Santa Maybe (The Duchess Hotel #1)

Chapter 25

Twenty-Five

By three o’clock on Christmas Eve, Northlife Fitness was nearly empty. A few die-hards remained, squeezing in last-minute workouts before the gym closed at four. Most of Drew’s regulars had opted to skip their training sessions this week. Except Hannah. She never canceled unless she was on vacation or seriously ill.

As Drew went through the motions of working with her, he tried to stay focused. Just because he felt like complete shit didn’t mean he could half-ass his job. But for the past two nights, he’d barely slept. Whenever he closed his eyes, his breakup with Rosie played on a loop. The anguish in her voice when she’d accepted his decision. Her tearful face as she’d left the wedding. The agony he’d felt, wanting desperately to text her but not knowing what to say.

Worse yet, he couldn’t get Evelyn’s parting words out of his head. Though he agreed that Rosie deserved someone who could give her what she wanted, the thought of her with anyone else twisted his stomach into a knot.

“Drew!” Hannah set down her kettlebell with a thud. “You’re drifting off again.”

“Sorry. Let’s move on to the shoulder press machine.”

“We already did that. What’s wrong with you?”

He rubbed his hand along the back of his neck. He was screwing up, big-time. How did he expect to handle his new role as the gym’s fitness manager if he couldn’t get through a simple training session with a longtime client?

Hannah glanced up at the big digital clock on the gym wall. “If you want to end things early, that’s fine with me. I’m sure you’re eager to join Rosie and her family tonight.”

Yet another thing he was missing. He’d been so excited to participate in her family’s Nochebuena celebration. Now, he’d be spending the evening in an empty apartment. Even his roommates had gone home to be with their families.

Rather than craft another lie, he admitted the truth. “I’m not going. Rosie and I aren’t together anymore.”

To his surprise, Hannah grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the padded bench near the rack of kettlebells. She sat on it and motioned for him to join her. “Sit. You need to tell me what’s going on.”

Even if she occasionally treated him like a grandson, he didn’t feel right unloading his woes on her. But when she scowled at him, he was too intimidated to argue. He sat beside her on the bench. “There’s not much to tell. Things didn’t work out between us, but it’s okay. We were only together for a couple of months.”

She harrumphed. “So Rosie didn’t mean anything to you?”

Was that what people would think when he told them about it? If so, he’d have to come up with a better way to frame their breakup. He didn’t want to sound like a selfish jerk, even if he felt like one.

“No, I cared about her. A lot. But I wanted to keep things casual, and she didn’t feel the same way.”

“Casual.” Hannah let out a snort. “Is this a millennial thing?”

Age-wise, he probably qualified as Gen Z rather than millennial, but he didn’t want to contradict her.

“Your generation is missing the point,” she said. “Why deprive yourself of something meaningful? Don’t you want more than just a bunch of casual hookups?” From the disgusted expression on her face, she clearly wasn’t a fan of the idea.

As a woman approached the kettlebell rack, Drew waited until she’d grabbed a ten-pound bell and returned to her spot on the mat before he responded to Hannah.

“I don’t have a great track record with romantic relationships,” he said. “Probably because my parents set a terrible example. They criticized me and my sister constantly but saved their biggest insults for each other. I spent years listening to them argue.”

Talking about it brought back depressing memories of hiding out in his room and blasting his music. Anything to avoid hearing his parents’ raised voices. The few times he’d tried to intervene, they’d turned on him.

“I’m sorry to hear it,” Hannah said. “It sounds like they did a lot of damage.”

“Yeah. They didn’t hit me or anything, but it still left a mark.”

“So, now you have difficulty trusting people enough to let them in?”

He was grateful she understood how he felt. “That’s it exactly. My sister says I have serious trust issues. Most of my…um…relationships have been casual because it’s easier that way. Less to lose, you know?” When she nodded, he forced himself to keep going. “With Evelyn, things were different. I tried to give her more of myself, but it wasn’t enough and…”

“And then she left you for that low-life Jared.” Hannah’s voice was tinged with acid. “A snake in the grass, that one.”

