Sacrifice (Ritual Sins #2)

5. Rose

5

Rose

The roaring bonfire danced alongside the people of Alderwood, casting flickering shadows over them as they laughed and chattered over the music.

I sat on a nearby log with an empty wine chalice in my hand, watching the proceedings with a pang of sadness in my heart. It was the last time I’d ever see my fellow villagers drinking and dancing together in the ritual clearing. The last time I’d see the Covenant’s great altar, adorned with antlers, flowers, and bones. The last time I’d watch expectant couples make their way down the path to the ritual hut, faces glowing with excitement for their future babies.

So many lasts.

But when Sebastian got me out of here—and I knew he would—there would be countless firsts for me in the outside world. I was scared, naturally, but I was also filled with excitement at the prospect.

Sebastian finally managed to shake the villager who’d spent the last hour talking his ear off, and he made his way over to the log and sank down next to me. “Looks like we’re alone again,” he murmured, hand resting next to mine without touching it.

My lips curved in a faint smile. “It’s about time.”

“Now you can finally finish what you were saying earlier,” he said, eyeing the elders by the bonfire to ensure they weren’t paying attention to us. “About why you came back.”

I gnawed at my bottom lip, insides churning as I considered the tumultuous last few days. “I honestly believed it was the right thing to do. I thought the Entity might forgive me for not being a virgin anymore,” I said softly. “And I knew they needed a sacrifice for the Tetrad.”

“You thought it had to be you.”

“Yes. But as soon as I returned, everything felt wrong. They treated me like some sort of criminal,” I said, shaking my head. “I was locked up behind the cathedral, and then they forced me into a Confession.”

Sebastian’s hand clenched into a fist on the log, and his eyes flashed with fury. “I wanted to kill them when I heard about it,” he muttered. “I still do.”

“I know.” I inhaled deeply and continued my story. “When they did the proving ritual afterwards, I was so sure I’d be caught. So sure they’d feel between my legs and realize I was no longer pure. But then… you were right. They had no idea at all.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” he replied, rubbing his jaw.

“As soon as I realized they didn’t know, it felt like a lightning bolt hit me,” I went on. “Suddenly there was just one thought in my head. Actually, it was a voice. Your voice, telling me it was all wrong. All made up. After that, things kept snowballing in my brain. I could barely even sleep last night. I just kept thinking about all the things that no longer make sense to me.”

“Like what?” Sebastian asked, cocking his head.

“Like how women aren’t allowed to be elders, for example. In fact, we aren’t allowed to make any major decisions at all. Only the men can.” I threw my hands up. “All my life, I was raised to believe that was the right way to do things. That we were all equal when we so clearly weren’t.”

He grunted. “No shit.”

“And the other thing you pointed out a while ago, about the sacrifices. I wasn’t ready to think about it then, but I am now.” I turned and looked at him again. “Why is it only girls and women who have to die during the eclipses? Why aren’t men ever sacrificed? Where’s the equality there?”

“Nowhere. It’s fucked up.”

“I feel so stupid.”

“You aren’t stupid. Not one bit. You were conditioned from birth, like everyone else here.”

“It feels more like I was blind this whole time, and suddenly I can see clearly.” I shook my head. “The thing that really got me was when I remembered a history lesson from my school years. About the founders.”

“Dubois and Brouxard?”

“That’s right. This probably won’t surprise you in the slightest, but they were both motherless,” I said in a wry tone. “Their mothers died giving birth to their younger sisters.”

“Ah.” Sebastian nodded slowly. “Of course.”

“You were right all along. The Covenant founders hated women, and they based their entire religious doctrine around that hatred.” I narrowed my eyes, looking at the elders standing around the bonfire. “And they all know. They know and they don’t care because it benefits them at our expense.”

“If it’s any consolation, I don’t think the founders consciously despised women,” Sebastian replied. “They were a product of their time. Raised to see women as their subordinates. It’s very hard to break out of the mindset you’re born and raised in. You know that better than most.”

“But what about the sacrifices?” I said, knitting my brows. “You don’t think they created the concept of celestial virgins to punish their sisters in perpetuity?”

He shook his head. “I think their personal histories shaped the doctrine they invented, but I don’t think it was a conscious decision to punish women.”

“How could it not be conscious?”

Sebastian was silent for a moment, brows drawn into a contemplative frown. “Something struck me when your father first told me the story of the founders,” he finally said. “I remember thinking the whole story sounded like a giant drug trip.”

“A drug trip?”

“When people take certain drugs, they end up in an altered state of mind,” he explained. “They might see, hear, and feel things that aren’t there. It can also heighten their sense of emotions and bring back long-buried memories. All that put together—that’s what we call a trip.”

