Santa’s Pretty Helper (Cam Show Crush)

11. Bella

Eleven

Bella

The sound of Gabe saying my name as he comes goes through me like a bullet. It tears me up and rearranges me into something new. Something different.

I’m the girl he was fantasizing about? The one he wants so bad but can’t have that it’s torture for him?

And here I was, watching his show on the verge of jealous tears because there’s someone Gabe wants. Someone he’s all torn up over. Someone he wants to be his good girl.

And that someone is… me?

Oh. My. God.

It’s as though my entire world has tilted sideways. Nothing looks the same. Everything seems off-kilter.

I sit there, stunned, as my brain replays the sound of Gabe moaning my name, over and over again.

Bella.

He said my name. Mine. And unless he knows another Bella, he was talking about me. I’m the one he thinks he can’t have.

I swallow thickly, and I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. I can’t wrap my mind around it. Gabe, the man I’ve wanted for years, wants me. The man I’ve been pining for to the point of obsession wants me. I feel overwhelmed. I don’t know how to process this.

Gabe is the only man I’ve ever wanted, and I always thought my feelings were one sided, that any attraction I perceived on his part was only my overactive imagination. But…maybe not.

It suddenly feels as though anything is possible.

Gabe ends his show and I close my laptop, sinking back against my pillows and looking around my room. It’s the same, but not. The familiar now feels foreign, now that I’ve heard Gabe moan my name. Now that I’ve heard him confess how badly he wants me, how desperately he wishes I could be his good, sweet girl.

I take several deep breaths, trying to calm my body, but nothing works. My heart is still pounding, my thoughts still racing. I’m a tangled ball of emotions—excitement, shock, a little fear. I feel dizzy with how fast they’re all swirling through me. Nauseous, even. It’s not motion sickness, it’s emotion sickness.

I close my eyes, breathing through the riot of sensations in my body. I need to process what I just saw, what I just heard. I need to think, but my brain’s moving so fast I can’t work through anything.

I sit up and grab a notebook and pen, hoping that writing everything down will help me think it all through. I start with what I know to be true:

Gabe wants me and has for a while—his feelings are like a “fucking fever”

I want Gabe more than anything

Then I start listing what I think is probably true:

Gabe’s torn about his feelings for me because he sees me as someone off-limits and maybe doubts that I’d return his feelings

Gabe thinks being with me would be crossing a line, but he wants to all the same—how would he react if he knew his feelings weren’t one sided?

Being with Gabe could be complicated—there’s the age difference, his relationship with Eric

My pen flies across the page as I start to sort things out in my mind. And one thing becomes crystal clear to me: no matter the risks, no matter the potential complications, I want Gabe. And he wants me as much as I want him.

It’s as simple as that, and it changes everything, as far as I’m concerned.

I take a deep breath and toss the notebook aside. My mind is made up.

I need to tell Gabe how I feel. I need to lay it all out for him so that I can find out where we stand, what he wants, and what he’s willing to risk. Because I know what I want. I want him.

I’m willing to risk everything for the chance to be with him.

And I know exactly how I’m going to show him.