Samhain (Midsummer #2)

6. Carter

6

Carter

O f all things I’d ever done, fucking Princess Miriam in the Prince of Wales’s fancy car might have been the stupidest. I knew that going into it. Not only would our spouses disapprove, but probably most of the royal family, too. Maybe most of England.

But staring up into those big brown eyes with my breaking heart and my pounding cock, nothing in the world could have stopped me.

“We shouldn’t do this,” she said again.

“I know,” I repeated.

“Are…” She stopped. Swallowed. My gaze zeroed in on the way her throat moved. “Are we?”

I didn’t know what to say.

Yes?

No?

Maybe just the tip? Just to see if we like it?

God, my head was so messed up.

I loved Ivy. I loved Lex. I loved them so goddamn much that I couldn’t see past it.

Now they were gone. Was I filling the hole they left with the only person who could commiserate? Or was there something truly there for Miri? Did I really love her or only think I did because it made missing them easier to bear?

“Hey.” She put her hands on my jaw, cupping my face, and lifted my gaze to hers. “It’s okay. I’m conflicted, too. I love them, and I don’t know what to think about you.”

I laughed a sad noise, pretending not to feel like a cheap date.

“But I know that I cannot do this without you,” she continued, “and you cannot do this without me. Is that not love?”

Is that not love?

A different kind, maybe. Different from the one that burned in my chest for Ivy and Lex. But no less powerful or significant.

I kissed her again, and this time, we twisted so her body was laid out across the seats. Somewhere deep down inside, I envisioned Lex doing this to Ivy behind my back. I envisioned his lips on her neck, his teeth digging into the blushed X he loved to hate, and I burned with shame and guilt and envy.

Because they should be here, and they weren’t.

Because I should be there, and I wasn’t.

I needed something besides that hollow ache in my gut. I needed this connection more than I’d ever needed anything else. Take a lover, Miri had said. Find someone else. But I didn’t want anyone else.

I just wanted us.

I just wanted them, and if we couldn’t have them, then we’d have each other.

I opened the door so I could move my long legs to the ground and kiss my way down her body. Shoving my jacket off, I tossed it in the back seat and kneeled on the cement floor. My knees would hate me for it later, but I didn’t care.

Her panties came off. Then her skirt. When she was naked from the waist down, I wrapped my hands around her thighs and yanked her closer, sliding her so she sat close to the edge. I hadn’t eaten pussy since that last night together, and Miri was about to reap the benefits of my withdrawal. I ached to taste her. I yearned to lick those most secret places.

I met her honey-colored gaze and searched for any objection to this. We’d both been heartbroken about what we’d lost. I kissed up the inside of her legs while she spread herself and, when my mouth touched that familiar skin, she curled into the contact, her hands in my hair, urging me on.

Fuck. Yeah.

I licked her, sucking at her clit and flicking my tongue over her the way I thought she liked. Taking my cues from her reactions, I worked her into a frenzy, right there in her uncle’s expensive car.

It made me think of Midsummer, of being in the woods with her and them, the sticky sweet scent of sex on my tongue, the moans of other people’s ecstasy surrounding me, the dizzying thrum of a buzz behind my eyes. My cock throbbed, and I adjusted it through my pants while I lapped at Miri, relishing in her groans.

I sucked her clit, twirling it around between my lips before pushing a finger inside her. She liked it slow like this, soft and delicate. When I played with Ivy, she wanted it rough nearly as often as she wanted it sweet, but Miri wasn’t like that. She used sex to be intimate, which surprised me since she’d been with Lex for so long. He didn’t strike me as the soft and sweet type of guy.

One finger became two, and I delighted in her moans, her desperate pleas for me to go faster, harder, deeper.

“Please,” she moaned. “Please, Romeo. Please.”

I could tell she was close, so I kept at it, increasing pressure when her cries became more desperate. When she came, she dug her nails into my scalp and nearly crushed my head with her thighs. I held them open as best I could with my shoulders, but she squirmed away from me, gasping for air.

I grinned at her, licking my lips to swallow down her taste. She gave me a lazy sigh and ran the back of her fingers over the side of my cheek. Sadness flicked behind her gaze, indicating the want of them and how almost perfect this felt.

“I wish they were here,” she murmured.

I pushed up to kiss her, confirming I felt the same. My heart raced and my cock throbbed, but the hole they once filled sat like a heavy weight between us. We needed this to remind us of how great it used to be, how much we were missing.

It started slow and sweet, a caress, but she soon grew hungry and shoved her tongue in my mouth, greedily devouring the taste of her sex on my lips. Then she tugged me into the car by the back of the neck, laying down so I had to climb on top of her.

I sank one hand into the cushion next to her ribs, grabbing the door over her head with the other, my palm folding over the crease of the rolled-down window. She twisted her fingers in my jeans button, yanking the zipper down so she could get my cock out.

Miri gave it a few quick pumps, but I was already rock solid for her. She positioned me at her entrance and looked up, big eyes pleading, begging, me to take her, to make it stop hurting.

“Promise me one thing,” she said, her warmth such a tempting embrace only millimeters away.

