Scars and Burns (No Light Without the Dark #1)

34. Dinalia

34

Dinalia

“ W here have you been?” Saphrina exclaims at me. “You would have had my knuckles bruised at the start of every magic lesson if I was as late as you are today.”

“Well, technically there was no set time for the Greeting as it was dependent on the guests arrival. And we never specified when I should be at your chambers.” I counter.

“That’s not funny.” She huffs, crossing her arms over her chest.

I walk over and sit next to her on the bed. “No, it’s a matter of fact.”

She glares at me.

I give her a small laugh, “Okay, I’m sorry. How are you?”

She relaxes. Her whole body seems to slump as she says, “I don’t know. I thought when I saw him and my future in-laws I would feel something. A bond. A pull. But instead it was just awkward.”

“Awkward? ”

“Yes, awkward. I guess I was expecting something different. Something grander.”

“Saphrina, it was only the Greeting.”

“But if we are supposed to be fated mates shouldn’t there be something more?” She says throwing her hands up in the air and flopping back on the bed.

“Well, I don’t know if you are fated mates but I’m sure with time something will grow.”

She sits up. Giving me a confused look. “What do you mean you don’t if we are fated mates? I thought since the marriage alliance was made under the light of a full moon and we were both born under a full moon. That meant we were fated mates. Destined to be together. Blessed by our Goddess.

Sighing, I say, “The light of the full moon does mean something. It holds great importance and meaning throughout our history for multiple events. I believe your Father is correct. The union is blessed and can bring about a time of peace and prosperity. Leading the three realms into a unity they have never seen before. That’s why your wedding date is set for the Harvest Moon, the first full moon of our new year. But that does not mean you have been given a mate by our Goddess. Mates are rare. A sanctity. Very few have been given by our Goddess and even less have been known in history.”

“Well, what do you know about mates?”

Oh Goddess. I am just as naive and unsure about the actuality of mates as she is. My Mother mentioned them to me once but didn’t say much. She thought I might have one later in life. As an “extraordinary” Fae but I have had no such blessing.

I take her hands in mine. The way I always do when I am trying to be serious but yet sincere. “I can only tell you what I have heard. I know very little just like you. Mother once told me -” Pausing not sure if I should inform Saphrina that she once told me I would have a mate.

Better not. It won’t help her.

“She once told me that a mate will love and accept you for all the light and dark inside of you. That their souls match. Their Goddess marks will be identical.” Saphrina’s eyes widened .

I continue, “Mates’ souls are meant to co-exist with one another in perfect harmony. A soul is not whole, not complete without their mate’s.” I recall what I am saying, and it rings with too much truth of what my Mother had said to me before.

Saphrina places a hand over her heart. As if feeling for her soul. Gasping, “Do you think my soul is incomplete?”

“Do you feel as if your soul is incomplete?”

“How would I know?”

That is an excellent question. How do I even explain that to her when I don’t even know.

I deflect.

“I’m not sure you even realize it until it’s too late. But I have heard that the pull is strong. An unexplainable wonder and intrigue calls you to them until it all falls into place.”

As I am saying this my thoughts return to Aemond ~ Aeron ~ I mean. Ugh, arrogant prick for lying to me. But I can’t deny my curiosity. Something about him has me longing for him. The tightening of my stomach. The burn in my chest every time I feel his eyes on me.

And they were on me more than they should have been at the Greeting.

He is not to be trusted and yet all I want to do is be near him.

“Is it instant? The pull? The need for them?” Saphrina asks.

“I wouldn’t know but rest assured.” I place my hand on the side of her cheek, “Mated or not, Prince Proteus will be your husband. And this union is blessed by two of the three realms.”

She leans into my hand, closing her eyes. When they open again she asks, “What did you think of the Shadowland Prince?”

Removing my hand, “I thought he was arrogant and conceited.”

She gawks at me a little, “ I thought he was intimidating. It was like the whole room went cold when he entered. As if he brought the chill of death with him. ”

I look over to her. I didn’t notice the chill.

“And that interaction he had with Father. I thought Father was going to lose it on him. Did you hear what he said?”

“Hmmm?” Not really wanting to have this conversation with her. I can’t think about him. He’s infuriating. And I can’t tell if my anger is because he lied to me or at myself. Because I allowed myself to believe I could get close to him. For a time there I wanted to.

“He said ‘blood for blood’. Remember what you said about it. And Father seemed to think Aeron might have killed King Perseus, which is why he is not in attendance. But if he didn’t then why would he say that to Father? And why would it make Father so upset? Did you see the look in his eyes? You guys shared a look too.”

I stare at her. “With who?”

“Well, with both really. Prince Aeron looked at you before and after saying it. Then Father whipped his head toward you. Is there something going on I should know about?”

