Ruined in Vows (Marchetti Family #3)

3. Allegra

Chapter 3

Allegra

I watch my one-year-old nephew Romeo as he splashes around in the pool with my mamma. Their happiness is infectious, and I can’t help the smile that tugs at my lips. Usually, I would be holed up in my bedroom, enjoying the solitude and dwelling in misery but today my brother’s wife, Ocean, managed to coax me outside.

“How are you doing?” Ocean’s soft voice draws my gaze to her.

She lies out on the sun lounger beside me in a turquoise one-piece bathing suit, that looks perfect against her sun kissed skin and highlights the slight bump on her belly. Honestly, I’m surprised Nico allowed it, considering the half a dozen guards situated around the area. He is over the top possessive when it comes to his wife, and no way will he tolerate any man seeing more of Ocean than he would like. I’m guessing it’s the reason why the guards haven’t even so much as glanced in our direction. Even one small glance isn’t worth risking their lives.

Exhaling a breath, I grab the glass of lemonade on the small table between us, taking a long pull. It’s my way of stalling, coming up with an answer that will keep her satisfied. Though by now, I am sure my whole family can see through my facade. Placing the glass down, I turn to look at her.

“Honestly?” I ask and Ocean nods. “I am as good as I can be.”

Her gaze softens, the pity I have become accustomed to but hate flickering in her blue eyes. “I know you have your reasons for marrying Riccardo, but I really wish you would reconsider. Nico told me about the rumors surrounding that man and it hurts my soul to think about you in that situation.” She swallows, tears forming in her eyes. “Of you having to share a bed with someone like that.”

Cracking a fake smile, I try to ease her concern. “I love that you care about me, Ocean. But I have to do this. Not only because there is no way out but war, but because I have nothing to lose. And I want to help Nico,” I add.

She frowns, her brows bunching up in confusion. “Help Nico?”

I nod. “Yeah.” I don’t elaborate. I know how this world works, and Ocean will be kept in the dark about most business as much as I have. She doesn’t need to know the reasons why. To have unnecessary worry. “Just know, everything I am doing is for our family,” I tell her, wanting to give her something.

She searches my face, looking for something that she won’t find. If I can keep Ocean’s mind at ease, then I will do everything in my power to do that. She reaches across, taking my hand. “I never had much of a family growing up and didn’t really understand the meaning of that word, but now I do. You are my sister, Allegra. And I just want you to be happy.”

Emotion tightens my throat, tears blurring my vision, and I look away before she sees it. Why can’t they just understand that I will never be okay for as long as I live? I would never wish what happened to me on anyone and especially not Ocean, but she hasn’t lost the love of her life forever, therefore she can’t even begin to comprehend what I am going through or how I feel. Again, it’s through no fault of her own, and I appreciate her concern for me, but I wish they would accept that I am not the same girl as I was before Dante.

Despite all that, I still try to explain.

“You know how much you love Nico?” Ocean nods cautiously. “Imagine having to live without him.” She frowns, a faraway look on her face. I smile. “Now imagine someone took him from you in the most horrific way possible.” She flinches. “Would you ever be able to get over it? Would you be the same person as you were before?”

A tear rolls down Ocean’s cheek, and she shakes her head, whispering. “It’s all my fault. If my father had not gotten the Russians involved, Dante would still be alive.”

Climbing off my lounger, I kneel on the patio, taking her hands. “I don’t blame you, Ocean. Dante was a protector to his core and would have done anything for Nico, or any of us for that matter. He laid down his life for this family. I hate it but it’s what he was trained for. And no matter what, even if he was still alive today, he would continue to do that. All we can do is remember him for the hero he was and keep his memory alive, which is what I intend to do every day for as long as I live,” I tell her, my voice wobbling with emotion.

Ocean stares at me in awe, choking out, “You are one of the strongest women I have ever met.”

“And so are you.” I smirk, trying to lighten the mood. “After all, you did take on my brother.”

Ocean giggles, pulling her hands from mine and wiping at the tears running down her pretty face. “I'm not sure about that.”

Rising to my feet, I get myself situated on the lounger just as Mamma climbs out of the pool with Romeo in her arms. “I am. I never thought I would see it, but that man is gone for you.”

“I agree,” Mamma says, obviously catching the tail end of our conversation.

Ocean sighs, pushing up to a sitting position and taking Romeo from Mamma. “The feeling’s mutual.” She replies, wrapping her son in a towel. Pressing a kiss to his head, she coos. “How is my sweet boy? Did you enjoy swimming with your nonna.”

Romeo squeals, his chubby hands reaching up and grabbing at his mamma's hair. A pang of longing hits me, visions of me with Dante’s child assaulting my mind before I push it away. The what-ifs are the hardest pill to swallow. The life Dante and I could have had. The life we planned for that was ripped away. It hurts. So much. Sometimes I don't think I can withstand the ache. And I am sure that one day, it might kill me.

But for right now, I am still standing. Still living. Still breathing.

Which is more than I can say for the man I love, the man I lost.

I will never accept his loss for as long as I shall live. I can only hope that one day we will be reunited. Because in every life, I know we are meant to be together. It’s just a matter of patience, and when I will see him again. And I will see him again. In a universe full of souls, I know with everything inside me that ours will always find each other.

I have to believe that.

Otherwise, what was the point of loving him so fiercely? Of him loving me?

We may not have gotten our happy ending in this life.

But we will in the next.

I won’t accept any other outcome.