Saving the Cowboy’s Christmas (Rowdy Ranch #12)

Chapter 27

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

“ W hat isn’t?” Rance knew exactly what Lani was talking about but he needed to buy time. The pleasure they’d shared had turned his brain to jelly. He’d expected her to say something like this eventually, but not right after great sex. Evidently her recovery time was shorter than his.

“You going with Square Glasses. Becoming my author.”

His chest hollowed out. “You don’t want me?” Still stalling for time, he said it teasingly as he climbed back into bed and mirrored her position.

“You know I do. I want you desperately. That’s the problem. When I leave here, it will be the end of this.” She made a vague gesture that encompassed his package and her lady parts.

“We’ll both lose our sex drive?”

“You’re making fun of me.”

“Sorry.” He took a breath. “I joke around when I’m terrified. It’s a bad habit.”

Her expression softened. “I’m sorry, too. But you can’t be my author. In our company that’s a special relationship. We’re encouraged to build a strong bond and create mutual trust.”

He took both her hands. “And we’ve done that already. We’re ahead of the game.”

“But we broke the rules of that game. We became lovers. Maybe you’ll be okay communicating regularly, knowing we’ll never again be?—”

“How can you say never?”

“Because it makes no sense! We’ll see each other at most three times a year and maybe less than that. Face the facts.”

Did she want to be free of him? His chest hurt. “When you say I should face facts, does that mean you want to start dating when you get home?”

“Of course not. It’ll take me a while to….” She glanced away. “Let’s just say you won’t be easy to get over.”

That helped. He let out a breath. “You said you might come for Easter.”

“I probably can.” She glanced back at him, her eyes filled with sadness. “It’ll be a short visit.”

He held her gaze. “Then what if we don’t make any big decisions now? Why don’t we wait and see how things go when we’re separated?”

“We’ll only be delaying the inevitable.”

“Works for me.” He made himself say the next part. “And if, sometime before Easter, you meet someone, then you should go for it.”

Her throat moved in a slow swallow. “Okay. Same goes for you.”

He smiled. “It won’t happen.”

“Probably not for me, either, so come next April, we’ll be in the same fix we are now, only your book will be in production at Square Glasses. That will be a done deal. That’s what worries me.”

He was beginning to get the picture. If he wasn’t with her publisher, they’d have no reason to keep in touch. They’d only see each other when she visited the ranch. But once he signed a contract with Square Glasses, they’d be communicating regularly… perhaps for years.

Only one thing to do. “Don’t take the manuscript back with you this time. Wait until Easter.”

“That’s crazy. You’ll lose almost four months. If I submit it as soon as I get back, they can get you into the fall schedule. If I wait until April, it won’t come out until the following year.”

“So what? It buys us another four months to find a way to be together. No telling what could happen between now and then.”

“I’ll tell you what’ll happen. You’ll miss getting a book out during the holidays. That was another idea I had that I haven’t mentioned yet. You’ve set this in November. It wouldn’t take much to switch to December and add some references to Christmas. You’ll increase sales if you do that.”

“It’s not a Christmas book.”

“It could be. If Die Hard is a Christmas movie, anything goes.”

“So it comes out a year from this fall. No worries.”

“Rance, do you hear yourself? You’re twisting your writing career into a pretzel because of me. I won’t have it. The obvious solution is to take it to another publisher.”

His whole body tightened. “I don’t want to.”

“I’m not talking about your mom’s or any of the big ones. I can recommend another small press. I know the people there.”

In a typical Lani move, she’d made a logical suggestion, one that could save them potential heartbreak. And he hated it. “No.”

“It’s the reasonable?—”

“What about your publisher? You seem to think my book will sell. Won’t they miss out on an opportunity?”

“I’ve wrestled with that, but the owner will understand the potential problems given our personal relationship. Besides, we likely wouldn’t keep you long. You’ll get a better offer and?—”

“I wouldn’t take it.”

“Because of me? You’d throw away?—”

“Yes, dammit! I’ve pictured you as my editor from the first words I typed. I don’t want anyone else messing with?—”

“Then you did write it for me.”

“Okay, I did! You’re my muse, my inspiration to finally get off my butt and do the thing I’ve known was my calling since I was eight years old! Happy now?”

“Of course I’m not happy.” She gulped. “You’ve put us both in a no-win situation.”

“Me? What about?—”

“You’re right! I’m guilty, too! But for your own good, please consider my suggestion.”

“Thanks, but no thanks.”

“I can refuse to submit it to Square Glasses.”

“That’s your choice. If you don’t do it this time, I’ll ask again in April.”

“Rance! For God’s sake, don’t?—”

“Maybe I should take you home.” Before he said anything else, things he could never take back.

“Good idea.” She scrambled off the bed.

He moved a little slower, weighed down by a despair heavier than he’d ever known. This plan had dazzled him from its inception. He’d never doubted that he and Lani would end up together. How could he have gotten it so wrong?