Ruin Me (Savage Bosses)

Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

M adison

Confusion swirled around me as I entered the office the next morning. He wasn’t at his desk, which gave me time to think. My plan to ruin Kent felt off as if I’d experienced a setback, but I couldn’t pinpoint where I’d gone wrong. Last night, one minute Kent showed signs I was getting to him, but the next he was distant.

Watching him mingle with everyone showed me a side of Kent that I couldn’t help but admire. His passion for his company and employees wasn’t an act and ran counter to the impression some users on the BBD website tried to portray. Once again, the man I admired as a teen appeared.

Coupled with the casual touches and almost possessive hold, he’d left me in a state that no amount of self-pleasuring eased. Why did he have to plague me so? Even now, surrounded by his belongings and his domineering scent, I was too weak to deny myself the chance that maybe this time, I’d get what I needed. While he was away, I had to take advantage of his absence to clear my head and prepare myself for this battle I was determined to wage against him.

I headed to his bathroom and released the discreet vibrator from my necklace. It was a godsend and a devil’s bargain wrapped in an inconspicuous package. I tried to tend to myself quickly, knowing that Kent would soon arrive. My body had different ideas. Like every other instance where I tried to relieve my tension, thoughts of Kent worked my desire to feverish heights, but nothing pushed me over as hard as I needed to be pushed.

Today was no different. After a minor orgasm, I collapsed against the sink while a mini-breakdown took over. Why did he have so much power over me, and how was I ever supposed to wrest it from him? As frustration built inside me, I sobbed my hatred for the man who held me in invisible shackles.

I didn’t know how long I sat there pouring my emotional burdens out through my tears, but I had to get a grip. When I caught my breath, I stared at the wrecked woman in the mirror, a grown up version of the teenaged girl who ran away from Douglas and her memories. I hated that girl and thought I had erased her from my current life, but reminders of her never disappeared. In the reflection of my glossy brown eyes, she stared back at me, wondering when she would be enough.

“No,” I whispered while straightening my stance and glaring the girl into oblivion. “I’m nothing like you, anymore.”

I washed away the signs of distress and reapplied my makeup with shaky hands until they no longer trembled and the girl in the mirror faded. One good thing came from this recent session in the bathroom. I’d firmed my resolve. Kent would not see me weak.

As I stepped out of the bathroom, the first thing I noticed was the frosted glass enclosing the office in privacy. Earlier when I walked into the bathroom, the walls were clear and everyone filing in to start their day could see me. A frisson of awareness skated along my back.

“How often do you use that fancy piece of jewelry at the office?” Kent’s voice startled me. He sat behind his desk, a mask of mild curiosity hiding his thoughts from me. “Well?” His prodding made one thing clear.

I covered my necklace as shame washed over me. “How do you know about this?”

“I’m not used to sharing my bathroom.” He stood and advanced on me. “Imagine my surprise when I opened the door to you moaning my name. Pleading for me, not that ineffective toy, to give you what you needed.”

“That’s not… Don’t get the wrong idea.” I squared my shoulders, recalling the anger I’d exited the bathroom with and allowing it to override my embarrassment.

“How could I? After all, you made it clear to me you don’t desire me.” He rubbed the cheek I’d slapped after he’d kissed me. “So what I witnessed must have been a fever dream.”

Slowly, I backed away from his approach. He’d caught me, but I could salvage things. I had to. “Mr. Lux?—”

“My name is Kent. I know you know it. Heard you moaning…no, begging me by name to give you what you so desperately needed. Now, say! My! Name!” he demanded, towering over me.

It was hard to resist submitting to his domineering presence, but I was no longer the type to bow under pressure, I reminded myself. I didn’t run and hide to lick my wounds. Not after he rejected me. And if I stood any chance to make him hurt, if only for a fraction of the pain he’d inflicted on me, I had to stand strong. I had to erase the power he held over me. I had to hold firm against the raging desire buffeting me at both ends. His and mine. What a potent combination. Passion this strong toppled empires, but I wouldn’t let it best me. Self-preservation demanded I fight with what little I had in my arsenal.

