Ruthless King (New Orleans Malones #4)

Chapter 49

49

H ow much did that cost? It had to have cost a lot. She got up on her hands and knees just as Regent reached her.

“Jilly, don’t move! You might be hurt.”

“I promise I can fix it! I can! A bit of glue will make it all better.”

“Will make what all better? Jilly, will you stop and let me check you over!” Regent ordered.

What had she been thinking? Why had she gotten on that hoverboard? She was an idiot.

Who’d just felt like doing something fun after feeling like she’d been trapped in this gorgeous house for nearly two weeks. Now, she’d wrecked what was probably a priceless heirloom.

“Jilly! You weren’t supposed to cry!” Ace said accusingly. “You promised.”

She picked up a piece of the vase. “Sorry, Ace. Guess I’m just a failure all the way around.”

“Jilly!” Regent snapped. “Put that down before you cut yourself. And you are not a failure.”

“What’s going on? Oh God, Ace, what did you do? Did you break that?” Thea called out.

Several voices joined hers. Great, her first family Sunday lunch and she’d completely humiliated herself.

“I can fix it,” she whimpered.

“Ace! You’re not supposed to ride your hoverboard inside,” Carrick said firmly.

“It wasn’t me! It was Jilly! And she broke the vase.”

Jilly burst into tears. Huge, sobbing tears. She attempted to calm herself, knowing she was going to be embarrassed later.

Not to mention that she’d promised Ace.

But she couldn’t seem to stop herself.

Everyone fell silent.

Regent suddenly picked her up. She didn’t fight him, just continued to hold the vase piece as he carried her away.

“Just some superglue,” she whispered. “That’s all it needs.”

“Jilly, hush up.”

She closed her mouth. Yeah, she guessed she’d done enough. Not only had she smashed the vase. But she’d embarrassed him in front of his family.

Regent would never let his emotions bleed out all over the place like she was doing.

God. What was wrong with her?

Would he finally realize that she was utterly unsuited for this life?

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

A door shut, and she glanced around through blurry eyes to see that they were in his office. Moving to the sofa in front of the open fireplace, he sat with her on his lap.

She tried to move away, but he held her still. “No.”

“My bottom hurts.”

“I’ll check it soon,” he stated. Although he turned her so she was kneeling over him, her legs straddling his thighs. “Tell me what’s going on.”

She swiped at her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Regent.”

“Why?”

“For . . . for breaking the vase. And for embarrassing you.”

Silence followed and she kept sniffling, wiping at her eyes and nose. God, she was such a mess.

“I really tried to . . . to be more like what you want. To not be so much like m-me. But I failed. And while your family was here. What must they think of me?”

“Jilly—”

“I have to tell you something,” she said, not caring that she was interrupting him. She had to get this out.

“All right. What is it?”

“I’m not sophisticated. Or classy. I’m not someone who can eat without spilling food all over myself. Or hold a conversation about what’s going on in politics. I don’t know what good art looks like. I’ve never listened to classical music. I’m not really all that smart. I spend my time with my mind in the clouds, dreaming about the stories I read.

“The truth is that I started reading to take me away from everything because I was so lonely growing up. I could go to a new world, a new place, have a different family in those stories. That’s what I love doing. Reading books. And not . . . not nonfiction or . . . or classical stories like the ones in the library here. I like romance. I like Happy-Ever-After. I miss those books! Also, I’m kind of clumsy and forgetful and I miss hugging people. And I like to hold hands. And kiss. And . . . and . . . I can’t be cool and classy. I’m sorry.”

There. Now. She’d said it.

And he was still silent.

Well, at least he now knew the truth. She was tired of trying to pretend to be something she wasn’t.

“Is that why you’ve been wearing these clothes?” He ran his finger over the silk shirt and then the black pants.

He didn’t like her clothes?

“I thought they were classy. I saw them online and they looked gorgeous on the model. But when I put them on, they seemed completely different.”

“And that’s why you’ve been so quiet? And you’ve been trying to read books from the library here?”

“I figured they must be the books you like reading since you own them.”

“Ahh.” He ran a finger over her pants. “And the reason you have stopped running to hug me when I come home, or insisting that I say goodbye, or coming and sitting on my lap whenever you feel like it is because . . . you think I don’t want that?”

“You’re not a touchy-feely person. Not in front of other people, at least. You always sort of froze when I did it. So, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable with all my touchy-feely stuff.”

“All of your touchy-feely stuff.”

