Runaway Bride’s Guide to Love (Guide to Love #1)

14. Emmett

14

emmett

I’ve never been a science guy—history and math were more my speed—but I’ve always been fascinated by thunderstorms.

Something about the brewing clouds and the air changing. The distant rumbles of thunder that grow closer and closer. When that perfect strike of lightning hits. I’m watching it all from a lounge chair on the patio that thankfully has an adjustable canopy, allowing me to take this in while staying dry. It’s the perfect way to get lost in my thoughts.

And all of them circle around Stella Banks.

Something was off at the smash room today. I expected her to get in my car and be busting at the seams to go to the one place that’s been on her to-do list since we got here. But she wasn’t. She was quiet. Sullen. I could tell something was going on. She was fidgeting, which I’ve never seen her do. Biting her nails. Barely said two words on the drive over. I don’t gamble a lot, but I would’ve gone all-in that it had something to do with Duncan.

Then something snapped when we stepped inside the room. I had to step back to make sure she wasn’t going to hurt herself. She was absolutely feral. I thought at one point she was going to throw her shoulder out. I had a feeling she’d be a bit on the unhinged side ever since she told me about this idea, but the look in her eyes today was downright terrifying.

Stella was on a mission—to break every item in that room.

I even got in on the fun. Though I was smashing away my sexual frustration because Stella is getting too tempting for my sanity.

Our missions were very different.

I don’t know if hers was accomplished, but mine wasn’t. If anything, I’m even more frustrated now than I was before.

Is part of that physical? Of course. Stella is by far the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. Her blue eyes and perfect smile keep me up at night. Her body, no matter what she wears, is downright sinful. And the feel of her skin the few times I’ve made contact? I had to force myself to pull away.

If it were just physical, I could push my feelings aside. But it’s becoming more and more clear that this is more than that. These are feelings I’m not comfortable with. Ones I’ve never had before. And they were confirmed in the smash room today.

When I was watching her, I wanted to take away every ounce of pain I could see in her eyes. I wanted to keep putting bottles in front of her to break just so she could get rid of all the anger and resentment she had inside. I wanted to hold her and let her cry, because I could tell she was a ticking time bomb of emotion. I want to take away every ounce of hurt and pain because I don’t want her to feel like that ever again.

I have no prior experience in this area, but I’m pretty sure friends don’t have these feelings about each other. Some? Maybe. But all together and combined with the overwhelming feeling of rage and jealousy on my part every time I think of her with Duncan? Or the lust I feel when I see her wearing her bikini on the beach? Or how I have to bite the inside of my cheek when she throws her head back and laughs, because all I want to do is plant my lips on her neck?

Yeah…those aren’t friendly feelings.

Those are feelings that clearly say I’m fucked .

I’m just about to go inside because thinking about Stella means I need my third shower of the day, until I hear music blasting from next door.

And then a voice that’s screaming…singing? No. Definitely screaming.

“Were sent by someone! Who wanted me dead!”

What the hell?

The music and the “singing” is coming from Stella’s house. When I turn to see what the hell is going on, I see her standing outside, past her patio, with her arms out wide. It’s like she’s begging the storm to take her.

What the hell is she doing?

I don’t recognize the song she’s singing, and from this distance I’m only hearing every other word. It sounds like something about someone trying to maybe kill someone? Or having them gunned down? Whatever it is, it sounds angry, though I don’t know if that’s a strong enough word. I might be a house away, but I can feel the rage and hurt rolling off her with every lyric she yells.

I’m watching Stella exorcise a demon.

I doubt she can hear me, but I don’t move an inch, not wanting to interrupt her. Because what I’m witnessing right now is hauntingly beautiful. Seeing this woman, who I know has been trying to put on a brave face while going through every emotion there is on a daily basis, has to be hard. I also know she’s only telling me parts of it. Today’s a great example. She said she was fine, but her eyes gave her away. I know she’s trying to limit talking about every feeling she’s having in front of me. For one, I’ve not been shy on my feelings about Duncan, and he’s tied to every one of her emotions right now. Two, I have a suspicion she thinks she has to put on a brave face for me. That she doesn’t want to come off as this whiny woman who can’t get over it.

That’s where she’s wrong. There’s nothing she could do, or say, that would change my opinion of her. She’s the strongest woman I’ve ever met. And she’s showing it right now without a goddamn care in the world.

The song changes, but her voice doesn’t stop. If anything, like the storm outside, it only gains speed. It’s like she’s channeling the sea to go into battle with her. This goes on for at least a minute when her singing suddenly stops. The music doesn’t. I can still hear it in the distance, but she’s not singing.

I train my eyes on her when I see her collapse to the ground. It’s like in slow motion. She just slowly drops to her knees, which is followed by a cry so loud it’s like she’s right next to me.