“Anything, Juliet,” I said, kissing the tip of her nose. Her forehead. Her temple. Her hair. “Anything.”

“You and me, we’re a team. Always.” She stared up at me, wild vulnerability lacing her big doe eyes. “Whatever it is. Whatever comes for us. They have each other. All we have is us.”

I nodded, wincing against the pain at the thought of Ivy. Once upon a time, all I had was her. Now I didn’t even know when I’d see her again. I ignored that, and it was my turn to shake as I slid all the way home.

God, she was so warm and tight. Like Ivy, but so different in so many ways. Not better, not worse, just different.

“This isn’t going to last forever. You know that,” she said, drawing my attention back to her. “This is just until we’re not broken anymore, all right? Until it doesn’t hurt.”

“I know,” I murmured. “I know.”

With one hand behind my neck and her forehead on mine, I pulled out only to surge back home again, sighing into her mouth, swallowing down her moans. God, it felt so good, too good. I could have stayed in that garage with her forever, if only so I’d never have to know pain again.

“Look at me, Romeo,” she said, her hands coming to my cheeks. She tilted my face to hers, and the tension in my body softened. We might not have been the ones we would have chosen, but we were all each other had left. My heart had been broken, and Miri was the only one willing to sit in the wreckage with me.

In each other, we had found some semblance of peace. I wanted to wrap myself in the vitality of what we created and never let it go, which made it worse. This wasn’t supposed to feel good. None of it. I was supposed to be with Ivy; she was supposed to be with Lex. We were supposed to be a four; I had the scars on my hand to prove it.

The more I thought about it, the more I noticed it. While the physical euphoria was enough to distract me, to have me pumping into Miri like my life depended on it, the incomplete emotional connection hummed just under my skin. I loved my Juliet, I did, and she loved me. But something was missing…two somethings.

She came with her eyes locked on me, and when I emptied myself inside her, I was surprised by how close to ecstasy I’d actually risen. I never thought I’d feel that again. I never thought I could have it with anyone but them.

* * *

Everything after that was a blur of fucking Miri and working my ass off.

My agent had gotten me a gig at LA Fashion Week, which was almost unheard of for a newbie. But it launched my career. From there, I had shoots every other day. Whenever I wasn’t working, Miri and I were fucking. It was like sipping from a chalice where the alcohol content was just below my tolerance level. We sated each other. We got each other by.

It seemed like she felt it, too. It was in her gaze, in her soft expression during the comedown. After we’d both climaxed and we lay next to each other with our hearts pounding in time, inhaling each other’s pants, her eyes softened and a glaze shuddered over them like she’d blocked out any thought of our spouses because of how much it pained her to think about it.

We made each other feel good. We took care of one another. But she longed for them, the same as me, and neither of us could be what the other had lost.

Despite this, I fell in love with her easily and more deeply than I had before. She was fun and spontaneous. She had a twisted sense of humor that made me damn near piss myself laughing. I understood why Lex and Ivy had cared so deeply for her, why Ivy had spent four years pining for her. Up until now, she’d been my friend, my cast mate, my ideal stage partner. She’d turned into a soul mate, someone in whom I placed delicate care of a piece of my heart. We understood each other’s pain in a way no one else ever could, and that brought us closer together.

Miri was like that first spring day after winter when the air still had a crispness that hung in every breath but the sun shined warmly on your skin. Which was appropriate because she thought I was the opposite—cool autumn air and dying summer light, campfires and the smell of falling leaves. Her energy made you want to burst with life; my energy made you want to toast s’mores and cuddle.

We explored Southern California together. She showed me the places she’d been before, and we fucked in some places she hadn’t. After a few weeks into our vacation, I couldn’t imagine my life without her. We talked, really talked, about everything. About things we’d never discussed between us before. About our childhoods and what we wanted for the future. Some of those conversations I hadn’t even had with Ivy. Before long, Miri knew more about me than anyone had before.

“You want kids?” I asked one night. It was late, or really early, depending on the point of view. Naked in our bed, her legs twisted in mine, my arm around her shoulders, I ran my fingers through her hair strewn across my chest.

“Yes,” she said with a smile, glancing up at me. “A lot of them. Do you?”

I hugged her tighter, my heart nearly bursting with how much I wanted the same thing. “Yeah.”

“Did you think you’d have them with Ivy?”

That brought me back to earth. I sighed and cleared my throat, hoping my voice didn’t crack when I spoke again. “We always knew we’d probably break up at the end of college. But I’m a hopeless romantic. I saw little ginger-haired Washington-Scotts running around.”

She softly laughed, squeezing my torso tighter. “Lex and I wanted them, too. We’d adopt a few. We’d have a few. I wanted a house overrun with family.”

My heart yanked because it was a pipe dream, wasn’t it? Lex and Ivy would have their own family, and I’d probably end up alone, wishing I could be a part of something bigger.

“You come home to me,” Lex had once made me promise, “and you come home to Ivy and Miri. And in the end, it’s us.”

