Saving Us (The Billionaire Brothers of NY Duology #1)

32. Gage

CHAPTER 32

Gage

S aying goodbye was never going to be easy. I knew that. But when it happened so suddenly. And so unfairly. And to someone that didn’t deserve to leave in such a brutal way. That made it barely able to get through.

Harper wanted to be there for me. But I wasn’t letting her. And I didn’t know why.

And it started destroying her.

Jared’s parents chose to have a memorial service a couple weeks after the accident. And those weeks leading up to it were a complete blur. When we got back to the city, Harper and I decided she would stay with me in the brownstone. After what we’d been through, neither of us wanted to be alone.

But even though we were together, we were still alone.

Even though I was going into the office, I was simply going through the motions. Thankfully, Chase had come through and was filling in the gaps I was leaving open. Jared’s death had changed everyone in different ways. For Chase, he was stepping up and becoming the man I hoped he could be.

Harper couldn’t work much with her injury. She couldn’t serve at the club while wearing a cast, so that job was on hold. Floral arrangements were equally challenging, but she was able to still do some smaller jobs and help run the shop. Besides, being with Fiona during the day helped her stay sane. I knew the loss of Jared was hitting her hard simply because of her father. There was a dimness cast over her usual bright eyes.

And she was going through a lot of blame. We all were.

Harper felt if she warned Jared sooner, she could have prevented the accident.

Delia felt if she never let him take off his seat belt, he would still be here.

I felt if I had put work aside, for once, he could still be alive.

But I got myself to the office each day. What I got accomplished while there was a completely different story.

Sitting at my desk, staring down at the cars and people moving about, had become my most common pastime lately.

“Sir.” The knock sounded as Maryellen opened the door simultaneously. “May I come in?”

Swiveling around in my chair, I tried to make it appear I was being productive by shuffling the papers on my desk and opening my laptop.

“Sure.”

With unsure steps, she made her way to the chair in front of me, where she sat innumerable times before for our meetings. But as she sat in front of me this time, it was as if we didn’t know what to say to each other.

“So, your father called again,” she finally said, her words quiet.

Because she knew I didn’t want to hear what she had to say.

Disgusted, I spun away from her and looked out the window, again, to ignore the news about my father. Why must he insist on us having this discussion? So close to Jared’s passing? There was no way I’d be able to make sound decisions in my current state of mind.

But I was thinking he knew that.

I knew he was still considering selling the company. And if Chase and I held on, he couldn’t.

“Anything new?” I asked.

Maryellen cleared her throat before speaking. “Well,” she said.

I turned back around to face her in my chair since I didn’t like the sound of that.

“He said if he didn’t hear from you by the end of this week, he was coming next week, no matter what.”

“Hmm,” I said as I whirled my chair toward the window once again. The activity of life down below was the only thing that kept me sane lately. Life was still marching on with the rest of the world, even though my life had come to a screeching halt.

A pigeon landed on a nearby windowsill, his eyes locking with mine. A duel of wit and determination between us, who could withstand the staring match the longest. I had nowhere to go, nothing to do. It lasted for long moments.

I won. He flew off, obviously with something more important to do.

I was potentially losing my company, what I’d worked my whole life toward, and I didn’t seem to care. I was more worried about beating a pigeon in a staring contest.

“I’ll just wait for him to come next week,” I told Maryellen.

Even without seeing her, I could feel her disappointment with my apathy toward…everything.

And that was it. I felt nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Harper was already home when I walked in from work, which was even early for her. I left the office hours before I should have, but it was another useless day for me there. Chase stopped by and tried to talk to me about some of the meetings he was running, but I couldn’t do it. Too many of them would have involved Jared, and I just couldn’t face those meetings without him.

Harper and I did a good job of dancing around one another these past couple weeks while home. The purpose of her coming to stay with me was for us to offer the physical support we needed with our injuries, but also comfort. But I wasn’t letting her in, I knew that. She knew that.