Where would I even begin? How do I tell my sister, who has been nothing but open and honest with me for the last four years, that I think our Mother’s death was the blood that was shed, exposing her Goddess mark? How do I tell her I suspected her Father, the King, of killing our Mother, and I threatened his life when I found her. On top of all of that, how do I tell her I’ve met Prince Aeron before. Three times to be exact. Twice after our Mother died and we got way too close for what would have been deemed appropriate. Oh and he told me his name was Aemond. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Clearing my throat, “No, nothing you should know. I’m not sure of Prince Aeron’s intentions but King Elio and I have discussed blood for blood before. So it was more of a curious look between each other. Mutual confusion toward Prince Aeron.”

She doesn’t believe me.

“You sure there’s nothing else? Because I’m of age now. I can handle it.”

If only being of age also meant wisdom and understanding. But Saphrina is still young, even though she is old enough to marry. She has yet to see or experience the world. Still having spent most of her time on the castle grounds. She’s naive and innocent. And as someone whose innocence was stripped away from them at a young age, I do not want to be the one to strip it from her now.

Clearing my throat, “Never mind that now. We need to start getting ready for the Welcome Masquerade Ball. All eyes will be on you. It’s imperative you shine brighter tonight than any other.”

She smiles and nods. “We must find a mask for you as well. I have tons to spare.”

I laugh, of course she does.

We start with our hair. I fashion her hair into an elegant half-up, half-down. Her hair has a natural curl to it. Perfect ringlets framing her soft features. Adding a star headpiece in the middle for a little extra flare.

“I think I just want to leave it in a braid.” I say to Saphrina.

“Nonsense! This is the first formal event you will be attending. You can’t wear the same hairstyle as you always do.”

I let my hair down. Giving my head a small shake. My hair flows all the way down my back falling past my ass. It’s long and thick and perhaps my favorite thing about myself.

Saphrina walks over to me. “Ugh, what are we going to do with all this? I have a lot of volume but not near this much length.”

I shrug my shoulders, “You’re the one who said I needed to do something different.”

She brings her pointer finger to her chin. Hooking her other hand in the crook of her elbow. Thinking on the dilemma that is my hair. “Ah! I’ve got it. We’ll put it up. You’ve never worn it up before. And with the high collar of your dress it’ll be perfect to show off your skinny neck!”

I know nothing about this stuff. Never giving it much thought. It wouldn’t make much of a difference for me anyway. I don’t need to put effort into myself. I have no nobles or lords I need to impress.

Well… I guess now I do.

I smile and nod. Letting her do whatever her heart contents.

She finishes my hair. It’s pinned up into a low bun with a few curled pieces hanging down to frame my face. It’s odd to see it pull back like this.

“What’s next?” I ask her.

“Makeup!” Saphrina squeals.

“Saphrina, that’s very kind but I don’t think any of your things will match me.” I counter

“Oh, no of course not. But we aren’t worried about skin. What we want to focus on are your eyes.”

My brows furrow, “My eyes?”

“Yes, I know you don’t like them but they are beautiful. They make you stand out but in the best way.”

I smile and take her hands in mine, “Thank you.” She gives me the biggest grin I have ever seen.

She doesn’t add much. Just some black kohl to my water lines and embellishes my eyelashes, adding a gloss shinier than the stars to my lips. She leaves and heads into her closet. Instructing me not to look in the mirror until she says so.

Returning a few moments later with something in her hands. “This one will look incredible,”

I glance down to her hands. It’s a mask. She hands it to me. It might be the nicest thing I’ve ever held. It’s a Venetian style mask with elegant swirls and cut outs.

“It’s white gold,” She says.

“Saphrina, I… I can’t. It’s too much. ”

“Yes, you can. I’ll be wearing the gold one but this, this one is all you.” She takes it from my hands and places it on my face. Rearranging the fallen curls. “There, now look.”

I turn around and I am at a loss for words. Saphrina was right. The makeup, the mask, they both make my eyes - I’m not even sure - less shameful somehow.

She’s more of a sister than I deserve. And I am keeping so much from her. I reach to touch my face but she stops me.

“Don’t ruin my masterpiece.” We share a laugh. “Dresses?”

I nod.

While I have to wear the same dress I wore to the Greeting, Saphrina has countless formal gowns for events like this.

Since, she needs to be perceived as pure and innocent but still mature to the eye. We opt for a soft pink dress with an off-the shoulder neckline and a deep enough ‘V’ that’s catching but still modest.

I stand behind her with my hands on her shoulders, resting my chin on my hand. Peering past her into the mirror. She is a few inches taller than I am but with the heels I am wearing I am now taller. We look at each other in the mirror.

She sighs, “I wish Mother was her.”

“Me too. She would be so proud of you. She’d know exactly what to say in moments like this.”

“Do you think she would have believed I could have had a mate? Been blessed with one?”

I look down. Thinking about what she’s asking me. I return my gaze to hers, “I can’t answer that. What I can say is Mother told me extraordinary Faes receive mates.” I turn her so we are facing each other. Holding her hands in between us. “And you are an extraordinary Fae.”

She smiles at me. “You know Mother may have died but you gained her wisdom. Her kindness and loving heart. Her pure soul. ”

I’m taken back by that.

Pure soul?

If only Saphrina knew. If only she knew how dark my soul has become. A black abyss inside of me.

Where death is my only release.