When I’d agreed to that promise, I’d meant it. He promised to take care of Ivy, and I’d come home as soon as I could. We’d given each other forever. How pitiful those words seemed now that we were scattered.

“If we don’t have any by the time we’re forty, let’s you and I have them. How about that, Romeo?” she asked.

“Sounds nice,” I agreed, though it was only a half-hearted jest. Lord knew, Miri and I would never… could never… have children together. The royal family would certainly have something to say about their darling princess having little majestic babies with some nobody actor from Chicago. Despite how close the two of us were, our romance would not be tolerated by the Crown.

“Have you spoken to your dad since you’ve been out here?”

“Talk about family disappointments.” I ignored the slice of agony in my chest at the mention of my father. No, I hadn’t talked to him, and if I never did again, even that might be too soon.

“Still haven’t seen your little brother?”

I shook my head, wincing against the damnable tension in my gut. That one cut deeper.

“Do you want to?” She wasn’t asking to be mean or bring up old wounds. Miri seemed genuinely curious.

I considered this. He was a baby now, but would my dad even tell him about me when he got older? About my sisters? Or had he completely reinvented himself? Knowing that conniving asshole, he’d likely go on pretending none of us existed. It was like he left my mom and all thoughts of his four children fell out of his idiotic head. Either way, it wasn’t the kid’s fault our father was a prick. Why should either of us suffer for it?

“Maybe,” I answered. “One day. If he wants to see me.”

She smiled and leaned in to give me another kiss, soft and tender, putting the weight of her adoration into it. “That’s one of the things she always loved about you.” Miri’s grin pulled to one side. “Your big heart.”

“You’re one to talk.” I squeezed her tighter to tease her with my response.

She rolled her eyes, apparently refusing to believe me. “Please.”

“I’m serious,” I continued. “To keep Lex as enamored as you have all these years? You must have a heart the size of the Grand Canyon and ovaries as tough as steel.”

“Yeah, well.” She sat up and readjusted herself so she could lie back against the headboard, the sounds of the ocean roaring in the distance. “It wasn’t enough.” Miri fiddled with a piece of thread between us. “It doesn’t matter. Gran is setting up my engagement to the Prince of Monaco, anyway. In a few short years, I’ll be the queen consort of Monaco with all the titles and endowments that entails.” Forcing a tight grin, she let out a sarcastic laugh. “Lucky me.”

“The prince of Monaco?” I scrunched my nose as I recalled a guy in his late forties with a bald head, expanding waistline, and jowls that reminded me of a bulldog. “Isn’t he like a hundred and ten?”

“Doesn’t matter.” She laughed. “It’s not about love or age. It’s about royal babies. That’s all it’s ever been about.”

I paused, debating what I knew about middle-aged men with how old that stuffy bastard probably was. “Can he even get it up?”

“I suppose I’ll find out.”

I ignored the burning stab of jealousy that flared in my gut.

One of her eyebrows lifted up her forehead, a mischievous look in her eye. “Unless…”

I didn’t like the tone she used. It usually precipitated some silly idea that would likely get us in trouble.

“What if you and I got married in Vegas next week?”

“What?” I laughed, rolling toward her so I could grab her waist and give her a soft kiss on the forehead. “That’s ridiculous. Your grandmother would kill us.”

Miri mulled it over before replying, “She’d have to find us first.”

I narrowed my eyes, shifting them between hers when she didn’t start laughing with me. Was she serious? There was no way her family would let that happen. And when Ivy or Lex found out? Good lord.

Of course, what leg did they have to stand on?

Miri blew me off when I didn’t immediately respond with a yes. “It’s only a thought.”

“Miri”—I didn’t know what to say—“anyone would be lucky to have you. Lex knows that. Ivy knows that.”

Tears formed at the corners of her eyes, but she blinked them back and wiped her grief away. “Not lucky enough to announce it to the world, though.”

I would if I could. I would if it meant anything. But it didn’t. What good would it do? Her grandmother would make her come home and deny it. The paparazzi would swarm us more than they already did. I was a nobody and a nothing and not good enough to so much as kiss the ground she walked on, let alone marry her in some dramatic elopement to Vegas.

I could just imagine the headlines on The Puck: “Beautiful Titled English Princess weds relative peasant from nowhere…Hey, wait, wasn’t he dating Ivy Washington?”

“I love you, Miri,” I told her, leaning in to give her a tender kiss. “I may not have always shown it. But I do love you.”

“I love you, too.” She kissed me back, cradling my face like it was precious to her. The thought warmed the piece of my heart that had started to beat for her and her alone. “Thank you for being here for me. I couldn’t have done this without you.”

I sighed and leaned up to kiss her again. “No, thank you, Juliet. We have each other, yeah?”

“Yeah, Romeo. We have each other.”

I rolled between her legs again and slotted myself inside her warm, soft body. Up until now, we’d taken our emotions out on each other. Fucking and clawing and bleeding our pity in the space between us. But now, it was different. Now, I made love to her the way I’d done to Ivy thousands of times. Miri and I filled a space in each other that we’d never made room for before.

When she left, when this was truly over, it would hurt.

But I’d be better for having it.