“Oh, I see.” My nose wrinkled. “So what does a drug trip have to do with Dubois and Brouxard?”

“I think that’s what happened to the two of them. I think they got lost in the woods and ran out of food. They eventually came across a cave and ate some mushrooms they found inside. Mushrooms that turned out to have psychedelic properties. Then the two of them ended up tripping in a major way,” Sebastian said. “Of course, they didn’t understand what was happening to them at the time, so they viewed it as a holy experience. They truly believed they were seeing and hearing God.”

“But it was just their own minds,” I said, finally realizing what he was getting at.

“Exactly. That’s why the belief system they came up with seems to be influenced by their religious roots— Dubois’s Catholicism and Brouxard’s paganism. It’s not just a coincidence,” he replied. “It wasn’t only shaped by their religious beliefs, either. It was also shaped by their own personal experiences. Both having mothers that died delivering baby girls, for example. That wound up in their new doctrine in the form of celestial virgin sacrifices, because it was something that had deeply affected them both.”

“That makes sense,” I murmured, nodding slowly.

“Like I said, I don’t think these men consciously hated their sisters and wanted to punish them, along with every other girl whose mother died giving birth to them,” he went on. “I think they genuinely believed that they’d shared a holy experience in that cave. One that told them exactly how they—and everyone else around them—should live their lives. When really, they were just high as fuck and coming up with stuff based on their own experiences.”

“Well, whether their doctrine is based on hatred or not, countless innocent women have died because of it,” I said. “ I was going to die because of it.”

A muscle ticked in Sebastian’s jaw. “I know. It’s fucked up. But I’m not going to let that happen to you.”

“I know.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry you had to find out like this. I can’t imagine how confusing and terrifying it must be for you to have your whole life and belief system uprooted so suddenly.”

I tipped my chin upward, gazing at the night sky. “I think I’ll always believe in some sort of higher power,” I said softly. “But not this one. Not anymore.”

“That’s why you have to leave, baby girl.”

“Yes.” I turned back to look at him. “But not yet.”

“What do you mean?” he said, brows shooting up. “I need to get you the hell out of here as soon as—”

I cut him off. “I want to help you first.”

Confusion flickered in his eyes. “Help me ?”

“With your search for justice. The reason you came here in the first place.”

“Ah.” Understanding dawned on his handsome face. “You’ll tell me what happened to my mother?”

“I can’t tell you.” I lifted my chin and looked him right in the eye. “I know you’ve never believed me when I’ve said this in the past, but I honestly don’t know what happened to Miranda that night. But I do know it must’ve happened because of the Covenant.”

He leaned closer. “Tell me more.”

I looked up at the night sky again. “I was so young when it happened. I was sick, too. It made my memories foggy, so I can only remember brief flashes of that night. Nothing clear or helpful,” I said. “Sometimes, when I concentrate extremely hard, I can see something, but then it’s gone, and I can’t seem to get it back.”

“I understand.”

“I’ve tried to ask my father about it before,” I went on. “He got very angry at me and refused to answer my questions. Then he eventually banned me from speaking about it ever again. No one else in Alderwood talks about it either. At least not around me.”

His lips tightened. “Because you’re Augustus Trudeau’s daughter.”

“Exactly. They wouldn’t dare to discuss it in front of me, in case it got back to him. So, I really cannot tell you anything about that night that you don’t already know,” I said, hands knitting on my lap. “But I think I can still help you.”

“How?”

“The forbidden cave. You said you want to go there because your mother was researching it just before she died. I can take you.”

Sebastian’s eyes widened slightly. “Aren’t you afraid of it?”

I hesitated, contemplating his question. “I think part of me will always be afraid of that place, because of everything I was raised to believe about it,” I finally said. “But at the same time, after everything that’s happened and everything I’ve come to realize… I think it’s probably just a cave. A cave with a big secret that the elders don’t want me or anyone else to know.”

“You’ll really take me there?”

“Yes. No tricks or traps this time.” I looked toward the reveling villagers again, watching as they drunkenly swayed and twirled to the music. “Once everyone has gone to bed tonight, we’ll sneak out just like we used to. Only we won’t be going to the hot springs this time.”

Sebastian leaned closer to me, fingertips fluttering against mine. I wanted so badly for him to reach all the way over and squeeze my hand in his, but we couldn’t risk being seen touching each other. “Rose… are you absolutely sure you want to do this?” he asked in a low voice, eyes filled with concern.

I took a deep breath and nodded. “Yes. We’re going to the forbidden cave.”