Santa’s Pucking Hat Trick (The Forbidden Reverse Harem Collection)

32. Rachel

32

RACHEL

W hen I walked into Sawyer’s apartment, my heart was still pounding from that awful fucking phone call. I rushed over as soon as Roman told me about Sawyer’s injury, even though he’d tried to cushion the news by letting me know they’d won their silly little game. He and Wes both assured me that Sawyer was fine—“Just a knee,” Wes had said, “and his knees are old and giving out anyway,” Roman joked—my mind had gone to the worst place. I’d seen enough injuries on the ice to know how quickly things could turn serious. And the thought of something happening to Sawyer, of him being in pain, had left me breathless.

It shook something loose in my stupid heart that I’d been trying to ignore all this time. A certain word I’d been resistant to use, even in my own head.

When I made it inside, I spotted Sawyer’s skates thrown against the door, messier than he usually let things get. I practically sprinted to his bedroom, finding him in bed with his leg propped up on pillows and an ice pack resting on his knee. He looked tired, worn out, but when he saw me, his face lit up with that familiar warm grin that made my stomach flip every time. It was a full back handspring this time.

“Hey,” he said softly, his voice a little hoarse, like maybe he’d been in more pain than he wanted to let on.

I dropped my bag by the door and rushed to his side, careful not to jostle him as I sat beside him on the bed. “You scared the hell out of me, you know that?”

His eyes went soft. “Didn’t mean to. I’m tougher than I look, Rach.”

I rolled my eyes, even though the knot in my chest didn’t loosen completely. “You already look pretty tough.”

“True,” he smirked.

I took this moment to let my eyes wander over his face. He looked so much like himself—warm, serious, contemplative underneath all that manly gristle—but something inside me had shifted the moment I saw him hurt. I hadn’t realized how much I needed to see him smile, how much his well-being had become a part of mine.

“Seriously though,” I whispered, the emotion catching in my throat, “when Roman called, I thought…I don’t know what I thought. But it scared me.”

Sawyer’s expression softened, and his hand reached out, covering mine. His touch was warm, grounding, but I could still feel the pulse of worry under my skin.

“I’m fine, Rachel,” he murmured, his voice gentle. “It’s just a knee injury. I’ll be back on the ice before you know it.”

I nodded, knowing he was probably right, but that wasn’t what this was about. “It’s just…when I found out you were hurt, I realized how much I care about you. More than I think I’ve been willing to admit.”

Sawyer’s eyes searched mine for a moment before he spoke. “Rachel?—”

“I love you.” The words tumbled out before I could stop them, and I bit my lip, feeling exposed. “I didn’t mean to, honestly. I didn’t expect it. But I do. And my family didn’t raise me to keep that kind of thing to myself, so…there you go. That’s your problem, now.”

For a moment, Sawyer just stared at me, his breath catching, and I wondered if I had pushed too far, if maybe I’d freaked him out. But then his lips curved into a slow smile, something softer than I’d ever seen from him.

“I love you too,” he said, his voice quiet, almost hesitant, like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to say the words. “You’re in my head, Rachel. In my heart. All the time.”

I blinked, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. I hadn’t expected him to say it back, not like this, but hearing those words from him—it was like something inside me finally settled.

“Are you sure?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper, a little shaky. “I know you’ve been hurt before, and I don’t want to?—”

“I’m sure,” he interrupted gently, his hand lifting to brush a strand of hair behind my ear. “It’s scary as hell, but yeah, I’m sure.”

The breath I’d been holding finally released, and I smiled, leaning into his touch. “You have no idea how happy that makes me.”

Sawyer’s thumb stroked my cheek, and he pulled me a little closer, his voice dropping low. “I think I do.”

But there was something he still didn’t know. Something Roman and Wes didn’t know either. It felt like now would be the time if I had all the pertinent information, but before I risked Sawyer running for the hills, scared shitless of us skipping so many steps of a relationship, I needed this moment to be normal. Needed to remind myself that he was here, and mine, and that his body wasn’t broken.

“I think I know what might help your knee feel better,” I told Sawyer at a seductive whisper, leaning in to undo the tie at the front of his sweatpants. His eyes blazed as he watched me, and I traced the outline of his cock in his underwear, willing it to get hard. “Think you’re well enough for some fun?”

“Sweetheart, for you, I’m always well enough.”

