Ruthless King (New Orleans Malones #4)

Chapter 30

30

“ I said it. For over half of my life, I’ve wanted you. I’ve pined after you. It was . . . it was kind of pathetic, to be honest. Especially as you never even noticed me.”

He swung her around until she was lying on her back and he was looming over her. Then he straddled her hips with his legs, his hands on the mattress by her head.

Holy. Moly.

Her attention was caught by the intense look in his eyes.

Need. Hunger.

Her body reacted, even though she still felt awful. She’d defy anyone to not react if they had Regent Malone practically pinning them down, giving them that look.

Yeah, there was no way.

“What . . . what are you doing?” she whispered.

“Do you seriously think I never noticed you?” he asked.

“What do you mean? I mooned around after you every time you came over and you barely even looked my way. And then you just stopped visiting after you . . . after you told us that Father, um, died.”

“Oh, I noticed you. But you were young. It would have been wrong. Not to mention that my father wouldn’t have approved. And I’ve stayed away from you because I thought you deserved to live a life free from mine. I inherited a kingdom built on fear and death. No way would I ever have dragged you into that. I can’t believe I’m contemplating doing it now. But I’ve had it pointed out that I’m protective and in a better position to keep you safe. If you start obeying me.”

“You can’t just make decisions for me.” But if he was saying what she thought he was . . . then wasn’t this what she wanted?

To be with him.

“I told myself that too. That you don’t deserve someone who will control your life. That you don’t really know anything about my life.”

Her mind was going to explode. Was he trying to talk himself out of this now?

Well, that wasn’t happening. He was going to take her to his house and he was going to . . . to what?

Be with her?

That seemed laughable.

He shifted so he was sitting on the bed, facing her. She sat up. “You don’t know who I truly am. You deserve much better.”

Was he kidding her?

“I’ve been on the outskirts of your family for most of my life. If anyone knows who you are, it’s me. I’m not ignorant of what happens in your world, Regent Malone. I know who you truly are. And I want you. All of you.”

He studied her closely as though he didn’t believe her.

“And I hate when people tell me what I should want or what’s best for me. I’m in charge of my life. I should get to decide what I want.”

“Jilly, I’m trying to protect you.”

“I don’t need your protection, though. I’m not . . . I’m not weak and helpless!”

“Sweetheart, I’m not protecting you because I think you’re weak. I’m protecting you because you are precious. Because you matter. You matter, Jilly. More than you could ever know.”

A sob broke from her mouth and she slumped against his chest.

“You matter, sweetheart. You matter.”

She wrapped her hands up in his shirt. How did he know just what she needed to hear? That all her life, she’d been waiting for someone she loved to tell her that.

You matter.

I see you and you matter.

Her mother loved her, but it wasn’t the same because Mama had always been focused on her father. On protecting them both from him.

“I’ll say it as often as you need to hear it. You matter, Jilly. You matter to me.”

Tears slid down her face as she cried.

He held her tighter. When she started calming down, he grabbed a few tissues, he leaned her face back so he could clean her up.

It probably wasn’t the most romantic time to say it . . . but she had to tell him.

“You matter to me as well, Regent Malone. And I know this sounds crazy, and you’re probably going to tell me that I don’t know my own mind, but I love you.”

He stilled, staring down at her. Then he carefully put the tissues down.

“I love you,” she repeated. “I think I’ve loved you since the first moment I met you. I know that was just a child’s love. That grew into my first crush. But for me . . . it’s you. I now realize that all of my other relationships were doomed to fail. Because it’s always been you.”

“I thought you would grow out of it. See that I wasn’t a man you could ever want to be with.”

“It was the opposite,” she told him. “Because I’m pretty sure the more time I spent with you . . . the more I fell in love with you. And it’s okay if you can’t feel the same.”

Uh, no, it wasn’t. But she didn’t want him to think he had to say it back. Not that he was the type of man to ever allow himself to get pressured into something. “But I just want you to know how I feel.”

“I’ve always thought of myself as cold.”

“Cold? What do you mean?” she asked.

“Like my father. He never allowed himself to feel anything. Emotions were something I couldn’t afford to have because they interfered with good business decisions. His children were pawns to be used.”

“My father was almost the opposite. His emotions were so volatile. He let them explode anywhere and everywhere.” She shuddered. “Not that that meant he cared about us anymore than yours did. But that doesn’t mean you’re the same as your father either. Just as I’m not like mine. You’re allowed to feel things. You’re allowed to care about others.”

“I vowed not to be like him. Yet some lessons are hard to get out of my head. Love isn’t something I am familiar with,” he said almost stiffly. “But you are the only woman I have ever taken care of like this. Have ever wanted to live with me. Who I have ever wanted to be in a relationship with. And whom I would put in the same category as my family. Someone I would protect with my life.”

She knew that this was his way of saying he loved her. Perhaps he really didn’t know what love was. Maybe he just couldn’t say it.

But what he did express was enough. And she knew that he didn’t say anything he didn’t mean.

“Are you upset?” His gaze studied her face.

“Upset? No. I matter to you. That’s more than I could ever have hoped for.”

And she was still kind of reeling from the fact that he’d never had a long-term relationship with a woman.

Yet he wanted her.

“Good. Because I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”

Cupping her face, he drew her in for a kiss. His mouth devoured hers.

God, the man could kiss.

It was everything she’d ever dreamed of. Regent took complete control of her, his tongue playing against hers as he lightly held her chin.

When he drew back, she was aware she had a dreamy smile on her face.

“Jilly? Jilly, are you all right?” he asked. “Are you not feeling well?”