He couldn’t help but laugh. “A total snake. So, when I got involved with Rosie, I didn’t want to take that risk again.”

“But you like her a lot, don’t you?”

“I do. She’s really special.”

Right from their very first meeting, he’d wanted to know her better. Even if their initial relationship had been strictly trainer and client, he’d always enjoyed their sessions. Then, when he’d met up with her again at Pepe’s and proposed his scheme, he’d liked the thought of spending more time with her. But he never imagined how much she would mean to him.

Every late-night phone call, every chat at the smoothie bar, every time he made her laugh and watched her eyes sparkle with amusement—it had all meant something. And when he’d finally gotten the chance to spend the night with her in his arms, he hadn’t wanted to leave.

Hannah raised her eyebrows. “Then what’s the issue? Are you afraid to trust her?”

“Maybe a little, but I want to. More than anything. I think…I’m in love with her.” Up until now, he would have done his best to deny it. But Hannah’s scrutiny made it impossible for him to hide his feelings.

“You think you’re in love. Or you know it, deep down in your heart?”

Wow, she was not letting him off easy. But now that he’d admitted it, there was no doubt in his mind. “I know it. But I’m a damaged guy. I’m not sure I can be enough for her.”

“Hmmm.” She uncapped her water bottle and took a long drink. “Well, you can try, right? You don’t have to be perfect. Lord knows none of us are. But if you care about someone and tell them how you feel, then that’s a significant first step.”

This woman was like the grandmother he’d never had. “How are you so good at this? Did you used to work as a therapist?”

“Not quite, but I taught high school for forty years. Which meant I saw my share of kids with parents like yours. Those poor kids were like the walking wounded but with their scars buried deep inside. Even so, some of them still thrived. If they can do it, so can you. You just need to have faith in yourself.”

Across from them, the woman exchanged her ten-pound bell for a heavier one, then started another set of reps. Drew wondered if she was listening, but he didn’t care. He was too riveted by Hannah’s words. “Forty years of teaching? I’m impressed.”

She barked out a laugh. “You should be. Teaching isn’t for the weak. But back to you and Rosie—you might mess up, but you start by making an effort. Don’t let your fears get in the way. Frank and I were married for fifty-one years before he died, and there were times when that man infuriated me with his mule-like stubbornness. But I loved him, and we made it work. I’d give anything for another hour with him.”

Fuck, now she was going to make him cry. He took her hand, which was tissue-paper thin and mottled with age spots. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right. Keeping busy helps. That’s why I come here three times a week. I’ve also got plenty of grandchildren that need my attention.” After giving his hand a gentle squeeze, she stood up. “Speaking of, I should get going since I’m due to my daughter’s place at four thirty. I need to change and pack up all the gifts.”

He stood beside her. “Thanks for everything. I hope you have a great Christmas.”

“I will. Now, as for you—before you rush back to Rosie, think about what you want. Don’t fret over the future or worry that you’re not enough. Focus on how you feel about her right now. Decide what you’re going to tell her. And then go after her. Got it?”

Like he’d dare disagree with her? “Yes, ma’am.”

“Don’t call me ma’am. It makes me feel old.” She patted his cheek. “One more word of advice? When you’re the one who has messed up, a grand gesture never hurts.”

“A grand gesture?”

“Look it up. I’ll see you after the holidays. Good luck.”

“Thanks.” He watched her walk toward the women’s locker room, slightly unnerved that he’d been schooled by a seventy-eight-year-old woman.

Even after the gym closed, he was still mulling over everything she’d told him. He thought about it on the drive home from work and then as he paced around his empty apartment. Maybe he’d be better off reverting to his old ways, back when he’d limited himself to casual hookups. No pressure, no expectations, no fear of letting anyone down.

But then he remembered all the joy he’d shared with Rosie—not just the sex but all their conversations. Snuggling together in bed, joking about the shows they watched, sharing stories and memories. He’d never met a woman who made him feel this way. Like he could trust her with his deepest secrets, and she wouldn’t use them against him.

Going after her would mean baring his soul. It would mean putting his heart on the line and hoping she wouldn’t break it.

But if he let her go, then he could lose her forever.

And that was the worst possibility of all.