Ruthless King (New Orleans Malones #4)

Chapter 38

38

“ I t’s my stupid brain. I didn’t mean it.”

He turned back to her. Then to her surprise, he didn’t berate her. He didn’t yell or shake her. No, he drew her against him, holding her tight.

“None of this is your fault. How can it be your fault that you were terrorized by that bastard throughout your life?” He drew back, staring down at her. “I don’t want you to be scared of me, though.”

“I’m not. It’s just that sometimes old memories hit me suddenly. But I’ll try to stop them. I know you’re not him. I know it.”

“Shh. You’re all right, baby. Everything is fine.” He placed his hand on the back of her head, rocking her back and forth. “I don’t ever want you to think I’ll harm you.”

“I know you won’t. But you don’t need to hurt Lowell either.”

A sigh left him. “But I do.”

He picked her up and sat with her on his lap. She settled in against him, feeling exhausted.

Emotional rollercoasters were tiring.

“I don’t want to remind you of your father. Or be anything like mine. But the truth is that I am the boogeyman of New Orleans.”

“No, you aren’t!” She tried to sit back to look up at him, but he was holding her too tight.

“I am, baby. I’m the monster in the night. The person people fear. And that’s the way it has to be. Because if I’m not that terrifying monster, then the whole fucking system falls. There would be chaos. It would not only be violent, but it would also be deadly. I’m at the top of the food chain because I’m not afraid of doing what has to be done. I make the big decisions so that my brothers don’t have to. Baby, I’m the monster so that I can keep you and them safe.”

He loosened his hold on her, reaching down to tilt her face back. “The truth is, baby, that I can’t allow anyone to disrespect or hurt you because it makes me look weak. And if people think I’m weak, they’re going to come for me.”

“Oh.” She hadn’t thought about it like that.

“I never intended to have a proper relationship. I’ve had women in the past. But they never came to my house or met my family. I had an apartment I always met up with them.”

“That might be more information than I needed,” she grumbled. Should she mention that she’d seen him go off for a private dance at the club?

Maybe. But she wasn’t feeling brave enough.

“I think I stayed away from you, partially because I was so drawn to you. Because if I went any further with you, then I knew I was going to be in trouble.”

She frowned. “In trouble with who?”

“With the world. Because you would become my vulnerable spot. One of them. The biggest one.”

“I don’t want to create trouble for you.”

“Baby, you are trouble. But the best kind. The sort that makes me feel like I have a home to come back to each night. A reason to live.”

She sucked in a breath.

“But I will guard you with everything I have. People need to fear me . . . so they know that if they even look at you strangely, they will suffer. Do you understand now?”

She did. It still worried the hell out of her, though. However, now she was scared for him.

Because what would he have to do to protect her?

“Do not worry about me. I know what I’m doing. All I need from you is to be that soft spot for me. To be the place where I can let the monster go and just be Jilly’s Regent. Where I can feel safe peeling back the darkness and letting some light in. You. You’re my light, precious girl.”

She blinked her tears back, amazed that he thought she could be that for him.

“I’ll do that.”

“And you’ll let me protect you how I see fit.”

She hugged him tight. “Yes.” At the end of the day, it would be her sacrifice for being with him.

And she was willing to sacrifice almost everything for that.

“I’m not your father or mine. I don’t hurt innocents.”

“I know that. I know you’re not like them. You think you’re a bad person, but I know that you’re my hero.”

He shook his head, but she didn’t let him speak.

“And the reason I was sitting here instead of getting changed is because I’d just realized that I was going to have to bare a whole lot of skin. And I was trying to think of the last time I’d worn something that didn’t completely cover me. Well, other than when I was Nyx, obviously. And I was thinking about why that was.”

He tilted his head. “I assumed this was your style.”

“Looking like a sack of potatoes?” she asked dryly.

Regent flipped her over onto his lap and landed five hard smacks on her ass.

“Hey!” she cried as he turned her back over. “That hurt!”

“That wasn’t a real spanking. Just a warning. Do not speak badly about yourself.”