“Mr. Luxe?—”

He wrapped his fingers around my neck and brought my face close enough to his that the golden flecks in his blue eyes distracted me from my precarious position. “Defiant little girls get punished, and you’ve more than earned what’s coming to you.”

I glared at him, trying to pull away, but he held firm. “I’m no little girl.”

His lips twitched as he took me in from the top of my twist out to the bottom of my stilettos. “I suppose not, and your punishment will reflect that.”

“I already told you I have a daddy, and I don’t need another.”

“Good thing I’m not looking to be your daddy, isn’t it?” He hauled me over to his desk and bent me over the icy surface.

With a few hard yanks, he pulled my skirt above my hips and dragged my panties below my knees. I pushed up against the desk, but his heavy palm against my spine held me in place.

“Mr. Luxe—Ah!”

His hand met the flesh of my ass, the sound harsh and erotic in the confined space. Despite the noise, each contact, though firm, wasn’t painful after the initial sting.

“First, you lied to me. Teased me. Defied me. Had me so fucked up in the head that I thought you hated our kiss.” With each offense I’d perpetrated against him, he slapped my butt, warming the area. “You made me want you…crave you as I’ve never done for anyone. And you know the worst thing?” His blows turned to gentle caresses, soothing my inflamed skin and reigniting my desire.

“What else have I done to warrant this punishment?” I sobbed, not from his disciplining me, but because the tears pouring from my eyes were releasing a heavy burden that my earlier bout failed to do. The remembered pain and humiliation began to dim, and the weight that had bogged me down for years became lighter with my outpouring.

Kent inhaled, and I knew that amid my tears he could smell the perfume from my desire permeating the air. His voice broke as he confessed, “Worst of all, you’ve been living in agony, and I could have helped.” Kent released the pressure on my back and fixed my clothes. Soon, soothing circles warmed my spine as I continued to cry.

When the last tear was wrung from my body, he helped me stand. “Will you follow me upstairs? I have something I need to say to you, and the office isn’t the right place for it.”

With all my resistance and fight gone, I nodded while avoiding eye contact. I wasn’t strong enough to see pity in his eyes. I’d rather the anger and disdain he held for me.

He led me onto the elevator and to his penthouse. Inside, he sat me on the living room sofa. “Please look at me.” He squeezed my hand, making me aware for the first time that he hadn’t let go of me since we were in the office.

Tentatively, I raised my gaze to his. Warmth and regret greeted me. He pushed a lock of my hair behind my ear. “I owe you an apology… more than one, if I’m being honest. I hope after I reveal everything, you’ll understand me a little and we can work past the anger, resentment, and hatred.”

Speechless and too exhausted to fight him any longer, I nodded.

“Last night, I saw you in a different light and it made me shine one on myself. You see, I had numbed myself for years after Lola’s death. As you’ve probably guessed, I used women who could never remind me of my wife to move on. I thought it worked until it didn’t. Then you returned and brought up painful memories that I hadn’t worked through.”

“I don’t understand. I was the only one that walked away hurt.” I hugged myself, reliving his crushing response to my confession.

“Which is the first of many apologies I owe you. I was the adult back then and should have taken more care with you. I see now the role I played and regret my tactless responses then and now.”

“But what does that incident between us have to do with your wife’s death?”

“Nothing and everything.” Kent stood and paced the living room as silence descended between us.

In the moments it took for him to gather his thoughts, I observed him and found details I had missed during our interaction downstairs. Dark circles underlined his eyes, a testament to his time reflecting on our situation. Lines bracketed his mouth, and his hair wasn’t in its pristine, gelled do.

“What I have to tell you, not many people know, including Ife.” Kent returned to sit across from me. “Lola’s death was preventable.”

“How? I thought her injuries from the car accident were too severe.”

“After you two left for your graduation trip around Asia, Oyinlola went to meet a man. I’d been so busy burying myself in a new project to expand my location into the Chinese market, I neglected my wife. I assumed she knew things were only temporary because I’d never stopped loving or being in love with her. She never complained about my long hours, and by the time she confessed what had happened leading up to her accident, it was too late.”

“She cheated on you?”