“But I’m not very good at being classy and sophisticated, as you just saw! And now I wrecked what was probably some priceless vase, which I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you for. Unless I can make a go of writing. And I hate reading those books. I only like reading romance, but I don’t want you to be ashamed of me.”

He ran his hand over his face and she braced herself for his disappointment. For him to tell her that if she wanted to be with him, she had to try harder.

Regent kept his hand over his face for long moments.

Shit. This was bad.

Jilly, you idiot.

“How much did that vase cost?” she whispered.

Perhaps she could get two jobs.

“Do you want me to leave?” she asked.

He moved his hands to her hips, holding them tight. “You are going nowhere, and I never want to hear you say that again. I told you that if you came here, there would be no leaving me, ever. Didn’t I?”

“Yes. Sorry,” she whispered. “I guess I thought you might have changed your mind.”

“Fuck, Jilly.”

“You’re really mad, huh? Did the vase mean a lot to you? It had sentimental value, didn’t it? I’ll get three jobs. And I’ll work harder to be the sort of woman you need. I promise.”

Just don’t make me leave.

“I’ve failed you so badly.”

Um. What?

That was the last thing she expected him to say.

“No, you haven’t,” she said hastily. “You could never fail me. You . . . you’re perfect!”

“If I was perfect, then my girl would never have a moment’s thought about not being utterly fucking amazing. She’d know she was wonderful because she would see it in my eyes every time she looked at me. She would hear it in my voice every time I spoke to her. She would feel it in my every touch. So no, I am not perfect. And yes, I have failed to make you understand that you are the most wonderful, gorgeous, smartest, sexiest woman in the world.”

Her mouth dropped open.

She had no words.

“But . . . but . . .”

“And the fucking idea that you think you have to change to suit me, that you have to mold yourself into someone you are not to please me . . . makes me so fucking angry I want to wrap my hands around someone’s neck and squeeze them until they can no longer breathe.”

Holy. Crap.

“The only issue with that, of course, is that I would have to strangle myself. And I’m not taking myself out of the picture because while I might not deserve you, you are mine. You’re mine to protect, to take care of, to fucking cherish and love. And while I’m an absolute fucking failure, I will improve. I promise you that.”

It was more than a promise, though. It was a vow.

And she still couldn’t seem to find her voice.

“I don’t . . . you said fucking a lot.”

That wasn’t what she’d meant to say. But he wasn’t a man who swore that often in front of her.

Sometimes, he could be quite old-fashioned in his views.

Well, most of the time, actually.

“I apologize. I’m very angry.”

She sighed. “You are? To me, you just look a bit thoughtful. When my father was angry, he yelled, maybe threw a few things, and sometimes he’d grab hold of me and shake me.”

He frowned. “And you’d prefer I did those things?”

“God, no. But maybe you could just tell me. Like, Jilly, head’s up, I’m in a pissy mood tonight, so I’m going to sit in my office and contemplate life. Or I’m horny, come suck my dick. Things like that. Except, you probably wouldn’t say it like that.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure. Jilly, have you been worried about coming to me because you don’t know how I’m feeling?”

Finally. He got it.

She nodded. “I don’t want to bother you if you’re busy. So if you’re in your office, I figure you don’t want to be bothered. But you’re always in there or out of the house and I don’t really see you. Not that I’m complaining!”

Urgh, that sounded like she was.

“Fuck,” he muttered. “I thought you were staying away because you were having second thoughts about being with me. I’ve been thinking of all the ways I could convince you to stay with a cold, emotionless bastard like me and the only thing I could come up with was locking you in my room and fucking you until your brain was mush and you couldn’t move.”

“That . . . well, I mean, that would work.”

He cupped her face with his hand. “All my life, I’ve been raised to be this way. To not get close to people. To not show affection. To keep myself apart. I’ve never been in a relationship before and it seems I am ill-equipped to handle one. In short, I’m fucking everything up.”

“No, you’re not!”

“Jilly, the only place we seem to communicate well is in the bedroom.”

Well. That could be true.

“You were nearly in hysterics because you accidentally broke a vase. You’ve been trying to change yourself to be what you think I need, when I should have made it clear all I want is for you to be you. Crazy, funny, affectionate Jilly is who I need. I want . . . I want you to bounce your way into my office and tell me about some crazy idea you’re having. Or for you to sit on my lap and tell me it’s time to come eat or relax. To make it clear that you need me so I can lay you out on my desk and eat that delicious pussy. I don’t want the Jilly who holds back out of fear of doing or saying the wrong thing. Who moves around this house like a ghost for fear of disrupting the dust that’s been sitting there for centuries.”

