Saved by the Lieutenant (Winter Rescue)

4. Jake

4

JAKE

I fucked up. Christ, what the hell is wrong with me? I never meant to snap at her, I was shocked when she told me what that asshole had said last night. Peter and I should’ve known that whoever this monster is, would’ve had Amanda in his sights. She's his type down to a T. I know I pushed her too hard. I could see she was struggling, but I needed all the information from her.

She's having panic attacks. I'm not sure how long she's been having them, as she's able to breathe through them herself, but she was definitely having the start of them a few times while we were talking. The last time she had one, she looked in pain, her chest was rising and falling rapidly, and it didn't seem as though she was breaking through. I wanted to help her, I wanted to coach her through breathing, but the moment I touched her she flinched. Seeing her withdraw from my touch was a punch to the gut. I tamped down my anger, not wanting to cause her any more distress than she was already feeling but I did that anyway.

Rising to my feet, I reach for my cell and call Peter. “Is she okay?” he asks as he answers.

“Right now she's in her room, I'm hoping she'll take a nap,” I say through clenched teeth.

“What happened?” he asks with a sigh. “Please don't tell me you pissed her off.”

“Well, it was inevitable, wasn't it?”

He chuckles. “Yeah, sticking you two in the same room, it was bound to happen that one of you would piss off the other. I had money on it being the other way around. What happened?”

Oh, I have no doubt when she's fighting fit, Amanda will absolutely piss me off, but I'll welcome it. Hell, I've missed it. That woman devours life and loves hard, she runs headfirst into every situation and when I tried to caution her to think first, she'd let her sass out and god, it was a sight to behold. I'm looking forward to seeing that side of her again. Right now, she's confused, she's hurting, and she's trying to piece things together. It'll take some time for her to get to fighting fit, I'll be here every step of the way.

“She told me about the case, she told me mostly about the victims and how they were taken and found. I made a comment about how she's on the killer's radar when she remembered something about last night. That asshole spoke to her, he told her that it wasn’t her time, not just yet. But she couldn’t keep her nose out of it.”

Silence spreads between us. “Let me guess, you lost your shit and wanted to know why she hadn't told us?”

Am I that predictable? “Got it in one. She's beyond pissed at me right now.”

Not to mention her thinking that I don't care about her or she's not mine to lose. Does the woman not realize just how much she means to me? Christ, I'll do whatever it takes to keep her safe. Amanda is the only woman that I love, will ever love. She's it for me. I'm just trying to protect her from heartache. I watched how much she struggled with losing Adam, I watched her hide how deeply affected she was by his death, how she'd hide it. I had a close call, and she retreated into herself, I knew at that moment I had to end things, I wouldn't let her lose me too. I know my job has risks, but I could see the toll it took on Amanda whenever I went to work. I left to protect her. I know I hurt her deeply by doing so, I wish there was another way that I could have done it, but there wasn't. I made the right choice, or so I thought. Now, I'm not too sure.

I pace back and forth, my steps heavy as I think about what happened to Amy last night. God, she could’ve died. I could’ve lost her. If Peter hadn’t shown up when he did, she’d be dead.

“You know she's just scared, right? She's been through a lot and hearing that kind of threat would shake up anyone.”

I run a frustrated hand through my hair. “I know. I messed up. I just... I can't stand the thought of her in danger. I can’t lose her.”

There’s a pause on the other end of the line before Peter speaks again. “Look, man, I get it. But Amanda's tough. She's been through hell and back, and she always comes out swinging. Just give her some time to process everything.”

I sigh heavily, sinking onto the couch and rubbing my temples. Peter’s right. Amanda isn't one to back down from a fight, no matter how difficult things get.

“I know, I know,” I reply, my voice heavy with guilt. “I just hate seeing her like this. She’s struggling and she won’t show that to me. I’ve broken all the trust she had in me.” I think that’s what kills me the most. I broke what we had. I broke her.

Peter's voice softens. “She trusted you, more than anyone else. You can get that trust back. Just be there for her, listen to her, support her. Let her know that you're on her side, no matter what.”

I nod, even though he can't see me through the phone. “I will. Thanks, Peter. I appreciate it.” It’s a lot easier said than done. While she may have trusted me at one point, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to regain her trust.

“Call me if she remembers anything else.” He ends the call and I lean back against the sofa. Today has been hell and I know I made things even worse for Amanda.

I need to apologize. I get to my feet and make my way to Amanda's room and knock softly on the door. There's no answer. I push open the door, hoping she’ll not be pissed that I'm here.

Amanda lies on her bed, her body curled up into a protective ball, one hand tucked beneath her cheek. My gut twists at the sight of tear tracks staining her cheeks. I made her cry. God, I’m an ass. I should’ve never pushed her so hard.

My feet instinctively take a step back, wanting to give her space to rest. But every fiber of my being is pulling me towards her, begging me to move closer and hold her in my arms. The desire to feel her warmth and comfort is overwhelming, something I haven't experienced in two long years. As I take in her sleeping form, I’m reminded of all the moments I've missed with her and my heart aches with longing. Seeing her again only solidifies how much she means to me, and how much I've yearned for this moment.