“For years I wished she had. Then maybe she wouldn’t have been driving.” At my look of confusion, Kent continued. “The man who gained her attention was my business rival, Duncan Trent. Rumors surrounded him, just like they’re circling me right now. The difference is the stories about him were true, but Lola knew nothing about him. He used his charm to lure her to a hotel, but by then she’d changed her mind.”

“I know I don’t have the high ground here, but I always knew Oyinlola was loyal and would never hurt you. One of the reasons I fell deeper in love with you was because of her. Your wife embodied everything I wanted to be, and she had your devotion. I know I tried to take that from her?—”

“You were a kid. I’ve stopped blaming you for your actions back then. You should, too.”

“So what happened when Oyinlola changed her mind? And how do you know what went down if she died soon after?”

“Lola’s sense of honesty prevailed. She showed up at Duncan’s room to tell him she’d changed her mind. Sorry, I need a drink to finish the rest of this. I didn’t realize it would be so hard since I haven’t spoken about it to anyone.” Kent disappeared and returned with a glass filled to the brim with some kind of brown liquor. In his other hand, he carried two bottles of what I assumed was the same alcohol in the glass.

I took the two from his hands. “Probably be best to pace yourself if you want to get through everything tonight,” I said.

Kent raised his eyes to mine. Within their depths, I saw a lost man wandering through painful memories. “Where was I? Oh, yeah. Lola told Duncan she couldn’t go through with an affair, but he trapped her in that room.” He emptied his glass and poured another healthy portion from the bottle I’d taken.

“When he finished… violating her, he allowed her to leave. She was hurt, traumatized, and abused. She shouldn’t have been behind the wheel, but she was because I’d failed her. I was supposed to protect her. I’d promised to show her my love for her every day, but I broke that promise.”

“Oh, Kent.”

“You asked how I knew? Because Lola would never keep a secret that big from me.” As tears silently dripped down his face, Kent closed his eyes. “Maybe if I hadn’t shown up at the hospital after her surgery, she would have had time to calm down. But she woke up to find me beside her, and I think that broke her. She confessed everything to me. While begging for my forgiveness and as the monitors went haywire, she cried so hard that she ruptured her incisions. Can you imagine? While begging me, the most unworthy husband alive for forgiveness, she bled out before the doctors could answer the alarm. And I watched helplessly as I lost my wife.”

“Why are you telling me this? Do you want me to feel bad? Because I do. I never meant her any harm, and she didn’t deserve what happened.”

“No, she didn’t, but don’t misunderstand. I’m not telling you this to guilt you.” Kent rubbed his chest as the brackets around his mouth deepened. “I needed you to know what happened. Because until you showed up, I hadn’t felt anything deep enough to move me, and I hated it was you of all people, to make me feel again. I honestly don’t know what this means long-term, but I’m tired of fighting myself when you’re right here. And now that I’ve glimpsed the hell you’ve been living in, I don’t think I can stay away from you even if I wanted to.”

“This is a lot to take in,” I said. “And I don’t think after everything else, I should make decisions right now.”

“I understand, and I won’t rush you…”

“I sense a but.”

“It’s just that… I’d really like to hold you.”

His response surprised me and filled me with warmth. All this time I’d been tempting his lust, but instead of pushing for it, he demanded a different level of intimacy.

“I’ll be honest. Having you in my arms is partly selfish. I need to know that you’ll be okay after what I did downstairs, but above that, I’m hoping we can soothe each other’s pain. We’ve been carrying it around for eight years. Aren’t you exhausted?”

I hugged myself as I thought about his request. “Where did you want to hold me?”

“We could lie on the couch or in the bedroom. Wherever you’re comfortable.”

Now that my emotions have leveled out, I scanned the room. This was my first time in Kent’s penthouse, but I couldn’t be comfortable here. This was the place he brought his one-night stands. Meaningless hookups that had no future.

“Can we go somewhere else? Your house if it isn’t too painful… or a hotel. Maybe the other penthouse,” I rushed to add when his eyes widened in shock.

“I haven’t brought a woman home since Lola.”

“The downstairs penthouse, then.” I nodded, a little disappointed, although I understood.