Santa Loves Curvy Girls

23. Nick

23

NICK

W hen I got back home, there was a large package at the door.

I picked it up. It was empty but with writing on the front. It looked like the postage was paid for and the delivery address filled out.

That’s when I figured out what it was.

I went inside and closed the front door behind me with a sigh.

“Nick, is that you?” Mom called from her room.

“Yeah, Mom,” I replied. I went into my room and shut the door. I pulled out the Santa costume from my large duffel bag. So this was it. Time for it to go back.

I held it up and admired it one more time. The soft dark red velvet. The thick white (really realistic) beard. The hat and the boots.

This was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Even so, my chest ached with all that had happened with Belle. I missed her already, and I had no idea how to get her back.

Carefully, I folded up the suit and put it in the box. Then the boots and everything else. They had to have some sort of special dry-cleaning service for this thing , I thought. Otherwise, it would’ve stunk to high heaven by now, like my football uniform.

I closed up the box, and before I could think too much about it, I headed to the post office. It wasn’t far, and I needed some time to think. I shot Mom a quick text so she wouldn’t worry. The sooner this suit got back to where it belonged, the better.

It had been an honor to wear it. I never would’ve imagined that I’d get that honor, and it had been the experience of a lifetime. But now it was time to give it back. Someone else would do it next year and get to experience the magic. Create some magic of their own too.

Since it was Christmas Day, just about everything was closed, including the Garland post office. I set the box right at the drop box since it was already labeled and had postage. I knew Mr. Long would find it in the morning.

I looked at the unassuming brown package, feeling the strange desire to pick it up and take it back home with me.

Deep down, I wasn’t ready to let go of the one thing that still tied me to Belle. Because I knew leaving this Santa suit behind would be proof that it all was over. Our hot cocoa dates. Kissing outside the movie theater. Holding hands. Seeing her smile and being truly known by her. It was all over.

But I couldn’t hold on to the suit either. It was what brought us together and what kept us apart all at the same time. And even though I had to keep the secret, the red velvet costume wasn’t mine. Not anymore.

I took a shaky breath, blinking quickly, and turned around to walk back home.

The whole way there, I thought about Belle and what would happen next.

I wanted her in my life, but I also knew it wouldn’t be right for me to get to know her again as Nick St. James like nothing had happened between us. There would always be a secret if I did that. But I also couldn’t tell her the truth. That’s what had gotten us here in the first place.

No matter how much I thought about our situation or how many angles I tried to see it from, I just didn’t see a way we could have what we had before.

From now on, I would see her around town and pass her in the hallways at school and it would be completely different. I couldn’t tell who it would be worse for—me, knowing who she was, deep down, and knowing I couldn’t have her. Or her, who’d never know just how close Santa really was.

If a reality existed where I got to hold her in my arms again or brush her hair back, maybe it would have to be years in the future. Maybe only then. If she hadn’t already found someone else.

Just thinking about that possibility really made my heart feel as cold as the snow crunching under my boots.

When I got back home, I was so upset I couldn’t go inside because I knew my mom would ask questions. Questions I couldn’t answer–and I couldn’t stand keeping any more secrets. So I got out the snow shovel. It had snowed last night, and with everything going on, I hadn’t gotten to it yet. And right now, what I needed was some mind-numbing work.

I held the wooden handle in my gloved hands and focused on the scrape of metal over cement. It was time to go back to my normal life, with snow shoveling, volunteering on Saturdays at Santa’s Elves, hanging out with my friends, and pretty soon, going back to being the star quarterback of the high school football team. My old life would have to be enough.

Everything that had happened with Belle had been special, but it looked like it wasn’t something I’d get to keep in my life after all.