Santa Daddy, I’m Not the One

18

NILS

I n the dim light of the barn, I sat on a hay bale, my head in my hands. The weight of countless trips, each one a small hope flickering and then extinguishing, pressed heavily on my shoulders. I had been to the human world, to Landon’s shop a few times, but nothing had changed. He didn’t remember me, not even a flicker of recognition in his eyes. Yet I couldn’t bring myself to stop. The thought of seeing him, even as a stranger, was enough to keep me going back.

Footsteps approached. “Santa,” Eirik said, his voice tinged with concern. “The elves are worried about you. You’ve been going back to the human world too often. Landon still doesn’t remember you.”

I looked up, my gaze weary but resolute. “It doesn’t matter. I have to try. I enjoy seeing him, even if he doesn’t remember me.”

“To what end? He won’t ever remember you.”

“But he might. We just need to spend more time together. When I enter his store, he doesn’t look at me suspiciously anymore. He smiles at me, and when he does, I feel like he knows. Deep, deep down, he knows.”

“We both know that’s impossible,” he said softly.

“A lot of things were impossible, but Landon showed me otherwise. I have to try. I can’t give up on him. He dreams about this place, you know.”

“What?”

“He told me about them the last time I went. Sure, the dream is hazy, and he doesn’t understand what it means, but he has the memories. He just doesn’t believe them.”

“And how can you get him to believe?”

I had no idea, but I had to try. I hung my head. “He’s lost so much weight. I’m fearful for him. His immortality relies on this place. It doesn’t count once he leaves the magic of the glen.”

Eirik sighed. “You really love him, don’t you?”

“More than anything,” I whispered, the admission heavy with love and heartache.

The barn was quiet, the only sounds the distant clicking of reindeer hooves and the soft sigh of the wind. I went to the sleigh, checking the harnesses and the supplies. Today, I would go again. I would see Landon, watch him for a few moments, and hope against hope that something might change.

“I’ll be back by evening.” I climbed into the sleigh. Eirik nodded, his face solemn.

“Be careful, Santa. And remember, we need you too. We’re behind with production for this year.”

I gave him a small smile. With a flick of the reins, I urged the reindeer. They leaped into the air, and we were off, soaring into the night sky. The wind whipped past me, cold and harsh, but my thoughts were warm, filled with images of Landon, his laughter, his touch, his love. Even if he didn’t remember, I would carry those memories for both of us.

The world below passed in a blur as we made our way to the human world, to the small toy shop where Landon spent his days. Each time I had visited, I’d been a mere customer, browsing the aisles, stealing glances at him. It tore at my heart to see him so thin, unlike the vibrant, feisty man I had known. But I had to believe there was still a chance, however small.

The sleigh landed discreetly, and I trudged to the shop, my heart pounding with dread and anticipation. I would see him again, speak to him, even if he didn’t know who I was. And maybe, just maybe, this time would be different. Maybe this time, he’d remember.

As I entered, the bell above the door chimed, and there he was, frailer again than the last time. He glanced up from around the cash register and smiled.

“Our favorite customer who never buys anything is back,” he said cheekily.

I chuckled. “I’m still waiting for you to find what I’m looking for.”

“I have just the thing to show you. Follow me.”

Always.

Landon led me to a shelf lined with an impressive train set, complete with a miniature town.

“This is special,” he said. “How can you resist it?”

“What makes it special?”

“It was handcrafted by someone in this town.”

“You?”

He laughed. “Me? I don’t have that kind of talent. I couldn’t even make a tiny train.”

“You sure about that?” I smiled. He seemed animated when I was around.

“Very.”

“Still having trouble sleeping?” I asked.

His cheeks tinted a bright pink. “I shouldn’t have mentioned that last time.”

“It’s no problem at all. I hope your therapist was able to help.”

“On the contrary.” I waited for him to finish the statement, but he didn’t. “What do you say? Do you want this train? If you don’t take it, I’m going to believe you’ve been coming to our store for a different reason altogether.”

“Tell me about the train.”

“Okay.” As he spoke about the new addition to his collection, I took in every detail about him—the way his hair fell slightly over his forehead, the light in his eyes. The scent that seemed to envelop him reminded me of the foss of Twinkle Glen—fresh water pooling over rocks.

“What do you think now?” he ended, and I drew back.

He frowned. Had he caught me sniffing him?

I reached into my coat and pulled out the wooden train Landon had crafted back in Twinkle Glen in my workshop. It was a small, intricate toy made with love and care. “I’m actually looking for something more like this.” I held it out to him.

Landon took it. He chuckled, examining the train with an expert’s eye. “Are you serious? This looks like someone who knows nothing about trains put it together. I doubt any fine craftsmen would admit to making something so poorly.”

“Someone special gave it to me.” I watched his face for any sign of recognition.

He looked at me, the corners of his mouth curling up, then back at the train. “I see. What happened to them? Did they pass away?”

“No.” The moment hung between us, impregnated with words unsaid and memories unshared. I wanted to tell him everything, take him in my arms and make him remember the love we had shared. But I knew I couldn’t. He would only think me crazy.

“Yes, very special indeed.”

We stood there for a long moment. Landon placed the train back in my hand. “I’m sorry I can’t help you find a similar one, but you’re welcome to come back anytime and browse some more.”

“I will.” I tucked the train back into my coat. “Thank you, Lan.”

Without thinking, I brushed my fingertips against Landon’s cheek in an intimate gesture. I savored the warmth of his skin, the nearness of him, but he jerked away, his eyes wide and questioning.

“What are you doing?” Landon stepped back, a clear edge of discomfort in his voice.

I retracted my hand. “I’m sorry, I…I just…” The words lodged in my throat, heavy with emotions I couldn’t express. There was so much I wanted to say, to explain, but how could I make him understand?

Desperate to connect, to offer him some tangible piece of our past, I reached into my coat and took out the last trump card—the doll I had crafted, a miniature version of Landon, complete with his bright smile and sparkling eyes. “This.” I held it out to him. “This is why I keep coming back.”

Landon took the doll, his expression shifting from confusion to shock as he recognized the likeness. “Why does this look like me? How do you have this?”

I cursed myself for overstepping, for letting my emotions lead me astray. “Please, don’t be afraid,” I said gently, trying to soothe the rising panic in his eyes. “I mean you no harm.”

But it was too late. Landon’s face hardened, the initial shock giving way to a dawning realization and fear. “Did you have anything to do with my disappearance last Christmas?” he asked.

“No, Landon, I—” But how could I explain without revealing everything, without sounding like I belonged to a psychiatric ward?

“Get out,” Landon said, his voice trembling. “Now.”

I stood there, frozen, as he held the doll in his hands, a symbol of our lost connection. I had hoped it would bring some recognition, some sign of the love we had shared, but it had only scared him further.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. The weight of my sorrow made it difficult to move, but I turned and left the store, the chime of the bell above the door a bitter farewell.

As I walked away, I felt a piece of my heart remained behind, tethered to the man who no longer knew me. The cold air bit at my cheeks, but it was nothing compared to the chill that had settled in my soul.

I had tried and failed, and now all that was left was to return to Twinkle Glen, to a world that felt empty without Landon by my side.