I don’t think. I don’t hesitate. I don’t bother with an umbrella as I race across the beach and maneuver past the rocks that serve as a divide between the houses. I almost slip a few times as the water pools in the sand, but I keep my stride until I reach her.

Her cries are loud and painful as I bend down to pick her up. She doesn’t fight me, instead wrapping her arms around my neck like a boa constrictor. I blink away the rain drops pelting my face as I carry her back inside the house.

I feel her hot tears despite my wet T-shirt as we sit on the couch. Fuck…I want to do more than just hold her. I want to take away every ounce of this hurt. I’d do anything to be able to do that for her.

“Why’d he do it?” Stella asks between sobs.

I brush back her hair and continue to gently rock her. “I don’t know, Tiger. I wish I did.”

“He said he loved me. He said he wanted to marry me. Why would he lie and cheat and steal? Why would he live almost another life?”

I’ll admit I’ve wondered this too. “I don’t know Duncan well. I only met him once, but my guess would be because he’s one of those pompous fucks who thought he could have his cake and eat it too. He wanted to live this risk-filled lifestyle with bad business deals and cheating. But he also wanted the life everyone told him he was supposed to have with his stable career and beautiful wife. ”

“What about the life I wanted? Did that not mean anything?”

Stella finally looks up at me, and my heart breaks instantly. It takes every ounce of strength in me not to cry for her. She looks beaten down. Still beautiful. But just…drained.

“Of course it does,” I say. “Maybe not to him. But it does.”

“I thought we wanted the same things,” she says. “I was a fool.”

“No. Not a fool.” I tip her chin up, forcing her to look me in the eye when I ask her this question. “What do you want? What does Stella Banks want in life? Truly. Not what she thinks she wants because others have it. What do you want?”

She doesn’t say anything for a second, but doesn’t move off her seat on my lap either. The tears have pushed back a little, but I can tell they could burst again at any moment.

“I want a job I love that doesn’t feel like work. I want friends I adore and my sisters and family to have everything they want.” She takes a deep breath before she continues. “And I want a man who loves me so much it hurts. And I want to love him with everything I have. I want date nights out and lazy nights in where we’re wrapped around each other. I want him to pull me into his arms and dance barefoot in the kitchen just because the moment strikes. I want to learn about things he does and him to not bitch when I want to go shoe shopping. Or think it’s stupid when I say that I want to volunteer at the animal shelter. Or that will write down my overly complicated coffee order in his phone so he knows what my order is when he wants to get me a drink just because. I want to try new foods and not feel self-conscious about them. I want to walk down the aisle and our eyes be glued to each other and let the rest of the guests fall away. I want to start a family that will be loving and supportive and crazy, just like how I grew up. I want it all. I don’t want to settle. But most importantly, I want someone who wants that too.”

I don’t say anything. I don’t think she expects me to, which is good. How can I when I’m pushing down the burning sensation of jealousy, knowing the man she wants—the man she deserves— can never be me? I’m not that guy. She wants the fairytale. And no matter how many times I’ve been told otherwise, I’m no Prince Charming.

“Do you know what I want right now?” Stella asks.

“What’s that?”

“I want you to kiss me.”

My entire body goes still. I don’t say anything. Hell, I think I forget to breathe.

She turns toward me slightly. “I want to feel something more than sadness or hurt or anger. That’s all I’ve known since I ran. And I just…please Emmett…help me feel.”

Her blue eyes are begging. Her voice is pleading.

And my willpower is crumbling.

“Stella…”

She tries to turn her head away from me, assuming I’m about to say no. I quickly catch her chin in my fingers, making sure she hears what I’m about to say.

“Please,” she begs. “Don’t say anything. Don’t make this even more embarrassing than it already is.”

I shake my head. “Nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“Says the man who isn’t going to kiss the girl who just made a fool of herself.”

“Who said I’m not going to kiss you?”

Her eyes go wide at my words, and I think for the first time since I’ve met her, I’ve rendered Stella Banks speechless.

“I’m going to kiss you, but I need you to know one thing,” I begin. “I want to kiss you more than anything. I want to be the man who relieves a little bit of this pain. But you have to know: the man you described earlier? The forever guy? That’s not me. So if that’s what you’re looking for…”

She shakes her head. “I don’t want that. Not now. And I know you aren’t that forever man. But that’s not what I need. I just need you, Emmett.”

The groan that passes through my throat is low and primal. My name on her tongue rips my last thread of self-control .

“Fuck it,” I growl, and I close the last remaining gap between us.

My mouth is on hers before she can say anything else, taking what I’ve dreamed of since I got here. Oh, who the hell am I kidding? Since the day I met her. Then I could convince myself to push down my desire. But now? With Stella in my lap? Asking me to take her out of this dark place? To help her feel again? It’s all I want in this world.

Even if it’s just for now.