It had sure felt like a real spanking. And now that the initial pain and shock had worn off, she found herself pressing her thighs together as her clit beat in time with the throb in her bottom.

Still, she didn’t think she wanted to experience what he considered to be a ‘real spanking’.

“My father used to insist we dress like this. After he died, Mama’s style changed. It became brighter. She wore shorts and tight tops. And . . . I’m just wondering why I didn’t change.”

“Maybe you’ve never had a chance to decide what your style is.”

She thought he was probably right. It had been easier to dress this way because it was what she knew. Not because she liked it.

“There’s something I don’t understand,” he said.

“What?”

“When you got up and danced as Nyx, you didn’t wear much. Well, at the beginning of the dance, you wore a long dress, but underneath that . . .” He tightened his hold on her with a growl.

“I know,” she said in a high-pitched voice. “I never thought I’d be able to do that. But somehow, I could because I wasn’t really me. I was Nyx, you know?”

“You were still you,” he stated. “And all of those people saw what belongs to me.”

He was such a caveman sometimes. Actually, no. A caveman wouldn’t wear those suits. Or look at her with such arrogance. As though the world should fall at its feet because he deserved it.

Hmm.

A ruler. A lord. A dictator.

A king.

Victor was right. That’s who he was. Her sexy, gorgeous, powerful, ruthless king.

And who are you? The pauper he shelters?

“It still makes me furiously possessive thinking of you dancing for them. When you should only ever dance for me.”

Ooh. That would be hot. Maybe she could be a belly dancer . . . come to seduce the sexy sheik.

Yeah. She could get behind that.

“Not that you will be dancing for anyone else since I’ve forbidden it.”

There went that word again. She’d told him she didn’t want to strip. But she also shouldn’t let Regent think he could get away with expecting her to just obey him.

He needed some humbling sometimes.

Oh! Perhaps that was her role. To keep his ego from getting out of control.

It was a tough job.

But somebody had to do it.

“I was pretty good at it, though. There will be a lot of upset customers when I don’t turn up. Perhaps I should work out my notice.”

That might not have been the hill to push him on. But she’d done it now. She attempted to raise an eyebrow.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, looking alarmed.

“Wrong? What do you mean?”

“You started to squint and twitch your nose.”

“Oh. I was trying to mimic that look you usually give me. That arrogant one where you raise an eyebrow and expect people around you to instantly do what you say.”

“Oh, like this?”

She sighed at the ease with which he pulled that look off.

“Yes. Just like that.”

He narrowed his gaze. “I’m not sure what reason you’d have to antagonize me, but you are this close to going over my knee again right now.” He held up his finger and thumb.

Yikes.

That was close.

“If you even attempt to dance at Sexy Sins or any other strip club again, I will beat your butt every night for a week. Do you hear me?”

“I think I’d be using my safeword after the first night.”

“Do you think so? Because I can get far more creative with my punishments. Besides, you don’t have a safeword. I’m not a Dom.”

“It kind of feels like I should have one.”

“If it makes you more comfortable, you can have one and I’ll honor it.” He ran his hands up her thigh, making her swallow heavily. “Tell me your limits and your safeword.”

“I don’t . . . I’ve got no real experience with anything like this except what I’ve read in books. How do I know what my limits are?”

“Well, we can experiment. And when you find something you don’t like, you just say your safeword and we stop.”

“All right. My safeword is Squish.”

He blinked, looking slightly confused. “Squish?”

“Yeah, I have always liked that word. I like saying it. Squish. Squish. Squish.”

He placed his hand over her mouth, giving her an amused look. She grimaced. She was acting like an idiot.

“Sorry,” she mumbled.

“Don’t be sorry,” he said, removing his hand.

“I do know one thing I don’t like. Well, maybe two.” She pressed her hands together. “Actually, three.”

“All right. Tell me.”

Jilly took in a deep breath. “I don’t want to be humiliated.”

He nodded calmly as though he’d expected that. It made the tight knot in her stomach ease.

“You already knew I wouldn’t like that?” she asked.