“There’s no dust! Gerald would never leave dust anywhere.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it. If anyone is a dusty old artifact, it’s me. Caught up in the old ways because I don’t know how to be any different. If anyone needs to change, Jilly, it’s me. And I need you to show me how to do it. How to be more affectionate with my family, to show them that I care about them. To not have them worry about riding a hoverboard down the hallway or crashing into an ugly old vase that I hated.”

“You did not hate that vase,” she said.

“I did. I hate them all, really. Actually, I stored away everything expensive that I liked when the boys started visiting. But I left that one out, hoping the boys would break it.”

“You’re lying.”

“I do not lie.”

She shot him a look.

“To you,” he added. “I’m glad it’s gone. That vase sucked. It was always annoying me. It was smug, looking down on everyone else. Including me.”

She had to giggle at the idea that a vase could be smug. Also, he’d just said the word, sucked.

“If you want to change anything in this house, then go for it. Paint the walls, move the furniture, throw it out and buy new stuff. I never cared what this place looked like. Because it never felt like a home. Not until you came here.”

And her heart just melted.

“Jilly, don’t ever change yourself to try and be what you think I want because you are already what I want. In fact, I need more of you. The real Jilly. Not this fake one in weird clothes who doesn’t run-hug me or sit on my lap or scribble book ideas everywhere. Jilly, I love you.”

She buried her face into his neck and burst into tears.

“Oh, my sweet baby. Shh. Shh.” He rocked her back and forth. “Everything will be all right. I’ll make sure of it. Just don’t cry. I hate it when you cry.”

“I’m not sad crying, I’m happy crying. Because you finally said you love me!”

“I’m sorry it took so long, baby.”

“And . . . and I really didn’t like that Jilly! She was such a bore!”

To her shock, he burst into laughter. “You’re right. She was such a bore.”

She started giggling again.

“I don’t want to push you, but how would you feel about speaking to a therapist about your father? It feels like he’s left deep scars, and I don’t want you to continue to be in pain.”

A therapist?

It wasn’t a bad idea. Seeing a therapist had never been on her radar before because she’d never been able to afford it.

“Think about it. If you do want to speak to one, I know that Lottie spoke to a therapist in Texas that she liked.”

All right.

She wiped at her cheeks. Reaching over, he grabbed some tissues from the side table. Then, clasping hold of her chin, he wiped her face and nose. “Blow.”

“Regent.”

“Blow,” he said more firmly.

She blew her nose just as the door opened and a small head poked in.

“Ew. That was gross. Can I see?” Ace skipped over to where they were sitting.

She attempted to climb off Regent’s lap, but he held her still, wiping her nose and putting the tissue on the other side of the sofa, away from Ace.

“No,” Regent said to Ace. Then he moved his gaze to hers and gave her a firm look.

Right. She guessed he didn’t want her moving off his lap.

“Aww. No one ever lets me see their snot. I don’t think I’ve ever seen girl snot. Is it different from boy snot?”

“I think all snot is the same,” Regent told him.

“It’s really not. Some of it is really gross. Like green or yellow. The clear stuff is boring.”

“This stuff was clear,” Regent told him.

Dear Lord. Were they really discussing her snot color?

“I figured,” Ace said with a sad sigh. “Girls never do much that’s interesting.”

“I wouldn’t say that is true,” Regent said, winking at her.

Had he ever winked before? She gaped at him.

Was this a sign of the new Regent? Did she really want him to change? Well, only if he wanted to. And she kind of thought he might be happier if he left some of what his father taught him behind.

“Well, Jilly was pretty good on that hoverboard, before you yelled at her and made her fall.”

Regent winced. “I did do that, didn’t I?”

“It’s okay,” she said.

“Jardin said you were just worried about her and that’s why you yelled. Not because you cared about that old vase. But if it costs lots, well, I’ve been saving to go to Disney World and you can have that money. ‘Cause I’m the one that was using the hoverboard inside when I know I’m not supposed to, and then I let Jilly use it, and she might not have known. Plus, I don’t want her to be in trouble. So, do you want the money? I have like a hundred and twelve dollars saved.”

Jilly could feel the tears forming. She blinked, trying to keep them back, knowing how Ace felt about tears. But they slid down her cheeks.

“Oh no, she’s crying. Jilly! You’re not good at keeping your promise.”

“These are happy tears.”

Ace sighed and shook his head. “Girls. Always crying. Am I right?”

Regent bit his lip as he shook against her. Was he trying not to laugh.

“Uh, Ace, I don’t believe you should say that about girls.”

