Ruthless Beasts

Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

BELLAMY

Breakfast was tense. We ate at a tiny diner just outside of town. They crowded me into a booth, and all I wanted was fresh air. It was too much; they were too much. I felt suffocated, stifled, on the verge of a complete panic attack. A panic attack that had been just under the surface, waiting to burst free, ever since my husband’s subtle hint that he knew my secret.

I toyed with telling him the truth, but every time I opened my mouth, words wouldn’t come out. I was frozen, unable to speak what I knew he wanted to hear. I told myself we’d talk about it in the car, but one look at his scarred, disfigured face that was set in a permanent frown, and I couldn’t do it. I was scared to do it.

He claimed I had nothing to fear from them. Yet when he looked like that, with his anger so strong it pulsed between us, how could I be so sure?

I couldn’t eat, though they all but begged me, urging me to take a few bites because it was good for me. All but Ace, who looked on angrily, like he hated me, and I didn’t know why. We’d barely talked. He didn’t know me. In the end, we settled on taking the food to go. Even though I had no desire for anything. Not when my nerves were going haywire and my heart wouldn’t stop pounding.

Pulling up to the medical building was an event. I felt like all eyes were on me as I walked into the office, three men in tow. I started to open my mouth at the front desk, but it was Adam who cut in, taking over the check-in, right down to the paperwork.

It was all so very domesticated, watching him fill out papers, asking me questions when I could fill it all out myself. But he refused, not letting me lift a finger at an appointment that was made for me.

“You’re insured, in case you’re wondering,” he mumbled low, so no one but me could hear it.

I wasn’t. In fact, I hadn’t once thought about if I had insurance or not when all my mind could focus on were the three men crowding my space, learning my secrets. Not like I could hide it for long. I’m sure they knew, but if by any chance they didn’t, maybe I could still just pretend.

I needed shelter until I could figure this out. I couldn’t have them kick me out now, and there was no way I could go back to my father. I could go to Hannah, but yesterday on the secure line, I assured her I was fine and not in danger at all.

What a fucking lie that was.

The men surrounding me oozed with danger.

“Bellamy Ferrari.” I nearly fell off the stiff office chair when the nurse standing by the open door called my name. The new name, the one that linked me to the powerhouse of a made man next to me.

I stood up, and so did the rest of them. What the hell did they think they were doing? “I’ve got it.”

“We’ve got it,” Adam corrected. “We’re coming.”

“Absolutely not,” I hissed as I watched the nurse, looking slightly impatient at the delay. “This is a private appointment.”

“If you think you’re walking into that appointment alone, you're delusional.”

“I can’t take you all.” Hell, I didn’t think they would let me even if I tried.

“Too late for that.” He nodded to Ace and Mercer, who were already through the door and waiting for us.

Fuck.

I followed because what else could I do besides panic and obey? These were three large mafia men, and one little ol’ me, and I was about to shove my body into a paper gown and put my legs up with all of them a foot away.

I should have died in that church. It would have been for the best.

Adam’s eyes burned into my skull as I passed the nurse. She waited until Adam was through the doorway before letting it close. Leaning in, she whispered, “Which one is the dad?”

Ace choked, pounding on his chest to get himself in check. Mercer leaned into him, whispering, “Surprise.”

“Fuck off,” Ace scratched out.

Ignoring them, I followed the nurse. “We’re in our why choose era. The possibilities are endless.”

The nurse laughed. “I love me a good smut book. You are living the dream.”

“My advice, keep it as a dream.” Adam cleared his throat behind me as the nurse led the way. I turned to him and glared. “What?”

“You read?”

“It’s my favorite thing,” I informed him.

“Had I known?—“

The nurse cut in. “Stand here on the scale so we can get your weight.”

After taking off my shoes, which Adam leaned over and picked up, I stood on the scale. “Don’t speak that number out loud.”

“One hundred and forty-two,” Mercer offered, because of course they could see it. They were all giants, and I was severely height-impaired.

“I hate you.”

He shrugged it off as we entered the room, and the nurse had me take a seat on the table. She put a cuff on my arm, measuring my blood pressure. It was shockingly normal, considering the amount of stress I was feeling right this second. All eyes were on me, watching, waiting, expecting answers I didn’t know how to give, and I knew the minute she left, questions would flow.

After asking a few questions and taking a few notes, she took out a paper gown. “Put this on, opening in the front. Everything off, this goes over your lap.”

Hole, please swallow me now.

She whistled as she left, unaware of the fact I was literally turning redder than a tomato. I didn’t want to turn my head to the side, but the weight of three sets of eyes were heavy against me. When I finally looked, not a single one of them were amused.

“So if I didn’t get that call about an appointment, how long before you were going to wait to tell me?” Adam crossed his arms over his chest.

“And what does why choose mean?” Mercer added.