Amanda stirs, her eyelids fluttering open to reveal a mixture of surprise and wariness. She quickly wipes at her cheeks, trying to hide the evidence of her tears. “What are you doing in here?” Her voice is hoarse and raw with emotion.

I shift uncomfortably, feeling the weight of my guilt crushing down on me. “Amy,” I say softly. “I’m sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you like that. It was wrong of me.”

She sits up slowly, studying me with those piercing eyes that always seem to see right through me. “You think an apology just fixes everything, Jake? You think you can just waltz in here and say sorry and all is forgiven?”

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks, the truth in them cutting deep into my soul. I know I've messed up, and a simple apology won't erase the pain and mistrust I've caused. Not just for today, but for what happened two years ago. Amanda deserves so much more than empty words. She’ll not believe an apology, she wants the truth and I’m not sure if I can give it to her.

“I know,” I reply, my voice laced with regret. “I know. Nothing I say will ever make up for the hurt I’ve laid on you. Right now, we need to focus on keeping this animal from getting to you.”

“You have no idea how hard it is, Jake, you walked away and now you’re back as though nothing happened. What do you want from me?”

That’s a loaded question. I want everything. But I can’t give her what she deserves. I want her safe and happy, I want her to have a life she’s worked her ass off for. But I can’t promise her a future with me. Not with the danger that my job brings. I can’t promise her that I’ll return home safely. I don’t want her to go through yet another loss in her life.

“I want you safe, Amy,” I finally answer honestly. “I want to help you through this.”

Amanda studies me for a long moment, her expression guarded yet conflicted. “I don’t know if I can trust you again, Jake. Not after what happened. Not after you left without a word.” Her voice wavers with emotion as she speaks, her vulnerability peeking through her tough exterior.

I swallow hard, feeling the weight of her words settle heavily on my shoulders. “I understand. I don’t expect your forgiveness right away, Amy. But please know that I’m here now, and I’ll do whatever it takes to protect you.”

Her eyes narrow. “I’m never going to have a reason for why you left, am I?”

“Right now, we need to focus on this killer. You’re the only one that knows this case inside out. You’re not alone anymore, you have both Peter and I to help you.”

Her lips purse and hurt flashes through those magnificent green eyes. Amanda exhales slowly, her features softening slightly as she looks at me. “Okay,” she finally says, her voice barely above a whisper. “We need to stop this killer before he strikes again. We can work together, but once that’s done, I don’t ever want to see you again.”

Her words are like a stab to my heart. Two years I’ve gone without seeing her. Two years of knowing that I walked away from the woman I love. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to do it again. But for her, I will if that’s what she wants. It may kill me but I’ll do whatever it takes for her to be happy.

“Do you want a shower?” I ask her. “I’ll make us some food. I doubt you’ve eaten much today. You need to keep your strength up.”

“I haven’t, my throat is sore, I doubt I’ll be able to swallow much.”

I nod in understanding. “I’ll make soup. Shower, change, get comfortable. If there’s anything you need, just let me know.”

“I’m fine,” she says, her voice harsher than it had been a moment ago. I know she's putting up walls to protect herself, but I can see the vulnerability in her eyes. I have to earn her trust back, step by step.

As she heads towards the bathroom to shower, I quickly make my way to the kitchen, my mind racing with thoughts of how to make things right with Amanda.

An hour later, I’m seething quietly as I watch her eat.

She's freshly showered, her makeup washed away, and she's dressed in comfortable pajamas. The bruises that cover her body are now exposed for me to see. Peter had not exaggerated when he described the severity of the damage. A dark circle blooms on her temple, surrounded by a sea of purplish-red bruising around her eyes and cheeks. But it's her neck that is most alarming, the deep finger-shaped marks standing out starkly against her pale skin.

I want to find the asshole that hurt her and kill them. I’ve never felt so much anger toward someone as I do right at this moment.

I push down the anger simmering inside me, knowing that now is not the time for my emotions to get the best of me. Amanda looks frail and tired, but there's a determination in her eyes that hasn't wavered despite everything she's been through. I have to admire her strength, even if it means facing the consequences of my past mistakes.

“Is the soup okay?” I ask, trying to keep my tone gentle. I don't want her to hear the anger that I’m feeling.

Amanda nods, her gaze fixed on the bowl in front of her. “It's good, thank you.”

We lapse into a tense silence, I know there's so much we need to address, so much history that needs to be unraveled and confronted. But for now, we focus on the case at hand, on keeping Amanda safe from the danger lurking in the shadows.

Once she’s finished eating, I clean up as she settles back into work. Once I’m finished, I sit down next to her, trying to keep my thoughts and emotions in check. “I need to ask you something, and I promise I'll do my best to answer every question you have for me. But first, I need to know if you trust me to keep you safe from this killer?”

Her eyes meet mine, and I can see the pain and mistrust there. “I need you to understand, Jake. I don't know if I can trust you. You left me without a word, and now you're back, acting like nothing happened. But you know what happened. I can't forget.”

I nod. “I know,” I say quietly. “And I know I have no right to ask for your forgiveness. But I promise you, I'm here now, and I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe.”

