Runaway Hearts: Seduced by Danger

7. Power vs. Panic

Chapter 7

Power vs. Panic

S ipping my mochaccino, I let out a soft exhale. Parked in front of the coffee shop, there’s no need to hurry. I want to savor this moment, let the pleasure wash over me. I only have four hours to drive until I reach St-Gabriel, and we part for good.

The world fades; all that’s left is the perfect balance of chocolate and coffee. I lean back and hear celestial bells, lost in bliss.

I enjoy the liquid in my mouth, feeling pure joy. Kai watches me with a puzzled gaze, but I’m too focused on my drink to care.

“It’s so good,” I moan in delight from my car.

Kai’s eyes widen, and his jaw drops. Oh, he heard. A mochaccino is pure bliss. He opens his mouth to speak, but I silence him with my finger, not wanting to ruin my morning with words. But his lips part a bit until the wet heat of his mouth greets my finger, and his breathing slows.

God, he has soft, pillowy lips.

I bring the cup up to my nose and sniff the aroma of the hot drink.

The morning coffee indicates the mood for the day. Right now, it’s intoxicating.

Kai takes my hand and puts it back on the handrest between us.

He turns to his coffee and sips.

I smile hesitantly, glancing at the clock. Only four hours until I can shower at my uncle’s house. This morning, taking a shower while Mr. Kiken was in the same room was too risky, and the thought sent tingles down my pelvis.

I can see the dirty-movie scenario clearly.

Kai barges in, pretending he needs to use the bathroom, but joins me in the shower, taking advantage of my nudity for doing naughty things before facing the day.

But some fantasies are best when left untouched. I might drool at the sight of Kai’s physique, but something about my attraction to him makes me uneasy. It’s too strong.

And that scares me.

“You’re a long way gone, Marianne.”

I hum faintly, trying to ignore the connection between us.

“How long were you with Eric?” he asks, leaning on his left side.

I shudder at the thought of confessing how stupid I’d been. “It’s none of your business.”

“I’d really appreciate it if you would answer me.”

I roll my eyes. “And I’d really appreciate world peace.”

He looks down at his drink and sighs. “I’ve never had a long-term relationship.”

That’s the biggest confession ever made. I do believe it. A man like him sleeps around like a stray dog. Please tell me you always wear protection! My heart aches at the thought of him with other women, but why wouldn’t he if he can?

“My father is...” He pauses, trying to articulate his thoughts. “He sets up dates for me with women who don’t suit me. They treat our date like a job interview or try to use me for my reputation.”

Curiosity gets the best of me, and I ask, “What do you mean?”

He sniffs, and his tone shifts to resentfulness. “He oversees everything, always. He gives me skinny, well-mannered Japanese girls. They’re not my thing.”

What’s your thing? Guys?

I want to tease him, but something in the general mood that smells a lot like honesty stops me. “Four years,” I answer his previous question, shaking my head in disbelief.

Kai takes a sip of his coffee. “Do you often have panic attacks?”

A sad smile curves my lips downward. “Not since Eric dumped me.”

“Oh, he left you?” Kai asks, his eyebrows arching slightly before returning to his calm demeanor. “I didn’t expect that.”

Me neither, baby. But I can’t bring myself to say the words out loud. I just nod. I’m weirdly glad someone forced me to open up.

I was willing to spend my life with Eric, even though I knew it wouldn’t last long. And even if I miss having a man in my bed, I’ll never return to him.

After a year or so, Eric stopped paying any particular attention to my pleasure. Occasionally, I had orgasms by force of habit and maybe sheer determination. I discovered how to position my body to get the most out of it.

With Kai close by, I can’t help but wonder about his sexual skills and if he could satisfy me. A wet heat drips from behind my nipples straight to my pussy.

I could baptize my new car with a hot fuck.

Oh, no.

“Marianne, you’re shaking. Are you all right?” Kai asks in a worried tone that doesn’t match his icy glare.

The heat between my thighs becomes unbearable. I open the windows with trembling hands as Kai becomes my sole focus, and I feel blood rushing to my core as I try to calm down.

Shit .

Our mouths lock in a passionate kiss, our tongues dancing together. I grind my hips against his, feeling his erection pressed against me. His moans intensify, and I match his frenzied rhythm as he grabs my ass.

I park on the side in a dust cloud, grab the steering wheel, and lean my head on it. I endure the fire on my cheeks and between my thighs.

Not now!

His hand massages my back, and my traitor body arches to deepen the touch as I moan. “Ah, damn it.” A familiar tingling assaults me. “Don’t touch me!” I scream at his panicked gaze. My body shakes, and I grit my teeth. My mind wants something my body can’t have. Which results in a sexual avoidance panic attack.

“Marianne, dammit, stop!” Kai shouts, applying pressure with his fingers on my hand.

The searing pain courses through my hand, a merciless reminder of the intercarpal nerve compression. I steal a glance at the one who dares to yell at me. My hands throb from the white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel, and the crisis, at least externally, seems to have subsided.

Kai’s hand lingers on my back, the softness of the touch confusing but comforting.

Aren’t you supposed to be an icy, methodical killer?

My insides churn as his warmth contrasts with my inner turmoil.

I want a hug.

“Was that a panic attack?” he asks, his eyebrows furrowing and eyes scanning my face for any signs of distress.

“Somewhat.” I try to play it off with a shrug and a half-smile, but the truth is, I’ve never felt such intense sexual tension before.

Have you ever heard of sexual avoidance panic? I bet not. It happens when fear creeps so deep into my body—saying yes—that it overrides my mind saying no. A panic attack stemmed from the contradictory feelings.

“Hell, I thought you were going to pass out,” he adds, oblivious to the whirlwind within me.