“I didn’t know this was this type of appointment.” Ace looked a little pale. “Why did no one tell me?”

“Yeah, well, we’re all a little confused, too,” Adam replied.

“Can you all just…” I used my finger and twirled it, trying to get them to turn around.

With a huff, Adam turned, and the others followed. He was facing the wall when he spoke. “You know, if you’ve seen one naked body, you’ve seen them all.”

“Actually, I don’t find that to be tru—“ Adam elbowed Mercer in the side.

I struggled to remove my clothing in a rush, tucking my underwear and bra into my shirt before folding it into my pants, as if Adam hadn’t bought me the underwear with the other clothes he provided me. Still, underwear on a hanger and underwear I’ve worn just felt different. “I am not comfortable with any of this.”

“Neither am I,” Ace mumbled.

“Why are we here again?” Mercer asked.

“If I have to be here, so do you.” Adam grumbled. “Can we turn around?”

I adjusted the paper cloth over my lap. “I’d rather you not, but if you must, and for the record, I didn’t ask any of you to be here. That was your choice.”

They all turned around, skimming over me sitting lamely in a paper gown, about to go through the most mortifying experience of my life, with them to witness. I couldn’t hold the panic at bay any longer. Until we reached this point, I could pretend like none of this existed, but now? All their eyes pierced me, seeing me in a way that was completely demoralizing, and why hadn’t the ground opened up and sucked me in? Why was I here with them? My chest tightened, my fingers shook, I couldn’t keep my legs from bouncing up and down as I struggled for air.

“Breathe, Belle,” Adam barked, but I couldn’t. All I could do was look at my socks, the only piece of clothing I still had on, and wonder what would happen when we left here. What would they do with me? How would they dispose of me now that I was useless and used?

A hand gripped mine, squeezing it, and when I looked up, I was shocked to see Ace. The roughness of his voice put all my focus on him. “Find one good thing and concentrate on it. You can do that, can’t you?”

Could I? I wasn’t sure when my thoughts and emotions were everywhere and anything good I once had had been gone from my life for some time yet. I closed my eyes, focusing on the feel of his touch, of a hand holding mine, something I hadn’t had ever in this lifetime, and let my breaths deepen until they slowed, and the panic receded.

The knock at the door made me jump, but he only tightened his grip. The handle jiggled, the door opened, and the doctor walked in, stopping two steps in with her hands on her chest. “Oh my. There is a lot of…” Her eyes traveled over each of the men crammed into the space. “The nurse warned me you had an unconventional relationship.”

When she said unconventional relationship, Ace raised a brow, confused. I would not explain it to him. It was the cover I used so they could all be in here, and I didn’t have the energy for more lies. Instead, I offered, “They could leave.”

“Oh no. They are fine. Excuse me.” She squeezed by Mercer's looming frame. “Do we know which one is the daddy?”

All the men paled, like my reality just now hit them. Before I could speak though, Adam’s strangled voice spoke. “I am.”

“Lovely.”

“Yeah. Lovely,” I muttered.

She pulled a tray out that had been hiding in a corner, with equipment on it, and my nerves began to rapid fire. Ace squeezed my fingers, and it was odd having him offer me comfort when I thought he hated me. His brows pinched. “What are you doing with that?”

She dried her hands from where she stood at the sink, then snapped on gloves. Looking over her shoulder, she answered him. “Just a typical exam.”

“That looks a little invasive.” His eyes were glued to the tray.

“It’s nothing. She’ll feel just a little pinch here and there. Nothing major. Our records showed she’s due for her annual. We’ll get that done, then we’ll move on to the reason she’s here.”

What a fucking liar she was. A little pinch? It was never a little pinch.

She patted my leg. “Scoot all the way down. More. There you go, put your legs up.”

Can I just fucking die now?

I avoided eye contact, already mortified that practical strangers were hanging out while my legs were spread as wide as possible. I only hoped they were polite enough to not look. I inhaled, then exhaled, trying to take deep breaths, while biting down on my lip so hard I was sure I tasted blood.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa…” Ace held up a hand. “What are you doing with that?”

The doctor sighed. “Sir, how else am I to do an exam if she’s not open?”

“Jesus fucking Christ, you’re kidding me, right? This can’t be real.”

“Ace. Sit the fuck down. Now,” Adam growled, clearly losing patience with him. “Let her do her job.”

He gave me one last squeeze before his palm left mine and he moved away, leaving me completely vulnerable. I hated this. I hated that I was all alone in this world. Hated that the little comfort I’d gotten was from a man who otherwise hated me. And I hated most that my best friend wasn’t here with me, because I was scared, and she was all I wanted in this moment.

The doctor went to work, shining her vaginal strobe light at my pussy while the three strangers looked on in horror and indifference. After a few painful moments, she stood, burying her fingers in my body and checking around. I’d never be able to look at these men again. Never. Not like I’d be around long enough. After she confirms to them that I carry an Accardo child, I’m sure to be left on the side of the road.