“It makes sense with your upbringing.”

Right.

“I don’t want to be yelled at.”

This time, his face darkened. “That isn’t something I would ever do even if you wanted it.”

She’d figured that but thought it was best to say it.

“I don’t want you to tell me what I can and can’t wear.”

He tilted his head at her, studying her. Taking in the clothes she wore. “But you’d be all right with me commanding you in other areas?”

Huh?

“I enjoy taking command. I want you to obey me in the bedroom because that’s what I like. But I think that’s also what you want. And out of the bedroom too.”

Jilly knew she was bright red, but she nodded. “Yes, I think it is too. I just don’t want to lose myself.” That was her biggest worry. That she might become a shell of herself like her mother had.

Warmth filled his face. “We can figure out where your limits are.”

“I know you’re not him,” she reiterated. “However, I seem to have a few triggers because of him.”

“Understandable.”

Yes, she thought if anyone would understand, it would be him.

“I know you’d never harm me or hurt me. I couldn’t be here with you if I thought that. However, some things just throw me back into my childhood. Like being yelled at. Or told to keep quiet, to stay out of the way, or to keep my opinions to myself.”

“I won’t do that. I don’t want you to remain quiet or stay out of the way. I want to know what you think.”

Relief filled her and she blinked her tears away. “I know. My father never cared about me. Not like you do. He would never have dropped everything to take care of me while I was ill. He didn’t want to know what mama or I thought. I know what you want isn’t like his need to control and demean us. You only want to take care of me.”

Regent ran his hands up and down her thighs. “Yes, I only want what’s best for you, baby.”

“Your confidence and protectiveness are part of what I like about you. Even if you do always think you’re right and can be a bit too bossy.”

“So you’re all right with me bending you over furniture whenever I get the chance? Tying you up? Ordering you not to come? Following my rules for health and safety?”

“I’m okay with all of that. Although I might need to know those rules first.”

“They’re pretty simple. Don’t do anything to put your safety or health at risk. I’ll also be assigning you a bodyguard who will go everywhere with you when you’re not here at the house. That’s non-negotiable because being with me means you have a target on your back.”

“Right.” She didn’t actually intend to argue about that. “I can still see my friends, though, right? And what about the library?”

“Your friends will be vetted. If they pass, you absolutely can. With your bodyguard or me. Do you still want to work at the library?”

She thought about that. Was it something she wanted to continue? “I need the money.”

“Baby, I have more money than I can ever spend in three lifetimes. You don’t need money,” he told her arrogantly.

Jeez Louise. This man.

“I have bills. Not just house bills. But everything that Lowell left me.”

Regent’s face hardened. “You won’t be paying any of that.”

“I have to, they’re in my name.”

“No. Gerald found the utility bills you were behind on and he’s paid them all for me. I want all the details about these debts Lowell incurred in your name. Then I’ll take care of them.”

“Wait. What? Gerald found the utility bills? And they’ve been paid?”

“Yes.”

“Regent! You can’t do that!”

“I believe I already have. And I’ll pay these other debts too.”

“I can’t let you do that.” She shook her head. This was insane. He’d paid her bills? That was bad enough. She couldn’t allow him to pay for anything else.

He grasped her chin. “You’re not asking. I’m telling you. And I need that information about Lowell. I’ll send someone over to the house get it. But you will not worry about the debts. Understand?”

Sheesh.

“It’s not right for you to pay for them.”

“And it’s not right that you have to either. When you become my woman, your debts, your worries, your battles become mine. And you will let me take care of you.”

It was too much. He was making her mind spin. And yet she could tell he wasn’t going to let this go.

Pick your battles.

Right.

“You’re sure?”

“Yes. And I don’t want to hear anything more about it.”

“What if I don’t want to be a kept woman? What if I want a career?”

“You can have a career, baby.”

She could?

“But one that is safe for you. Which isn’t the case at the moment with someone threatening you.”

“I mean . . . we don’t know that it was a threat, exactly?—”

He shot her a stern look and she closed her mouth. Yeah, he didn’t like her downplaying the note she’d gotten.

