Scars and Burns (No Light Without the Dark #1)

9. Dinalia

9

Dinalia

M agic class today was a let down. Forget not burning anything my flames touch. I couldn’t even make a strand of fire more than a few feet long, if that. Let alone a whip or rope to restrain someone.

“It will take time”, my Mother says at the end of our lesson. My hope completely depleted and I’m kneeling on the ground on the verge of tears.

With all the strength I can muster I say, “I know. It just sucks. I see you. Watch you make this amazing garden. Witness you create life itself and yet…” my voice trails off

Not thinking I can get much lower. I lay down on the ground. A soft breeze brushes over me. As my Mother lays beside me. Interlocking her fingers over her stomach. Looking straight to the sky as she says to me, “Little light you give me too much credit. I did not create life. I simply harnessed the life that was already here. This garden is an extension of the forest. I merely helped it flourish elsewhere. Sustaining its life and the magic already within it to create this garden.”

Still sensing my doubt she continues, “My little light, have you ever heard the phrase ‘Blood for blood’?”

I turn my head to look at her, “No, what does it mean?”

Still looking up at the sky and she says, “It means the magic the Goddess blesses us with is tied to blood loss.”

I swallow as she continues, “Your magic rose to the surface after you killed. Do you feel ashamed of that kill?” Turning her head to look at me.

I stare at her and swallow again. Averting my eyes down. Knowing I can’t lie to her.

“ No”, I say flatly. “But it’s not what you think” I continue, sitting up. She follows, looking down at my hands that are fidgeting in my lap.

“I know taking his life was wrong. And I feel ashamed that it was cut short most likely before the Goddess intended. But I don’t feel guilty for killing him. He was a bad man. He ransacked our home. He beat you. He would have killed you. And I… I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t witness that. I couldn’t lose you. One life for another doesn’t make it right. I know that, but… I’m glad he’s dead.” Not wanting to tell her all of it I leave it at that. Hoping the conversation is about to be over.

“And how did you feel after?”

Of course it’s not over. Of course she wants all of it.

I sigh, “I felt strong. Powerful. I felt… a release ”

Oh goddess it’s out there.

The truth. The lack of remorse I feel for slaughtering that man. The reality of how good it felt to take his life. To hold it in my hands. See the fear on his face and shock as I stabbed his own sword through his heart. And the release I felt as I watched the light leave his eyes.

We sit there in silence. Knowing I am going to have to be the one to break it. I glance up at her. She’s leaning back with her hands behind her. Looking up towards the sky with a smile on her face. “Are you upset?”, I ask her.

A small little huff later. She says, “No, my little light I am not upset. This is exactly how I thought you have been feeling. Your magic came to life because you took a life. You brought him release. So your magic was unleashed.”

“Is that bad?”

“Hhmmmm, not bad, but your magic is life within you. Do not be so focused on perfection. That you lose sight of the true light inside of you. Your magic knows no limits. Only the ones you give yourself.”

“Mom?”

“Mmhhhmmm?”

“Can I tell you something else about that night?”

“Of course.”

I close my eyes and let out a breath. “That night. When I saw his soul leave his body, I went cold. As if all the warmth from my body was taken with him. You say light is life. And I am supposed to have this flame inside of me but… I… my flames are cold. You said before that my soul was incomplete. But what if… what if my soul is broken? Because it feels like it’s gone.” My voice hitches in my throat. Tears swelling in my eyes.

She looks at me with the most endearing look I have ever seen. “Oh my sweet little light, your soul is not gone. Your soul is as pure and as good as the Goddess needs it to be. I cannot explain the cold. Perhaps, since your magic was woken up in such a gruesome manner it will take more time for your light to warm your flames.”

“But mom, it’s as if I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m trying. I’m trying to live up to this title of lady” giving air quotes with my fingers to the word ‘lady’, “and I don’t even know what that means!” clenching my fists as I talk and throwing my hands in the air at the end. Sighing, “How is my magic supposed to grow with me? If I don’t even know who I am growing into. ”

“No, one knows who they are at your age. You are only two and ten years old. Give yourself more time. In the past six years, we have relocated our entire lives. Gained titles we never thought we would have with a lifestyle beyond our dreams. Not to mention your magic is still developing. There will be highs just as many as there are lows. You have so much more growing to do until everything begins to make sense.”

Whenever that may be.

