Ruined in Vows (Marchetti Family #3)

37. Allegra

Chapter 37

Allegra

C urled up on the couch with Mamma at the other end, I will for sleep to find me but it’s no use.

Sighing in frustration, I roll over to my other side, snatching up my cell phone from the coffee table. Dante messaged me hours ago, but never called. I’m pissed, though I know I shouldn’t be. If anything did go wrong, we would have heard something by now.

The room is dark, apart from the small flicker of light coming from the tv, and checking the time, I groan when I find that it's only 4:30 a.m. Glancing over to the other couch, Ocean sleeps soundly, with Romeo in the mobile crib beside her. My sister-in-law was just as annoyed as I was when Nico didn’t call. The message she sent my brother attested to that.

Pushing up into a sitting position, I jump when Mamma speaks. “What are you doing, honey? You need to get some sleep,” she says softly.

My gaze finds hers and I can just make out the lines on her concerned face when she pushes up to a sitting position, leaning against the arm of the couch. She yawns, evidence of her own exhaustion.

“What time is it?”

“Just past 4:30. I tried to sleep but it’s pointless. I will only relax when they are home,” I tell her honestly.

Scooting across the couch, Mamma takes my hand in hers. It’s a comforting gesture, but still, I find no solace in it.

“Everything worked out how Nico planned. Soon Dante will be back where he belongs.”

Smiling, I exhale. She is right, but still, I can’t help the nerves swarming my stomach. Wanting to change the subject, I mull over the question I have been wanting to ask her for a while now. And what better time to do it, than now. When it’s just us two. Sure, Ocean and my nephew are mere feet away, but they are sleeping. Now is my chance.

“What’s going on with you and Alessio?” I murmur softly.

Mamma freezes, her eyes snapping to me. She searches my face, swallowing. Guilt flashes across her features, but she has no reason to feel shame, so I tell her as much.

“If it’s any consolation, I am fully on board with it. I see the way he looks at you, Mamma. It's the same way Nico looks at Ocean. And the way Dante used to look at me before his accident. It’s–”

“ Still looks at you,” she corrects, cutting me off, a smile tugging at her lips.

“Still,” I repeat, humoring her. “But that’s enough about me, back to you.”

Mamma exhales harshly, quiet for a long moment. She nibbles at her bottom lip, no doubt debating on how much to tell me. Then, once the silence has dragged on for longer than necessary, she finally speaks.

“Nothing is happening.” I throw her a pointed look, making her chuckle. She shakes her head, settling back against the couch. “I don’t know. He is sweet. Kind. But also, young. So much younger than me.”

“How old is he?” I ask.

“Thirty-six.”

Quickly doing the math in my head, I say. “That’s only twelve years.”

She rolls her eyes. “I know. But it’s not just that. I can’t give him the things that he will no doubt want in the future.”

“Kids?” I surmise.

She nods solemnly. “Yeah. He deserves a family. He is too young to give that up for me. Then there is your papà. He–”

“He isn’t here, Mamma.” I remind her softly, squeezing her hand.

“I know.” Her eyes turn watery, and I hate that she is still so loyal to my father. Yes, he had his moments, treated her like the queen she is. But that doesn’t change the fact that he still fucked around with hundreds of other women behind her back. It’s normal behavior from the men in our world, expected even, but if he showed Mamma as much respect and loyalty as she did him, he would have never done it. Nico would never do it to Ocean and I know with certainty that Dante would never do it to me. “But that doesn’t change the fact that I loved him, despite his many indiscretions.” She sighs. “I just don’t think I’m ready, physically or emotionally for a man in my life. Especially not one that is so much younger than me. Alessio is a good man. He deserves so much better than a broken woman only halfway in, giving a little. Plus, there is the small issue of your brother. Do you really think Nico would allow it?” she adds, brow raised in question.

“Nico wants you to be happy,” I state.

Sure, he might lose his shit to begin with, but once he came around to the idea, he would be okay. Nic is a reasonable man. As proven with his support of his best friend’s relationship with his little sister.

Mamma nods, looking off thoughtfully. I yawn, suddenly feeling exhausted and lean my head against the back of the couch, waiting for her response. Mamma is quiet for a couple of minutes, lost in thought. But then she speaks. “I don’t know. Maybe it is something to consider. When I’m with him, I feel something I haven’t felt in a long time.”

“What’s that?”

“Wanted.”

The one word has my chest constricting almost painfully, eyes snapping to hers.

“You are always wanted, Mamma.”

She chuckles, shaking her head. “I know I will always have you, Nico, Ocean, Romeo, and the new baby. Your papà, he had his moments, but he was good to me, though there were many other women. He always showed me love. But in the last couple months before he died…” she trails off, clearing her throat. “I didn’t feel wanted. He barely looked at me, let alone touched me.” I resist making a gagging noise. “I know that’s not what you want to hear about your parents, but it made me feel insecure. I constantly wondered what had changed so much that he didn’t want to be intimate with me.”

This time I do gag, my nose scrunching up as I shoot her a look. “Jesus, Mamma, too much information.”

She laughs. “I did warn you.” Her smile falls, sadness taking away the sparkle in her eyes. “Before he died, I didn’t feel good enough. It was like a switch had flipped in his head and I was no longer attractive or even tolerable. You should never measure your worth by how a man treats you, but we had been together a long time, since the day I turned eighteen. He was all I had ever known. I went from being the seventeen-year-old virgin daughter of one of your nonno’s most prominent men, to marrying your papà on my eighteenth birthday. I was pregnant with your brother not long after. For a while we were happy, Lorenzo was good to me. Then after the birth of Nico, the other women started and though he believed I wasn’t aware of his cheating, I was. It’s expected in this life, but I thought your father was different. How na?ve.” She muses wistfully. “Anyway, even up until months before his death, he showered me with love. Then he turned cold and distant. I never did understand the sudden change.”

My heart hurts for Mamma as she talks. I saw Papà for exactly what he was in the end. A monster. And though I noticed the change in his behavior toward Mamma, I was too caught up in my own shit to really take notice. I wish I had, now. Wish I had been there for Mamma, like she is for me.

But it’s too late now. We can't turn back time, we can only move forward.

Mamma deserves happiness – if that is with Alessio, then so be it.

Tightening my grip on her hand, I speak.

“You deserve to be happy, Mamma. And if Alessio makes you feel this way, don’t let it pass you by.” I want to say so much more, tell her that papà never deserved her, but that’s not what she needs to hear right now. “Take it with both hands and even if it doesn’t last forever, just have fun with it.” I wink.

She laughs, sighing. “We will see. First, let’s get your brother and the love of your life home.”

Sighing, I sink back into the couch feeling hopeful.

Everything is going to work out how it should…

Because it has to.