“Right. Threat. No going anywhere for Jilly.”

“So do you really want to work at the library or is it something you think you have to do?” He gave her a knowing look.

Shoot. Arrogant and smart. It was a heck of a combination.

“Do you enjoy working there?”

“No. I haven’t in a long time,” she confessed.

“Even if Margaret is no longer there?”

“What do you know? What have you done?” she asked.

“You told me about your boss keeping you back late, so I looked into her.”

Uh-oh. No. He wouldn’t have. Would he?

Oh, he so would.

“What did you do?” she asked.

“Back to working in the library. I don’t know how they would feel about you having a bodyguard every day, but that’s what will have to happen if you want to work there.”

Yeah, she was ignoring that for the moment. Having a bodyguard while she worked? Ridiculous.

“Regent Malone. What. Did. You. Do?”

His gaze narrowed, and he manoeuvred her so that she straddled his lap. Grabbing her chin, he tilted her face back. “I did what was necessary to protect you. No one hurts you. Not physically or emotionally. And before you protest, I will not stop, nor will I apologize.”

Holy. Moly.

Yeah. Jilly thought she’d known what she was dealing with . . . turns out he was on a whole other level.

“Margaret’s boss just received some disturbing information about her. Turns out she had some very nasty things on her work computer. And she’s been forced into retirement.”

Wow. Margaret was no longer at the library? It should have made her feel good. But for some reason, she didn’t really feel much.

She couldn’t even bring herself to care about what he’d done.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” He gave her a shocked look.

“Yeah. Okay.”

“I expected an argument.”

“I’m not sure why,” she said sweetly. “I’m always agreeable.”

Also, she just didn’t care about Margaret. Or her job, as it turned out.

“Somehow, I doubt that. Tell me, does this not telling you what to wear extend to panties and nightwear?”

“Um.” Did it? No, she didn’t think it did. “No.”

“Good. Because I’ll be placing in an order tomorrow for some special lingerie. Also, if you’re wearing a skirt, I don’t want you to wear panties. Ease of access when I bend you over my desk.”

“That’s gonna happen?”

“Baby, that will definitely happen.”

Good to know.

She could feel her breathing growing faster.

“Come on, we need to get into the swimming pool. You’re getting flushed again.” He sent her a knowing look as he set her on her feet.

Asshole.

That brought her back to her original freak-out.

“You’re going to see a lot of me.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Yes. And I cannot wait.”

She blushed. “I don’t think I’ve been in a bathing suit since I was twelve. My mother used to have to sneak me out to the swimming pool for lessons when my father wasn’t around. But one day, he caught us leaving and tipped out my bag which had a one-piece in it. He was so mad that we never went back.”

“Fuck, baby. I wish that bastard was still alive so I could murder him slowly and painfully for the way he treated you.”

“Yeah, well, I might even help.”

Regent shook his head. “You might think you could do that. But you’re far too sweet to hurt anyone. Leave that up to me.”

“I wouldn’t hesitate to hurt anyone who harmed you,” she told him fiercely.

“My warrior baby.” Leaning forward, he kissed her lightly.

She opened her mouth, wanting to deepen the kiss, and he obliged. Teasing and tormenting her until she really was flushed and breathless.

He drew back, staring intently at her.

“Damn, you are a really good kisser,” she said, her fingers moving up to her lips, which were tingling. “Like, if there were a competition for kissing, you would win it. Not that you’re allowed to enter a kissing competition.”

“Oh, I’m not?”

“No. If I’m not allowed to strip in front of other people, you’re not allowed to kiss other people.”

Regent narrowed his gaze. “Let’s not talk about you stripping in front of other people. I’m still debating whether I want to spank you just for mentioning it.”

Right. Yikes.

She mimed zipping her lips.

“We don’t have to go swimming right now if you’re not ready.”

Jilly took a deep breath. “No, I’m ready. I want to do this. I want to take back this part of myself.”

“You’re being very brave, baby. I’m so proud of you.”