I heard her moving around upstairs, so I grabbed a beer and went to the patio.

Something Jared and I did so often.

“Gage?”

She had walked into the kitchen looking for me.

“I’m out here,” I said.

I didn’t want to be so distant. We both went through a very difficult thing, the same thing, together. It was confusing me as to why I couldn’t lean on her during all of this. Especially since she lost her father; having dealt with loss, she would most likely be able to help me deal with this easily.

“Hey,” she said, sitting next to me. “So, I have an idea. I’m hoping you’ll go along with it.” Her weak smile made me sad. She was constantly nervous around me lately, never knowing what my reaction would be. “I packed some bags for us.” She looked toward the kitchen, and I could see them. “And I spoke to Maryellen.”

Normally, those two things, on a Thursday, would be red flags for me due to my work schedule. However, the only reason they were red flags at the moment was that I had no desire to go anywhere.

“Shit, Harper, you can’t be carrying that stuff with your wrist,” I told her. And I felt like a total ass that she did do it alone.

She took my hand in hers, our two good hands.

“Look at me,” she said.

And I did, but then looked away. My walls were in no mood for being broken down.

“Please,” she pleaded.

I found her blue eyes once again. They were sad. She wasn’t crying, but the sorrow I saw in them went deep. And it was no longer for our lost friend.

It was for us.

“I’m taking you to my favorite place I used to go to when I was a kid. My favorite beach, Surfside, on Long Beach Island in New Jersey. I booked us a beautiful oceanfront room until Sunday. Three nights and days of calm and quiet beach time, together.” She interlocked our fingers as her face transformed from its dismal state to one of hope.

And to be honest, it sounded nice. Maybe getting out of the city and away from everything that reminded me of him was what I needed. And it was what Harper and I needed as well. Some time to focus on us.

“It sounds perfect,” I said. And I smiled.

And that made Harper cry.

Harper had arranged for Tommy to drive us down to LBI for the weekend as well, which I appreciated. Neither of us could drive due to our injuries nor were we in the mental state for it.

To be honest, I hadn’t spoken to Harper about my fear of being in a car. Tommy was aware. He could sense it. But he was a good driver, the best I knew. Yet, it didn’t calm my fears about the drivers around me.

And to think of all the times we’d driven in the limo without using our seatbelts.

“Hi, Tommy,” Harper said cheerfully as she got into the car.

After I slid in, my eyes fell to Harper’s waist.

“Put your belt on.”

The words came out harsher than I intended as her head snapped in my direction.

She watched me snap my seatbelt in place and did the same. Her nod of acknowledgment was all I needed. She understood.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“Gage, you don’t need to be sorry. You’re absolutely right. We should have always been wearing them.” She started looking around for something along the side of the car.

“What are you looking for?” I asked.

“Is there like an intercom or something to talk to Tommy? I want him to pull over so I can move closer to you,” she said.

My heart felt like it wanted to break. But it was already too broken.

Instead, she was doing what she always intended to do: fix me.

I pressed the button. “Tommy, can you pull over?”

“Yes, sir.”

The car stopped almost immediately. Harper unbuckled from her seat on the other bench and crawled to be next to me. I pulled the buckle across her body as she hugged me, our bodies melting into one.

Weeks had gone by, and I hadn’t realized how much I’d been missing this: her touch.

Missing her.

With my good arm around her shoulder, I pulled her in close and kissed the top of her head. As she settled against me, I felt a sense of peace fall over us. It was as if we had shut out the world when we closed the door, and it was just us, only us. Even though the sensible part of my brain knew that wasn’t the case, I would enjoy the two hours of peace I allowed myself.

“Sir.” Tommy’s voice echoed in the back of the limo.

Stirring against the seat, I peeled my eyes open to see Harper still asleep against me. Looking out the window told me we had arrived as we were driving down what appeared to be the main street in town. It was lined with small shops, eateries, and restaurants. Thrown in was a mix of small beach cottages and huge redone mansions. Turns out Long Beach Island truly was an island since I could tell the ocean was up to the right and a bay was to the left.