My mouth tastes of stale saliva and bad memories. I want water to wash away the bitterness. Drawing deep breaths, I slowly run my fingers through my hair, massaging my scalp. Kai tries to ease the tension with a smile, but my frustration is powerful, and tears well up in my eyes.

“Do you need something?” he asks, and my chin trembles.

I wish I were bold enough to ask for a hug, but I shake my head.

Damn, have you ever seen more pathetic?

I sniff.

The desire to escape consumes me. I want to abandon this senseless situation, retreat to the safety of my home, bury myself under the duvet with a pint of salted caramel ice cream, and cry until I’m dehydrated.

“I can’t stand this anymore,” I mutter, my internal organs still protesting, my underwear damp from an unwanted arousal.

Despite the chaos, I steer us back onto the road.

My desire to escape clashes with the necessity to fight.

Eventually, my brain kicks back into gear and presents a harsh reality I don’t want to confront. The thought of touching Kai brings back painful memories and triggers my body.

I try to rationalize my emotions with logic, but I can’t. My subconscious urges me to keep Kai close and explore what we could have together. But I also fear he may be just as destructive as Eric. Unsure of which side of me to trust, I choose to remain passive.

I’ll go to my beach house and get drunk until my mind clears. I’ll then decide what to do with my life.

I park the car in front of a motel a few minutes before arriving at my uncle’s. Kai might be under control and playing nice now, be I don’t know how he might react to being dumped.

The real question here is...

How dangerous is Hiroshi the Seventh in a line of bloodthirsty criminals?

Pain creeps from my shoulders to the tips of my fingers, and an aggressive prickling spreads in my neck until I’m no longer aware of my hands.

Then a rough hand lands on mine. “Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Again,” Kai says in a suave, even tone. His hand is reassuring, and I regain control. “Are you okay?” There’s worry in his eyes.

The heat from his hand pierces my skin and spreads through my muscles.

Why are you so nice to me?

“Remove your hand.” I glare at him.

He withdraws his hand, the gleam in his eyes falling like a shattered vase.

“We have a problem.”

“Okay.”

“My uncle expects me for the night, but you can’t come.”

We need to go our separate ways. No way is he accompanying me at Corey’s.

Kai’s expression shifts, his gaze narrowing to slits. His fists clench at his sides, the tension visible in his shoulders as he releases a dry, frustrated sniff. “Are you dumping me again?” His voice is sharp, accusing, laced with a bitterness that stings. “What the hell did I do this time?”

Shit. Self-centered much?

My heart twists. “Nothing,” I manage, the words catching in my throat. “It’s just... I don’t want my family involved in this situation.”

“You mean involved with me,” he says, the words dripping with venom, his gaze burning into mine. A bitter scoff escapes. “I respected your no-gun-to-the-head policy; aren’t we supposed to be good?”

Such a big baby.

“Hmph... I get it; it’s unpleasant for you. But I can’t take you home with me. It’s too risky.” I pause. “I’ll pick you up right here tomorrow at nine.”

With each word, his frustration grows, a storm brewing beneath the surface, as evidenced by the way he gathers his things and the tightness of his jaw as he holds back his anger.

No way am I skimming through hours of old videos of my skinnier self, searching for soul-healing answers with that man near enough to hear me cry. Again.

He exits the car, striding away with a determined glare as if he knows exactly where he’s going. All I’m left with is a throbbing heartache that makes no sense.

It’s not logical.

I have ten minutes left before I arrive at my uncle’s.

I’m going to take them to remind myself that this story makes very little sense, even if it’s exciting.

Kai is every kind of wrong.

But there’s a strong desire in my mind for something more. My muscles and soul are drained from the constant push and pull that Kai creates.

And I want to give in.

I yearn for the press of his rugged hands against the softness of my ass, for his lips locking onto mine in a wild frenzy of lust. Each twirl and flick of his tongue sends electrifying jolts to my pussy. His hard dick pushes into me until everything else blurs into insignificance except for the sensation of him inside me.

Fighting off all distractions, I drive away. It’s been a long time since I liked someone. Far too long.

His ragged breaths caress my shoulder. The rumbling growls erupting from his chest vibrate against my skin, magnifying the heat building within us. Each powerful thrust spikes up my desire until I’m consumed by it.

My breath quickens; sweat sprinkles across my forehead like dew drops on a passionflower.

Pulling over at a secluded alley, I park the car.

“Oh… fuck…”

On the driver’s seat I lowered, I no longer have the strength to resist. My sex is wet and needy. I give in to the fantasy.

Each thrust of his dick inside me drives me closer to the brink, each pulsating throb setting my nerves on fire.

My body tenses, and my right hand wanders down past the waistband of my drenched panties. Eyes fluttering close, I release a long, slow breath as my fingers move purposefully. Each hungry swirl brings me closer to the edge until, finally, I tumble over into an abyss of pleasure with a vision of Kai.

Hips bucking against my hand, I moan softly, savoring the release.

My body tingles with satisfaction; my face is on fire with my trembling thighs, but confusion lingers. My breathing quiets after a few minutes.

I stay there, motionless, staring at the ceiling, and I cry.

If I ever return to Palco Springs, I’ll see my psychiatrist. The intense attraction I feel for Kai is unlike anything I’ve experienced before, but unfortunately, it comes at a cost. Denying my attraction to him triggers my panic attacks, leaving me exposed. It’s not a cost I’m willing to pay.

How can I have a normal relationship when my mental health is so unstable?

What if I trusted my instinct?

My panic attacks subsided only when I helped Kai at the gas station. As minutes pass, I mourn the life I could have if things were different. I must keep my shit together until tomorrow morning when I’ll pick him up.