Rugger: The Huntress (The Grey List #3)

Chapter 17

SEVENTEEN

Six months later…

The fresh breeze was exactly what my body craved. Six months behind sealed shutters as I regained my strength, sense of self, and independence had caused me to develop a vitamin D deficiency I was desperate to replenish.

I lifted the wide-mouthed glass to my mouth and sipped the martini. Every muscle in my face relaxed.

Nostalgic .

“Ummm–”

With the glass still in my hand, I unfolded the blueprint of Anderson Industries. The operation was a front for the malice work being done by a group of childhood friends who all had two things in common – their thirst for money and blood .

Unfortunately for them all, I shared their thirst and since my lover had met his demise, mine had grown tremendously. Not even the martini in my hand or the gallon of water I consumed daily could quench it.

Blood . Their blood was my only source of relief. And, before the year’s end, it would fill my cup until it overflowed.

With a smile tugging at my lips at the mere idea of putting my newest tools to use, I scanned the large print-out with my index finger. I took another sip of my drink as I rested my back against the chair, trying to determine my point of entry or if entry was necessary.

I want them to see my face.

To hear my voice.

To witness the pain they’ve caused.

Entry was no longer an option. It was a requirement. I ran my hand through my hair as I closed my eyes and tilted my head backward. The weather was perfect. The small breeze was greatly appreciated.

My nostrils widened at the familiar scent of citrus, woods, and musk. Grief was a whirlwind. If it wasn’t Sonnie’s touch I felt, then it was his scent I smelled. Every day, he sent reminders that he was still with me.

The flesh was a simple concept, but I couldn’t quite explain how dominant his presence was spiritually, emotionally, and mentally without sounding like I’d lost my fucking mind. So, for my sake, I didn’t try to explain. I simply embraced every encounter. Every day.

Large hands collapsed around my exposed neck. My brows wrinkled on my forehead. Unlike the others, this time felt a bit more promising. A bit more real. A bit more favorable.

Fluffy lips pressed against mine. I tightened my lids, praying away the optimism that crept up my body, because it didn’t matter how real things might’ve felt. Sonnie was gone. His body was spread across Clarke. And, two months ago, we’d buried what was left of him beside my father.

Snap. Snap .

“Good evening, Gazelle.”

Snap. Snap .

Warmth parted my lips. A tongue explored the inside of my mouth, not pulling away until more words were spoken.

“My, how I’ve missed you.”

Snap. Snap .

I couldn’t escape his hold. I couldn’t rid myself of his touch. I couldn’t lower his voice in my head.

Snap. Snap .

This was the side of grief no one warned you about. The side that made you feel half crazy. Half mental. However, the magnetic pull didn’t allow me to claim insanity. Not yet.

“Sonnie–” I breathed out. I waited with a galloping heart, waited to hear something, anything from him. And just when I decided to give up and accept that this was all a sick, cruel joke, his voice pierced my core.

“I’m here, baby.”

My eyes popped open at once. And, there he was. His handsome features just as I’d remembered them. But, there was something different about him. About his eyes. About his stance.

I bolted to my feet. He pulled me into his arms and it was at that moment that I noticed it. He was frail. He was weak. He was injured.

“Sonnie– it’s– it’s you.”

I touched his face.

His shoulders.

His neck.

The mark where the bullet had entered was much darker than the rest of his skin.

“Baby,” I sighed, feeling my heart break all over again.

Visions of that night replayed in my head.

“Shhhhh–”

“What happened? Where have you– I don’t understand.”

“Neither do I but there’s time to talk about it, Rugger. We have nothing but time. Right now, there’s something far more precious on my mind.”

His hands caressed my growing belly, just as I’d imagined them in the mirror every morning I stared back at my reflection.

“A child–” he choked out.

“A son,” I revealed, placing a hand on top of his.

“How far along?”

“Eight months.”

“Eight months? It’s been eight months?”

He was slightly disoriented.

“Sonnie, where have you been?”

“I– I wa– I need to sit down.”

Carefully, Psalms made his way to the other side of the table and took the empty seat. He was fragile. It pained me to see him so unwell. But, I was overcome with joy for his presence in general. The breath in his lungs was all that mattered at the moment.

He grabbed the cup of water I’d been sipping before my drink was delivered to my table. After finishing it off, he picked up the martini glass and sniffed the rim.

“Virgin.”

I nodded, “Yes.”

I took the seat beside him, prepared to listen to whatever was about to come from his dry lips. He stared out toward the sand as he began to explain his absence.

“It was never supposed to happen the way it did.”

“It?”