She removed her gloves as she came around to the side of the exam table. Her too cold hands examined my breasts before feeling around my stomach. When she was done and I was sure things couldn’t get worse, she clapped her hands together and cheerfully asked, “Does Dad want to see his little bundle?”

I couldn’t look at the man who was legally my husband. I didn’t want to see the disgust on his face. But the doctor didn’t wait for him to answer. Instead, she was already pulling a machine toward me, setting it up so everyone could see the screen.

“This will be cold.” She gave me a full two-second warning before dumping gel onto my stomach. She got herself comfortable before adjusting the wand against my skin, rubbing it around at various angles until she was digging painfully into the bone. She flipped on the screen for everyone to see. “There it is. See that? It’s moving around, happily.”

She flicked something and a heavy rhythmic sound filled the room.

“Is that…“ Mercer was breathless as he asked, never finishing his sentence.

The doctor knew what he was asking, though. “A heartbeat. A healthy one sixty.”

The room was soundless for the rest of the time. A needle could drop, and it would be echoing in the heavy silence. She clicked a few buttons and a few photos popped out of the machine. She tore them off and handed them to me. “Everything is perfect. We’ll see you back in a month.”

Then she was gone, closing the door and leaving me in a room with three men that I didn’t even know well enough to know their middle names. The moment the door clicked, Ace stepped forward, taking the sonogram photos from my hand, and bringing it to his face to examine every detail.

“This is fucking insane.”

Fucking insane is the trend of my life.

“Let her get dressed,” Adam instructed, as he stood from the chair he had been silently stewing in and turned around to give me privacy.

“I’ll go make her appointment,” Mercer offered, already out the door.

“Ace?”

There was a pause. “I’ll go help him. Can I take these?”

I stared straight at the wall, motioning with my hand for him to take them. I just wanted clothes on. I needed clothes as the thinnest of guards to help me feel less vulnerable. Another click of the door and I was alone with my husband, wearing only a paper gown and humiliation. I got dressed as quickly as I could.

When I was fully dressed, I finally spoke. “I’m decent.”

He turned slowly, his eyes roaming over my body. “Anything you’d like to tell me?”

I would not cower under his piercing eyes. “No.”

“You’re still going with that? Even after I watched our child on that screen move around? Saw its heart flicker?”

I swallowed twice. The lump lodged there, making it impossible to get words out for a moment. “Our?”

“I said what I said. Are you not my wife?” His voice held no emotion, and it was terrifying. He was here with me, present physically, but even as he spoke, he was somewhere else.

“I am.” Technically. Though I didn’t dare speak that part.

“Then it’s a nonissue. We’ll take care of it.”

Take care of it? As in…

Tears streamed down my face faster than I could wipe them. I raised my arm, trying to wipe them away, but they wouldn’t stop as I stood there, silently sobbing. I couldn’t just take care of it. I didn’t want to. I may not have liked the circumstance, but the baby was still a piece of me and?—

“Why the hell are you crying?” he groaned, clearly annoyed that the new wife was emotional.

“It’s just-“I sniffed and wiped my face. “I don’t want an abortion. I- I can’t go through with it. Especially now after seeing the baby and?—“

“Belle.” He cut me off as he took a step toward me, his hand raised to touch my face. I flinched, and he dropped it. “I didn’t mean abortion. God, I’d never suggest that. I’m many things, Belle. Call me a monster, say I’m a beast, even accuse me of murder… but never suggest I’m cruel enough to harm a child in any form.”

“You don’t want an abortion?” I knew my lip was quivering, but damn if I could stop it.

“I said we’ll take care of it, and I mean it. It’s our child, between the three of us and you; we’d protect it with our lives.”

“You want to?—“

“Yes. You’re my wife. Which means that’s my child. Do I need to spell it out for you?”

I angered him. I could see that. But even angry, I suddenly wasn’t afraid of him like I had been a few weeks ago.

I’d seen him murder men, stain my white dress with splashes of their blood. I knew what he was capable of, and yet, I didn’t think he’d hurt me. Not now, definitely not in this state, but even not pregnant. He hadn’t hurt me, yet.

“You’re not kicking me out?” I asked, just to be sure.

“Is there anything more than finding out my wife is pregnant that I should know about?”

I pulled at my wet sleeves, soaked from my tears. “No.”

Besides the father of the baby. But he’s dead and if I was lucky, the grandfather wouldn’t come for us.

“Then let’s go.” He held out his hand toward me, waiting for me to take it. I’d not done that before, not touched him, reached for him, tried to take the comfort he gave. I didn’t know he could offer it, not when he walked around stern, always sulking and barking orders. Still, I let my hand find his, and for the second time in thirty minutes, I held the hand of someone offering me comfort instead of drawing out my pain.