Ace sighed. “I know. So, Uncle Reggie, do you want my Disney World money? You didn’t yell too much at Jilly, did you?”

“He didn’t yell at me at all, Ace. Everything is fine.”

“It is,” Regent said. “And keep your money, Ace. The broken vase was entirely my fault.”

“But Jardin said I have to take responsibility when I mess up, and I wasn’t supposed to be riding the hoverboard inside because you still have some of those ugly vases and statues and stuff. Even though you got rid of most of them.”

“I put away all of the ones that meant something. I’m not really worried if the rest get broken.”

“So can we ride the hoverboard inside?” Ace asked.

“Sure. As long as you have the correct protective gear on.”

“Yes!” Ace pumped his fist into the air. “You hear that, Jilly? Maybe you need to ask Santa for your own one and we can have races.”

“No races,” Regent said firmly.

“Darn it. Oh well. It will still be fun.” Ace smiled at her and she grinned back. “I mean so long as you don’t cry when you fall over.”

“I won’t.”

“Uh-huh.”

Thea called Ace’s name and he perked up. “Um, gotta go. And I was never here.” He held his finger to his lips.

Jilly shook her head. “I don’t know whether to be amused or terrified by him.”

“Both,” Regent said. “He’s going to take over the world one day.”

She couldn’t believe he’d been willing to give up his Disney money for her.

“New rules,” Regent said.

Uh-oh.

“No going on the hoverboard.”

Her shoulders slumped.

“Without protective gear. And mats laid out for you to safely land on. I want to be with you the first few times.”

“Does Ace need mats?”

“Ace is a young boy. They bounce, they don’t break.”

That was actually true.

“Next rule. No being anyone other than Jilly.”

“I can agree to that. As long as you don’t try to change for me either.”

He shook his head. “Not just for you. For me as well.” Regent cupped her face between his hands. “Next rule. Communication. I will try to tell you more often how I’m feeling. And what I need. If I need privacy to work or if I need you around. And you will tell me when I’m not giving you what you need. I will need your help to change. All right?”

“I will. I can do that.”

“And the last rule, I want you to read what you want to read. And to write whatever you want. Because there is no way that you could ever disappoint me.” That last part was said sternly and she swallowed heavily.

“Am I in trouble for that?”

“Oh, yes.”

“My butt already hurts, though.” She pouted.

“Hmm. That is true. But that’s not what your punishment is going to be.”

Uh-oh.

A knock on the door had her glancing over in surprise. Then Lottie stuck her head into the room. “Can I come in?”

“Of course, darling,” Regent said.

She tried to get off his lap again. But he wasn’t having it.

“I just wanted to check that Jilly was all right,” Lottie said with concern, watching them both closely.

“I’m fine. Just a bit embarrassed.”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” Lottie told her. “And don’t be concerned about that vase. I’ve never liked it. I’m pretty sure everyone was hoping Ace or Keir might run into it.”

Jilly smiled. “Thank you.”

“Can I speak to Jilly alone?” Lottie asked.

“If that’s all right with her,” Regent answered.

“Yes, of course,” she said, even though she felt nervous.

He stood and set her down on the couch. “I’ll come back in five minutes. I’m going to tell everyone to leave.”

“You can’t just tell them to leave,” she protested.

“Of course I can.”

“Except for us,” Lottie said. “We’re staying, remember?”

“You are welcome here anytime,” he told his sister. “Your men, on the other hand . . .”

“Regent!” Jilly cried.

He grinned. “Joking.”

Lottie looked shocked. “Um, you never joke. Or smile.”

“Well, perhaps I have more to smile about now.” He kissed Lottie on the cheek.

Lottie still looked like she was in shock as she walked over and sat next to Jilly. “Wow. You did that.”

“Did what?” Jilly asked. What had she done now?

“You made my big brother smile.”

“Oh. Well, I did?”

“Yes, you did.” Lottie reached over and took her hand. “And I owe you a big thanks. And an apology.”

“You don’t owe me an apology,” Jilly said in shock.

“I do. I know I was a bit standoffish when we first arrived. It’s just that I’m protective of Regent. He’s always been there for me. I’ve been through a lot and he’s been my main constant. He protected me, cared for me, loved me. Even when my parents didn’t. I want the best for him.”

“I want that too,” Jilly said quietly.

“I can tell. I can see it in the way you look at him. But most importantly, in the way he looks at you. He softens. He stares at you like you’re his world. And all I ever wanted for him was to be happy. I’ve worried about him here all by himself.”

“I want him to be happy.”

“Good. Then, I think we’re going to become good friends, Jilly. Welcome to the family.”