“It was the perfect shot and the perfect plan–even the perfect person to execute it. I don’t understand how I woke up six months later without a fucking clue about what’s been going on around me.”

I leaped to my feet and pushed my chair away from the table.

“Gazelle,” Sonnie called out to me as I took off in the other direction, “Gazelle.”

The shuffling behind me let me know that he was attempting to follow, but with the way his body was betraying him it would be impossible right now.

“Gazelle!”

I kept a steady pace as I made good strides toward the compound. As I approached, I was given immediate access. My feet didn’t stop marching until I was behind the largest home on the island where Chemistry and Egypt sat on the deck as if neither of them had a care in the world.

I dislodged a warning shot from my gun, piercing the shutter just above Chemistry’s head. He turned to face me as Egypt raised from her chair. She was almost seven months pregnant and as big as me. Though her movements were slow, she still cleared the intended path in a short amount of time.

“RUGGER,” she shouted, “Put it down.”

“Let her be, Egypt.”

Her weapon was raised and her hand was on the trigger. Without a doubt, I knew she’d shoot for Chemistry. She’d kill for Chemistry. She’d die for Chemistry. But her lengths were hardly commendable compared to the lengths I was willing to go for Chemistry, which was why it was best she stayed the fuck out of our business.

“I will shoot you dead and cut the fucking baby out of your belly to make sure he lives. This is not your fucking mess, Egypt, so stay out of it. I have forgiven, but I have not forgotten that I owe you a bullet.”

“Put your fucking gun down!” She screamed, “You’re aiming it at my fucking husband. I will not–”

“Choc, put the gun down. I love you, baby, I love you with my life but if a bullet from your gun touches my sister, shit between us will never be the same. We’ll be beyond repair.”

“She– she has every intention to shoot you.”

“She has every right. Shooting me and killing me aren’t the same. It would destroy her. I’m not going to die today, Choc, but something between us will if you don’t put your weapon down.”

Defeated, Egypt lowered her gun and waltzed into the house.

“Urgh.”

Chemistry accepted the first bullet I lodged in his side.

“Urgh.”

The second one pierced the skin just beneath it. He stood tall, never folding as he nodded.

“Do you feel better now?” He asked, taking a step toward me.

“It was yo– it was you, wasn’t it.”

His silence was deafening. I wanted to see more blood, but this was my whole chest coming toward me. I couldn’t release another bullet. I wouldn’t release another bullet.

“I don’t know anyone in Clarke that can take a kill shot like that and not kill the target but you!”

“And you–” he reminded me, “And, Sonnie.”

“Sonnie was the target and I had completed my assignment. I was busy reading his proposal, preparing to agree to marriage because I knew that with him was where I wanted to spend the rest of my life. But, right before my fucking eyes– right before my eyes, a bullet stole everything I’d never known I wanted or needed right from me. And, it was you. It was you all along.”

“It had to be me.”

It had to be her. The words I’d heard at least twenty times after his incarceration and Egypt’s revealed identity came back to mind.

“It had to be me, baby.”

“You fucking lied to me!” I bellowed, tears falling from my eyes.

“I did, Rugger, and I’d do it all over again. It broke my heart to do it, but I’d be damned if I regret it even a little. It had to be done and it had to be me.”

“What the fuck does that even mean? You let me mourn for six months, Chemistry. Six months. I buried a stranger next to our father.”

“His name appeared in the database, baby. His superiors felt he had been compromised. They were ready to discard him. Killian was the first to encounter the contract. They were unaware he was connected to them.

“Simultaneously, he was in my office, telling me how he was ready to leave the game and make a life with you here in St. Catana. It was the perfect opportunity. Killian confirmed the contract. I promised to carry it out and get him back to the island in one piece so he could live the life he’d dreamt for the both of you.

“It was an easy shot. A simple shot. You had to witness it. Your role was vital in making this look real and feel real to his people. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t tell you the truth. He almost died, baby. Your eagerness to save him almost cost him his life. He nearly bled out.”

“Of course I wanted to save him. What else did you expect of me?”

“When I made it to him, he’d been deprived of oxygen for minutes. He was dead, Rugger, but we had help on standby. We worked on him all night long.”

“We– who is– we?”

My heart split into a million tiny pieces.

“Ro– Roaman?”

He nodded.

“Roaman had a job to do and she did it well.”

“Did the others know?”

He nodded. “Not all of them. Only Roaman– and Rome .”

He didn’t have to mention her name for me to understand her knowledge of the situation. And, Roaman was tossed in the fire because she was the only person Chemistry trusted to save the lives of the people he loved.

“Those girls– those girls are willing to do anything for you, Rugger. I didn’t tell them but had I, nothing would’ve changed.”

