Santa Loves Curvy Girls

18. Belle

18

BELLE

A fter a long day as an elf, I couldn’t wait to meet Santa at the ice-skating rink.

I yawned and my stomach growled, but I changed into my cutest ice-skating outfit. Thick leggings, leg warmers, and a long knit sweater that I hoped would complement my eyes.

I wasn’t the best skater in Garland, but hopefully, I would hold my own on the ice, maybe even skate around with him holding hands like I’d seen other couples do.

As I walked to the rink, Fall La La La La, I saw him standing underneath the red and green sign still dressed in his red and white velvet suit.

Getting closer to him, I nudged Santa playfully. “Are you really going to skate in that suit?” I teased. And maybe part of me was disappointed too that I couldn't see the real him. There was this big secret looming between us, reminding me that something major was standing between me and my Christmas wish coming true.

Plus, this was the first time we’d really been out in public where a lot of people could see us, other than that time we walked to Cocoa Corner. It had at least been dark in the movie theater.

I had a feeling that ice skating together in public would be weird or raise a lot of questions or attract onlookers. That was the last thing I wanted. I just wanted us to hang out like normal, out of the spotlight.

Santa shrugged. “It’s just for tonight. Besides, the skating rink is always empty on Tuesday nights.”

That much was probably true. I was usually so busy baking this time of year, I didn’t have a ton of time to come by.

He paid our way inside, and when we passed through to the rink, I could see that he was right. It wasn’t as busy as it got on the weekends, but the people there still eyed us curiously.

Santa, who seemed to thrive in the spotlight, just waved and smiled and led me onto the ice. He was really good, effortlessly stepping onto the slick surface and spinning a few times. Maybe he was on the hockey team at school? I wondered which player he could be.

After a few minutes, I finally relaxed. We had a corner of the skating rink to ourselves, and it was getting emptier by the minute since the place would be closing soon.

But the music was great, upbeat Christmas music that made me want to sing my heart out like I was a Carol Karen or something. “I love this song,” I called to him.

Santa whizzed past me, his long legs easily giving him speed. “Me too!”

The next time he came around, he grabbed my hand and we skated like that for the rest of the song. My heart fluttered thinking I was officially one of those girls who skated with the boy she liked. I followed his steps, adding in my own moves and twirls.

I’d taken lessons here as a kid, but it had been a while since I’d done anything too advanced.

Then Santa grabbed both of my hands, and we spun around and around. I started laughing, holding on to him for dear life. Now the butterflies were partially from adrenaline too!

We slowed down, but then I made the mistake of letting his hands go for a second. I felt myself tumbling to the ice but not before he grabbed me.

He must’ve lost his balance too, though, because next thing I knew, I was lying on top of him. His chest was wide and firm and his eyes so close. He grinned. “Caught ya.”

“My hero,” I teased.

He grinned even wider. “Any time.” How did I not recognize that smile?

I kept thinking I should get up, but another part of me didn’t want to.

Santa was warm and sweet and kind, and I wanted us to stay like this forever, without the beard between us.

“Tell me who you really are?” I said. It came out before I could stop myself.

His grin slowly faded, and I began to wonder if I shouldn’t have asked him that. But still, how could I keep kissing him and hanging out with him like this when I didn’t even know who he was?

I deserved to know, didn’t I?

“I won’t tell anyone,” I whispered. “Promise.”

“I know you wouldn’t,” he finally replied. He reached up and brushed my hair back. “Believe me, I want to. So bad. I’ve thought about it over and over.”

He didn’t say anything for a bit, but before I could reply, he went on. “It’s not about what I want though, Belle. It’s about what I agreed to when I decided to put on this suit. It’s about upholding one of Garland’s most important traditions. People are counting on me.”

Slowly, I got off of him and stood up. He stood up too.

I didn’t get it. How could my Christmas wish be so close to coming true and yet so far away? My eyes stung with unshed tears. This felt so unfair.

All of a sudden, I wondered if the guy behind the beard was the right guy for me after all. Maybe he had nothing to do with my Christmas wish. All this time, I’d thought maybe the feelings growing between us meant my wish was coming true, but maybe that wasn’t the case at all.

“Hey,” he said, tilting my chin up toward him. “I’m sorry. I wish things were different.”

“If they were, maybe we wouldn’t be here,” I said. It was the first thing that popped into my head, but it was true. A self-deprecating part of me wondered if he was only comfortable being seen with a big girl like me because of his disguise.

“You’re right,” he said. “I’m glad we met. I’m so glad for everything, Belle. I can’t imagine what it would be like not to be your friend in real life.”

Friend.

The word stung.

Was that what I was to him?

And he’d said “in real life.” Did that mean this was all a game to him? Because it had been more than real to me.

My face felt hot and tears threatened to fill my eyes, but I swallowed and pushed them back.

No way was I going to cry in this moment.

Showing him just how much this all meant to me when it was all fun and games to him would be a thousand times worse than my Christmas wish never coming true.

“I should go,” I said, making my voice sound normal. I began to skate toward the exit.

“Okay,” he said, following me. “Let me walk you home.”

I turned toward him and forced a smile. “It’s okay. I’ll see you later.”

As I made my way home, I couldn’t help but think that maybe Christmas wishes like the one I’d made just didn’t come true for girls like me.

I walked past Cocoa Corner, realizing that even a cup of hot cocoa wouldn’t help me feel better.