She continues, “And I’ll tell you a secret. No one is or ever should be done growing. There is always something new to uncover within ourselves or of someone else. So much has yet to be revealed. Do not fret.”

At that I smile. Mom may not have been able to answer the insatiable question of the lack of warmth in body or cold flames. But she does always know what to say to make me feel better. Whether she has an answer or not.

* * *

My last lesson is always battle training. I need it after all my lengthy courses of just sitting around. My body is restless and anxious to let off some steam. Aside from magic training, which has more to do with just getting to spend time with my mom, this is the best lesson of the day.

I’m still building up my strength and working with a sparring sword. But I always excel. Every movement flowing into the next one. Much like a dance. No one can touch me. Graceful and grand. It’s like my blade is an extension of myself. I try to apply that concept my Mother gave me for my magic wielding abilities and it’s never worked better .

Ha, too bad it can’t work for my magic too.

I still get bested by my fighting master everyday. It’s the same soldier who I flew with from the Celestial Realm to Akino. I’ve come to learn his name is Christopher and he was only a teenager when I flew with him. Now, he is a young adult on his way to becoming a general in King Elio’s guard.

He towers over me. He’s a ruthless teacher. Never softening his blow. And never allowing me to concede. We train for hours with and without blades. Working out until every muscle in my body is sore and I’m dripping in sweat. I’m riddled with bruises each day. I’ve never once even come close to actually beating him. A few times he’s even made me bleed. Despite his blade being dulled. But I’m better everyday and each year he increases the weight in my sword. A few more years my blade will be fatal to anyone who dares cross it.

After all my lessons are finished. I wander the forest. That is where I prefer to spend most of my time.

Secluded and alone.

No curious eyes or whispering mouths.

Just me… and my own turmoil.

Mother wasn’t pleased when she found out I was venturing into the forest. Concerned for my well being.

Recalling the dark creatures King Elio spoke of when I first met him. I had come across some creatures, but they were not dark. They showed me around. Leading me to the most beautiful places. We sat and ate and played. Trailing along after one another like I had known them my whole life. I found these creatures were much like me. Isolated and looked down upon in the world around them. Looking odd and out of place. Some of them had fangs. Others had claws. Labeling them as dangerous by the softer animals indigenous to the land.

I’m splashing in a stream with one of the serpents. Flicking its tail at me. Showering me with water. Laughing, not having a care in the world.

That’s when I see him.

The first other person I have ever seen in the forest in all my time coming here. He’s older than me. A teenager but not quite a man. His hair is as black as mine. As dark as the night sky. Void of any light in a million miles. His skin is slightly darker than my own. He’s young but I can tell he is skilled in fighting. His black tunic is tight on his shoulders and biceps but flowing down his lean torso. His sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His forearms are covered in markings. But I can’t be sure of what they are from this distance. You can tell his pants are worn. What I am sure were once crisp trousers are now faded. His boots are riddled with dirt. But his eyes. His eyes are the most off putting. They’re a deep blue. So brilliant it puts sapphires to shame. A vibrancy I’m sure would stun my whole body if they got too close. An endless sea easy to get lost in.

He’s just looking at me with his hands in his pocket. Amusement on his face.

I freeze. Dropping my hands to my side. I glare back at him.

The water serpent looks up at me and turns their head. Following my gaze. Seeing the stranger. They hiss. Showing off their sharp fangs that secrete venom.

The boy gives the serpent a look. Filled with just as much warning as the hiss. The serpent freezes and swims away.

I watch them leave. My breath catches before I can call out to them.

Returning my gaze to the boy. “Why did you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Scare my friend away”

Giving me a mocking laugh and a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “That monster is your friend?”

“They’re not a monster” I reply sharply with a huff crossing my arms over my chest.

Looking down at his foot. He kicks a rock into the stream, “If you say so princess.”

Glaring at him once more. Uncrossing my arms. My hands forming fists at my side. “You scared them off. How do I know you’re not a monster? And I’m not a princess!”

His grin widening. A most sickening grin. Making my confidence waver. He peers up at me. Dropping his smile.

“You don’t”, turning and walking away, he gives me a wave of his hand, saying over his shoulder, “Bye, bye princess”

Anger filling my veins, “I’m not a princess!” I shout after him.

With my good time sufficiently ruined, by whoever that boy was, with his insufferable arrogance, I head back to the castle.