succumbed to the feeling that came most natural to me at the moment. My body relaxed against his. My limbs loosened. My posture slacked. My pussy creamed.

For the first time, my tongue roamed the intricacies of another human’s oral anatomy. He tasted like minty fresh bubble gum. He felt like safety.

Security.

Stability.

Vulnerability.

Sensitivity.

Capability.

Culpability.

Accountability.

Fragility.

Fertility .

Sensibility.

Our bodies performed a one hundred and sixty degree spin. This time, my back was against the wall. My hands were no longer behind me. They were free of my weapons and pressed into the beige paint that covered almost every surface in the living area.

“Psal–” I whispered against his vastness.

“Shhhh,” he commanded with a finger against my lip. “I’ve heard what you had to say and you ain’t said shit a nigga wants to hear.”

The ripping of my stockings forced a gasp from my lips. My body was hoisted in the air. Naturally, my legs wrapped around Psalms midsection. Against my better judgment, my lips rushed back to his, slamming into them to the point of pain.

The bitterness of blood that seeped from my bottom lip heightened my arousal. We feasted on the coppery liquid that was diluted with our saliva.

My craving intensified. The gyrating of my hips caused my pussy to brush against the fabric of his shirt. I wanted him inside of me. I needed him inside of me.

“Use your words, Gazelle.”

Refusing to call me by my given name was as infuriating as it was invigorating.

“Rugger,” I corrected him, reaching beneath me and unbuckling his pants.

With a few movements, I freed his tool. Freely, my hands roamed its length. I placed it at my center, prepared to push through my moist barrier to reach my well. To my dismay, Psalms pulled back.

“Words. Tell me it’s personal.”

I closed my eyes, digesting his words. His right hand rounded my neck, squeezing gently.

“Sound it out.”

“Psal–”

“Gazelle,” he stated firmly.

“It’s personal,” I said, barely above a whisper.

As the words left my mouth, he plunged into my wetness. It was no simple task. But, slowly, patiently, he parted my walls. His grip around my neck loosened and the weight of his upper half rested on me.

“Fuck.”

Skin to skin. Flesh to skin. Bare. Uncovered. Raw .

“Uhhhh,” I exhaled.

I’d broken one rule after the other. However, guilt didn’t consume me. Neither did regret.

Psalms arms snaked underneath my thighs. His fingertips sunk into my shoulders.

“Yessssss.”

Long. Strategically. Unhurriedly. He stroked me.

My gratitude coated his tool, announcing its presence by sounding in the silence.

“Yesssss. Mhm. Yesss,” I murmured, clinging to him as if our worlds were ending.

And, strangely, it felt as if they were. The world as we both knew it, at least. Nothing would ever be the same. Not for him and surely not for me.

His penetration was pinnacle. It didn’t get any higher than this. Physically and figuratively, he’d been the cause of my ascent.

“Fuck,” he grunted, filling me over and over again.

He buried his tongue in my mouth. I was overwhelmed with his ability to consume me. He felt vast. Overpowering. Dominating.

“Yesssssss.”

Abruptly, he ended the kiss and lowered me to the ground. His dick left a gaping hole in my center and in my heart. I wanted it back.

“Put him back in,” I begged, breathlessly.

“Turn around, Gazelle. You not running shit.”

He spun me around and placed both of my hands on the wall. His body lowered until his knees touched the ground. Anxiously, I peered over my shoulder. Just as his neck and head were in full view, they disappeared.

Warmth coated my center, covering the hole he’d just dug.

“Psaaaaaaaa— my God.”

Like a dog in heat, he lapped up my juices to quench his thirst. Instinctively, I pushed into the softness of his tongue. I slid my hands down the wall, searching for something to hang onto. Something to relieve me of the mounting pleasure.

The magnitude of the wave that hit me nearly pulled me to my feet. Darkness surrounded me as I sealed my lids and braced for the inevitable. Psalms honed in on my clit, circling it before sucking it into his mouth. Simultaneously, he flickered his tongue. The quivering of my legs with each flicker promised a painful fall if I didn’t hold onto something steadier than man. Something more stable than me.

Psalms stuffed me with two fingers, finishing me completely. He massaged my inner clit, bringing me to my end. My breathing quickened and my heart pounded aggressively against my chest cavity. I began reaching for the unknown, grabbing pockets of air in the process.

My hand grazed a familiar material. I curled my fingers and took it into my hand. I extended my arm until the barrel of my Beretta was pressed against Psalms’ head. Without blinking and without a second thought, I pulled the trigger.

Click .

Just before the emptiness announced itself, I’d finished my calculation. The gun weighed much less than it was supposed to.

Fuck .

The warmth of Psalms’ body pressed against my ass cheeks. My gun went flying across the room with one swipe of his right hand. He used the left to guide himself back into me. This time, he managed to find the bottom of my parted sea without fail. He leaned in closer, his skin against mine.

“Ten steps ahead, Gazelle.”

Men like Psalms deserved to have their dick sucked every day. Three times a day. For breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They deserved someone who promised to be home when they arrived with dinner on the stove and the children down for bed. They deserved security and stability. They deserved happiness and completion.

They deserved things I wasn’t capable of giving. Not only because I didn’t want to, but also because I wasn’t built to. My home was the dark crevices of Clarke where the monsters waited for the world to bat an eye so they could make their move. Unseen. Unheard.

“Arrhhhh. Fuck.”

He was such a big boy. With each stroke, I adjusted to his meatiness. God hadn’t been stingy with Psalms’ blessings. They were plentiful. He was plentiful. He filled me to the brim, leaving no room for question.

“Fuck you going?” He asked, pushing into me as I tried to become one with the wall.

His hand found my neck again. With it, he lifted me slightly. His left arm laid against my stomach, locking me in place.

“And to think, you thought niggas was fucking you thoroughly,” Psalms whispered in my ear, “This is only the appetizer. You’re not ready for the full course.”

As the words left his mouth, his strokes deepened and quickened in pace. The heel of my feet lifted every time he plunged into me.

Whap.

Whap.

Psalms was making a mess of me below.

“Fu– fuck. Arghhhh. Fuskrghfrqhn–” I didn’t recognize the sounds coming from my mouth.

Whap.

Whap.

Whap .

Our bodies collided again and again. I tried escaping his hold but it was to no avail.

“Fuuuu— Oh God.”

Wave after wave slammed into me. Simultaneously, Psalm’s grip tightened around me. Together, we climbed to our peak. And, together we rejoiced. My cream coated his manhood. His manhood filled me with his ejaculation.

“Shit.” He sighed against my skin.

“Oh God,” I breathed.

“Birth control?” He inquired, choosing the fine time to ask.

“Yes,” I admitted with a nod. “Yes.”