“He was there,” I realized.

“What?”

“On the plane. He was on the plane on our way to St. Catana?”

My tears made it impossible to see anything. Even Chemistry was a blur.

“Answer me, dammit!”

“Yes. He was on the plane, clinging to his life.”

“You never had to come from the island because you were already in the States. That’s how you made it to me so fast. That’s how–”

“You’re right. I wasn’t in St. Catana, but the girls were. I’d already had them board the plane and head this way. Before you called me, they were on the way. Before the first shot was fired, Roaman was already waiting.

“Three doors down, she created a trauma unit and was on standby. But, your stubbornness. Your stubbornness and unwillingness to let him die put him in a coma for six months. He woke up three days ago and since, he’s been trying to make his way back to you.

“When he learned that he couldn’t walk, that nigga was willing to crawl. So, don’t fault me, baby, for giving you the happy ending you deserved, no matter how I had to do it. When I look at Psalms, I see a good man. I see a man that our father would embrace without a second fucking thought. Six months of heartbreak was far more manageable than a lifetime of it.”

He pushed my hand aside and pulled me into his arms. I melted into his chest.

“Ain’t a fucking thing I wouldn’t do for you, Rugger. Know that. I love you too much to let you suffer for a lifetime when I have the power to save you the pain.

“I meant it when I said my chopper will not know silence until every last one of them motherfuckers are maggot food. Just say the word when you’re ready.”

Thoughts mounted, producing a slow, thunderous throb on the side of my head. I rubbed my temple as I sifted through the pile of emotions to find the one to best describe what I was feeling. Minutes later, and no words had surfaced — no progress had been made.

“Say something, Gazelle.”

Sonnie was only a few inches away from me. He was wearing his heart on his sleeve. The contorting of his face revealed the pain in his heart.

“I don’t know what to say,” I revealed, lowering my head into my hands. “One minute, I’m madly in love with a man who has brought me nothing but happiness since he entered my world. Next, we’re enjoying a prolonged vacation as we get to know each other better and fall even deeper.

“Then, I’m reading a proposal from hundreds of feet away. Suddenly, his life is claimed before my very eyes and I am torn apart. Weeks after his death, I discover my pregnancy and I’m forced to decide on my child’s life or his death because his father isn’t here to help me raise him. Ultimately, I decide that my child deserves a chance at life.”

“And, for six and a half months I mourn his father’s existence, the fact that he’ll never have a chance to meet him, and that I’ve chosen to be a single mother, willingly. Just when I begin to feel some level of peace with the decisions I’ve made and the way life has played out, you appear.”

I drew in a deep breath and released it almost immediately.

“Sonnie, I don’t know what to say.”

“How do you feel?”

“Like my world just began again.”

He lifted his head, exposing the twinkle in his eyes.

“Because it has.”

“I thought I’d never see your face again. I thought I’d never hear your voice. That crushed me.”

“While you were fighting to get through the grief that was because of me, I was fighting to get back to you. So much of me died that night, but thoughts of you keep my heart pumping and my battle worthwhile.”

“There wasn’t no fucking way I was going to let you live life without me. That wasn’t the way this whole thing was designed. And, I’d toss in my grave every fucking day if I let you down. I just– I needed time. My body needed time. But, I am here and I am not going anywhere.”

He scooted the chair up closer to me.

“Nowhere. Wherever you are, that’s where I’ll be. Thank you, Gazelle, for choosing our son’s life over death.”

I’d missed him.

I’d missed his comfort.

I’d missed his security.

I’d missed his stability.

I’d missed his generosity.

I’d missed his selflessness.

I’d missed his gentleness.

I’d missed his protection.

I’d missed his peace.

“Did you mean it?” I questioned.

“Did I mean what, baby?”

“The paper– did you mean it?”

He nodded, and confirmed. “Yes. I did. In case it all went south and I didn’t make it back to you, I wanted to know you’d choose me as I’d chosen you.

“I understand your stance on life, love, marriage, and all the other desires of other women. However, I was hoping I’d been influential enough to change your perception, to sway your opinion just a little.”

I sat back in my chair and placed a hand on my belly.

“A little?” I laughed.

“Well, that is the first sign that things in here–”

He touched my chest where my heart is.

“Are changing.”

I agreed, “Every day.”

“I have no interest in rushing you. But, when you’re ready, so is the ring. We don’t have to make a fuss about it. And, we’ll do things your way. Whatever you want, Gazelle. Whatever you need.”

“Okay,” I responded, grabbing ahold of his hand.

I wanted to keep him near, because it felt like he’d disappear into thin air at any second.

Okay .