She takes a deep breath and looks away, clearly weighing her words. “Okay,” she says finally. “For now, for the sake of catching this killer, we'll work together. But once this is over, you need to leave. I can't go back to where we were before. It's too painful.”

I try to keep the emotion I’m feeling from my face. Hearing her say that she wants me to leave hurts. “I understand,” I reply, my voice low and measured. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you’re safe, and to catch this killer. And I'll leave when you want me to, no questions asked. But right now, we need to focus on getting justice for the victims and making sure this monster doesn't hurt anyone else.”

Amanda nods, her eyes never leaving mine. “In the meantime, I need you to promise me one thing.”

“Anything, Amy,” I say, my heart thudding in my chest.

She takes a deep breath, her gaze intensifying. “I need you to be honest with me. To keep nothing from me, no matter how difficult or painful it may be. I won't forgive you for lying to me again.”

I can feel my throat tighten as I struggle to push down the lump that's forming. I know this is important to her.

“I promise,” I rasp. “Whatever I know, you will too.”

Her tense expression relaxes into one of relief and she lets out a deep sigh. She looks at me with gratitude in her eyes and gives a small smile. “Thank you,” she says softly.

“Tell me about the killings themselves. I know that he beats the women, strangles them, and murders them. Right?”

She nods. “Yes, he beats them. It’s a vicious assault. The women are beaten to an inch of their life.” She pauses, her throat tightening as she recalls the gruesome details. “He stabs them in their torso five times. All six victims have suffered the same fate— vicious beatings and severe strangulation, along with five stab wounds to their bodies.”

Christ, a monster doesn’t describe this animal enough. I don’t understand what spurs people to do things like that. What do they get out of hurting someone so deeply let alone killing them.

“All the victims have been women, all in their mid-twenties, green eyes, and brunette, all similar to you?”

“Yes,” Amanda whispers, her eyes darkening with horror. “What are you thinking, Jake?”

I take a deep breath and try to compose myself. “I'm not sure yet, but I know we need to catch him soon, before he strikes again.” I have no doubt in my mind that his next victim is Amanda, he has his sights set on her now and there’s no way in hell that he’ll let her slip through his fingers.

I’ll be damned if he gets her though. I’ll kill him before he gets close. This animal has already hurt her. I won’t allow him to kill her.

“We need to find a connection between the women,” I say, swallowing the fear that I have for the woman I love. “There has to be something.”

She shakes her head. “Honestly there isn’t. I’ve been working my ass off on this case since I uncovered it, Jake. I’ve looked into all the women’s backgrounds and have yet to uncover anything that could connect them all. It seems as though it’s random.”

There’s nothing random about this. There has to be something. Anything. My gut is screaming that there’s a connection.

Amanda sighs. “I’ve looked. At one point I thought it was that all the women had lost a parent, but then Liz was taken, and her parents are both alive. The same thought about being in foster care or were adopted, but both Liz and Monica weren’t. I’ve looked into their backgrounds, I truly have, but nothing has come up. This man is picking his victims at random.”

I’m silent, my mind reeling from her words. My gut is screaming that this is the right route to explore.

“You think I’ve missed something?” she asks, her words not filled with anger or hurt as I thought they’d be. Instead, they’re filled with questions. “Shit, did I miss something?”

“Amy, I’m not sure, but I have a feeling we need to dig deeper.”

She nods. “If I missed something…” she shakes her head. Her fingers typing furiously on the keyboard of her laptop.

I crouch down in front of her. “Hey,” I say, sliding my fingers along her cheeks, careful not to hurt her. “You’ve done more than anyone. You’re the reason that this animal is going to be found, that the victims are going to get justice. Trust me, baby, you’ve done so much for these women.”

“If there is a connection?—”

“Then we’ll find one,” I assure her. “Take a deep breath and another, you’ve done amazing so far, baby, I’m so proud of you.”

As Amanda gazes deeply into my eyes, her expression softens, and she tilts her head slightly. Her eyes wander down to my lips, and then back up to meet mine once again. Without hesitation, I lean forward, feeling the electric pull between us, and brush my lips against hers in a gentle kiss. A tingle shoots through me as she responds eagerly, our mouths molding together as the kiss turns frantic. The air around us seems to crackle with energy. It’s been two years since I last kissed her.

Feeling her lips on mine is like I’m back with her, like the last two years haven’t happened, I remember everything. Every touch, every smell, every sensation seared into my memory. I pull back slightly, allowing myself a moment to take in Amanda's swollen lips and heated gaze. I lean in close, loving the way her body seeks me out. “We need to focus,” I say softly. “We’re going to find this asshole.”

My heart races as her eyes snap shut, the gentle warmth from just moments ago vanishing in an instant. A coldness settles over her features, a steely determination taking its place. “You're right,” she declares, rising to her feet. “We need to focus.” She pauses, her voice dropping to a deadly whisper. “I need to rest. And I promise you, Jake, that will never happen again.” Her words hang in the air like a warning, sending chills down my spine.

I can only watch as she walks toward her room. I’m so confused as to what’s happened. Why is she so angry? We shared an amazing kiss, something that I’ve missed.

God, did I just fuck up yet again?