A while later, after a healing orgasm for Sawyer and a couple for me too—“There’s nothing wrong with my face,” Sawyer had complained when I expressed hesitation about sitting on it, “just my knee”—we lay together in his bed, a little tired and blissfully content. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. It felt like everything had clicked into place. Even though we hadn’t planned any of this—our relationship, the way it was unfolding, and certainly not the other secret I was trying to ignore—there was a sense of rightness in the air.

Just as Sawyer was pulling me closer, his arm heavy around my waist, there was a loud knock at the door, followed by Roman’s familiar voice booming through the apartment.

“Food delivery for some little bitch with a bum knee named Sawyer Finnegan,” Roman called through the apartment, and I laughed.

Sawyer groaned, his hand reluctantly letting go of me as he sat up, wincing a little as he moved his injured knee. “God, they have the worst timing,” he muttered, tossing me a rueful grin before awkwardly pulling his sweats back up over his knee. I quickly grabbed one of Sawyer’s shirts, slipping it over my head to cover my still-naked body.

“Smells like sex in here,” Roman said as he barged in the bedroom like he owned the place. “No fair, leaving us out.”

I blushed, glancing at Sawyer, who just shook his head with an exaggerated sigh. “What gave it away?” he drawled, settling back on the couch.

Wes followed Roman in, carrying a wooden tray, utensils, and all things Sawyer would need to eat his dinner in bed.

A bit out of order, though. He’d already had his dessert.

“Rachel looking cute as hell in your shirt was a big clue,” Wes answered Sawyer’s sarcastic question. Once Sawyer was all set with his takeout, both of my other two guys made sure to greet me with a kiss on either of my cheeks, bringing back the mushy feelings I’d shared with Sawyer before our sexual interlude. These two had no idea how deeply they’d rooted themselves into my heart, and now that I’d let the words slip with Sawyer, I knew things were changing between us—between all of us. I just wasn’t sure about saying the words to Wes and Roman in a group this way. They deserved their own small moments, just like they all deserved to have the full story.

Stupid Sawyer had to go and get himself hurt. I wouldn’t have told him yet, would have waited until he knew the arguably bigger news, if he hadn’t scared me shitless.

Roman plopped down next to Sawyer, taking a quick look at his knee before grinning up at me. “So, I’ve been thinking…”

“Oh no, that’s never good,” Wes joked, already reaching into one of Sawyer’s takeout containers, which Sawyer seemed too tired to discourage.

“Shut up, dude. It’s about the thing we talked about,” Roman said, his tone shifting a little. “I’ve been thinking about our whole deal. Our…relationship. You know, the four of us.”

“I’m familiar,” I told him, earning me a cheeky flick of his tongue ring.

“Well, specifically, how we’ve been sneaking around with this…thing we’ve got going on. And I get the feeling it’s bothering you, Rach. You’ve been so…”

“Distant,” Wes finished, smiling sadly. “We don’t want to pressure you, but we feel like you don’t want to keep it hidden anymore.”

My stomach flipped, and I felt Sawyer’s eyes on me, waiting for my response.

“You’re right,” I admitted, glancing between the three of them. “It’s not that I don’t want to be with you guys—it’s just that I hate hiding it from Michael. He’s my twin, and I know it’s complicated, but I feel bad lying to him. To the rest of my family too. At the very least, I want him to know, and then I can deal with the rest later.”

Roman nodded, leaning back against the couch. “Yeah, I figured. Which is why I think we should tell him. All of us.”

Wes was always the voice of reason. “Michael might murder us,” he warned me.

Sawyer shrugged. “He can try. But at least we’ll go down together.”

Roman’s green eyes flicked to me. “What do you think, Rach? You ready to make it official?”

The weight of his words settled over me, and for a moment, I didn’t know how to respond. Part of me was thrilled—they were willing to take that leap, to stop sneaking around and bring our messy, wonderful relationship out into the open. It felt real, like the walls I’d built were finally being torn down.

But then there was the other part of me. The one that knew the secret I was holding back was going to complicate everything even more.

I swallowed hard, forcing a smile. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.”

Roman grinned, pulling me in for a hug, while Wes clapped Sawyer on the back. For a moment, it was like everything was perfect. Like we had found this beautiful, crazy thing together, and we weren’t afraid to fight for it.

But even as I laughed with them, something twisted inside me. The secret of my unplanned pregnancy, the mystery of paternity; it all lingered in the back of my mind. I loved these three men—God, I loved them all so much. But soon, I’d have to tell them the truth. And I wasn’t sure how everything would change when I did.