“Says the hotel is up another block, sir,” Tommy said. “Maybe wake her.”

He was right, she’d want to know we arrived.

“Harper,” I whispered as I stroked her cheek. She stirred, and then those blue eyes popped open.

“Are we here?” she asked, sitting up in her seat.

Her eyes lit up as if she were a child.

“Oh, we already passed Ron Jon’s. We’ll have to go back later,” she said. Then she looked back and forth between Tommy and me. “Did I tell you I booked a room for Tommy, too?”

I shouldn’t have been shocked. That was the type of person Harper was.

Tommy had a huge smile on. “She did,” he said. “And I appreciate it greatly. I actually have a cousin that doesn’t live far. We’re going to catch up this weekend.”

Smiling back at Tommy, I realized I didn’t know too much about him personally and I should change that.

We pulled into a circular driveway in front of the low-rise hotel. It wasn’t exactly what I expected, but looking around, there were no high-rise buildings.

“Okay, so listen. This is not the kind of place that has limos driving around. Once we valet this thing, I think we should plan on walking everywhere or using the bikes the hotel provides.”

Harper was excited. Her energy was contagious.

“Sounds good,” I told her.

The car was emptied of our bags, and we checked in at the front desk. Apparently, there is only one King Suite in this place. And due to its price, it was usually available.

As we stepped inside, I was pleasantly surprised. The line of sight throughout the entire space was the ocean. It was high enough over the dunes that we could see the break of the waves. The windows were of a quality that, when closed, we didn’t hear a sound.

But when we stepped onto the balcony, the symphony of sounds that hit us was music to my ears. The crashing waves, the seagulls, the voices from the beach and pool below.

The sounds of summer and life happening around us.

Harper came up next to me, her arm going around my waist, and we stared out at the horizon. The sun was setting somewhere behind us and cast a magical glow on the water ahead.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” she asked.

And even though it wasn’t any different from most East Coast beaches, I felt the difference she alluded to. There was something about this place.

“It is.”

“C’mon, let’s unpack and get downstairs or to the beach. I don’t want to spend all our time up here. We can do that later,” she said with a wicked but hopeful smile.

We haven’t had sex since the accident.

It wasn’t a conscious decision.

But as I watched her flitting about the room, full of excitement and life, pulling her dresses and shoes from her bag, a sadness came over me. I wanted to be able to be as happy as she was. Why couldn’t I? Why was I not able to move on and live my life with this beautiful woman? Leaning against the wall, I tried to hide it, tried so hard to not let it in, but it covered me from top to bottom.

And she saw it.

Walking over, she took my hand in hers and brought it to her mouth. Her lips were warm against the back of my hand.

“Gage, everyone’s journey with grief is different.”

The tears flowed freely after hearing her words, almost as if she gave me permission to feel.

Her hand came to my face, the way I usually held her, and my head fell against her palm.

“And whatever path yours is, I promise I’ll be waiting for you at the end.”

Her words broke me.

Falling to my knees, Harper came to the floor with me. Her arm came around me, trying to hold me up as I descended into my agony.

“Harper,” I breathed out through my gasps and choked breaths. “I need you, baby, so much. I’m sorry. I’m just…I feel so broken. I’m so lost without him.” With my one good arm, I gripped her with a force that probably hurt. “Save me, Harper, please. Save me.”

I’d felt like I’d been drowning in muddy water, and I couldn’t see the top, constantly struggling to figure out which way was up. But now I saw a hand reaching down, reaching for mine.

But as I looked at it, I realized it had been there all along. I only needed to clear away the murkiness to find it.

There we were, on our knees, on a tile floor, each with only one good arm.

Both sobbing.

Yet, I felt better in that moment than I had in weeks.

“I’m here, Gage. I’ve always been here.”

Kissing the top of her head, down to her temple and around to her cheeks, I looked into those gorgeous blue eyes, mimicking the skies behind us.

“I know.”