“Oh no!” she cried, thrust back into reality.

“What? What is it?” he asked as she attempted to climb off his lap.

“I probably just infected you.”

“Infected me?”

“With my disease!” How did he not understand what she was saying?

“Your disease? What disease?” he demanded. “You’re ill? How did I not know you were ill?”

“Um, you do know. You’ve been looking after me.”

“Oh. You mean because you have the flu?”

“Yes. I’m so sorry. It’s all right. If you get ill, I’ll take care of you.”

“Baby, it’s all right. I won’t get ill.”

“I hate to break it to you, but even tough guys get ill.”

To her shock, he just kissed her forehead. “You’re so cute.”

“I’m serious, I shouldn’t have kissed you. I won’t do it again.”

“You will do it again,” he warned. “These lips are mine. This face is mine. This body is mine. To do with what I want. Including kiss.”

Lord, he was arrogant.

Totally possessive.

And so damn sexy that she found herself leaning into him for another kiss before she realized what she was doing.

Bad, Jilly.

“No. No more kissing while I’m ill. I forbid it.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Do you really think you get to forbid anything?”

“If you can do it, so can I.”

“Really? And what will you do if I don’t do as you want, sweet baby?” He looked amused at the idea.

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll spank you.”

He started to laugh.

Jilly gaped at him, unable to even muster annoyance at him laughing at her. Because she didn’t think she’d ever heard him laugh before.

The man rarely smiled. He was so bogged down by everything he had to do. By his life. His responsibilities.

And yet, right now, he was laughing.

So she didn’t care that it was kind of at her expense.

Suddenly, he grabbed her hip and turned her to face him, her legs straddling his. Then he cupped her face between his hands.

“You’re so cute, baby.”

“I am?”

“You are.” He lightly nipped at her lips. “So adorable, thinking you get to spank me. Or make the rules.”

Dear Lord.

What was she going to do with him?

“I’m trying to keep you safe,” she told him.

“Which is my job.” Suddenly, his face grew serious and her stomach dropped.

Uh-oh.

Was he going to take it all back? Tell her that he hadn’t meant it? That he didn’t want her? That he regretted the kiss?

She knew it was too good to last.

But she’d hoped that it might have lasted more than five minutes.

“Which is why you’re coming back with me. It’s safer at my house, where I can protect you more easily. I will have your word that you will allow me to keep you safe.”

Her head was spinning and she couldn’t seem to catch her breath.

“I still don’t understand what’s happening here. All of a sudden, you want me? And I have to move into your house and do what you say?”

Did that summarize it?

Not that she really cared about the safety aspect. Or all that stuff about doing what he said.

She was a big girl and she knew what she was getting into. And she didn’t want to put herself at risk, so she’d likely agree to most of what he wanted her to do.

Within reason.

“Not all of a sudden. I told you, I’ve always seen you.”

Because she mattered.

She blinked back her tears.

“I matter?” she reiterated the words he’d told her earlier.

“Baby, you’re all that matters.”

“This still seems like a complete turnaround. Last night, I went to sleep and we were just friends. Today, I wake up to you packing my bags and telling me I’m moving in with you and that you . . . that you want me. That is what you’re saying, right?”

“Yes, that is what I’m saying. I tried to deny my feelings for you, but some things fell into place last night.”

“Oh, what’s that?”

“Learning that you’ve been keeping a big secret from me. And that even though I told myself I was protecting you by keeping a distance, all that allowed you to do was put yourself in danger!”

Uh-oh.

This conversation was taking a turn.

“Maybe we should just get back to the kissing. I don’t care about the germs anymore. I’ll take my chances on giving you my flu.”

“Nice try. I’m not being distracted from this.”

She tensed, which caused her to start coughing again. Now that the adrenaline rush was fading, she was starting to feel hot and ill again.

“Shit. I think you’re getting warm again. We shouldn’t be talking about all this until you’re safely in bed.”

“At your house?” she clarified.

“Yes. I need you somewhere safer. Where I can keep an eye on you.”

He stood and laid her on the bed. For some reason, he just stood there, staring down at her.

Something like a sense of foreboding ran through her. What was going on? Why was he looking at her like that?

As she started coughing again, he reached over for a bottle of water, holding it for her to sip from. “Once I move you into my house, there’s no backing away. There’s no leaving me. Do you understand that, Jilly? When I own something, I keep it. I don’t ever let it go.”

“You can’t own a person,” she protested weakly.

Why were her insides dancing for joy?

There was something seriously wrong with her. He declared he owned her and she wanted to dance for joy.

Regent just smiled. “You’ll discover that you’re wrong. You’re going to be mine.”

“And you’ll be mine.” She figured she could get behind that if it went both ways.

“Yes, baby. Of course I am. Would I give up smoking for just anyone?”

“I thought I dreamt that. You . . . you don’t have to do that.”

“Do you want me to smoke?”

“Not really. I worry you’ll get sick or something.”

“Then I will stop.”

He said it like it was that simple. Maybe for Regent Malone, it was.

“There will never be anyone else, but I’m not an easy man.”

“Oh, believe me. I know that.” She wasn’t an idiot.

“I’m the protector. That’s my job.”

He seemed to want a response, however she was getting this feeling like all of this was a trap.

“I guess so. Although I can protect you too.”

His face softened. “I like that you want to do that.”

She smiled at him.

“But you won’t be allowed to put yourself in any danger.”

Lord.

He was hard work.

“And I cannot protect you if you keep secrets from me. So you’re going to tell me everything that is going on with you.”

Jilly swallowed heavily.

Uh. Oh.